There’s a ringing in my ears. I can’t hear my own thoughts over the top of it. As I grip Ashley’s elbow, I stare at her, hoping my eyes tell her everything my words can’t. There’s a lump in my throat and I feel like I might cry if I speak.
I have a son. A baby son named Zeke.
This is the very last thing I imagined Ashley sharing. It’s the equivalent of a baby scare, but in reverse. He’s already here.
If my counting is right, he’s seven weeks old, which means this gorgeous woman is a very new mum. And I didn’t notice. She seems the same. We moved together just like last time. I loved her with everything I had, and all the time she was burdened by the knowledge of our child. My selfish ass didn’t consider that she had eyes for anyone but me.
If I don’t get my shit together in the next minute or so, I risk her ending it. I’m getting that message loud and clear, though she hasn’t said it out loud.
She tugs on her arm and that’s what I need to break the spell. I tug back and pull her in the direction of the hotel.
“Can I meet him?”
“Of course, Kent.” There’s no fight in her. She just falls into step beside me as we speed-walk back the way we came.
“Right. I’ll get a car.”
When we reach the hotel the doorman does a remarkable job of keeping his surprise to himself. Minutes ago, I came barrelling through from the elevator, and Ashley probably went past in tears a few minutes before that. The only sign he recognises us is the slight lift of one eyebrow. The man deserves a pay rise.
There’s a sleek stretch limo idling in the driveway and I point at it. “Where’s the driver? Can we have this?”
He nods and motions to a man in a black suit just inside the door. Before Ashley’s questioning eyes get any answers I’m bundling her into the back seat. She tries to sit opposite, but I pull her next to me. “Sit right here.” I wrap my arm around her shoulder and nuzzle her ear. I’m still in shock, but I know one thing for sure.
A baby makes things better between us, not worse.
I’m thrilled, even though I haven’t been able to share that with her. I’m sure I’ll find the words to adequately explain, but right now I just have a stupid grin on my face. I give the driver the address she gave me before she left, but she stops me with a tiny grimace, and tells him a new location.
“Sorry. I promise the phone number is right, though.”
“You didn’t want me showing up unannounced and finding out on my own,” I guess.
Ashley nods. “I wanted to tell you. Somehow. I wanted to save you the shock of working it out on your own. The shock I had to deal with when that pregnancy test showed two pink stripes.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” I play with her hair, my whole body tingling with excitement. I’m going to meet my son.
“How could you know? So far, you’re taking it a lot better than I expected. A lot better than my family did.”
“They don’t approve?”
“No. They haven’t met him.”
“That bad?”
“Worse.”
My heart aches for her. “Who was with you when you gave birth?”
“A nurse. She took pity on me and stayed after her shift finished. I squeezed that poor woman’s hand so hard she’s probably still having physiotherapy.”
I can’t help but laugh at the picture she paints. Even now, she has her sense of humour. I want her to know she’s not alone anymore. “I’ll be with you for our next one.”
“What?” Her head swings around.
“Our next baby. Zeke’s brother or sister. I won’t leave your side and you can crush my hand as hard as you like.”
My words are finally here, and they wash away any doubt she had. She caresses my cheek and kisses me and it’s the sweetest kiss I’ve ever tasted. Our tongues touch and then she drops her head to my shoulder, a massive sob squeezing out of her.
“Hey. That’s meant to make you feel better, not make you cry.”
“I was so worried. You didn’t say anything at first. I’d convinced myself you’d want him but not me. Or you wouldn’t want either of us.”
“Shock has a way of rendering one speechless.”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you last night.”
I tip her face up to mine. “Don’t do that. Don’t take responsibility for all of this. It’s equally my fault. I didn’t want to hear. My first thought was you’d tell me you were married.”
Her mouth opens and closes, then she laughs. “I’m definitely not married. Definitely not.” Then she frowns. “You would have accepted it if I was?”
“Yes. I’d have fought him to the death. I told you, I’ve got you. And I want to keep you. For always.”
I kiss her cheek and drop my hand to hold hers. “Oh, you have something on your shirt.” The front of her shirt has a wet stain and I wonder how it got there. If something dripped on her it would be on me, too. “What is that?”
She looks down, then turns horrified eyes to me. “Umm. That’s breast milk.”