Mara slept, waking with a thundering heart until she reacclimated herself to the present. They were in a trailer. She was safe, warm and sleeping on an honest-to-goodness mattress. How strange. Stranger yet, Tanner Ford and Britta were occupying the trailer with her. After so long on her own, she found herself filled with a strange longing. She yearned to keep talking, to open herself up to another person, to Tanner. Sharing was a novel and exhilarating experience. Sharing with Tanner was a deeper level of satisfaction, as if they were uniquely suited for each other. Watch your step, Mara.
She shouldn’t submerge herself too deeply with Tanner. That point was hammered home in the question she’d asked him.
Do you trust me?
His non-answer was evidence. No, he didn’t. And why should he anyway? He’d flat out told her he’d always prefer going it alone. Seven months before she would have agreed with him. When the clock meandered its way to midnight, she wrapped herself in a blanket and padded to the kitchen where Tanner sat in the only chair, Britta curled at his feet.
The dog perked up at her approach, though the room was dark. They’d not wanted to advertise their presence or drain the battery by activating the light. Tanner acknowledged her with a nod.
She offered a mock salute. “Reporting for duty, Officer Tanner.”
He sighed. “All right. I’d rather you got to sleep all night but to be honest I’ve had to resort to doing push-ups to keep myself awake. Let me know if you hear or see anything.”
“I will.”
He looked as though he wanted to say more, but instead he turned and left with Britta. She heard the mattress creak as he climbed up. The man had to be exhausted, mentally and physically. And he’d been trying to track her location along with the rest of the team in the time she’d been on the run. How much she’d missed.
And how much she’d changed.
She situated herself at the kitchen table where she could peek through the blinds, unwilling to risk disturbing Tanner by fixing a cup of instant coffee. The wind was still blowing hard, but not as violently, which meant the storm was abating, this wave of it at least. It would be easier to get around.
Easier for them...and for Eli and Vinny.
The thought gave her extra vigilance as she kept watch. The hours passed slowly, but she did not mind. Tanner was sleeping and she was content that she’d given him the opportunity, that he’d grudgingly entrusted her with watch duty.
Not really a matter of trust—he’d had no choice. If they were going to survive until help arrived, he and Britta needed to recharge. Minutes ticked into hours, and she did silent laps around the kitchen when her muscles cramped. When the time on her watch crept close to dawn, she couldn’t sit anymore. As quietly as she could, she poured some of the boiled water into a smaller pot and turned on the burner, adding a couple of hefty tablespoons of instant coffee which made her senses tingle. Was there a finer aroma on earth than the smell of coffee on a frigid winter morning? She sipped, washed so deeply in a memory that she didn’t hear Tanner’s approach until he cleared his throat. She screamed, sloshing some coffee on her shirt.
“Sorry.” He held up his palms. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought I was dreaming the coffee smell.”
She apologized for waking him and fixed him a cup, enjoying the expression of bliss on his face when he inhaled the steam from the mug. Britta greeted Mara and got an ear rub in return.
“Time to get up anyway.” He drank. “You were pretty deep in thought there.”
“Actually I was remembering Jonas.”
“Oh. That must have been, uh, painful, to find him there...with...” Tanner’s cheeks went rosy and he swigged a big swallow of coffee that likely burned his mouth.
“With Stacey? Yes, for several reasons, but probably not the ones you think. It was terrible seeing them murdered. I’ll never wash it from my mind.” She swallowed hard. “I’ve been at many crime scenes of course, but seeing the man you’d dated...”
“Yeah.” A wisp of steam floated up from his coffee mug. “There were some theories floated around by the unit at first that it was a murder motivated by, er, jealousy.”
She shook her head. “I might have thought that too if I was the one investigating. But there was no jealousy on my part. Jonas and I broke up the month before he was murdered. I didn’t take it well at first. He’d said we just didn’t seem to be a pair, and I felt so betrayed, unworthy, even though he was as gentle as he could be.”
“There were those reports that you’d had a public argument.”
Was Tanner’s curiosity professional? Or something else? “True, we did, but not because I was still in love with him.” She pulled in a deep breath and exhaled. Before she would have avoided the question. No more. “I was furious because I found out he started seeing Stacey immediately after he broke up with me. I jumped to this enormous conclusion that he’d been cheating on me, maybe because of what happened with my dad and Asher’s mother. It was difficult to trust Jonas with my past, and then to imagine he’d not had the nerve to be honest with me.” She flashed back on the argument at the coffee shop, his inability to meet her eye when she’d confronted him.
“I deserved to know, Jonas.”
“There was nothing to know. I didn’t see anyone else while we were dating and that’s the truth.”
“You could have told me you met someone.”
“I didn’t, Mara. Not until after.” He’d taken her hand and she’d felt her anger give way to deep pain as she realized he was telling the truth. He hadn’t cheated on her, he’d merely stopped loving her. That one angry conversation with Jonas made her understand her half brother a little bit better, how betrayal had rippled through their family and shaded their own ability to trust and be trusted. “It was a mortifying scene and Jonas didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve anything bad and it horrifies me to think that the man who murdered them both has been walking around free all this time, threatening my father, Asher, me.” Why was her throat thick with unexpressed tears all of a sudden? It was as if their respite from danger had cut loose all the thoughts that had swirled inside like a tempest. So much pain, injustice.
Tanner put his coffee down and removed her mug from her shaking fingers before he enveloped her in an embrace. The tears did flow then, pouring out and onto his chest as he squeezed her. His gesture surprised and delighted her, allowed the grief to release like steam from a boiling kettle. She wanted to stay there and listen to the quiet, steady thud of his heart.
“I’m sorry for what you’ve been through,” he whispered, his lips grazing her ear. “We can’t erase that stuff, but you’re going to get home safe, back to the team, and your brother and Willow.”
She leaned closer, suddenly desperate for his comfort as the painful past washed over her afresh. She’d been sobbing that day after her confrontation with Jonas, angry at herself for accusing him. She’d called Willow who’d been working and unable to return her call. She’d thought that was a new low point for her life, but she’d had no idea that worse was yet to come, much worse.
He held her until she was able to gather herself. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to cry all over your shirt.” She accepted a concerned poke from Britta. “I wanted so badly to talk through it with Willow, but I never got the chance.” She cocked her head. “How is she?”
He grinned. “I forgot you didn’t know.”
“Know what?”
“Willow and Theo are expecting.”
“Really?” Mara squeaked. “They reconciled?” She clapped a hand over her mouth. “Forget I said that.” It was such a painful situation for the two, and her friend had revealed her marital troubles under strictest confidence. “I missed so much in seven months. I can’t wait to see her. Oh, my gosh, a baby.”
“Baby’s due in December so you’ll be able to get up to speed when we get home.”
Home. For a split second she wondered what it would be like to return to her previous life. Would she really be welcomed back to the team? By her friend? And her brother? It wasn’t just Willow’s life that had gone on in the months she’d been away. Everyone’s had, and she’d be stepping back into that world. She realized he’d put a hand on her shoulder.
“It’s a lot to think about, but it will all work out when you get back into your normal rhythms.”
She’d craved those normal rhythms, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to resume with the barriers in place she’d had before. “I—I just hope Asher and I can be real siblings, for a change. We’ve missed out on so much already.”
He squeezed her forearm. “I know that’s what he wants too.” The stubble on Tanner’s chin lent him an air of ruggedness, accentuated by the intense brown of his eyes.
She smiled, suddenly awkward at being so close to this handsome man who was both a friend and a stranger and tried to lighten the mood. “How about you? Any exciting developments in your life during my time as a desperate fugitive? Fill me in. Any relationships brewing?”
She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Tanner was private; he’d said as much. And unwilling to enter into romances after his fiancée died. He’d made that clear too. And here she was asking about his love life.
He smiled but she saw the shutters drop across his face. “Nah. Same old quiet life for me.”
The way he stepped back from her underscored the words. Detached from relationships and detached from her. So no more nosy questions, Mara. She nodded and concentrated on draining her mug to the dregs.
He put down his coffee. “I’m going to climb to the peak behind us before sunrise. See if I can get a signal.”
“I’ll come.”
“No. You stay here. No need for us both to get cold. Britta and I will handle it.”
Alone. Like he wanted.
“All right.” She wasn’t quite sure why it stung as she watched him head to the door without her. “Wait.”
He turned and she pulled up the bench seat, exposing a storage space underneath, and extracted two pairs of snowshoes. His utter delight thrilled her.
“How’d you find these?”
She grinned. “You do push-ups to stay awake, I snoop through trailers. I even found the owner’s manual to read with my morning coffee and a couple other treasures.”
He took a pair and tucked them under his arm. “This is really going to help. Thank you.”
She’d helped. That would have to be enough.
An hour and a half later, Tanner returned from his arduous climb, anxious to rejoin Mara and get his dog out of the bitter cold. The back of his neck prickled. There had been no outward signs of danger, but he felt it, nonetheless, a threat swirling around them like the storm. After he schooled his expression into something neutral, he stomped the accumulation off his snowshoes and removed them. He let himself inside and took off Britta’s booties. She shook herself clear of the bits of snow, sprinkling him and Mara.
Her green eyes searched his. “Did you find a place where you could get a signal?”
He chafed life back into his fingers. “No, unfortunately. I thought I had a few bars at one point, and I wrote a text to Asher, but it didn’t send.”
Her mouth crimped in disappointment. “I suppose it would have been too much to hope for if you found that perfect sweet spot, called the team and they were helicoptering in at this very moment.”
“Yeah. That’d be too good to be true.”
They stood in the kitchen listening to the snow sloughing in piles off the roof. She waited for him to continue. He appreciated that Mara was as thoughtful and deliberate as he was. He blew on his fingertips. “We need to talk about options.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“Just a fallback position if the trailer is compromised. I learned in Alaska that a couple of minutes of preplanning can sometimes save your life.”
She nodded. “My dad says act in haste, repent in leisure. Unfortunately, I haven’t always had the luxury of planning time with Eli on my tail, but I try to remember Dad’s lesson.” She poured two mugs of hot coffee and they sat at the table. “Where do you get your cautious streak from?”
“Learning from my rookie mistakes, mostly. My parents run a floatplane business in Homer. In spite of everything they harped on about safety, I decided one time at the ripe old age of seventeen I was a good enough pilot to fly to a glacier to see the northern lights. Got the plane stuck in a crevice and fractured my ankle all in one fell swoop. Cell phone had no connection and I didn’t have a backup radio or satellite phone. Would have died there if my dad hadn’t gotten me out. My folks had the good grace not to ever tease me about it since they knew how shaken up I was, but my younger sister razzed me forever, which I deserved. Siblings keep egos in check, that’s for sure.”
“Funny, but I always wished I had a sibling to joke around with.” Her smile faded. Impulsively, he took her hand and squeezed her fingers, so warm against his cold skin.
“Plenty of sibling teasing ahead in your future, don’t worry. Asher will make up for lost time when we get back. Probably thinking up pranks and annoying nicknames even as we speak.”
She returned the squeeze, cradling his hand between her palms and rubbing to help the circulation. “You’re like ice.”
The touch was overwhelming, exciting and somehow natural at the same time. Confusion and comfort danced inside him. He wanted to pull her into an embrace, but his arms had been empty since Allie died and he wanted it to stay that way. Didn’t he? He swallowed and tried to corral the feelings until she let go. Britta scuttled over and he hoisted her up onto the seat next to him. She laid her head on his lap and he stroked the satin of her ears. She always reset him.
Mara tucked a section of hair behind her ear and sat straighter. Business time. “Okay. You mentioned options. Do you have some in mind?”
“I thought of a bunch of them, but none sound fantastic.”
“What are the choices as you see them?”
“Stay here, keep hiking around to find a spot where I can get a call out to Asher and the team. The advantages are obvious. We have food for a couple of days, warmth, hot water, shelter. All huge plusses. There’s another storm front coming and we’d be able to ride that out in relative safety and comfort if we hunker down here.”
She nodded. “The word comfort puts a skip in my step but the downside is we’re sitting ducks if Eli finds us and the clock is ticking until he spots the solar panels.”
“Exactly, so on to option two. According to my initial research before I arrived, there’s a bed-and-breakfast about twenty miles from here. One of those hike-in places, geared for outdoorsy types. Even if it’s closed up due to the blizzard, they’d have to have a generator and a communication system. We could pack supplies, head there, and hope for decent weather.”
She nodded. “I think I stayed there once, but that was nearly twenty years ago. Forgot all about it. I remember it was rustic and definitely remote.”
“It’s going to be a haul and it’d take two, maybe three days to reach it, depending on the storm and our speed. Hard going, even with snowshoes and we’d be vulnerable to injury and hypothermia.”
She shot him a mischievous smile. “Actually, I might be able to sweeten that option.”
“How’s that?”
“Two reasons. First, I know of an old campground a little more than halfway between here and the B and B,” she said. “Dad and I went there a couple of times when we couldn’t get into the other campgrounds. Probably not much left of it. When I was running from Olympia, I stopped at a church and I heard someone reminiscing with a friend about it and he said a handful of the tent cabins are still standing. We could stop there as a midpoint. Rest if the storm worsens. Britta would be able to alert if Eli gets close.”
“Good to know. And the second reason?”
She picked up a paper from the counter and handed it to him with a triumphant grin. “As I told you, I found the manual in the drawer that goes with the trailer and I read all fifteen pages of it. Turns out, this rig has a covered compartment in the bottom, a kind of built-in garage just big enough for a...” She trailed off dramatically.
His eyes rounded. “Are you kidding me? A vehicle?”
“A snowmobile.”
He sprang up, ready to head for the door, but she stopped him. “I already checked while you were out. It’s there. Safe and sound. There’s about a half tank of gas and no extra that I can find, so I’m thinking we could maybe even reach the B and B in one day if there are no hiccups. Running the engine will be noisy but the winds might help cover the sound. We’ll have to return it and reimburse Alice for the gasoline and wear and tear, but desperate times, right?”
The grin spread across his face now. “Right. That’s an incredible find. I wouldn’t have thought to scan the trailer specs. You’re a genius.”
Her cheeks turned an enticing shade of pink. “We’re partners, right? I’m not going to sit around idle while you risk your safety and Britta’s out there. We’ll have to hope the engine noise doesn’t carry. Did you see any signs of Eli?”
“No.”
Her arched eyebrow indicated she’d detected something in his tone. Mara was insightful, and she didn’t miss the tiniest detail. It made her a great crime scene investigator. Admiration ballooned inside him. Again, he shoved it down. Britta slid off his lap and sidled over, blowing out her fleshy lips as Mara stroked her head.
“You’re the best dog in the world, Britta. Have I told you that today?”
Britta licked her wrist. The dog was friendly, but she didn’t always take to people the way she was attaching to Mara. Britta trusted that Mara would not hurt her.
What would that be like, to love and trust wholeheartedly without fear of the pain that came with it? He wished he could do the same, but dogs knew nothing of the agony that lingered when someone was ripped out of a person’s life. They lived in the moment, unworried, unanchored in the past or future.
It occurred to Tanner in that moment, that his own existence was anchored firmly in the past. The grief that had washed over him in a relentless tide had not drowned him because he’d held himself firmly in place until it passed him by.
But happiness had rushed on past too.
He realized while his thoughts were flying off into la-la land, Mara was silently waiting for him to continue.
“As I said, I didn’t have any concrete indications that we are in immediate danger here.”
“That’s a very cautiously worded statement, Officer.”
Allie always had that same way of seeing below the surface. Why was he perpetually thinking of Allie? He cleared his throat. “I can’t in good conscience lead us into a possible freezing-to-death scenario when we’re safe here.”
“But...?”
“But Eli is smart, and he’s not going to leave until he’s finished things.” Finished them all.
“I agree. It’s a matter of time...how much do we have before he finds us?”
“Impossible to know, but he and Vinny have shelter, access to fuel, food, et cetera, or they couldn’t have pursued us this far. Eli mentioned a camper, so it’s gotta be somewhere central and if it’s still functional, they’ve got a massive advantage. Plus they’re going to know as soon as we get communication in place, the team will deploy to find us. If he’s anywhere close, the moment we start up that snowmobile, he’ll be on us like a dog on a biscuit.”
“Stay or go?” Mara’s mouth pursed into a bow. “The same question I’ve been mulling over for seven months. Doesn’t get easier.”
Again he marveled. She’d been living a brutal day-to-day, maybe hour-to-hour existence. What kind of strength had it taken for her to survive it?
They fell into silence. He realized the joint problem solving was invigorating him. It felt completely natural. Puzzling. Some shared survival phenomenon?
Together.
The word made him squirm. He’d vowed there’d be no together with anyone ever again. Been there, done that, paid the price. This was merely a togetherness born of extreme circumstances.
“I’ve been scouting too, today,” she said. “Behind the trailer through the woods there’s a gradual slope that becomes pretty steep. No way for Eli and Vinny to operate snowmobiles on such a terrain. If they cut us off from the front and we can’t get to our snowmobile, we could snowshoe out that way. Having a back door escape route might make it possible for us to wait here a few hours more. How are you at snowmobiling at night?”
“It’s not optimal, but I had a fair amount of practice in Alaska and I only broke a bone once.”
“Ha-ha. Very funny.”
“If we decide to go, I think we should wait until dark. Storm isn’t leaving anytime soon so we’ll have some cover.”
“I’ll pack our supplies up so we can be ready to escape out the back way at the first sign of trouble and keep an eye out in case Eli and Vinny try to hike in and surprise us.” The snow drove past the window, swirling shadows of light and dark. Mara sighed. “I hope it’s not my mind rationalizing because my body is so happy to be warm for a few more hours.”
“Nothing wrong with being warm. As a matter of fact, I was going to suggest you nab a hot shower. Might be the last opportunity for a while.” He almost gulped at Mara’s smile. He recalled Allie’s bliss when the nurses would allow her to use the hospital shower.
“The restorative powers of hot water, Tanny,” she’d crowed.
“I’ve had precisely one hot shower since I went on the run, at a church that provided help like that. It was the only time I knew Eli wouldn’t catch me by surprise since there were people standing guard.”
He patted Britta. “Consider yourself guarded. Your brother would insist on nothing less than a canine detail, just like he did for...” Shut your mouth, Tanner. It was too late.
Mara pounced on his slip of the tongue. “Who?”
He became busy patting his pockets for his gloves. “Oh, uh, nothing.”
“Not nothing. What are you not telling me?”
“Uh, well, really, I...” He got up, as if in search of coffee.
She followed suit, folding her arms. “Listen, buster. I’m not a crime scene tech for nothing. I know a clue when I see one. Spill it.”
He sighed. “I figured maybe your brother would want to tell you in person.”
She crossed her arms. “That’s like waving a pot roast in front of a bear. You have to tell me now or it’s going to get ugly up in here.”
He sighed. Trapped by his own big mouth. “Asher and Peyton are engaged.”
Mara’s jaw dropped. “Peyton Burns? The dog trainer for our unit? She and Asher?”
“Yep. They got pretty close working on a case where they impersonated a married couple and what do you know? Their cover became their reality.”
Mara’s hands flew to her mouth, and she actually hopped up and down. Britta leaped up too, paws scrabbling the air to join in the merriment. “Asher and Peyton...it’s like a TV movie.”
He laughed and so did she. They chuckled together until Mara wiped her eyes. “The truth is stranger than fiction, right? I would say I can’t believe it, but knowing their personalities, they’re pretty compatible. I am so excited. When’s the wedding?”
“Asher said they won’t set a firm date until you get home.”
She inhaled sharply. “He’s...waiting for me?”
“He and Peyton both agreed.”
Tears glazed her eyes and her mouth trembled. “For a long time,” she choked out, “I prayed that Asher would love me.”
“Prayer answered,” Tanner said, with a sigh. The old wound tugged at his insides.
Mara cocked her head. “Memories?”
Normally he’d shrug off the comment, insert a joke or change the subject. Something about her made him switch gears and answer as honestly as he could. “I was thinking that at the end of Allie’s life when the doctors had tried everything, I stopped praying for her healing and began asking God to give me the suffering and take it away from her.” He blinked. “My prayer was answered. Her pain went away but mine never did, until lately.” Until lately? Why had he added those two words? He stood frozen, searching for a way to explain it to her, to himself.
She cocked her head, the same question written in her expression.
He wished he could flee outside and jump in the nearest snowbank. “I meant that I’ve been thinking about what you said, that shutting everyone out of my life probably isn’t the best for my soul.”
She beamed. “Took me a while to get to that conclusion.”
“Guess I’m slower to get there than you.” He tapped his forehead. “Not as sharp.”
“It’s harder for introverts like us.”
Us. Britta trotted over, flopped on her tummy and bicycled her legs for a scratch. The conversation gushed out of him. “This dog is smarter than I am, for sure. She’s never really let me be alone from the day I got her.” Another surge of pain tore at his insides. “Allie loved dogs too. We were going to buy a property off the grid in Alaska after we got married. Raise lots of dogs and garden in the summer. Had it all written up. I’d work for the Alaska PD and she’d do her computer programming online. We had it detailed right down to what we’d stock in the pantry. Lots of raviolis. Allie loved the kind that came in the can.”
“That sounds like a beautiful plan.”
Beautiful, and wasted. “A daydream, is all.” He checked his phone to give himself something to do besides look at her pity-filled expression. Why share? It just makes her feel sorry for you. This wasn’t the time, nor place. “Anyway, I’d better get out there and check on things.”
“You seem to read the weather better than I can. How much of a break from the storm do you think we’ll get?”
“I’d say there will be some slacking off by tonight.” Catch-22. The darkness would bring better weather.
But it would also be when the hunters would come out. Their cushion of safety wouldn’t last. His gut told him danger was approaching. Don’t get comfortable, Tanner.
Mara’s laughter was rich and warm as she knelt, and Britta licked her face. The sound rolled through him like a soft mountain rain. It was followed by a storm of unease.
Definitely, not too comfortable.