ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

IN A LOT OF WAYS, I’VE BEEN REALLY LUCKY. I’VE had amazing people in my life—many who showed up at just the right time—who have helped me learn about sex, love, relationships, kink, communication, and more. As early as middle school, I was fascinated by sex, poring over the anatomy sections of the encyclopedia and dog-earing the pages where sex scenes happened in the paperbacks I was reading.

By late high school, when I started exploring with other people, I was incredibly lucky to find partners who were open-minded and contributed to my education. My first serious boyfriend gave me the books Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns and Bi Any Other Name, books that influenced my early education in kink and sexuality and showed me that I wasn’t alone.

At seventeen I started attending local munches in West Hollywood, which were held in coffee shops and open to all ages, as well as local poly and bisexual meet-up groups. I was lucky that I lived in LA, and in such a big city there were meet-ups for everything. The people I met at those groups had a big influence on me, and some of them are still friends today.

The thing that really blew me away about these communities was how well everyone communicated. It quickly became clear that to do these activities well, and safely, good communication was a must.

Aside from liking the kinky sex and the open relationships, I felt at ease with these people because I knew I could trust them to say what they meant. That was the norm for me for so long that when I was finally out of school and in an office environment, I was utterly baffled by the complete lack of communication skills people demonstrated. People were passive-aggressive and manipulative. People didn’t speak to each other directly but instead complained about coworkers behind their backs. It was unbearable.

After a decade behind a desk, I became a full-time sex educator and I was back among my people—back in spaces where I knew people would speak up about their needs, not just in sexual situations, but in professional and interpersonal situations, too.

In the field of sex, kink, and relationships, I’ve attended numerous conferences, classes, trainings, and seminars, and I’ve read more books than I can possibly count. I’ve had amazing friends and colleagues I’ve learned from and workshopped ideas with. I know that I’ve sponged up ideas from every partner I’ve ever had, every class I’ve taken, and every book I’ve read.

As I’ve worked on this book, the generosity of my friends has blown me away. Everyone has been willing to brainstorm, talk, share their stories, and give me encouragement. One friend even let me stick Post-It notes all over her house. And while I couldn’t have done it without my whole community, I want to give special thanks to my coworking group, my mastermind group, and every friend, teacher, partner, and therapist I’ve ever had. Communication skills can’t be learned or practiced in a vacuum, and everyone I’ve ever known has been essential to getting me where I am today.