Ash spent most of Saturday trying to come up with an excuse Mary hadn’t heard before. When there was something she wanted to avoid, she could get quite original, but her best friend knew her too well to be fooled. In the end, Ash decided her best option was to give in and make an appearance. Mary would be happy she made the effort, but she and everyone else would soon realize Ash was not a positive role model. Hopefully she could slip out early.
It was seven p.m. when she slowed the Mustang to a stop across the street from the gay and lesbian youth center. She took a moment to check out her appearance in the rearview mirror before turning off the engine. She looked like she did on any given day, in jeans and white T-shirt beneath a denim jacket that had seen better days. Her dark brown hair was cut short, giving her a boyish look. Usually she radiated confidence, but tonight she had to take a deep breath before getting out of the car. She strode across the street, but as she reached the door a group of teenage girls pushed through from the other side.
Ash stepped back to let them pass. They were bantering among themselves and paid no attention to her. One paused briefly and flashed what appeared to be a practiced smile before moving on. She looked as tempting as she was young. Her blond hair was pulled into a ponytail threaded through the back of a baseball cap. She wore a black sweater and a baggy pair of khakis. She was a few inches shorter than Ash and had to look up to make eye contact, but when she did her eyes flashed a mysterious hazel.
The encounter only lasted a few seconds, but Ash was left shaking her head. She could spot the type from a mile away; she’d wasted too many nights with women who knew their own power but were still learning how to use it. They knew how to get what they wanted but weren’t mature enough to know what they needed. They were dangerous and most often more trouble than they were worth.
That kid will break a lot of hearts, especially if she’s starting this young, she thought as she entered the building.
The inside of the center looked like a doctor’s office waiting room. Several magazine racks lined a narrow foyer just inside the door. These overflowed with pamphlets and gay publications: The Advocate, Curve, AIDS and You, not to mention a plethora of safe-sex booklets and brochures. As Ash walked on, the room seemed to widen, opening up to what looked like a large living area furnished with couches and beanbag chairs. A TV stood in the corner, complete with DVD player and video game console. The walls were decorated with modern art and posters, complemented with the occasional photograph of smiling young people, usually clad in rainbow apparel.
Ash couldn’t help but wonder how she would have fit into a place like this when she was a teenager. She would probably have been the one who got in trouble for bringing beer or seducing the chaperones. She chuckled at the thought.
“You came!” Mary approached her with a smile.
“I said I would.” Ash gave the mandatory three back pats before escaping Mary’s hug.
“Well, come and meet everybody.” Mary tugged on Ash’s arm, and they almost bumped into a group of boys making a mad dash for the video games.
She introduced Ash to several she said were regulars. After mumbled hellos, the boys slipped past and Mary gestured toward a young man impeccably dressed in khakis and a baby blue polo shirt. His perfectly coiffed hair and emerald green eyes made Ash wonder if he’d been the boy in school pined over hopelessly by all the girls, or the sensitive one picked on by the jocks. Probably a bit of both, she decided.
“This is Michael Hays,” Mary said.
Michael shook Ash’s hand gently. “It’s nice to meet you, finally.” With a sly smile, he added, “Your reputation precedes you.”
“Oh? Has Mary been telling stories about me?”
“Just a few. She seems enamored with you.”
“I tend to have that effect on women.”
“So I hear. In fact, I think you’ve already made quite an impression on one of our other volunteers,” Michael replied cattily. “Speak of the devil, here she comes now.”
Great! Ash thought. She’d wined and dined her fair share of women but had hardly ever stuck around the next morning, so the reunions were rarely as sweet as the rendezvous themselves. She scanned the woman approaching. In capri pants, a white tank top, and a cut denim jacket, she looked like she’d stepped out of an advertisement for the Gap. Her lips were painted a deep red and her auburn hair was fashioned into a bob that called attention to her bright green eyes. Ash had no trouble figuring out why she’d pursued the redhead; she was attractive and had a good body. But details of the night they’d spent together eluded her. Vague images filled her mind: a bar, drinks, making out in the Mustang, and then at the woman’s apartment, where there was more wine and they’d fallen into bed.
She remembered very little about their encounter or the next morning, which probably meant it was exactly like so many others, a good time followed by Ash slipping out of the apartment sometime around the break of dawn.
“Hello, Ash.” Her one-night stand smiled but her expression was calculating.
“Hello, uh…” Ash fumbled, unable to come up with a name.
“Amy.” The response was supplied with a tinge of irritation.
“Right. So how have you been?” Ash wondered why Mary hadn’t stepped in to help her out. Michael also seemed to be enjoying watching her squirm.
“Fine. I’m seeing someone now.”
“Great.” Ash was relieved. “How’s that going?”
“Wonderful. She stays the night and even returns my calls.”
Ash grimaced. She’d been in this situation a few times and had learned that the less she said, the better.
“She’s working tonight, but maybe she’ll be here next Saturday. You could meet her if you stick around long enough.”
“Actually, I just came by to see Mary.” Ash was ready for the awkward conversation to end. “I’m about to head out.”
“Wow, leaving before the party begins? That’s not like you.”
“Yeah, well, you know, Saturday night.” More people were filtering into the center, and Ash figured this would be a good time to escape. It looked like Mary had plenty of help and would not need an extra adult. “I should get going. Good to see you again, Amy, and congratulations on the girlfriend.” After a polite farewell to Michael, she nudged Mary. “Will you walk me out?”
Mary didn’t answer. She was busy exchanging glowing smiles with one of the new arrivals. Ash followed the direction of her gaze and saw what she truly believed to be the most breathtaking woman she’d ever laid eyes on. Not supermodel beautiful, but cool, real, understated beauty. She looked like one of those women who have it all together. She was almost as tall as Ash, with long brown curls cascading over slender shoulders. She was sleek without being thin and carried herself with gentle poise, sinewy limbs accenting her soft curves. Her body was highly sexual, yet Ash was startled to find she instantly saw more than a woman she would want to hit on. Something in her reaction transcended lust. Confused, she had to fight to maintain her composure as a pair of soft blue eyes took her in briefly. The woman gave a polite smile that seemed heartbreakingly sweet.
“You must be Ash,” she said, extending her hand. “Mary talks about you all the time.”
Warm fingers firmly encircled Ash’s, giving a brief, steady squeeze. Who is this woman, and how have I never met her before? She felt exposed, sure that everyone in the room could tell she was taken aback. It was unusual that a woman was able to catch her off guard, and Ash wasn’t sure if she liked the sensation.
“Meet Carrie Fletcher,” Mary cut in. “I was just about to ask Ash to stay for the meeting tonight, Carrie.”
For a moment Ash had forgotten everything around them. As she came back to reality, she remembered Michael and Amy and the whole awkward situation she’d been fleeing.
“Oh, you weren’t leaving, were you?” Carrie sounded genuinely regretful.
Ash glanced at Amy, who was standing with her arms folded across her chest. She knew she should get out while she could, but when she met Carrie’s gaze once more she realized she wasn’t going anywhere. “I was planning on it. But if you all would like some help here tonight, I guess I could stick around.”
“Wonderful.” Another sweet smile lit Carrie’s face. “I’d really like you to meet my neighbor Tess. She’s a good kid, but a handful. Mary was saying you might be just the person to get through to her.”
I don’t want to get through to anyone but you right now. With a quick glare at Mary, Ash said, “Well, I’m not really good with kids.”
In the background, Amy remarked, “She and Tess are two of a kind. They deserve each other.”
Ash wondered what that was supposed to mean. She didn’t have to wonder long. The group of girls she’d seen leaving earlier had walked back in. She wouldn’t have noticed them except for the quick flash of tenderness in Carrie’s eyes. Ash’s heart sank when she realized which of the group had elicited this response—the blond teen who’d cruised her outside the center. How could a woman like Carrie be interested in a girl like that? Anyone could see she was nothing but trouble, not to mention that she couldn’t be a day over sixteen.
“Ladies, come here,” Mary said in perfect schoolteacher tone. “I want you to meet Ashton. She’s going to be helping out tonight.” She started reeling off names.
“I’m Tess,” the blonde interrupted.
“Ah, Tess the infamous.” Ash wished she could avoid shaking hands but Tess wouldn’t have it.
“So, you’re here to help give us the safe sex talk for the millionth time?” she said, stroking Ash’s wrist.
“The what?” Ash hoped she’d misheard. She tugged her hand away, trying to seem casual while determined to stay in control of the situation.
With a flip of her ponytail, Tess said, “Or perhaps you’re here because Mary thinks you could benefit from the lesson as well.” She moved past Ash without waiting for a reply, and the other girls followed their femme fatale.
Ash knew she’d been caught off guard and therefore lost her high ground. To Mary, she said, “Safe sex night? You’ve got to be joking.”
Mary shrugged off her protest. “It’s only a small part of the meeting. We have to do it once a month to keep our state funding. You don’t have to say a word.”
“Mary, you need to ’fess up now. Any more surprises coming for me tonight? Anything else you forgot to mention?”
“Ash, I’m sorry. I should have warned you.”
“About which part? Amy, the ex-fling? Or Tess, the young seductress?” Ash spoke in a raspy whisper, trying to hide her anger from anyone else who might be listening. “Was the sex education class a special bonus?”
“If I’d told you about everything, you wouldn’t have come.”
“Damn right I wouldn’t have.”
“But you’re here now, so grow up and act like an adult. Or throw a temper tantrum and look more immature than the kids. The choice is yours.”
Mary stomped off, leaving Ash standing there with her mouth open. She’d known her best friend long enough to understand she only got snippy when it was deserved. Mary had put up with a lot from her over the past decade. First, the philandering during the brief time they’d been lovers in their late teens. Then Ash’s party-every-night mentality in their early twenties, followed by her snide attitude about Mary’s desire to settle down and raise a family. Through it all Mary had been patient and understanding, loving Ash for who she was.
With a sigh, Ash trudged to the area where the others were taking seats in a haphazard circle of chairs and beanbags. She scanned the room for the evening’s one redeeming factor, but Carrie was already sitting next to one of the girls. Ash picked up a chair and carried it over.
“Do you mind?” she asked, flashing a smile.
“Not at all.” Carrie smiled back. “It looks like Michael wants to get started.”
Ash placed the chair next to Carrie, on the side no one had taken. As she sat, she let herself breathe in the sweet scent of Carrie’s shampoo. It wasn’t overpowering, just a subtle hint of soap and citrus. She wondered how it would feel to run her fingers through those soft-looking dark curls. She was so engrossed she didn’t even notice Tess take the seat directly opposite her in their untidy circle.
Michael called the room to attention, reminding everyone, “It’s that time of the month again.”
The teens in the room let out a collaborative groan, and one of the girls said, “You can only show us STD charts so many times before we just go numb.”
Ash couldn’t help but chuckle. She wouldn’t want to have sex education lessons from Michael either.
Amy stood up, taking over the reins. “Let’s talk about lesbian sex tonight.” The boys breathed a sigh of relief, and the girls grumbled among themselves. “What questions do you have? You know you can ask us anything.”
“I have a question,” Tess announced.
The room became quiet. Ash got the feeling Amy was about to be ambushed. Serves her right, she thought. She sure didn’t remember Amy being all that serious about safe sex the night they’d spent together.
Amy grimaced. “What can I help you with?”
“Actually, my question is for Ash.”
Ash whipped her head up. Tess was calling her out. She supposed she should have seen it coming.
“Ashton is just observing this evening,” Amy said without warmth. “But I’m sure any of the other volunteers would be happy to field your question.”
Ash’s blood surged within her. She was being challenged, not only by Tess but by Amy as well. They were both betting she couldn’t handle the question that hadn’t even been asked yet. Refusing to be intimidated by a teenager and a woman she wished she’d never slept with, she said, “No, that’s okay, Tess. Go ahead.”
She was aware of the tension pulling at her from each side of the room. The adults seemed to be bracing themselves for an impending train wreck, and the teens all teetered on their seats as if anticipating a fight in the school yard.
“I was just wondering if you practice safe sex.” Tess grinned, making it clear that she was baiting the new adult in the discussion.
Ash reviewed her options. If she said yes, she was one of the adults, and a liar at that. If she said no, she was irresponsible and would be seen as a bad role model by the other volunteers. Finally, she could refuse to answer, but that would make her a prude at the same time implying guilt. She’d been put in a lose/lose situation.
“Well, it really depends on what you mean by safe sex. If you’re asking me if I use dental dams, the answer is usually not.” She tried not to look at the horror on the faces of the various adults in the room. Next to her, she felt Carrie tense up. “However, that doesn’t mean I’m stupid.”
“Uh-huh.” A smug expression crept across Tess’s features.
“I never go home with someone I don’t know unless I tell someone where I’m going and when I intend to get home. I always have enough money in my pocket for a cab fare. And I never have sex when I’ve had so much to drink that I’m not in control of the situation. The minute anyone tries to pressure me into doing something I’m not comfortable with, the evening is over, no exceptions. And by the way, that’s not just for lesbians. You guys should hold yourselves to the same standards.”
Ash allowed herself to look around the room. No one was laughing or rolling their eyes. Most were nodding as if her words registered.
“What if you try to say no to something and the other person gets offended?” a boy asked.
“That’s what the cab fare is for.”
All the kids laughed at that.
On a more serious note, Ash said, “Anyone who won’t put their lover at ease is probably going to be a selfish lay anyway.”
She noticed Tess’s smile had changed from one of triumph to one of reluctant appreciation. Carrie was right, the girl was a handful. Ash had the impression she was used to controlling the people around her by whatever means were at her disposal. She knew how to command attention, and judging by her looks and demeanor, she was used to getting a lot of it.
For the next twenty minutes or so, the adults led a discussion about dealing with peer pressure, then Mary said, “All right, if there are no more questions, I think that’s a good place to wrap up.”
After the teens had left the circle for their activities of choice, Ash stood and stretched her legs. She hadn’t noticed how tense her muscles were. Mary was wrapped up in a conversation and Ash couldn’t see where Carrie had gone. Trying to kill time, she watched the boys play a video game but she didn’t understand the concept and the graphics made her dizzy. She moved to a table where several girls were flipping through the latest issue of Curve, trying to decide which lesbian starlet they would rather date. After a few minutes she became bored with their discussion and decided to duck out of the center to catch some fresh air. The evening had taken on a surreal feeling and it was only nine p.m.
Ash ambled across the street to her car and rested her back against the driver’s side door. For a moment she allowed her mind to drift but she snapped back to reality when she felt someone approaching. She almost groaned out loud when she saw Tess crossing the street, her freshly glossed lips curved in a seductive smile. The predatory look gave Ash a chill, but she didn’t know exactly why.
“Got a cigarette?” Tess asked coyly.
“No.”
“What? The big, bad Ash doesn’t smoke?”
“No.”
“What’s with the one-word answers all of a sudden? You didn’t seem too reserved before.”
“You didn’t come out here for a cigarette,” Ash replied flatly.
Tess gave a brief pause as if weighing her next move. Ash watched as she shifted gears.
“A muscle car, huh?” She ran her fingertips up the hood of the Mustang. “That’s pretty predictable, don’t you think?”
“What you see is what you get, sweetheart.”
“Really?” Tess moved closer, well into Ash’s personal space.
Ash was determined not to take a step away. The best way to keep control around people like Tess was to hold her ground.
“I don’t know,” Tess continued. “The car could be a complement to you, but then again it could just be overcompensation.”
“I’ve never had any complaints.” Ash cursed herself as soon as the words left her mouth. Her reply had sounded like a come-on, playing into the sexual tension Tess was trying to create.
“No, I guess you wouldn’t.” Tess lifted her hand from the car and encircled her fingers around Ash’s bicep. “Muscle car, muscle dyke?”
In an instant Ash clasped Tess’s wrist and plucked the hand away. But instead of releasing it, she pulled Tess closer, leaning down so her mouth was next to the girl’s ear. Thinking she was about to be kissed, Tess closed her eyes and tilted her chin upward.
“Listen up, kid,” Ash whispered in her ear. “You are playing way out of your league. You’re just lucky I am who I am, and not someone who would take advantage of a kid trying to play temptress.”
Tess’s eyes shot open. “Let go of me.”
She started to pull away, but Ash held her more firmly. “You had better be real careful, because the next person you pull that shit with might just take you for more than you bargained for. Got it?”
Tess looked utterly indignant. Obviously she wasn’t used to being talked to like that. Ash released her grip. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mary and Carrie staring from across the street. Ash realized immediately that from where they were standing, it must have looked like she was about to kiss Tess.
Tess followed her gaze, and a slow smile settled across her face. Her composure regained, she spun on her heel and walked past the adults back into the center. Carrie went after her while Mary walked briskly toward Ash.
“What was that all about?”
“Oh, Tess and I were just having a heart-to-heart.” Ash tried not to appear shaken by the confrontation.
“Ash, it didn’t look good.”
“Come on. Mary, you’re the one who brought me here in the first place, and now you are trying to accuse me of—”
“I didn’t accuse you of anything. You know I trust you.”
“Good.”
“Let’s go back in. Less than two hours left.”
Ash assessed her situation. The teens couldn’t care less whether she stayed or not, and Mary would soon start making her rounds, checking in with all the kids one on one before the end of the evening. The other adults weren’t really interested in talking to her and, besides, they were meant to be there for the kids. She was about to tell Mary she’d rather go home and they could go out to the bar some other time when she glimpsed Carrie passing the open doorway.
“All right, I’ll stay awhile longer,” she said. “But only for you.”
*
Carrie sat at a table across the room with stacks of papers spread out in front of her. Gathering herself, Ash exhaled and walked over, willing her to look up. She didn’t.
“Anyone else sitting here?” she asked.
“No, have a seat,” Carrie replied with a smile that almost brought Ash to her knees.
An awkward moment of silence followed, and Carrie looked back at the stacks of papers. Ash’s mind ran wild as she tried to think of something clever to say to break the ice. “If I’m interrupting something I can leave you alone.”
“No. I was just looking at some student papers, but they’re depressing me too much for a Saturday night.” She put her pen down and pushed a curl from her forehead. “So, what do you think of the center?”
“Oh, it’s great,” Ash lied.
“Hmm, not very convincing.”
“I’m sorry, I’m really just here because Mary asked me to come. I’m not very comfortable with teenagers.”
Carrie laughed. “Don’t feel bad. Teenagers aren’t very comfortable with other teenagers, either.”
“Yeah?” Ash saw a shimmer of hope. Carrie’s laugh was intoxicating and the fact that she had been the one to spark it bolstered her confidence. “Then why are you spending your Saturday night reading papers from teenagers in a youth center full of them?”
“Good question.” Carrie smiled again. “The papers are from college students, so they aren’t exactly teenagers in the conventional sense of the word, although they can be every bit as frustrating.”
“You teach college?” Ash asked, getting nervous. She was usually better with women when she could keep the conversation on superficial topics, and college was something she knew nothing about.
“Don’t make it sound so scary.”
“Sorry.” Trying to recover quickly, Ash asked, “What do you teach?”
“Women’s studies.”
“No kidding? That just happens to be my specialty,” Ash said, leaning in closer.
“Really? Well, the papers are on Judith Butler, so you can imagine how my sophomore boys feel about Undoing Gender.”
“Actually, I was joking. I’m a lesbian, so ‘studying women’ is kind of what I do.” Ash laughed nervously as she realized she’d made Carrie uncomfortable.
“Oh, I guess I walked right into that one.”
“No, I’m sorry. That was pretty sophomoric of me. Maybe I should see if any of your students would take me to a frat party.” When the beginnings of a genuine smile started to form around the corners of Carrie’s mouth, Ash continued, “Really, they could teach me about Undoing Gender, and I could teach them how to tap a keg.”
“I think they probably know how to tap a keg,” Carrie replied good-naturedly. “Surely you have something else to teach them.”
“Hmm…do you think they know how to mix drinks?”
“Not very well, if the parties I went to in college are any indication.”
“Well, there you go. I could be a professor of the bartending sciences.” Ash sensed Carrie relaxing.
“Is that what you do? Tend bar?”
“No, actually I just work odd jobs. I’m a regular Ms. Fix-it. Minor stuff mostly. Painting, refinishing, day-to-day car care.”
“That’s great. Not many women in that field. How did you get started?”
Ash saw an opening and before she thought her words through, her Casanova instincts took hold of her. “I learned early on that I was good with my hands. Maybe I could show you sometime.”
Immediately Carrie tensed up. She wasn’t exactly cold, but Ash knew she’d pushed too far, so she tried to cover quickly. “I redid Mary’s attic. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind showing it to you.”
“That would be nice. Maybe I can see it at the cookout tomorrow.”
“You’re coming to Mary and Sharon’s cookout?”
“Of course. I try to bring Tess to all the youth center functions.” Ash must have looked a bit off kilter because Carrie seemed to realize she didn’t know what was going on. “I’m sure Mary just forgot to mention who all was going to be there.”
“Yeah, Mary has a very selective memory.” Ash tried to laugh, even though she’d been suckered into another night with Amy, Michael, and of course Tess. Oh, well, if I have to deal with them to get time with Carrie, I guess I can even handle Tess.
As if on cue Tess seemed to materialize out of nowhere and sat down directly across the table from her. Ash had been so engrossed in Carrie that she didn’t even notice the teenager approaching.
“So where’s the after-party?” Tess asked.
“This is it as far as you’re concerned,” Ash replied.
“What about you? Where are you headed?”
“Sorry, kiddo, nowhere you can go.”
“You’d be surprised the places I can find my way into.”
“Yeah, and does your mother know where you are right now?”
“Does yours?” Tess shot back.
Ash chuckled at the flash of anger she saw in the girl. “You still can’t come.”
“Oh, come on. Surely if I was with a local celebrity like yourself I could get in anywhere.” Tess batted her eyelashes.
Ash once again felt the urge to snap at Tess, but she could sense Carrie’s disapproval. “Probably, but it’s almost your bedtime.”
“Okay, want to come tuck me in?”
“That’s enough,” Carrie said sharply. “It’s time to go. Why don’t you see if anyone else needs a ride home? I’ll pack up here.”
As Tess reluctantly walked back toward the other girls, Carrie gathered her papers and put them in her briefcase. “I’m sorry about that,” she said, without looking up.
Ash felt her heart sink. She was embarrassed about Tess and puzzled that Carrie hadn’t stepped in sooner. Carrie seemed disappointed and for some reason that bothered her. She was drawn to this woman in ways she wasn’t used to, and while the feeling was unsettling, Ash also found it intriguing. Carrie was beautiful and challenging. Ash had been thoroughly enjoying their conversation and now found herself wanting more.
“Hey, don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have let her get me going like that.”
“It’s not you.” Carrie seemed dispirited. “Tess has that effect on people.”
“Carrie.” Ash touched her lightly on the shoulder. “I’m not most people.”
Carrie studied her for a second without saying a word, then picked up her briefcase and said, “I can see that. See you tomorrow.”
With that she was gone and Ash was left rocking in her wake.