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Arlana wasn't a fool. Any resolution she made had enduring consequences on her son's life. There was no escaping that ripple effect. This, however, was much more serious as she was at a crossroads and it was their souls that were on the line.
Burned by Christianity was an understatement. Indifferent, they'd turned her off indefinitely. What was she to do? The black sheep of the family, yet, she was also the lost lamb no Shepherd was looking for.
Lachlan had left before dawn and as for Josiah, she wasn't sure where he was. Rivkah watched Aziel while Arlana walked back to her farm. Chores wouldn't wait.
Gravel shifted beneath her feet, but Arlana scarcely noticed, her heart wounded. Where was she to turn? She needed to lead her son, yet how could she when she wasn't sure which way to turn? She needed time, a lot of time to sort through her thoughts.
Rivkah was wonderful to take Aziel under her wing, giving Arlana space she desperately needed.
"What am I to do?" Arlana asked the breeze.
Christianity, for Arlana, had transformed since the days of the book of Acts. The fire was long gone, now grasping at straws of the glory days. How long had it been since there was a revival like the Great Awakening? Legends of God moving were just that, stories. They were anecdotes of days gone by that most Christians had long disregarded, leaving in its place high and mighty judgemental people who professed to represent Jesus. Is that what she truly wanted for her son?
Love. Elusive love. Arlana's own family had turned their backs on her when they discovered she was pregnant with Aziel. Had not Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more" to the woman caught in adultery?
Stroking a chestnut horse, Arlana was determined her son would not grow up to be like this. Aziel would be taught to bestow mercy and in doing so, would exhibit the true heart of Christ. Arlana wasn't giving up on Jesus at all, just on the religion who claimed Him as their leader.
Clucking softly to the mare, she held out a blade of grass, waiting for the soft muzzle to eat the sweet offering from her fingers.
"There's a good girl," Arlana murmured softly, inhaling the scent of her horse and the country breeze. Here, Arlana was free.
****
JOSIAH STEPPED BESIDE her, his eyes twinkling. "I was looking for you," his voice was low. Arlana gazed up into Josiah's eyes. She had been so overwhelmed after the service last night she hadn't taken the time to explore her emotions, or just how much she missed seeing him. Josiah possessed a subdued refinement. Peace. Everything her turbulent heart lacked.
Josiah discerned the response to his proximity, the flushing of her cheeks and the fluttering pulsation in her throat. The attraction was unquestionably mutual. He was as confident as could be that he was making the correct decision. Hadn't Abraham's servant brought Rebekah to Isaac?
"Come with me," he held out his hand for Arlana. Suddenly flushed, she slipped her hand in his.
****
ARLANA WOULD BE A LIAR if she said she didn't daydream of Josiah, wondering what it would be like to be held in his arms or taste his kiss. That, however, was her secret and something she never would have shared with another soul. Josiah appeared as though he were a mind reader as he led her back to his house and up the twisting driveway. Nudging the door open, he drew her towards him, halting in the doorway.
"Do you love me?" he lowered his voice for her ears alone.
The question was nothing she could have anticipated, but she already knew the answer. Josiah was good with her son, and he proved he was the complete opposite of Jorken. It might not be bells and whistles or something you might read in a romance novel, but yes, Arlana loved the man before her.
Unfortunately, it didn't matter. She had "baggage" and he could do much better. Could he ever return her love? Arlana was a Gentile to boot. There was no point entertaining these thoughts - thoughts of something that could never be.
"Do you love me?" He asked the question again, his voice was huskier.
Was she so transparent? Why was he asking? Embarrassed, she lowered her head.
Pulling Arlana against him, he tipped her chin, his mouth tasting her gasp.
She clung to his ripped biceps as he caused her world to whirl out of orbit, unaware when he raised her off the ground, her legs instinctively wrapping around his hips. The kiss was unending and more passionate than she had ever experienced.
Josiah cradled her in his arms as he climbed the stairs, skipping two at a time. How he had wanted to hold her last night! Reaching his bedroom door he raised his head, knowing her answer.
Gazing deep within her eyes he murmured, "Be mine and mine alone...."
A moment of weakness.
Arlana drew his head back down, kissing him again and again as he revealed how much he adored her...or was it desire? It didn't matter at that moment, scarcely aware of the bed protesting beneath them or the muffled groaning of the springs.
Josiah was gentle, as tender as though she were a porcelain doll.
Arlana stroked his cornsilk blonde hair as he fumbled at first, clearly a virgin. She was his first...if only she too had waited for him as well, and then her brain was too hazy to think as Josiah caused them both to soar to new altitudes of pleasure.
Limbs entangled together, Josiah gazed down at the woman in his arms, his expression serious although his eyes were still hazy with passion.
"I love you," he murmured, his breathing still ragged.
Brain clearing, Arlana regretted almost immediately what she had done. What she had permitted herself to do? She couldn't even look Josiah in the eye acknowledging she had been the cause of his sinning.
If God had any notion of ever forgiving and restoring her, she had just royally blown it.
Arlana tugged on her dress as though Hell's flames were already licking her ankles. "I'm so sorry!" she moaned, not waiting for Josiah to get clothed as she reached for the bedroom doorknob.
"Wait!" Josiah reached her side in one leap off the bed. His skin glistened with sweat, breathing still laboured.
"Oh Josiah..." tears welled up in her eyes as he caught her wrist in his strong hand, pulling her against him, his strength her undoing.
"Did I hurt you? I didn't mean..." he intuitively released her arm, drawing her against his chest.
He cradled her as she cried against his shoulder, yet wouldn't tell him why. Josiah's hand tenderly slid over her body, feeling for where she might be in pain. He really was new to this, concerned he might have been overenthusiastic although he had made a point to be gentle.
"Talk to me," he implored, his voice strangled with concern, "Where are you hurt?"
Arlana shook her head, Josiah entirely missing the point, "I didn't mean to make you sin. Oh, Josiah, I didn't want to sin again either. I'm such a wretch!" A fresh torrent of tears cascaded down her cheeks.
Josiah bit back laughter, "Sin? No, My Darling, I made you my wife. You are mine now."
Arlana's tear-filled eyes widened. What?
"Come and I'll explain better," Josiah realized he had been more in a rush to get to the good part than take the necessary time to explain why...
In one fluid movement, he swept her back up into his arms, carrying her back to his bed. Cradling her in his arms, he brought her fingers up to his lips.
"My Love, you are my heart's desire and are loved more than you can comprehend," he endeavoured to put her heart at peace. "I have made you my bride according to my people's ancient customs." He kissed her thoroughly, claiming every inch of her mouth, "You are my wife."
"Fill me," she begged against his neck, yet even after she'd been filled to overflowing, she still felt empty - a gnawing emptiness and frost in her soul that she couldn't shake and no amount of passion could satisfy.
Lowering his head, their mouths merged again in a waltz as old as time as he demonstrated his devotion, again and again, ceasing only when they detected the screen door swinging shut below.
No longer alone Arlana pulled away, "I really need to go."
"I love you," Josiah breathed before reaching for their clothes.
Leading Arlana down the stairs, both knew nothing would ever be the same.