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Arlana foolishly thought co-authoring a novel with her baby sister, Jaira, was a good idea. She wrote during the few and far between free moments she was granted during the day, writing into the evening and lately until dawn. Desperation fueled her passion to finish the novel as swiftly as possible, already looking into publishing. If Jaira would co-author, the novel could be completed in half the time. Besides, after all the years of helping her sister hone her writing skills, it was the least Jaira could do. They would split the royalties and in turn, help each other to achieve that ever-elusive "better future."
If Arlana hadn't been quite so exhausted, she may have seen the writing on the wall when Jaira sent her texts complaining she didn't like seeing how much Arlana had written during the night. Arlana, of course, brushed off the complaints. She didn't have the luxury of sleeping in - or sleeping very much for that matter. Living in constant fear with a weight of shame on her shoulders, she was beyond determined. Once they were free at last, then maybe she would be able to sleep. Jaira simply didn't understand her desperation.
Jaira was changing. They had always been close. In fact, Jaira had copied her eldest sister in everything for as long as Arlana could remember. First with crushes on boys when she was far too young to even notice the opposite sex, to aspiring to be an author, and even celebrating Passover. There really wasn't anything Arlana ever did that Jaira didn't mirror. Arlana hadn't decided if she should be flattered or annoyed that her sibling chose to copy-cat her every move.
In contrast, she and Adelaide were far from close. They went years without speaking to each other. Adelaide had even blocked her on Facebook for over a year simply because Arlana had left her church, moving over two hours away. For that, Adelaide was quick to inform her elder sibling, Arlana was headed straight for hell. Yes, tensions were high between the siblings and since Aziel's birth things were worse. Her parents drove past Arlana's home each year to visit Adelaide, ignoring the grandchild they chose to never acknowledge. The pain was incredibly deep, Arlana's heart breaking for her little boy who would never know what it was to have loving grandparents. Rejection was his portion and it tore apart Arlana's soul.
Adelaide and Jaira were growing closer and the truth was, Arlana didn't mind at all. She was far too busy to care and yet...was that really the truth? It left a bitter taste in her mouth that Jaira never stuck up for Aziel. Why couldn't she speak to Adelaide now that they were so close and advocate for her nephew? Perhaps she could speak to their parents and ask them to show mercy toward Aziel. Regardless of his skin color and his mother's sins, he was innocent. Could they try to love him? Or at least come to see him - even just once? Jaira kept silent treating Arlana as though she were in the wrong.
"Today is the Sabbath," Arlana responded to her sister's irate text message. "I don't want to get into this today..."
Her sister had imitated her once again, observing the Jewish holidays and of course, the Sabbath Day. Like Arlana, she only ate Kosher. Arlana thought that text message was sufficient - Jaira would understand the Sabbath is from sundown to sundown and Arlana was choosing peace.
Jaira wouldn't let it rest, choosing to pick a fight with her sister at the wrong moment. Jorken was in a rage and Aziel was his target. Panicking, Arlana defended her son as her phone beeped in quick succession. Jorken had a violent streak and anything could provoke him. This was not the time to be distracted as he lunged at Arlana, twisting her arm backwards till she heard a cracking pop, pain searing up her arm.
Aziel took one look at his mother and began to cry, lunging at Jorken's legs. Always Arlana's champion, but it wasn't his responsibility to protect her.
"Go upstairs!" Arlana bit her lip until it bled as Jorken continued to attack her.
At last Jorken seemed to forget why he was so angry, shoving Arlana away before shuffling back to the couch and picking up his tablet.
****
"IT'S OKAY, I'M HERE..." Arlana reached out for her child, holding him close. "One day maybe God will hear our prayer and we can move. Would you like to live on a farm? I think that would be wonderful. Maybe we can have goats. What kind of animal would you like to have on our farm?"
Aziel blinked back tears. It wasn't the first time mother and son discussed their imaginary farm. In fact, Arlana had even decorated his bedroom to look like a farmhouse. It was the closest they had gotten to their dreams coming true.
"I'd like to have a pony just for me..."
Arlana forced a smile, her tears spilling onto her son's curly hair her heart far away as more texts came in quick succession.
"Where the hell are you?" Jaira swore.
No reply.
Arlana stopped listening to her son's dreams as she skimmed through the stream of text messages she had missed. Jaira was in a rage. The first thing Arlana thought of was their novel. She wouldn't put it past Jaira to delete it out of spite.
"I'll be right back," Arlana called over her shoulder, running down the hall to where she had left her laptop.
If she could quickly copy the manuscript, all those hours of writing would not be lost. She couldn't lose everything - not when she was this close to being granted freedom.
Arlana's hands were trembling as she tried to text, "I'm busy" - the song of her life and a complete understatement. Give her at least an hour and she would have the entire manuscript copied. Instead, her cell phone bleeped notifications of texts her sister was sending at an impossible rate, swearing like a sailor.
Arlana grimaced. Just over an hour ago, Jaira was a pious, Passover-observing Messianic believer, but one would never know it reading the texts streaming in. Had Arlana been foolish in assuming the cheetah had changed its spots? She didn't have to wait long...at the end of her swearing tirade, Jaira texted, "I'll f'n sue you for publishing my private thoughts."
What?! The book wasn't ready to be published yet and she was just needing time to make a second copy. Alrana wouldn't be publishing their shared book now without some serious editing. The plan of helping each other out had been thrown out the window.
Instead of responding, Arlana turned on her innocent son who had followed her. He was clinging to her neck as she sat on the corner of her bed attempting to reply to the stream of hostile texts streaming in.
"Back off!" she snapped at her precious child.
Tears instantly flooded his deep, chocolate brown eyes.
Arlana flung the phone onto her dresser, gathering her sobbing child into her arms. How she detested herself more than she could ever imagine was possible! She never used that cell phone again or penned another word, her manuscript abandoned. The pain was just too great.
As for Jaria, well, who knows what happened. God knew Arlana couldn't handle any more drama than what was already on her plate. She would wait for her sister to write and apologize for once. Arlana was always the one to eat humble pie and apologize. No more. It was Jaira's turn. Arlana hadn't been in the wrong.
Jaira never apologized and neither of her sisters spoke to her again.
****
SPRING ROLLED INTO summer. Arlana's parents visited, meeting Aziel for the first time. Not a word was said about the fact they had only now decided their grandson would be a part of their life. There was no asking for forgiveness. Just awkwardness. Arlana was grateful for any attention her son received, but the truth hurt deep.
Sheila unlocked the trunk of their small car, pointing to the stacks of books Arlana had shipped to Jaira one by one over the years.
"Jaira sent them back."
That was it. Just four words but they reopened a raw wound.
Jorken carried them into the house, lowering his voice so only Arlana could hear, "This must have cost a fortune in postage."
He didn't know half of how much it had cost.
Arlana looked away - she didn't need her parents reporting her reaction back to the source, so she pulled on her "dead-pan-face" and enjoyed the remainder of their brief visit.
Jaira had clearly forgotten all the letters, books and other tokens of the sisterly love that had been sent over the years while the rest of the family had all but forgotten her when Jaira was the black sheep.
Choking back the tears, Arlana poured her heart and soul into being the best mother she could be for her son. After all, it was Adelaide who had said, "We will always be sisters, but my family is my priority."
Adelaide was correct - Aziel was her priority. She was so blessed to have him and as for Jorken, well, she continued to endure. It was at night though, when Aziel was asleep and Jorken at work that the anguish washed over her, fresh and raw. Truth be told, Arlana missed her sister. Missed their chats, their working on a novel together, and definitely missed finding a letter in the mail. For months now, the mailbox was as empty as her heart.