Kent is still laughing when we reach my apartment. I shove him through the door and head for my room.
“Let me get a clean shirt, then I’ll go get him. I need to feed him, like now.”
“Is it creepy if I watch?”
I turn and blush. “No, it’s not creepy. There’s a small chance I may drown him once he gets near me, though.”
I wave Kent toward the couch then go in search of a clean t-shirt. I dig around in the baby’s room for the packet of breast pads I know I have somewhere. I’m relieved to find them and I stuff one into each side of my bra. A stream of milk squirts out as I do and I chuckle. I had no idea there could be so much. For a moment, I feel sad that I haven’t been able to share this stuff with my mum. I could have really used her advice over the last few weeks while I tried to master breastfeeding. I push the thought away and return to the living room. Kent is tapping his foot and staring at the front door. If I didn’t know he was excited to meet Zeke, I might think he looked scared.
“Just give me a minute. He’s next door.”
I slip into the hallway and after a few minutes of pleasantries with Hildy I’m back, clutching the squirming bundle I named Zeke. Kent leaps up and peers inside the blanket to see our baby sucking his fingers. He’s making that snuffling sound I’ve learned means he’s searching for milk. I need to feed him even more than he wants to be fed, but the look on Kent’s face touches my heart and I hold out my arms without thinking.
He stutters and shakes his head back and forth. His wide eyes telegraph his terror, but he takes a deep breath and holds up one finger. “Hang on. Let me sit down. I don’t know the first thing about how to hold him.”
“You’ll do great.” I wait until he’s settled, then deposit my precious bundle into his waiting arms. Zeke continues his snuffling and opens his eyes wide to stare at Kent. “See. He knows you.”
We’re both grinning like maniacs and I suffer another pang that this is the first time we’ve had this moment. We didn’t get to share it in a birthing suite, or a hospital room. We missed peering into his crib together the first time he cried. Or the first time he pooped. We’ve missed a lot of firsts. Firsts we can never get back.
“He’s gorgeous.” The new daddy speaks in a whisper, the two boys staring at each other. Kent sniffs and looks up at me, a suspicious sparkle in the corner of his eye. “I can’t believe it. Thank you.”
“Thank you?”
“For making me a dad.” He grins and says in a wobbly voice, “I’m a dad.”
Emotion overwhelms me, but my body is quick to remind me there’s no time for that. One of the breast pads has already given up on life and my clean shirt is now sticky and warm, with a rapidly spreading wet patch.
“Sorry to intrude on your moment, but I need to borrow him for a few minutes.”
“Oh. Sure.” Kent holds him up and I take him and cuddle him to me. Instead of sitting on the chair I normally use, I sink down next to Kent. Now that I’m close again, Zeke has ramped up his snuffling. He turns his head as I tickle his cheek, then latches on, a litany of slurping and sucking sounds filling our tiny space. “Oh, that’s cute.” Kent pulls my hair back, so Zeke has clear access. “And kind of sexy.”
“Trust you to say that.”
“I’m fascinated that you didn’t have milk during—you know—our very active nocturnal meeting.”
I snort and our boy grumbles. “This is the most milk I’ve ever had. I expressed for hours yesterday so I could leave him with Hildy. Maybe that’s why I didn’t notice the discomfort until this morning.
“That’s why you put my shirt on in the bathroom and then said you had to be home soon.”
“Yep. I had no idea this would happen.”
“You haven’t had time away in seven weeks?”
“Only for job interviews. Besides that I haven’t needed it.” I run my hand over the soft hair I’ve come to adore. “I love being with him. It’s like he grows before my eyes. It’s more amazing than I could ever have imagined.”
“I was wrong when I offered to buy you an apartment.”
“It was a nice offer, but a little extreme, don’t you think?” I laugh and nudge him, making sure Zeke stays latched on. “I’m thrilled just having you here.”
“Oh, don’t misunderstand me. You’re still getting a new place to live. Now more than ever. It’s just that we need a house, not an apartment.”
“We?” The hopeful tone in my voice is mortifying, but I can’t help it. I’d leave everything behind in this apartment in a second if Zeke and I could stay with Kent. My understanding is he lives overseas, though. “Are you moving home?”
“I’m moving home, and it’s definitely we, Ashley.” He kisses the side of my head. “We need a yard for him to play as he gets older. An apartment is no place for a baby. It’s not as safe as you’d like, and it’s a hassle to have a dog, or other pets.”
“You want a dog?”
“Zeke will need a dog. Maybe a horse.”
“A horse? Calm down. You might be planning a little far ahead.”
“Or a giraffe.” Kent laughs to himself. “We’ll let him choose when he’s big enough.”
Enthusiasm on this scale surprises me. I don’t know why. Kent has been enthusiastic about everything, both times I’ve met him. He hasn’t stopped smiling since I pushed him through the door, and he can barely tear his eyes away from Zeke.
As if on cue, the baby in my arms starts to wriggle so I stick my finger in the edge of his mouth to break his suction, then gently sit him upright, tapping on his back to help him bring up any wind. He squirms and Kent puts his face close to his son. “Hey, little guy. I’m so pleased to meet you. Would you like daddy to get you a horse?”
“I hope you’re not expecting anything more than milky vomit for an answer. Watch out, by the way. They shoot straight out without warning when they come.”
“Yikes. I’ve seen videos where the vomit goes in a daddy’s mouth.” He speaks in a baby voice and touches Zeke’s head. The expression on his face is one of awe, like he can’t believe this day is happening. “You would never do that to your daddy, would you, Z?”
Zeke squirms and I laugh, before I attach him on the other side. The empty breast feels normal again, but the other is hard and uncomfortable. Zeke bounces his head against it a couple of times before he settles down to feed. I cross my fingers he doesn’t fall asleep before he’s given me the relief I need.
“Z, huh? You already gave him a nickname.”
“A nickname is the very least I’m going to give him. Trust me. One thing, though.” He pulls my shirt down to cover my bare skin. “I’m very confused how I’m meant to feel about your boobs. Since I have to share them now.”
“That’s a very weird question. Did you worry about that last night?”
“Not one bit.” He grins. “I loved how they felt in my hands.” He reaches out to cover Zeke’s ear with his thumb, then whispers, “And in my mouth.”
“Then that’s how you feel about them.”
“Okay. Good. When he’s done, we’re going to call my friend, Danny. Be prepared for my crazy mates, by the way. They’ll crowd around us and you’ll immediately have a whole new family.”
“That makes me happy.” I can’t resist a sniff. “I could use an extension of family right about now.”