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(Jenny felt more connected to her aunt than she ever had. She wished she had been able to find time to read these journals earlier in her training, as short as it had been.
It was past midnight, but she was almost done with this first journal. She knew if she went to bed now, even late as it was, that she wouldn’t sleep. She had been completely drawn in. She was surprised to notice that Lizziebot had let Tidbit out, and Chidwi was sound asleep on a little pillow and covered with a blanket, also Lizziebot’s doing, she suspected.
Also, on the table next to her chair was a mug of hot cocoa with a peppermint stirring stick. Jenny continued to be surprised at how much attention to detail had been programmed into the little bot. There was no doubt Bob was a genius, but he paid attention to more than just the tech. He had created little bots that seemed close enough to human to make Jenny wonder just how “artificial” their intelligence actually was. A thought to pursue at another time.)
Lizzie’s recuperation seemed irritatingly slow, but she tried to be tolerant of the process. Her pod had come to visit before they left for their various homes, except for Geln.
They had each told about the battle from their own perspective. Lall had come with them and had expressed pride at their performance under stressful conditions. Gi was mostly healed at this point and had also gone home.
Lizzie’s healer, Xia, had told her that she would soon be able to remove the brace and they would begin gentle physical therapy to strengthen the neck muscles. The damage had not been permanent, but Lizzie was warned that during the next few months she would be excused from training workouts.
Cassidy came in a few times a day and had taken to reading A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court aloud to Lizzie during her breaks to entertain her. Her bright cheerful smile and the times they spent together enjoying Mark Twain’s evocative descriptions of life in medieval times made the waiting much more endurable.
Then, a few days after Gi had left for home, Liliath came into the infirmary ward. Gi’s bed had been moved out of the way to give room for the dragon. Liliath arched her neck to bring her head to a place where Lizzie could see her.
“Xia tells me you will get the brace off soon and that it would be okay for me to fill you in on all of the details of your recent adventure. Do you think you are up to it?”
“Yes, please! My podmates told me about how the battle ended with you, the other instructors, and Ynni charging up. That you rounded up our attackers, but nothing more. I’m just about dying for the lack of news.”
Liliath chuckled, a deep rumble. “I can imagine, knowing you as I do, that this waiting and wondering has been almost as much pain as your injuries. You really do hate not knowing pretty much anything if you can help it. So, I will tell you.
“Ynni came charging into my office keening her alarm wail. She instantly told me what was happening. I had to alert the staff, who dismissed all of their classes to support me. They went down the path behind the pod buildings on your side of the training ground, and Ynni and I came in on the front path.
“We got there when you were all seriously engaged with your attackers. You turned to see us and were hit on the back of the head by the falling club of the person you and Gi were battling. I was too late to prevent the stroke; and Gi, who was focused on trying to help you, was slugged by a flailing club. I bellowed for them all to stop and they did, realizing that they were surrounded.
“At that point your attackers surrendered and were taken into custody. Evidently their leader, Hadron, was killed in the conflict, as were two more. Several others had to be hospitalized for various broken bones and internal injuries. Your podmates gave out many more injuries than they sustained.
“Of course, we lost a third of Geln. There will be a memorial service for the trainees in the compound as soon as you are well enough to attend and your podmates return from their leave. So far, most of this isn’t news to you, but it gets you caught up to where we are now.
“After some strenuous interrogation, we determined that this group of rebels had been building in numbers for quite a while. Your pod wasn’t the only one attacked. In every case, the pods attacked had non-Alliance members.
“These rebels had formed this group for the purpose of protesting the admittance of non-Alliance members as agent trainees. They are of the opinion that this is a serious breach of security for the member dimensions, and they meant to do this to get our attention, as their representatives had complained in the past without getting the results they wished. These rebels are in the minority, and not all of them are even in agreement about this issue on their home planets.
“Of course, the stance of the Alliance in general is that having agents from non-member dimensions actually enhances security in many ways. And it is apparent that just because a dimension has achieved member status, this doesn’t guarantee there won’t be security breaches via any of the citizens of a member dimension.
“Regardless, their behavior, this supposed ‘protest,’ was not excusable by any measure. Peaceful protest is always allowed and is within the rights of any member of the Alliance, but violent actions or demonstrations are not. It is sad to think we may have enemies within our ranks, but it is not the nature of beings from different cultures to agree in all things.
“These agent trainees will be removed from the agent program and banned from any gate travel in the future unless their Alliance representative produces strong evidence as to why that ruling should be revoked. As for any punishment, this will depend on the laws of their own planet or dimension.
“And now, let’s talk about you.”
“About me?”
“Yes. Disregarding your physical state, Lizzie, how are you?”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“In defending yourself and your podmates, you killed other beings. The thing about killing is that there are always two wounds involved. The killing stroke always has two ends. When you kill, you are also wounded in a way that no medicine or surgery can heal.
“Even if a being’s death was not your fault, even though you were only defending your life and those of your friends, you dealt a blow to yourself. The healers cannot see this kind of wound.
“So, I ask you, how are you feeling?”
“Oh, um, well... I really don’t know how to feel about it. I’m not sorry for defending myself, but I never intended to kill anyone. It all happened so fast, and yet, at the time, everything seemed to slow down, like every moment was multiplied. I remember the look of shock on their face and then the eyes kind of went blank and they went down. I try not to think about it, but I do sometimes see those scenes replayed in my dreams. And lying here with nothing else to do makes it hard to not think about it, if you know what I mean.”
“Indeed, Lizzie. It would be surprising if you did not relive that moment. Our mind has a way of processing the things we do not wish to think about, regardless of our wishes. It is much like the grieving process. Acknowledging that it happened, realizing you cannot change it, recognizing your role as an unwilling participant, remembering that you would have never instigated the conflict, and then believing it fully, will have to happen before you move completely beyond it.
“It may help for you to know that you are in no way at fault here. In fact, your actions probably saved more than one of your companions from injury or even death. The beings you killed wouldn’t have grieved if they had killed you, and they would have continued to fight your friends after vanquishing you.
“You have done credit to your instructor, Lall. He knew that the self-defense part of your training was definitely not your favorite, but he had noticed you had been putting in much more effort in the past few weeks. Your podmates also made a valiant fight, and it was surprising that more of you were not significantly injured, as you were outnumbered two to one by much more experienced fighters, who had prepared for several weeks for this encounter.
“This being said, it appears you may be released from the infirmary in the next few days. You will be wearing a neck brace for a while afterwards but should be able to do your personal maintenance and general activities. We will be issuing you a powered hoverchair so you can get around without jarring your neck unnecessarily.
“Once you are cleared and no longer need the brace, I am recommending a few days of respite on Earth. Gaston has been informed of your situation. You may stay in Sanglarka or in Los Angeles or visit both places if you wish. I know Miriha will be visiting you later this week, and some of your professors would like to stop in, if you would like.”
“That would be wonderful, Liliath. Probably the worst pain in all of this is boredom.”
“Ah, of course. We have a nice selection of science and technology training that may be absorbing for you.” Liliath showed teeth in what Lizzie knew or at least hoped was a smile. “Just mentally say, ‘screen on,’ and a screen will hover above you with selections of various lectures and presentations on any of thousands of topics. If you wish a specific topic, such as, say, physics or chemistry, simply think the category you desire, and selections will be automatically filtered to that category. Try it now.”
Lizzie sent, “Screen on,” and straight in front of her face about three feet above the bed was a screen roughly three feet wide and two feet tall. On the screen in English were a huge number of choices. She thought, “Physics,” and the choices, enough to take up several paginated screens, appeared before her.
She was sure the delight was probably evident on her face, because Liliath sent, “Better?”
“Yes, thank you! This will definitely fill in the gaps when Cassidy doesn’t have time to read to me. I was going mad with boredom.”
“I will leave you to it, then. I have things to do. The events of the past several days have caused great distress amongst all of the trainees, as well as the staff. I expect to see you make a full recovery. We need agents like you.”
Lizzie hardly noticed her take her leave. Over the coming week, when she wasn’t being treated by Xia, read to by Cassidy, or visited by various instructors, Lizzie got what could well have been several college credit hours in various scientific disciplines. She was so absorbed that she was surprised when Xia finally announced that she would not have to be in the full shoulder, neck, and head brace anymore but instead wear just a neck brace.
She would require a certain amount of physical therapy in the hospital while she adjusted to the neck brace, including getting in and out of bed, seating herself in the hoverchair, and learning to use the controls to steer the chair accurately.
It all seemed too slow to Lizzie, but she gritted her teeth and put in the effort needed to speed the process. She was learning that things didn’t always happen on her timetable.
On the day she was to be released, her entire pod, including the dual Geln, showed up to escort her out of the infirmary across campus to their pod. They teased her about her cool new vehicle and her fashionable neckwear.
When they got to the pod, they all sat down in the training area, chairs in a circle. Mang began, “We have missed you, Lizzie. We all felt it was important for us to take a moment to share our feelings about what happened and what we need to do, moving forward. There will be a memorial for Geln, later today, but this is personal, just for us. We will each take a turn, ending with Geln.
“For me, this is concerning and instructional. I knew there was a good reason we were put through all of that physical conditioning and self-defense, but it had seemed to me to be more for testing than for any practical application. Obviously, I enjoyed it, so I didn’t complain; but I had assumed, as I think many of you have, that the Alliance was this peaceful, united family of a sort.
“It had never occurred to me that there would be conflict, especially physical conflict among the members of the Alliance. But since the incident where we were all so severely tested, I am beginning to understand that the role of agent is more than ceremonial or even just for vetting non-member dimensions. It becomes clear to me that all of the etiquette and diplomacy and history and legality we have been studying are more vital than I had assumed.
“As far as I know, my dimension has no disagreements about Alliance policy, but I confess my naïveté where other dimensions are concerned.
“Probably the one thing that brought all of this into clarity is the loss of one of the trio of Geln. I confess myself still in shock, and I will have a hard time putting my grief aside to continue our training.”
He reached out a hand to touch the Geln closest to him on the shoulder and bowed his head.
Each of them followed in turn. Reanni broke down in tears before she could finish. Minth actually had tiny sparks at the ends of his upstanding, nearly transparent hair as he spoke, anger evident in his every gesture. Gi sang a somber dirge aloud as she spoke solemnly about her grief for the loss of Geln. Feth, Negoth, and Linlin were brief but sincere in their agreement with Mang about their new understanding of what it might mean to be an agent and their deep sorrow regarding the death of Geln.
When it was Lizzie’s turn, she had a hard time even speaking in mindspeech. Her mind was roiling. She had agreed to come into the Alliance with the sole purpose of satisfying her hunger to get her endless questions answered. She remembered her desire to want it to be more than that and Ynni’s assurance that this would come, that she had it in herself to genuinely care about the commitment she had made.
“I didn’t come into the training program with any zeal for their cause. I wasn’t what my grandmother would have called ‘a true believer.’ I was emotionally stunted. I realize that now. One of the things I learned from each of you was how to actually care. If I could speak to the Geln we lost right now, it would be to thank him and all of you for teaching me the most important thing I have learned during this training.
“I do care. I can honestly say that I feel more for you than I ever felt for my own family. When I do go back home, I intend to change that. I know they care for me much more than I ever cared for them.
“My entire future is transformed from this point on. I still have a thirst for knowledge and understanding, but now my reason to know has changed. I will continue to learn all I can, but from now on it will be to make a difference for others. It is a big multiverse, so there will always be something new to learn. But more important than that, there will always be new relationships to nurture and grow. Thank you, each of you. For me, whenever I think of Geln, I will remember first and foremost that he was a friend.”
Every eye was moist; and for some, like Lizzie, tears were streaming down their cheeks. Ynni was crooning softly, stroking Lizzie’s short auburn hair.
Lizzie knew now that this wouldn’t be the carefree adventure she had somehow envisioned. She had been naïve to think so. She would complete her training. She would be an agent with a mission.
As they all turned to Geln, Lizzie noticed to her shock that they were smiling. “We miss our brother. It is true. We have discovered that he truly was a being in his own right and had enriched our consciousness in ways that will change how we feel and act. This is something we did not suppose.
“However, we know he is not beyond our reach. We have clear memories of him, but it is as if he went through a gate without us, to continue his adventures. We grieve for ourselves, but not for him. We know how he cared for each of you, and in the end, he was happy and so are we.”
