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Zander
The drive was uneventful. Zander’s truck cab was filled with regret and anger and by sheer force of will he made it to Silver Spoons Ranch shortly before dinner.
He’d missed his home with its wrought iron archway over the drive and sweeping plains which stretched acres and acres on either side of the drive. The velvety dark sky was so large it pressed upon the earth with its vastness, only feeling freeing when one was on the back of a horse and riding.
Zander had the whole drive home to wallow in his regret and everything he was leaving behind. He didn’t even fully comprehend what could have been with Hannah because he hadn’t explored it fully. There hadn’t been enough time to really search anything with her. All he knew was that his heart ached and he hadn’t realized what that would feel like. No one had warned him what falling in love would be like.
He was going to regret his move the rest of his life. Maybe she would come... but it wouldn’t be for him. She didn’t want to be with anyone who would leave. She believed everyone left. And could he blame her? He’d promised he wouldn’t leave and...
He’d left. He’d committed the cardinal sin in her eyes and there would be no forgiveness for him. Forget the fact that he’d lied about who he was and everything else. Dang, he’d even lied about her brother and what he knew. No, liars didn’t deserve second chances. He didn’t deserve anything from her.
Parking his rig and turning off the engine, Zander climbed from the cab. If nothing else, at least he’d be glad to climb into his own kind-sized bed that night. Working as a hand had taught him a few things and he’d be making some adjustments for his own workers to improve their experience.
A crashing sound coming from his large barn drew his attention. He left his pack in the truck and strode across the drive.
Tommy rushed out to meet him, consternation tight in his weathered skin. “I’m glad you’re back, sir. He hasn’t stopped since the sheriff released him to me.”
He must be Nathan.
All of his crushing disappointment zeroed on one man. Zander held up his hand. “I’ve got this now, Tommy. Thank you. I’m sorry for the trouble. It won’t happen again.” He clapped his foreman on the back without breaking stride. Crossing the gravel drive, Zander pushed open one of the double doors to the barn.
The front interior of the barn looked like a tornado had passed through with hay bales torn into pieces and spread haphazardly around the normally swept floor. Gold hay dust drifted through the air, disturbed only by rapid movement.
Nathan had pushed over a saddle rest at some point. He leaned on its hind legs protruding up into the air while he swigged from a bottle of dark amber colored liquor. The label faced his palm and the level of the contents was the only thing clearly seen. Judging from the line, Nathan had been at his destructive rampage for a while.
“Hey!” Zander yelled. He stormed inside his now trashed barn area. Extra hats he had available for visitors had been flung around the floor, more straw bales stacked on the far side had been ripped into and strewn about. Twine and tack lay twisted together at the base of the closet whose doors were still open, one half-ripped off its hinges. He tightened his jaw, clenching his fists at his sides. “What do you think you’re doing? This is my place, not yours. What is your problem?” That he even had to remind Nathan of any of that rankled.
Who did Nathan Rourke think he was?
Friends didn’t do that and employees who wanted to keep their jobs didn’t do that either. Least of all, a decent human being didn’t destroy another man’s property.
Nathan dropped to the bottle to his side, taking a deep breath before turning his enraged glare toward Zander. He stood from his perch on the legs and stepped forward, thrusting his finger toward the textured cement floor. “Let’s not be hypocrites, today, man. Were you there? Did you go to Bella Acres?” He shook his head, disbelief marring his features. “Don’t lie to me, Alex.”
The truth would come out eventually. Isn’t that how the saying went? Zander had hoped he wouldn’t have to tell Nathan anything until he’d won over Hannah and he was marrying her. Zander could be the knight in shining armor for the whole family and present Nathan to the Montana Trails at the wedding. He’d had it all planned out.
But none of that was possible now. Not anymore. Thanks to Nathan and his uncontrollable temper.
Zander lifted his chin, narrowing his eyes. “I did. Why? What does it have to do with you? You wrote them off. All of them.” He hadn’t been called Alex in a few weeks and it brought him back to who he really was. What his real role was. He didn’t ask how Nathan knew where Zander was. Nathan would spill everything, if Zander gave him enough time.
“Tommy said you were ‘expanding’. A buddy of mine from a couple towns over let me know of a call-out about a rare studding option I thought for sure you’d want to know about. So I called your cell yesterday morning and some guy answered.” His lips pressed tight together and he shook his head, his eyes rolling in betrayal. “Some guy.” He huffed humorlessly. “Drake. Drake Benson answered. He didn’t recognize my voice, but I did his. I asked what your role was there at Bella Acres and he said you worked as a hand.”
Zander was speechless. He’d only left his phone unattended for a few times and one of them had been in the commons area before heading out for a day of work. He’d been outside with Hannah, in the garden. He hadn’t thought anything about it.
He lifted a hand and let it fall weakly back to his side.
“Why would you need to work there? You own most of eastern Montana and some of North Dakota. I mean...” Nathan stated the obvious as if Zander was a little child being called to task. Nathan looked down at the bottle in his hand and then back to Zander. “What were you doing there, man? I don’t...”
He was clearly drunk and Zander could see that. Just how drunk Nathan was would determine how much of the conversation he remembered. Zander stepped forward. “Do I pay you enough? Do you feel neglected? We aren’t friends, Nathan, not conventional friends anyway. We ride a fine line between friends, employer and employee, and I had hoped one day we would be family. I wanted to push all of the other stuff aside and just be brothers.”
“I don’t have anyone left in my family to marry and trust me, I’m not an option.” Nathan snorted, lifting the bottle for another drink and then slowly lowering it. “What are you talking about? Why aren’t you making sense?”
Zander closed his eyes for a moment and then pierced Nathan with his gaze. “I was close, Nathan. I probably only needed a few more weeks and you ruined even that for me. You’re not satisfied destroying your own bridges with your family, you have to overturn everyone else’s.” Zander tried not to let his anger consume him, but the frustrations from the last twenty-four-hours were getting to him and he’d let Hannah down because of what? Nathan’s inability to control himself?
“What are you talking about? You’re not tied to my family. Did you go there to meet someone? They’re all married, Alex. Everyone except Hannah and she’s too young... wait, a minute.” Nathan’s eyes widened, he motioned toward Zander with the top of the bottle. “Not... Hannah. What did you do? She’s just a little girl, man.”
Zander shook his head, his anger fading to sadness. “No, she’s far from little anymore. I fell for her. She’s nothing like you described. She’s beautiful, spunky, strong, and determined. I fell for her and your family which I didn’t even get to see very much of but which I could feel the draw of love from.”
Nathan’s anger reached the volcanic point and he rushed Zander, grabbing him by the shirt lapels and pushing him until Zander’s back scratched against the round, splintery wood of the rope post.
Zander didn’t flinch, turning his head to the side, he grunted. “What? You can’t handle honesty?” It felt good to boldly declare the truth. To be honest and forthright. He hadn’t been able to be honest long enough to feel like he might have forgotten how to be.
Tears in Nathan’s red-rimmed eyes hinted at more than just an inability to handle the truth. Holding his forearm across Zander’s upper chest, he puffed, gasping against his own pain. “That’s my family. Mine.”
Zander didn’t fight his friend. Whether he ever got another chance at being a member of the Trails or not, Nathan was as good as his brother. Zander needed to set him straight. The man deserved it. He twisted his face until it was squared with Nathan’s, an inch separating their noses. “Then act like it. Go back to them. You’ll always have a job here, if you want it, but they need you. You need them.”
Nathan jerked away, wiping at his face and breathing heavily. “You don’t understand. You don’t get it.”
“Enough is enough. You think I haven’t watched you drink yourself hopeless this last year or so as you’ve worked for me? I haven’t said anything before now because I liked having you for a drinking buddy as I wallowed in my own regrets and loneliness. Even though I lost Hannah, I’m not going to let this family down.” Zander thrust a finger at Nathan’s chest. “You’re my family, man. You and this crew here at Silver Spoons. You don’t want to go back? At least face what you’ve given up and move on.”
“I can’t. You don’t understand. I’ve been gone too long.” Nathan shook his head, pressing his lips resolutely together.
Zander stepped closer to his friend, his boots scratching over the straw-covered concrete. “It’s never too late. Go back.” He reached out and clapped a hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “Look, you can do it as a favor for me, put in a good word with Hannah and she might forgive me in a thousand years or so.” His sad self-deprecating laugh didn’t fool either of them.
At the question in Nathan’s eyes, Zander twisted his lips to the side in a smile he didn’t feel. “I’m a liar. I said I would look into finding you when I knew where you were the whole time. She didn’t even know me as my real name. I told her I was Zander.”
“But...” Nathan’s shoulder slumped forward and he sighed again. “Neither of us are good enough for the Trails.” He lifted the bottle and drained the last quarter-cup of contents. “I’ll be gone by morning.”
“Why? You’re quitting already?” Zander didn’t want to lose Nathan. He was a hard worker and while Tommy was his foreman, the older man would want to move on some day. The other men looked to Nathan for how to do things. He had solid experience in ranching jobs, but he wasn’t level-headed enough to lead. Not right now.
Squinting at Zander, Nathan licked his lips. “You’re not firing me?”
“Nope. Nice try, though. I know how you work, Rourke. Trying to get fired so you have an excuse to run. Tell you what, you want to leave? You’re welcome to. I won’t fight you. I’ll even make sure your pay is ready and waiting.” Zander leaned close and lowered his voice. “But you won’t be happy anywhere else. At least not right now.”
Nathan nodded slowly, as if processing what was happening was taking more brain cells than what were awake.
Zander snapped his fingers as if he’d just remembered something. “Oh, and can you, please, fix the problem with Lenze? He likes you and it wasn’t his fault that happened. I’m not sure what sparked it, but I’m sure there’s a resolution in there somewhere.” Zander claimed the empty bottle from Nathan. “Since I’m giving orders, lay off the sauce, too.”
Nathan rubbed his free hand over his face. He blinked, taking in the destruction of the barn. He hadn’t sobered up completely, but he had snapped out of his alcohol-induced rage enough to see what he’d done. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t... I’ll get this cleaned up.”
Zander nodded. “Thanks. Sleep this off, first. I don’t need you putting hats in the horse troughs.” He offered a half-cocked grin and turned back to the house.
Hannah was right. No one would care for your home the way you would. Unfortunately, Zander had had to make the decision to return and protect his home or stay and protect his heart.
What a choice.