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Arlana adjusted, trying to find a comfortable position as she sent an email to her cousin Maxine. The estranged cousins had kept in contact ever since the funeral. In fact, she was closer to her aunts than she had ever been as well. The funeral had changed everything, and in a lot of aspects, for the better. There was a closer bond between her and her estranged relatives, a commonality they never had before.
"You'll never guess what?" Arlana typed quickly, filling the email with details of her day's adventure - the visit to the cemetery. "I am attaching a picture of the grave. Oh, and a corresponding document I was able to find. It's in French, so would you mind translating it for me? All I recognize is 'Catholique.'"
Each record on her father's side bore the same word. For generations. Now, more than ever, she understood her dad's burden for Catholics and why for as long as she could remember, he had tried to evangelize them, telling all who would listen to the truth of the Gospel. Now it only left a bitter taste in her mouth. What a joke. They were better men and women than him.
Hypocrisy runs deep.
Within seconds Maxine replied. "Oh, this is incredible! Thank you so much for sharing. Yes, you are right, it says he was Catholic. The rest of the document says he was a farmer, but he died of Cardiac arrest....just like Grandma. Looks like it runs in the family eh?
You know...I can't wrap my mind around the fact my mom and your dad always says that all our relatives are in hell. It can't be. Seriously, do you honestly believe it is true?" Maxine was suddenly vulnerable, asking her cousin a question that bothered her, concerning spiritual matters. She continued, "What is the difference between Catholics and Christians? Seriously, think about it. They both go to church and listen to a man that stands up and reads from the Bible right? And then they tell the congregation what to do and everyone obeys. How is it any different? Arlana, I can't believe that our relatives are burning in hell while Christians who are just as bad or worse, sitting on their high horses in judgment, are making it to Heaven."
Arlana stared at the email for a long time, rereading each word. Maxine was a soul her family prayed for, but she had a point. She wasn't sure how to respond, worried that no matter what she said, she could tip the scale in either direction. Arlana didn't want her cousin's blood on her hands, but then again...
"I struggle with the same thoughts, Maxine. The only conclusion I have come to is that God is a just God and the judge of each of us as individuals. I don't believe we can know where our ancestors are especially if they never heard the Gospel. That's between them and God on Judgement Day.
I look at my grandfather who was by all accounts an evil man, and yet he was instrumental in leading three people in my family to God while everyone else is in Hell. It is mind-boggling. Yet then again, God made a donkey talk, so He could very easily use my grandfather to accomplish a greater end." Arlana paused, her spirit in knots as she wrote her eldest cousin, "I don't know. I guess that is my answer. I understand, trust me. I don't have the answer cuz I'm not there spiritually anymore. Everything I have ever believed has been turned upside down. Great, Great Grandpa truly loved God and followed after Him as best he knew how with the knowledge he had. He couldn't even read so how could he read the Bible for himself? How can I say he is in hell? I cannot. Out of him and I, it will be me who burns in the Lake of Fire. I have been much worse...."
Maxine replied instantly, her message short. "I refuse to believe my mother and your dad. They represent Christ right? But they sat back and let it happen. I don't want to have any part of that. I love God, but I would never want to be a Christian and say I am one of them. I think you understand where I am. So what would I call myself? Spiritual? I guess so eh? So yes, I am spiritual, because I will not deny God and I believe that Salvation is through Jesus. But no, I am not and will never be a Christian...
I am really glad we were able to talk after the funeral. I love you."
Arlana closed her laptop, resting her face in her hands.
****
JOSIAH COULDN'T BELIEVE she was gone. Arlana hadn't been seen in a few days and now he was truly worried.
"I need to drive Shaul to the airport," he paced the kitchen, restless, "But when I return I will not stop searching for Arlana and Aziel. I don't believe she would have just left. Where would she have gone? She doesn't drive..."
Rivkah wiped tears, reaching out to hug her son, "Oh Josiah, I am so worried," she choked back tears in vain, "Whatever could have happened to make her want to leave?"
Josiah blanched remembering their last conversation. Had he been too hard on her? He wasn't sure if he were to blame, but didn't have time to think it through. If they didn't hurry, Shaul would miss his flight.
They drove in silence, Josiah gripping the steering wheel till his knuckles blanched.
"I will find her," he spoke in faith turning toward Shaul, "Continue the preparations for the wedding. I will find her and get word to you as soon as I do. Let's continue with the plans..."
Shaul nodded, "You know what you must do. I am in complete agreement and will pray for you - for both of you."
"What happened?" Rivkah asked from the backseat, swiping at tears that spilled down her aged cheeks.
"I asked her forgiveness for..." He swallowed hard, "I repented and she said she understood and was sorry too. I thought the matter was settled. Then she told me," he glanced in the rearview mirror wondering if he should share that part with his mother. It would only add to her sorrow. He glanced at Shaul, then proceeded, "She told me we are expecting a baby and mentioned how God struck down King David's child saying I won't have to be burdened for long."
Shaul paled, turning to his brother, "Didn't you assure her the baby is a welcome blessing?"
"No," Josiah admitted, "I talked with her about mercy and how it covers judgment. I didn't mention the baby at all. I thought it was more important she understands God offers mercy when we repent..."
"I understand your reasoning son," Rivkah held her hand to her heart, "But she needed to see your mercy. The fact you didn't acknowledge the news may have confirmed her belief that Adonai has rejected her."
Josiah hadn't thought of that and the truth was, it was the furthest thing from his mind. He had been trying to keep in the right frame of mind for the Day of Atonement but was happy to hear the news. His concern for her soul had overshadowed everything else. Now all he was left with was regret.
He'd make it up to her when he found her.
"I have two grandchildren somewhere out there," Rivkah sighed, "You must find them and bring them home."
"I won't rest until I've found my family," Josiah's jaw clenched, determined to find his lost lambs.
****
"HAVE YOU SEEN ARLANA?" Josiah messaged Lachlan as soon as he returned home.
Lachlan's cell phone lit up, vibrating on the table as they had dinner together. He glanced down at his phone, quickly reading Josiah's message. Looking up at Arlana, he deleted the message, slipping his cell phone into his breast pocket. He had a promise to keep, and besides, he now understood her more than ever.
They worked well together, complemented each other.
"Arlana, do you know that I care for you? I love Aziel and would take care of the new baby as though it were my own. I would love nothing better than for us to be a family."
Arlana nearly dropped her fork. She wasn't sure if it was love, but she was attracted to Lachlan. There was no denying that she felt safe and cherished when they were together. Lachlan was all she had ever wanted in a dad for Aziel, so why did she hesitate?
This nomadic life suited her, giving the freedom to explore, travel and still make a living. Staying at home as a housewife seemed so drab now that she had tasted freedom. Besides, why would Josiah ever take her back after she had run from him? Spent weeks with Lachlan? In his eyes, she would be an adulteress for just being alone with a man and he wouldn't stain his soul with the likes of her, regardless of the fact she and Lachlan had not been intimate, merely co-workers and very good friends, although she admitted that there may be more growing between them.
Love?
Arlana reached out and held Lachlan's hand, but couldn't give him an answer.
"I'm struggling too much right now Lachlan. After everything...I feel like I'm still stuck in a tornado spinning out of control. I am so thankful for you being here for me right now, but I need time. Blame it on my messed up hormones, but I am afraid to base such a huge decision on emotions I can't even trust."
"I'm a patient man," Lachlan winked, satisfied he had at least shared what was on his heart and she hadn't given him an outright no.
"So I've been wondering," she changed the topic, "Are the hotel bills considered a tax write off?" She was making a decent amount of money since joining Lachlan but having to pay for hotels was taking a large dip out of the money she was trying to save, and that didn't include the meals on the move. Would this be a tax break?
"Yes, technically it is a tax write off."
Lachlan wasn't really sure but didn't want her to change her mind and return home. He had changed his mind over the last few months, now completely in support of Arlana's decision to join him.
He swallowed hard, "So keep all your receipts. I'll help you file your taxes in April and if we file our taxes together, we will get a bigger return, especially claiming both of the children as dependents."
He captured her attention. Lachlan was already looking into the future.
A future together.
Arlana nodded, mentally calculating the money she had made then deducting all the money she had to spend. The two weren't adding up as much as she would have liked. She hoped to have at least three thousand dollars saved before she'd have to stop travelling with Lachlan and at the rate they were making money, she worried time would run out. This baby wasn't going to wait until she had her goal nest egg and God only knew how her sister's children were.
Arlana planned to return to the farm just before the birth when she wouldn't be able to travel, working beside Lachlan. She only had a few weeks left.
Tick tock.
There was no time to waste.