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Charlotte massaged her temples and poured more coffee down her throat. Her first practice date with Mike was tonight, but she wasn’t feeling the greatest.
Two hours ago, she’d decided to prepare for her date by doing some research. Naturally, she’d Googled “first date horror stories” and looked through pages and pages of results.
There was the woman whose date had insisted on FaceTiming his parents with her, then called her the girl he was going to marry, after they’d spent all of an hour together.
Another woman agreed to let the man pick her up and drive her to the restaurant. Unfortunately, they got rear-ended at a stoplight. Nothing serious, just a scratch, but her date went on a racist, sexist rant and pulled out a sword on the other driver. An actual sword.
The last one Charlotte had read was about a woman whose date spent thirty-seven minutes explaining why Chris Pratt was the best Chris. Thirty-seven minutes!
Why on earth was she interested in dating again?
She’d wanted a guy who was similar to her, who could understand her.
Now it seemed like a miracle if the dude wasn’t an asshole who sent unwanted dick pics.
She poured herself more coffee, her hand shaking as she set down the French press. She wasn’t sure if she was shaking because of the sheer quantity of caffeine coursing through her veins, or because of all the awful stories she’d read.
It took a lot of coffee to make Charlotte jittery. Caffeine usually just restored her to her normal state—if she went too long without coffee, she got a headache. But five cups in less than two hours was a lot, even for her.
Her phone rang, startling her, and she nearly shrieked.
It was Nicole, asking to be buzzed in.
What was Nicole doing here? Charlotte had a date in an hour and a half and...
Oh, shit.
She now remembered that Nicole had offered to help with her outfit and do her make-up. While frantically reading about nightmarish first dates, Charlotte had forgotten all about that.
There was a knock on the door, and she flung it open.
Nicole tilted her head. “You haven’t started getting ready yet?”
Charlotte looked down at her striped pajama pants and tank top. “I should probably shower. I haven’t showered in over twenty-four hours.”
“Yeah, that might be a good start.”
“What are all those bags?” Charlotte gestured to what Nicole was carrying.
“Clothes I bought for you.”
“But—”
“Don’t worry, I know your size, and I’ll return anything you don’t like. This is easier than trying to get you to the mall.”
Charlotte grimaced at the thought of venturing near a mall.
“You look rather pale,” Nicole said. “You okay? Nervous?”
“I just spent two hours reading about what could go wrong on a first date.”
Nicole stifled a laugh.
“And now I’m afraid he’s going to make me FaceTime his parents,” Charlotte said. “Or he’ll go on some terrible misogynistic rant or take me to Taco Bell and rave about how it’s the best restaurant ever.”
“Where are you going for dinner?”
“A place in the Junction. Anne’s, I think it’s called?”
“I’ve heard of it. It’s supposed to be good. See? Nothing to worry about. And you know Mike well enough to be sure he won’t FaceTime his parents in the middle of dinner, right?”
“But this isn’t all about Mike! It’s about the men I might date after him. Besides, I haven’t known Mike since grade eight. Maybe he would go on a misogynistic rant.” Charlotte would be sorely disappointed in him if he did.
Sadly, people could change in ways you didn’t want them to.
“I understand your pessimism,” Nicole said, “but why didn’t you read about good first dates? Ones that led to marriage, for example. Why did you read the horror stories?”
“I wanted to be prepared.”
“Alright, alright. Have a shower, then I’ll do your hair and we’ll pick out an outfit. I thought you could wear your jeans and your brown blazer, but I have a few tops you could wear underneath. Then maybe your ballet flats?”
By the time Charlotte emerged from the shower, she felt a bit calmer. Wearing a bathrobe, she sat on a chair while Nicole blow-dried her hair.
Charlotte rarely used her hairdryer. She was home most of the time, and she just let her hair air-dry. It felt like she was at the hairdresser’s now.
Nice to have someone looking after her.
“Let’s look at the shirts.” Nicole laid them out on Charlotte’s couch.
There was a high-cut sleeveless cream-colored shirt, as well as a light pink sleeveless shirt with ruffles. Another pink shirt, this one with short sleeves and a bow at the top. Lastly, a white shirt that would show far too much cleavage for Charlotte’s liking. She immediately set it aside.
“Didn’t think you’d go for that.” Nicole laughed. “But I figured I’d get it, just in case. The cream shirt is rather plain, but wear it with some necklaces, and I think it’ll look good.”
Charlotte picked up the shirt with the ruffles. Nah, too much. She put it aside.
The bow was a bit much, too, but for some reason, she kind of liked it.
“Can I keep both of these, since I’ll hopefully go on a bunch of dates?” Charlotte asked, holding up the two remaining shirts. “I’ll send you the money.”
“Of course. I’ll return the other shirts for you. But maybe you should actually try them on first to be sure you like them.”
Charlotte went into her bedroom and came out wearing the cream shirt, blazer, and jeans.
“Now walk like you’re on a runway,” Nicole said.
Charlotte gave her a death stare.
“I’m kidding,” Nicole said. “You look good, though.”
“But do I look...” Charlotte hesitated, then whispered the word, “hot?”
Nicole burst into laughter.
“What?” Charlotte said. “I thought I was supposed to look hot when I go on a date.”
“I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable by saying you look smoking hot.”
“You’re right. That does make me uncomfortable.”
“Now try the other shirt.”
Charlotte went back to her bedroom and came out in the pink shirt.
“Work that bow!” Nicole said.
“Stop it.”
Nicole laughed again. “You have some teardrop crystal earrings, right? Those would look nice with it.”
After Charlotte put on the earrings, Nicole started doing her make-up.
“Nothing too heavy,” Charlotte insisted.
“I know, I know, it’s not you. I’m just going to give you a smoky eye.”
“A light smoky eye.”
“And I bought you this.” Nicole held up a pink tube of lipstick. “If you don’t want it, I’ll keep it for myself.”
Charlotte wasn’t really a lipstick person, but maybe she could try it tonight.
She was going on a date, after all.
She was beginning to feel better. The memory of those dating disaster stories was fading, and she was feeling more confident in her new clothes.
Okay, just a new shirt, but still.
As Nicole worked on her smoky eye, Charlotte started imagining something she hadn’t imagined in a very long time.
Walking down the aisle, toward a man who loved her and understood her and—
Ring! Ring!
“Oh my God!” shrieked Charlotte, jumping up. “What on earth is that noise?
“I think it’s your phone,” Nicole said mildly.
Charlotte grabbed her phone from the other room. It was her sister.
“Hey, Charlotte,” Julie said. “I’m downstairs. Can you buzz me up?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Then why are you stopping by without warning?”
“I have some things to give you. And tell you.”
Julie was at her apartment door in no time—she must have gotten lucky with the elevators—and when she saw Charlotte, she gave her a weird look.
“What’s going on with your face?” Julie asked.
“What do you mean?”
Julie steered Charlotte toward the bathroom mirror. She had a single smoky eye...and a weird streak of eye liner on her cheek. Must have happened when she’d jumped up as the phone rang.
“Hey, Julie,” Nicole said. “I’m giving Charlotte a light makeover before her date.”
“You have a date?” Julie said. “With who?”
Charlotte shrugged. “Not important. Why is it so shocking that I have a date?”
Little sisters could be so freaking annoying.
“If you’re not at the cider bar, you spend Saturday nights drinking alone and watching movies.”
This was the truth, but Julie made it sound particularly pathetic.
“And you haven’t dated in a long time,” Julie said. “You mentioned something about swearing off men?”
“I did,” Charlotte muttered, “but I decided to give them another chance.”
“How exciting!”
“Don’t shout in my ear.”
“You look...not too bad.”
“Such high praise.”
“But you know what you should wear? A dress and heels. How long until your date? Since we’re the same size, you could wear one of my dresses. I have a sexy black dress that would look great on you. It has a high neckline, don’t worry. Of course, it’s also backless...”
Charlotte contorted her face in pain.
“You’re such a prude,” Julie said.
“I’m not.” Charlotte just felt more comfortable showing less skin. No judgment on what other people did; it just wasn’t her.
“I really think you’d look good in that dress.”
“You know I only wear dresses on special occasions.”
“But you hate pants, don’t you? If you wear a dress, you don’t have to wear pants.”
Charlotte’s little sister had been pissing her off since the day she came out of the womb.
It had been Charlotte’s birthday. They’d had a small party, and she’d been about to blow out the candles on the cake when her mom’s water broke. Four weeks early.
So, in addition to having her third birthday party interrupted, right before the presents, Charlotte now also shared her birthday with Julie, who’d made her appearance a mere three hours later.
“Pants are better than dresses,” she said, “and no fucking way am I wearing heels.”
“Yeah, I remember what happened at prom,” Julie said. “You—”
“Alright,” Nicole said, holding up her hands. “Enough. Charlotte’s happy with her current outfit, and this light makeover doesn’t involve turning her into someone she’s not. Once I get her other eye done, she’ll look great for her date with Mike.”
“You’re going on a date with Mike?” Julie asked.
Damn Nicole.
“There are lots of men named Mike.” Charlotte tried to act nonchalant. “It’s a common name, so what?”
Unfortunately, she’d never been very good at acting nonchalant.
“It’s Mike Mike, isn’t it?” Julie said.
“I don’t know what you mean by Mike Mike.”
“Who lived next door when we were kids! He had a crush on you.”
“He did not. But yes,” Charlotte said sullenly, “it’s Mike Guo. We met at the cider bar last weekend.”
She didn’t say anything about how this was a practice date, not a real date. Julie would make fun of her.
“That reminds me of what I want to tell you,” Julie said. “I got a job as a waitress at Ossington Cider Bar. Isn’t that cool?”
Are you fucking kidding me?
Charlotte’s sister would be invading her refuge outside her apartment. Knowing her luck, Julie would probably always end up working on Saturday nights.
How could this get any worse?
Just then, the phone rang again.
What the hell? Was another person at her apartment?
She looked at the display. It was her parents’ landline, and usually she wouldn’t be relieved to get a call from her parents, but she was now. No more visitors, thank God.
“Hello,” she said.
“Charlotte!” her mother said. “I have not heard from you in a week. What’s new?”
“Not much. Same old.”
Julie grabbed the phone. “Charlotte has a date tonight.”
Charlotte sighed. Things could always get worse.
She grabbed the phone back. “Yes, I have a date. No big deal.”
“Ah, I am sure he is a great man, knowing you. Good career, very handsome.”
“Mm.”
“We will meet him the next time we go to Toronto?”
Charlotte choked. “This is a first date. Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.”
Next to her, Julie was laughing, taking far too much amusement in Charlotte’s pain.
“Okay,” Mom said. “I will let you go and get ready. Make sure to look nice tonight. But don’t give him the wrong idea.”
Charlotte was about to retort, but her mother had already hung up.
Wow. That had been a short phone call. She wasn’t happy with Julie for mentioning the date, but it had gotten her mother off the phone quickly.
She turned around and glared at her sister.
“What?” Julie said innocently. “I didn’t tell her it’s with Mike. Mom and Dad would have gone crazy had they known.”
Nicole shook her head. “I don’t get you two.”
“You having a sibling, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but Cam and I don’t bicker and get on each other’s nerves this much.”
“I think it’s mainly Julie getting on my nerves,” Charlotte said, “not the other way around. Showing up at my apartment without notice?”
“Ooh, I need to give you your present,” Julie said. “I made this one just for you.”
Charlotte was rather alarmed. What could it be?
But the necklace Julie held out was lovely. The pendant reminded Charlotte of Spirograph, something she and Mike had loved doing together. The geometric patterns had appealed to her.
“I’m selling them on my Etsy store. What do you think?” Julie’s voice held a note of uncertainty, which was unusual.
“It’s beautiful, thank you.” Charlotte tried to sound sincere rather than sarcastic—something that was tough to do around her sister.
“It doesn’t go with what you’re wearing today, but you can wear it on a future date with Mike. Spirograph might turn him on.” Julie waggled her eyebrows.
What did turn Mike on? This was something Charlotte should probably think about.
As Nicole began working on her second smoky eye, Charlotte blurted out, “I need help with being seductive.”
This, naturally, reduced Julie to a fit of giggles.
“Don’t worry too much about it,” Nicole said. “Just be confident. Be yourself.”
“Being myself involves wearing pajamas and lazing around the apartment.”
“You look good tonight. Lightly touch his arm or leg, unless that makes him uncomfortable. Eye contact. Knowing looks.”
What the fuck was a knowing look?
“Bite your lower lip,” Julie suggested. “That can be sexy.”
“Yeah.” Nicole stopped her work on Charlotte’s mascara, stood in front of her, tilted her head, and lightly bit her lip.
“Damn,” Julie said. “I kinda want to kiss you now.”
“Nicole is an expert at this sort of thing,” Charlotte said. Her friend might not go on many dates, but she had no shortage of sex.
“Now you try.”
Charlotte shook her head. “I’m too, uh, self-conscious to do it now.”
“But you’ll do it in front of Mike?” Julie batted her eyelashes.
“Shut up.”
Julie gasped. “You told me to shut up! I’m telling Mom.”
Charlotte rolled her eyes as Julie pulled her phone out of her purse.
“Just kidding,” Julie said. “I’ll make you some coffee. I bet you want a coffee to perk you up for your date, right?”
“That would be great, thanks.” Charlotte may have drunk a lot of coffee this afternoon, but one last coffee for energy and confidence would help.
Julie left the room.
It took Nicole a few more minutes to finish Charlotte’s make-up, and when Charlotte looked at herself in the full-length mirror—a gift from her parents—she was impressed with what she saw. Nicole had made her into a sexy version of herself.
Charlotte even wiggled her hips in front of the mirror.
She looked like a woman who was going on a date. A good date that did not involve Taco Bell or racist rants.
“Here you go.” Julie came into the bedroom with a mug that said Schist Happens.
Charlotte looked into the mug. “What the fuck is this? Chamomile tea?”
Julie shrugged. “It’s relaxing.”
“Chamomile tea isn’t relaxing! Do I look relaxed right now?”
“Well, you haven’t started drinking it yet.”
“I don’t like the taste of chamomile,” Charlotte said, “and it puts me on edge.”
“Why?”
“Because it doesn’t have caffeine.”
“You’re so weird. Don’t worry, I was just messing with you.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I needed right now. Thank you.”
“I also made coffee,” Julie said. “You can give me the tea.”
“Where did you get the teabag? It sure wasn’t in my cupboard.”
“It was in my purse. Lots of interesting things in there.”
“Yes, I’m aware. You should clean it out sometime.”
Once Charlotte had finished her coffee, which was delivered to her in a Gneiss Cleavage mug, and Julie had provided her with more stories of bad first dates—just what she needed—she put on her lipstick and looked at herself in the mirror again.
Yep, she still looked good, if a little anxious.
She left the apartment with Nicole and Julie, who headed to the subway while Charlotte walked north to the Junction.
Man, getting ready for a practice date was bad enough.
How would she ever survive a real date?