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Lachlan called Arlana as soon as he was able.
"I won't be able to get back as soon as I had thought," he stretched out on his hotel bed, "But I'm still looking into your situation and what can be done."
"Thank you so much. Honestly, I'm afraid Jaira will make a move too soon and my parents or Adelaide will discover what's going on. Amy, my uncle's girlfriend, is urging me to contact the police asap."
"Slow down Lass," Lachlan's Scottish lilt soothed her heart, "This is a lot of stress for you. Let's deal with one issue at a time. I think you should make sure you have your ducks lined up before you get the police involved."
"I agree. That is a wise decision. I'm going to feel terrible if I'm the reason my dad is imprisoned. I just can't bear it, yet the thought of seeing him again makes me sick. I can't sort out my feelings now, let alone in court."
Tears caught in her throat, so she abruptly changed the topic.
She felt as though she knew Lachlan so much better than the man who said she was his wife. Arlana cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder, sitting on the couch, her expanding stomach a constant reminder of Josiah. She still needed to get some maternity clothes, struggling to hide her condition with her snug clothing. So many decisions...
"Rivkah and Shaul were here tonight. I'm going to have to tell them...tell Josiah about the baby. It's getting much harder to hide my condition. I just don't know how to. Everything is such a mess now. I don't know where to turn and I can feel my spirit dying if that makes sense."
Silence.
"I understand, but you need to talk with Josiah. Trust me, okay?"
****
AMY HAD STOPPED TALKING to Arlana within a week of the funeral. Realizing Arlana was dragging her feet in going to the police, she didn't hesitate to cut off all ties.
"I need to create a stable home environment and better myself so I can have a fighting chance should this go to court," Arlana explained, but it fell on deaf ears.
"She is probably just trying to help but is being too pushy. All things happen in their own time. Right now you need to focus on your own little one. That's your priority. Just know that when the timing is right, we'll be here to support you. We are all ready and willing to testify against your dad," Samantha advised in a responding email.
Jaira blamed Arlana for everything, alternating between rage, then flat out denying any of this could be possible. The more Arlana tried, the angrier Jaira got.
Arlana took it hard, their sibling relationship apparently over. She had nothing to lose, the last of her family creating an insurmountable divide between them. Arlana's grief was palpable.
Arlana turned toward the full-length mirror, smoothing her white blouse and floor-length burgundy skirt with her hands. Turning to examine her reflection, she was satisfied she looked every inch the part of an Orthodox Jewess. She may have looked the part outwardly, yet inside, she was all but dead.
Stepping out of her bedroom, she straightened her shoulders, ready to face her husband and his family.
Josiah had barely spoken to her since she had returned, making her wonder who was avoiding whom, but now, he stood before her, his eyes solemn.
"We need to talk, Arlana."
Her heart constricted. Faithless, yet she worried how much he knew. How much had he been told? Had Lachlan betrayed her trust? Could he read secrets in her tear-swollen eyes?
"I need to ask for your forgiveness for what we did...for what I did," he rephrased it, taking the entire blame for their actions months before.
Arlana raised an eyebrow. What triggered this? It had only been three months...was this his way of rejecting her? She lowered her eyes, sorting through tangled emotions, but it was impossible.
"I did not intend to sin or cause you to sin either. My conscience was clear, but when I was away..." He paused, choosing his words carefully.
Arlana misunderstood as he brought up a very raw wound - his chosen absence.
Josiah reached for her hand, "I was in Israel...." he started again, "I needed wisdom and I wasn't sure how to proceed with our situation. Shaul showed me in no uncertain terms that although my motives and beliefs were right, I went about it the wrong way. In doing so, the act..." he stammered again, wishing he knew the perfect way to say this, "Our marriage is valid, but it is not righteous. We sinned."
That's it. Two words.
"I want to ask you for your forgiveness as I have sought Adonai's."
Was he turning his back on their marriage? Tossing her aside?
She really couldn't blame him.
Aware she carried the fruit of their passion, Arlana nodded. She was sorry too, for so many things, but forgiveness was not her portion.
She withdrew her hand from Josiah's, his touch searing her hand - or maybe it was just her shame, her conscience screaming from the rooftops.
She stood, finally allowing the fabric of her clothes to fall naturally, exposing the result of that fateful afternoon entwined in each other's arms when Josiah had decided to make her his.
She really didn't need to explain, but continued before she lost all bravado,
"We are going to have a baby," her voice cold as ice, as frigid as her soul.
An expression she couldn't read washed over his face, but she ignored it, determined to continue.
"I'm guessing it won't be for long. I wouldn't put it past God to smite this baby down too," memories of King David's punishment haunting her, "So you don't have to worry or be burdened by a reminder of our transgressions."
Each word dripped with bitterness as she turned from him, eyes searching for Aziel. She just wanted to run and hide - the sooner the better.
Josiah stepped in front of her.
"Arlana, there is mercy, don't you know that? Do you believe that mercy can cover judgment?"
"No. I've never seen it."
Josiah frowned, but his expression was soft.
"Yom Kippur is in three days. It is the Day of Atonement, the holiest day of the year. You will join us, won't you?"
He expected her answer to say yes - expected his telling her of Yom Kippur to explain everything, but it didn't.
"I am not avoiding you or ignoring you. We just need to prepare our souls. It is of utmost importance to seek God now," Josiah unknowingly twisted barbs into her heart with each word.
She nodded, "I understand," but she didn't. At least the understanding only stayed in her head.
"Come Aziel," she called for her son, then stepped out the door, turning her back on Josiah and his family until she could sort through her tangled web of emotions.
****
MOTHER AND SON WALKED together down a gravel road, rocks sloshing with the rhythmic waves of the sun-glistened lake, pausing at the mailbox on the edge of the road before going home.
One letter.
Arlana tore open the envelope as soon as she crossed the street, Aziel running ahead. She held the loose-leaf sheet in her hand as she slowly walked up the winding, gravel driveway.
Dear Arlana,
I was surprised to receive your letter. I have to say I was disappointed when I read it and no, I haven't shared it with your dad yet. I just hope you have made the right decision.
To be honest, I wish you had stuck it out. Marriage is not easy. Yes, I realize you are not legally married, but every couple struggles and in your case, well, I worry about Jorken. He is a soul. What if his blood is on your hands because you walked out on him?
Remember how Isaac and Rebekah were married as soon as she entered his tent? Well, you were in Jorken's tent for what? Six years? I believe in the eyes of God you are just as married as your dad and I.
Something to think about.
Are you absolutely certain you are doing the right thing?
Regardless, I am glad to hear you are both doing well. We will save up and try to come down this summer. Maybe your sisters can join us so we can see everyone at once. Would you have enough room?
Say hi to Aziel for us and give him a big hug.
We love you,
Mom (Grandma)
Sheila's letter dug deep within Arlana's soul, the words on paper a mirrored reflection of the battle within Arlana's conscience.
Arlana sat on the porch swing, watching Aziel chase a butterfly, her eyes blurred with tears.
Her heart wrestled with the sudden darkness for answers, and if not answers, at least peace.
There was no escaping the wretchedness overwhelming her. No matter what she did, someone was going to be disappointed.
How could she live with herself?
The shadows of despair wafted around her, then sunk their deadly talons deep within her heart.