May faced him. Time to lay the cards on the table. It was the only way. “Yeah. I think I have a pretty good idea of who you are. You’re a nice man from a wonderful family. You’re a cutthroat businessman. All of that is fine. It’s the other part that’s problematic.”
“What other part?”
“You are a born protector, Lochlan. You would have been a knight in the Middle Ages. You were a normal, demanding boss right up until you walked into my crappy apartment the other night. Then, boom. The chain mail went on and now you’re stepping in to save the day. I’m not a damsel in distress. I know my life is pretty shitty right now, but you know what? It’s my life. My shit. I’ll deal with it.”
Lochlan grinned. “You’ve got it wrong.”
She shook her head. She’d nailed it and she knew it.
“I’m a warrior. I wouldn’t have been a knight all those centuries ago. I would have been a Viking. And Vikings conquer.”
“So you’re trying to conquer me?” She meant the words as a joke, but she realized once they were out, they had a completely different meaning.
“I think I might be.”
“I don’t understand.”
“May, in the last six months, you’ve dealt with at least half a dozen big things that would have reduced most people to a fetal position in the corner for a few years or so. You don’t cry. You don’t rage or shake your fist at the world. You just keep pushing it all down.”
“That’s how I deal with things. I can’t fall apart. I have too many people depending on me. I mean, what happens if I let all of that go, and then I can’t pull it together again?”
“And that’s the part I’m feeling the need to conquer. I wish I could explain why, but I can’t. Which means you’re going upstairs and packing those overnight bags.”
She breathed out an annoyed laugh. “You’re going to have to let me win some of these arguments.”
He got out of the car, walked around and met her on the curb. Lochlan grabbed her hand, and this time, she let him. “I never let anyone win, but that’s not to say I can’t be beaten.”
“That’s good information to have.”
They passed Sean on the stairs. “Hey, I was just about to text you. Found a key to the front door. I was going to drop it off at the pub, but since you’re here…” Sean dropped the loose key in May’s hand. “I’ll work up an estimate on the kitchen and send it to you in a couple of days.”
“Thanks for everything, Sean,” May said.
Lochlan hung out in the living room as May went back to the girls’ bedroom to gather up pajamas, toothbrushes and clothing for school the next day. She tried to grab everything she could quickly, her mind still whirling over potential arguments against doing this. Something other than “it’s a mistake.”
Nothing came to her. Probably because the place still smelled of smoke and she was relieved not to have to spend the night there. Her eyes were itchy and her throat sore from sleeping in the living room. At least the girls and her mom had fared better, having the benefit of doors they could close.
She returned to the living room to find Lochlan standing in front of an old picture hanging on the wall.
“Your family?” he asked.
May nodded, swallowing heavily. Not a day went by where she didn’t miss her dad and her brother, Jeff, both of them taken away far too young. She knew her mother had been deeply affected by their deaths, her mind no longer as steady as it once was. Mom was easily distracted these days.
May’s grief was compounded by the fact she felt as though she was failing with Jeff’s little girls. They’d been ripped away from a lovely little house in a small town in West Virginia, away from their friends, and dropped down in this shithole in the middle of Baltimore with her.
No wonder Jenny didn’t speak anymore. There wasn’t anything good to say.
Lochlan didn’t ask anything else about the picture, and she was grateful. The last three days had officially kicked her ass. She was out of steam, hanging on by a thread.
“Ready to go?”
She nodded, allowing him to take her hand yet again as they locked up and descended the stairs. May considered pulling it away, but the past few months with him had taught her he wouldn’t let go even if she tried.
Lochlan took what he wanted, but she really needed him to stop holding her hand. Every single touch, every kind word, every sexy look was doing things to her she couldn’t let them do.
She was completely, ridiculously attracted to her boss. And while he was simply offering help and kindness at a time when she needed it, it was translating to something much different to her heart. It was compounding her feelings for him, taking her from mere crush to genuine infatuation.
They rode to the pub in silence. Exhaustion and stress were pressing down on her, making it hard for her to think about much of anything.
When they arrived, Lochlan took her in through the pub side this time. She’d caught a glimpse of the bar through the large open connection between it and the restaurant the night of the fire, but she hadn’t really looked. The place was great, so warm and welcoming. Though it was only a Thursday night, there were quite a few people there, drinking and talking quietly.
A handsome bartender was chatting with an older gentleman as the two of them watched baseball on the large-screen TV hanging behind the counter.
“The girls are upstairs in the apartment. We can head there in a second. Right now, I’d like to introduce you to some people.”
“More family?” she asked with a grin.
He chuckled at her joke, adding to it. “I’m pretty sure there are a few people in Baltimore I’m not related to. I just haven’t met them yet.” Lochlan guided her to the two men she’d just been looking at. “Pop Pop. Padraig. I’d like you to meet May.”
“Ah,” Lochlan’s grandfather said as he turned toward them. May liked him the second she saw his sweet smile and twinkling eyes. “The new assistant. I was wondering when you were going to make it into the pub.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Mr.…” she paused, realizing she didn’t know his last name.
“The last name is Collins, but you’re going to call me Pat.”
May laughed lightly. “I’m starting to see where Lochlan gets his demanding nature.”
Padraig lifted the empty glass he was washing in a mock cheers. “She’s already got your number, I see.”
“Those two pretty little girls currently watching SpongeBob upstairs wouldn’t happen to belong to you, would they?”
May nodded. “My nieces. I hope they weren’t too much trouble.”
“Och.” Pat waved off her concerns with a knobby hand that had her wondering how old he was. “’Twas nice to have some kids around here again. My grandchildren seem to be in no hurry to give me any great-grandkids.”
“Take it easy there, Pop Pop,” Padraig warned. “You know the K word causes Lochlan to break out in hives.”
“K word?” May asked.
Lochlan didn’t seem to want to reply, but he didn’t have to.
Padraig was happy to explain. “Kids. Lochlan has sworn off the institution of marriage and fatherhood forever.”
May wished that information didn’t bother her so much. It wasn’t like she could act on her feelings for Lochlan. That would be the height of stupidity. However, that didn’t mean she thought he’d made a smart decision. “That’s a shame,” she said to Lochlan. “I think you’d be a great dad.”
“I’m a workaholic,” he muttered. “You know that.”
“Yes, but you don’t have to be,” she murmured back. “You have very capable employees working for you who are able to shoulder more responsibilities if you wanted to get out and have a social life, maybe settle down and start a family.”
May had no idea where this argument was coming from. It certainly wasn’t her battle to wage. She didn’t have a horse in the race.
“Sally chose well,” Patrick said, watching them with great interest.
Lochlan rolled his eyes. “Don’t you have a baseball game to watch?”
“This is more interesting,” the older man teased.
“Come on, May.” Lochlan tugged her closer, his arm around her shoulders. “We need to go get the girls before Yvonne corrupts them forever.”
Padraig poured a pint from one of the taps for a man who walked in who looked exactly like him. “Pretty sure you’re too late to save them. Colm,” he said with a jerk of the head toward her. “That’s May.”
She lifted her hand to wave, expecting them to step back to talk to the man who was obviously Padraig’s identical twin brother, but Lochlan continued tugging her away.
“No time to chat, Colm,” Lochlan called out over his shoulder.
“A little competition is healthy, Lochlan,” Colm replied.
“What was that about?” May asked as they entered a small stairwell at the rear of the bar.
“Nothing,” Lochlan said. “Colm’s a hopeless flirt. I thought I’d spare you.”
May giggled. “I’m pretty sure I could handle it. Turns out none of the men in your family are hard to look at.”
Lochlan narrowed his eyes good-naturedly, pretending to warn her as they walked upstairs. “He’s a scoundrel. Steer clear.”
“Not sure which sounds more dangerous. Scoundrel or Viking.”
“Mr. Wallace!” They heard Chloe a split second before they saw her. The second they reached the top of the stairs, she was there, leaping into Lochlan’s arms.
May was surprised—given Padraig’s tidbit—that he was prepared, lifting her and swinging her around as she squealed with delight.
Yvonne was sitting next to Jenny on the couch, French-braiding her niece’s hair.
“Jenny,” May said. “Look at your hair. It’s beautiful.”
Jenny didn’t reply, but for the briefest of moments, May thought she saw a ghost of a smile. It brought tears to her eyes. She cleared her throat, swallowing it down.
Lochlan walked over to a beautiful brunette, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Caitlyn, I didn’t know you were here.”
“Wedding planning,” Caitlyn replied, though she was looking at May. “And you’re the new PA. A few words of wisdom for you from someone who knows. Lochlan’s bark is worse than his bite.”
Lochlan rolled his eyes. “May, this is my sister, Caitlyn.”
“She’s getting married,” Chloe said, wiggling to get out of Lochlan’s arms so she could show May a picture in a magazine. “This is her dress!”
“Wow, it’s lovely.” There was no question Caitlyn would rock the dress. Or that it cost about a gazillion dollars. May had never seen anything so beautiful.
Chloe started flipping the pages. “And here are some flower girl dresses. Caitlyn’s not having a flower girl, but I told her I’d do it.”
May put her hand on Chloe’s shoulder. “I’m sure she appreciated the offer, but you can’t really invite yourself to be in someone’s wedding, Chloe.”
Caitlyn laughed. “Believe me, I’m tempted by the offer. She’s adorable. The only thing holding me back is I’m pretty sure she’d steal the show.”
“When’s the wedding?” she asked.
“Two weeks from Saturday. I thought I had everything well in hand up until a few days ago. Now I keep thinking I’ll never be ready in time.”
Yvonne shook her head. “You’ve planned the perfect wedding, Cait. Don’t be crazy. Besides, Lucas would be just as happy to marry you down in the pub with you wearing nothing more than a feed sack. The man is ridiculously in love with you. That’s all that matters.”
May had never met such a kind, easygoing family. She genuinely liked every single one of Lochlan’s relatives.
“I’m sure it will be everything you’ve ever dreamed of,” May reassured her. “And, Yvonne,” she said, “I can’t thank you enough for this afternoon.”
“It was no problem at all. These two cutie-pies are awesome company. We had a snack and went ahead and got the homework nightmare over with.” Yvonne and Chloe shared horrified looks they’d clearly practiced.
Chloe dropped the magazine, reaching up and, within seconds, she was back in Lochlan’s arms. “Is Nana in the hospital?” Her voice betrayed her fear, and May wanted to alleviate it. Chloe had lost too much in her short life.
Lochlan beat her to the punch. “She’s just fine. Needs a little procedure to get rid of some stones in her belly. What is your aunt May feeding all of you?
Chloe enjoyed the joke, but clearly thought Lochlan was being serious. “She’s not feeding us rocks!”
“You don’t need to worry, Chloe. Your nana will be out of that bed and solving puzzles on Wheel of Fortune again before you know it.”
Chloe giggled. “I’d like to buy a vowel.”
Lochlan tickled her as a reward for her silly joke. “What do you say we grab a pizza, and then you three are having a sleepover at my house.”
“Yay!” Chloe shouted, squirming to be let down so she could grab her backpack. “A sleepover! But…” She pulled up short.
“But?” Lochlan prompted.
“Can we have Irish food again instead of pizza?”
Yvonne finished Jenny’s hair. “I’m afraid they might think cheese fries with bacon is Irish now.”
Lochlan rolled his eyes. “We’ll grab takeout from downstairs.”
“Sleepover, huh?” Caitlyn said to Lochlan, obviously trying to tease him. “You’re letting kids into the inner sanctum?”
Lochlan tilted his head and shot her a look May assumed was a warning.
“My house still smells strongly of smoke after the fire. We probably shouldn’t have stayed there the last few nights.” May figured she owed Lochlan for making the offer of his guest rooms. It was clear his family was starting to get the wrong idea about them. Best to help him put those rumors to rest before they started.
“Mmmhmm,” Caitlyn said. “Sure.” The amused glance she shot Lochlan told May her attempt to help him had fallen short. “It was nice to meet you, May.”
They said their goodbyes then walked down to Sunday’s Side—the restaurant was apparently named for Lochlan’s beloved grandmother—and ordered four dinner specials to go before heading out.
May had expected Lochlan’s place to be nice, but the reality of it blew her away. He lived in an upscale condo on the waterfront that took up an entire floor of a renovated warehouse. It was very urban and sleek, masculine yet cozy at the same time.
Chloe’s eyes widened when they walked in, and she hurried over to the large window that faced the harbor, plastering her hands and face to the glass. “Wow. Look at all the boats!”
Lochlan crouched beside her and pointed. “See the one with the blue flag on top? That’s mine.”
“You have a boat?” Chloe asked excitedly. “Can we go for a ride on it?”
“Chloe,” May said, trying to wipe away the fingerprints Chloe had left on the window. “Mr. Wallace has done enough nice things for us. We’re not asking for—”
Lochlan interrupted May, placing his hand over hers to stop her from wiping the glass. “Of course we can all go out one day, Chloe. Not tonight though. It’s a school night, and it’s getting late.”
May was touched by his kindness to her nieces. She was also frustrated by it, because it only deepened her attraction to him. If he had just been a pretty face, she might have been able to resist him.
Who was she kidding?
The man was six feet five inches of pure masculinity. Muscular, broad-shouldered, with light brown hair and dark eyes. Everything about his appearance was striking, attractive. That was deadly enough to her libido, but throw in his sense of humor and how sweet he was to Chloe and Jenny, and forget about it. She was a goner.
The four of them opened their “Irish” cheeseburgers—which tasted just like American ones, despite Chloe’s insistence they were different—and ate at his dining room table together. Once again, Chloe and Lochlan carried the conversation, the two of them quite funny as they talked about their favorite Disney movies.
May had a hard time making his family’s comments about Lochlan not wanting a family stick. He was a natural with kids.
After dinner, Lochlan showed Jenny and Chloe which room they would be staying in. It was a lovely bedroom with a queen-size bed and its own bathroom. Chloe climbed up on the tall mattress, falling back dramatically, claiming it felt like she was on a cloud.
Lochlan was amused, until May murmured he might not find it funny tomorrow when he tried to send them home. “Chloe might be tough to get out, now that you’ve let her in,” May teased.
Lochlan didn’t laugh. Instead, he gave her a funny look she couldn’t interpret. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he wasn’t as bothered by that idea as he should be.
The girls took turns in the bathroom, brushing their teeth and getting into their pajamas. Once they were settled in the bed together, May bent over and kissed them good night. “You sure you don’t want me to read you a story?”
Chloe shook her head emphatically. “Mr. Wallace is going to do that,” she insisted.
“Lochlan,” he said.
Chloe’s smile grew wider. “Lochlan.”
Lochlan raised an eyebrow at May as if to say, “See how easy that was?”
She narrowed her eyes, feigning anger, then left the three of them alone. She wandered back out to the living room, looking at the twinkling lights from the boats on the water. The same exhausted feeling that never fully left settled over her, pressing in until it was hard to breathe.
May’s mom didn’t have insurance. She’d never worked a day in her life, and when Dad died, the health insurance ran out. This procedure was going to cost them a king’s ransom. Between it and the fire, May was going to be stuck sleeping on that crappy couch until she was fifty, and Jenny…
God. Jenny needed to see a psychologist, but May simply couldn’t afford that. She wasn’t sure what Lochlan’s aunt Lauren would say, but May was certain Jenny’s issues couldn’t be solved in one visit, and there was no way she could impose on her for more than that.
Lochlan kept trying to help her, but she couldn’t let him do that either. For one, her problems weren’t his, and for another, her feelings…
She pushed it all down, shoved every lousy, helpless thought deeper into the well. May couldn’t fix any of it right now, so it was time to do her usual. Focus on one day at a time. It was all she could handle.
She sucked in a deep breath, but not enough air hit her lungs. The damn things had seized up, tightened. Lochlan hadn’t shown her where she’d be staying. She wished he had. May needed to crawl into bed, close her eyes and just fucking give in to the panic attack. It was coming no matter what.
She lifted one of her hands to touch the window, hoping it would cool her off. She suddenly felt too warm as she struggled to breathe. Her fingers trembled, so she lowered her arm.
“May.”
She turned in surprise. She hadn’t heard Lochlan come in. “I…”
“Are you okay?”
May nodded. “I’m fine.”
Her words prompted a scowl she couldn’t understand.
“Dammit,” he muttered, reaching out to her. “You aren’t fine. Come here.”
He drew her into his arms, wrapping her up in the warmest embrace of her life. Regardless of that, May couldn’t relax. She tried to pull away, but his grip was iron-clad, solid.
“Hold still.” Lochlan’s voice was strong and deep, and there was something in those depths that called to her, made her want so much. Too much.
The tension in her shoulders gradually loosened, and she tentatively raised her own hands, placing them around Lochlan’s middle, locking them at his back.
He started to slowly sway, the rocking motion soothing, peaceful. The panic attack began to ease. They remained that way for several minutes, May’s muscles relaxing, her brain shutting down. It was bliss.
“That’s better. Good girl,” he murmured. “Just let it all go, May.”
He had a way of driving away all the dark thoughts that she couldn’t quite understand. He’d simply say her name, touch her, and everything vanished.
Eventually, they shifted apart. May pulled back to look up as Lochlan glanced down. The position put their faces close, their lips mere inches apart.
She wanted him to kiss her.
No, she needed him to kiss her. And there was something in his eyes, something wild and unstrained that told her he wanted the same…and more.
Her hands slid to his waist, and she gripped his shirt tightly as she fought an internal battle over whether to pull him closer or push him away.
Lochlan reached up, one hand cupping her cheek, his intent crystal clear.
He was going to kiss her.
Boss.
He’s your boss.
She pushed back and turned toward the window once more, forcing herself to look down at the water, so she couldn’t see his face in the reflection. Couldn’t see how he reacted to her rejection.
She also couldn’t lose her job. It was the only thing keeping her family afloat. Granted, they were all clinging to one crappy life preserver, but it was better than nothing.
“Tell me what you want, May.”
“Want?” she asked, puzzled, refusing to turn and face him.
“Yes. What you want.”
“I want my mom to be okay. I want Jenny to talk.”
“I’m not talking about your family. I’m talking about you. Take them out of the equation. What do you want?”
She knew he meant something far more personal, private. She recalled her wicked fantasies of him over the past few months. His fingers gripping her hair as he kissed her roughly, the way he would push her facedown over his desk and take her from behind. Or the way she would straddle his lap in his desk chair and ride him. She wanted him to tie her up in a real bed—not on her crummy couch—and take over. Take charge.
She’d spent every minute of every hour for the past five years making every single decision—from what to eat for dinner, to figuring out how they were going to pay the electric bill. She was exhausted, and she needed someone to hold the reins for just a little while. Someone to make her forget how scared and tired she was.
She pressed her forehead against the window and sighed. She couldn’t tell him that. So she lied. “I don’t want anything. I’m fine, Lochlan.”
“That’s it. I’ve had it.”
May’s head flew up in surprise at the outright anger in his voice, and then she was twisted around. She dragged her feet as he grasped her upper arm and pulled her down a short hallway on the opposite side of the living room from where the girls were staying. Lochlan opened a door to a lovely bedroom decorated in shades of blue, her favorite color.
He followed her in and then—God help her—he shut and locked the door.
“Is this your room?” she whispered.
“No. It’s yours. Mine is across the hall. I have some things to say to you, and I don’t want the girls to overhear.”
“Okay.” May looked around the room. There was a chair next to a small desk, but that was the only place to sit in the room with the exception of the bed. She should leave the chair for him, but that meant… Even this decision defeated her at the moment.
She was feeling light-headed and—
Lochlan placed his arm around her waist and led her to the bed. “Sit down before you fall down.”
She didn’t want him to think she was weak. “I’m fine,” she repeated, trying to instill some semblance of strength into the words.
He snorted derisively. “Of course you are. You’re always fine. Even when you aren’t.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We’re not at work.”
She raised her hands in a “no shit” way, but Lochlan didn’t crack a smile. Instead, he continued explaining. “When we’re not at work, I’m not your boss.”
May scowled. “Of course you are. You’re my boss no matter where we are.”
“No. Not here. Not away from the office.”
“Why are you saying that?” she asked.
“You can’t keep doing this, May.” Lochlan continued to answer her questions with responses that didn’t fit, that didn’t make sense.
“Doing what?”
“Lying about your feelings. You aren’t fine. You’re miles away from that. Pretending otherwise doesn’t change the truth.”
“And falling apart every three seconds doesn’t either. My family—”
“Needs you. I get that. But what about what you need?”
She looked at him, her mind going completely blank. In truth, she couldn’t think of anything she needed other than the ability to take care of her mom, Chloe and Jenny.
What she wanted, of course, was another thing entirely, but she couldn’t have that.
Lochlan shook his head. “You don’t know what you need, do you?”
May sighed, her shoulders tight with anxiety, her head starting to ache. “I…” She slowly shook her head.
“You need a way to relieve the pressure, to get some of these bad thoughts out before you explode.”
“I don’t know how to do that.” She rose from the bed. She needed to get out of here, grab the girls and go back to her shitty, smoky apartment and crappy couch. She needed to figure out where she was going to get the money for her mom’s surgery and how to make Jenny talk again and—
Her lungs closed up.
No. What she really needed was air.
“I can’t stay…we have to…” She walked toward the door. “I’m fine,” she choked out.
Lochlan was next to her in an instant, his hand on her upper arm, turning her toward him as he pushed her against the door. “If you say the words I’m fine to me one more time, I’m going to turn you over my knee and spank your ass.”
May was shocked into silence for a full thirty seconds before she could form a single word. “What?”
“You heard me. Tell me you’re fine one more time, and you’re going to find that skirt of yours wrapped around your waist, your panties on the floor, and your body draped over my lap. You got it?”
“Wow,” she whispered.
That was probably the hottest fucking thing anyone had ever said to her in her life. More than that, it confirmed that she wasn’t the only one suffering from a bad case of kinky fantasies. Lochlan wanted the same things.
Was that what had prompted her unexpected response to him? Was there something unspoken in the way he acted around her that made her want to check all her troubles at the door and disappear into him for a night…or twenty? Had his darker desires somehow kick-started these lustful dreams in her?
For the first time since dinner, his lips curled up into a grin. “Is that a good wow or are you contemplating calling 911?”
“Do I need to call 911?”
He shook his head. “I’d never hurt you, May. Never make you do anything you didn’t want. You say no and it’s no. No questions asked.”
“I’m tired,” she whispered.
Lochlan cupped her cheek once more. This time she turned her face toward the sweet touch, soaking it up. “I know you are, sweetheart.”
One night.
She knew what she needed. Turned out it was the exact same thing she wanted.
“Lochlan?”
“Yeah?”
May took a deep breath and prayed she wasn’t making the biggest mistake of her life.
“I’m fine.”