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Zander
Zander didn’t sleep well that night. Laying in the bed assigned to him beneath the window that faced south, he watched the moon crest in the clear sky and then begin its descent. The large silvery orb held his gaze, as he watched it move on its journey. He didn’t want to go to sleep and wake up to find that everything had changed.
He had a date with Hannah and he didn’t want to ruin it. He was going to court her like he would if he were back home and she knew him as himself. He’d lose the deferential treatment and be the man he was instead of the worker she thought him to be.
Not that he was ashamed of working or being a ranch hand. On the contrary. He was taking orders and doing the grunt work without complaint. But things weren’t moving along as fast as he needed them to. When he’d calculated out the six weeks he would need, he’d failed to take into account the fact that he wouldn’t be around for hours on end due to the actual work.
Indeed, the last few days the crew had been working on fences between Bella Acres and a neighboring ranch. Grabbing a moment here or there to even think about Hannah had been next to impossible. Claiming a date with her had been a purely desperate move. He was watching the days pass like leaves flitting on the wind and he couldn’t catch the time he was losing.
He was exhausted and he should be sleeping, but there was so much possibility before him. His feelings for Hannah were overwhelmingly optimistic. There was something about her he needed in his life. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but the shy smile she gave him and the way her eyes seemed to light up when she saw him sent his heart into a frenzy. How could he be so lucky to be attracted to her more than he’d ever hoped? She would fit in with him. He just knew it.
He just needed more time to prove it to her.
Snoring men had become almost as white noise in the bunkhouse, but it didn’t lull Zander to sleep. He longed for the quiet of his own house and the sanctuary of his room. He would suffer as long as he needed to just to stay by Hannah.
Zander tucked an arm behind his head and rolled to his side, watching as the moon continued arcing across the sky. The sun wouldn’t be up for another hour or so and the predawn darkness set off the twinkle of the stars and the fullness of the moon. Was Hannah sleeping well? He couldn’t stop thinking of her and the way she smelled.
A vibrating in his jean pants caught his attention. He’d folded his pants on the end of the bed for him to put back on the next day. He didn’t have access to all of his clothes or even a laundry room every day like he did back home.
Glancing around at the other sleeping men who were just dark, large forms spread throughout the room, Zander sat up and yanked his jeans toward him. His phone slid from the back pocket, the vibration louder as the cell was freed from its constraints.
Glancing at the screen as he picked it up, Zander’s eyes widened. Tommy. What could make his foreman call him before the sun was up?
Easing quickly from the bed, Zander answered the call, but didn’t speak. He held the phone to his ear and padded quietly from the large bunkhouse, down the stairs, and onto the deck. A brisk breeze picked up around him and he hoped Hannah or anyone else wouldn’t find him in his boxer shorts.
Once he got a safe distance from the bunk room, he lifted the phone to his ear. “Tommy? What’s going on?” Even though he was far enough away, he didn’t raise his voice too loud. Some words didn’t need to carry. He searched around him for signs of wakefulness and the lights on in the main house worried him. Who was up and where would they be right then? On their way outside?
“Sorry to call so early, sir. Lenze got in a fight with Nathan in town at The Bar. I’m not sure what it was about. Nathan is refusing to come back and the sheriff is threatening to lock him up. Lenze is pretty banged up and the other hands are upset.” Tommy sighed, dropping the tone of his voice. “Look, sir, I’m good at my job, I am, but the men know you’re not here. There’s more control over them when you are. They respect you. I know what you’re going to say. Yeah, they respect me, but not as much as they respect you. It would be better if you were here, sir. I’m not sure Silver Spoons would benefit from you being gone another two to four weeks.” A tremor in Tommy’s voice gave away how nervous he’d been to say something. Of course, he had to be thinking about it for a while.
The reality was Zander had other responsibilities and while his dreams involved his happiness, he had other people he was responsible for and a large ranch to run. It wasn’t fair what he was doing to Tommy or the men.
And he knew it. Why would Nathan cause problems now? He’d been so solid and stable. Zander had to choose to be there for his friend or be there for his friend’s sister. Either way, he was hurting someone, letting someone down.
Zander closed his eyes. He would have to sacrifice one dream for another.
Because wasn’t that what Silver Spoons was? His ultimate dream? He wanted a family to fill the home and make everything worth it. He wanted a family so bad, but he wouldn’t have anything to give them, if he let Silver Spoons be anything less than as important as it was.
An ache in his chest grew. Glancing at the house, he turned away from the glowing windows and one dark window in particular. He nodded, even though Tommy couldn’t see. “Alright, Tommy. I’m sorry to have done this to you. I’ll be there some time this afternoon. I’m leaving in the next hour. I’ll be back for good.” He didn’t let any of the disappointment or regret into his tone. There was no room for emotion in business, that was something he pushed and his men knew it.
“Thank you, sir. I’ll get the place ready for you and let Maria know you’ll be here for dinner.” The relief in Tommy’s voice was all the encouragement Zander needed that he was doing the right thing.
Why then did it feel so wrong?
Probably because everything in him wanted Hannah and what being a member of her family meant. The only problem was, by coming to claim Hannah and her family, he was forsaking his ranch family on Silver Spoons. One of the members of his ranch family was a member of Hannah’s family, too.
Large strides carried him up the stairs to the bunk house where he stealthily pulled on clothes from the day before and packed the rest of his things. Leaving the bed made and ready for the next ranch hand, Zander pulled his pack over his shoulder and tucked his hat on his head. In getting ready, he’d made a quick trip to the bathroom and brushed his teeth and washed his face.
The trip home would have to be fast. He couldn’t justify dallying on the highway or even waiting until Hannah was awake. Nathan had never pushed the boundaries of The Bar like Tommy had reported. He wasn’t usually aggressive and the new display worried Zander.
What had happened to make Nathan lose his cool?
The thud of Zander’s boots on the wooden floor were muffled as he shifted his weight more to the toe of his feet. He ignored the pull of the bunk house kitchen, just for one glance inside to cement memories of Hannah in his heart.
Reaching his truck, he tossed his pack in the front seat and started the engine. The loud thrum of the diesel motor bounced back at him from the wall of the barn. While his rig warmed up, he made the walk to the back of the house.
Ignore the garden, Zander. There’s nothing there for you. But he couldn’t help continually glancing toward Hannah’s room. Her window was open just a couple inches and he could whisper inside to wake her up.
And for what? To tell her he was leaving? To say goodbye? To tell her the truth about who and what he was and that the reason he was leaving was because Nathan was causing a ruckus back at Zander’s ranch? No. He’d rather let her rest. He’d leave a message with Drake and hopefully that would let her down gently. He didn’t deserve to say goodbye, no matter how much it hurt.
Lights glowing in the kitchen, pulled Zander closer to the back door. Drake was probably up getting ready for a busy day on the back pasture. Opening the screen door, Zander took a deep breath and knocked softly on the heavy oak door.
He blinked back his regret. What he was doing was low and he probably wouldn’t get a second chance – not with Hannah or with the family. How had everything changed in moments
Something he could thank Nathan for.
He knocked once more, ducking his head as he realized he might be waking people up. He had to try to explain to Drake at the very least. He couldn’t explain to Hannah. Not right then. He couldn’t face what he was leaving behind.
Drake pulled open the door, a cup of coffee in his hand and no boots on his stockinged feed. “Zander, is everything alright?” He looked past Zander’s hat and then returned his searching gaze to Zander’s face.
“I have to go. There’s an emergency on my ranch and I can’t let my foreman deal with it. I’m sure you understand.” Zander stood there as himself, as Drake’s peer. “Thank you for giving me the chance to work here. Things were going as I’d hoped.”
Confused, Drake ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward. “I’m sorry. What? Your ranch? I don’t...”
“It’s a lot to go into, but I don’t really have the time right now.” He pulled out a card and handed it across to Drake who took it with questions in his eyes. Zander tapped the face of the card. “Tell Hannah, if she wants to find Nathan Rourke, he’s at the Silver Spoons Ranch, outside of Mersdin on this side of the border.” Zander lifted his chin.
Drake jerked his gaze to Zander’s face at the mention of his brother-in-law. “What do you know of Nate?” Suspicion darkened Drake’s trusting expression to one of questions and doubt.
“I know he’s worked for me just this side of a year.” Zander stepped back, ready to run from the ranch and everything he wanted so badly. He’d betrayed the family by holding the truth from them. He’d done this. He’d treated everything like a game instead of trying to help them. Zander didn’t know what it meant to be a family. He was about to lose all of his chances with the one he wanted.
Drake glanced back at the card, looking closer at the text. He raised his eyes back to Zander’s face. “Are you Alexander Strong?” Doubt and frustration colored Drake’s face a ruddier shade of tan.
“Alexander Strong the Third. I usually go by Alex but since my father died, that’s been changing to Zander.” He shook his head, as the full extent of his duplicitous actions reared up and screamed in his face. “I know I lied by omission on more things than I have a right to claim. I justified the secrets when you didn’t ask me for my last name and my foreman never used my name when you spoke.”
Drake studied Zander, disbelief turning the sides of his mouth down. After a moment, he tucked his chin, piercing Zander with his gaze. “You think Hannah’s going to want anything to do with you after this? She’s not. You lied to her. She’s been hurt enough. You need to stand up and tell her yourself about your lies. I don’t want any part in this.” Drake shook his head, shoving the card toward Zander.
Zander held up his hand, turning pleading eyes back to the brother-in-law he wouldn’t have now. “No, man, you don’t get it. I thought I knew what I wanted when I came here. I thought I knew what love was... but the more I learned about Hannah, about you guys, the more I realized I don’t know anything.” He reached out and grasped Drake’s hand, smashing the card into his palm. “I would have really liked to know you better, brother. I know Nathan and he’s... if the rest of you are anything like him, you have one heckuva family.” He swallowed past the tightening in his throat. “I wanted what the Trails represent. I wanted that in my life. I was willing to do anything to get it, even lie. I’m sorry.”
Truth registered on Drake’s face as tears shone in his eyes. He grimaced, blinking. “You know him? You really see him?” Reaching up, he pushed his fingers over his eyelids, sniffing.
“Yeah, I know him. He works for me. We’re drinking buddies down at The Bar. He’s family.” Zander offered a half-smile filled with apologies, knowing they wouldn’t help, because nothing was going to assuage his loss, why should he expect anything would help Drake?
“Tell him... tell Nate his family misses him.” Drake swallowed on the halting words. “We want him to come home.”
“I got it. And just so you know? The Montana Trail cousins are all Nathan talks about.” He turned away, letting the screen door close softly behind him. Regret blanketed him in a chilly embrace as he walked to his truck.
Zander was leaving behind his opportunities, not just for a family but for a love like Nathan spoke about. What was he going to go back and say to his friend?
What would Drake tell Hannah?
How would he ever make it up to himself? The loss of Hannah was one he was going to feel long into the twilight of his life.