DADDY AND UNCLE Don didn’t come home for lunch, but Granny Grace walked in just about the time we sat down to eat. Maybe she could smell Aunt Susannah Hope’s barbecue and beans. My aunt didn’t know much about children, but she knew a lot about good cooking, the kind that Daddy said would stick to your ribs.
Chesler wanted to ask the blessing before we ate. I gave him my look that said I’d pinch him if he did it wrong. Sometimes when he said the blessing, he used the one Uncle Luke taught him just to make Daddy laugh. “Good bread, good meat. Good Lord, let’s eat. Amen.”
But Chesler said a sweet blessing, saying he was sorry for messing up the Christmas tree, and even asking God to take care of Daddy and Uncle Don. I opened my eyes while he was praying, and Granny and Aunt Susannah Hope were smiling with their eyes closed.
After we’d been eating awhile, Granny Grace said, “Susannah Hope, you look a little green around the gills. Are you coming down with something?”
Aunt Susannah pushed the beans around on her plate like Chesler pushed around brussels sprouts when he didn’t want to eat them. “I’m fine. I just haven’t been outside lately with all this cold weather.”
Granny Grace just said, “Uh huh” and looked like she was worried about something she wasn’t saying. But she changed the subject. “Well, I like the Christmas plans you talked about this morning.”
After Daddy and Uncle Don left this morning, I heard Aunt Susannah Hope talking to Granny on the phone. She told her all about Laramie, and then I heard her say, “I’m just plain weary of being sad, so I’m going to make a party out of the holidays starting today. I’m planning to do all the things Diana Joy would have done with Kate and Chesler if she were here.”
I was thinking she had gotten off to a bad start on her plans. Mama would never have gotten so out of sorts about a plastic Christmas tree.
Then Granny changed the subject again. “Any news from John or Don?”
My aunt said, “Nothing yet. I hope they find her soon. I can’t bear to think about that poor little girl out in the cold.”
Granny and I had seconds. Lunch was so good, especially the potato salad, but Aunt Susannah Hope just kept pushing food around on her plate. I thought Chesler and I were just too much for her, and we had worn her out.
After lunch, Granny Grace made an announcement. “We’re making PB and F before your aunt and I go upstairs to work on a project. And don’t you ask me any questions about this project. You kids know it’s getting close to Christmas.” Then she winked. Granny always winked when she was up to something.
Chesler was getting whiny. “I don’t want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because I just had lunch.”
Granny laughed. “No, we’re making PB and F, peppermint bark and fudge, not PB and Js.”
Nobody made fudge like Granny. Everybody told her she could start a business with that candy. She made a thick layer of dark chocolate fudge, and on top, she put a layer of white chocolate with crushed peppermint candy.
Now this was Aunt Susannah Hope’s kitchen, but when Granny was there, she was in charge. She started passing out orders again like the parade marshal. “Susannah Hope, get all the ingredients out for me and bring me the biggest, heaviest pot you got.” Granny was doing all the measuring and mixing. “Now, Kate, you stir when I put it all in the pot. Chesler, you and your aunt need to start breaking up the peppermint candy for the white chocolate.”
Aunt Susannah put the peppermint candy pieces in a cloth bag and got the hammer and let Chesler go to work. He liked to hammer, and he was good at breaking things. Aunt Susannah Hope turned on the Christmas music, and Chesler hammered in rhythm to “Deck the Halls.” The scent of chocolate and peppermint filled the kitchen, making it smell more like Christmas instead of dried-up flowers.
When the sugar and butter and chocolate and milk had boiled exactly eight minutes, I quit stirring and Granny Grace poured it out fast onto a pan and set it out on the back porch for a few minutes to cool. “Come here, Chesler. While the fudge is cooling, let’s melt the white chocolate. You pour in the peppermint candy and stir it.”
When the white chocolate was ready, I brought the fudge in for Granny to pour the peppermint bark on top. Then I took it all back to the porch. Chesler stood at the window. Granny asked him, “What are you doing?”
“I’m guarding the PB and F.”
“Guarding the candy? What on earth for?”
“Some bird or squirrel might try to get it.”
“Birds and squirrels don’t like chocolate and peppermint. Now it would be another story if we put my sugarcoated peanuts out there.” Granny laughed at him.
Chesler didn’t have much to worry about, but when he did worry, he worried about strange things. So he just kept standing there, his nose to the window. At least it kept him quiet for a while.
The hardest part of making that PB and F was waiting for it to cool so Granny could cut the first piece. It didn’t take long because it was freezing outside. I thought about how fast that hot fudge cooled on the back porch, and then I thought about Laramie and how cold she might be wherever she was.
Granny cut us a little piece of fudge from the corner. Aunt Susannah Hope didn’t want any. “Maybe I’ll eat some on Christmas day. You know, I can’t remember a Christmas without Granny’s fudge.”
“Me, either,” Chesler piped in.
“That’s right, all five Christmases of your life. Now listen to me, you two,” Granny Grace said. “If you behave while Aunt Susannah and I work on the project upstairs, I’ll slice up some so you can take it home with you tonight.”
My aunt put on a Christmas movie for us to watch. It wasn’t cowboys and Indians, but Chesler settled in to watch while I pulled out my sketchbook. I heard the creaks when Granny Grace and Aunt Susannah Hope climbed the stairs, and before long the hum of their sewing machines started.
Mama loved this old house where she grew up, with all its secret hiding places and stairs and closets. She told me one time it was over a hundred years old, and that’s why it moaned and groaned like Grandpa getting up out of his chair after a nap.
After Aunt Susannah Hope bought the house from Granny and Grandpa, she and Mama used the second floor to run their sewing business. Mama could design things, and they both could really sew. They made curtains and pillows and dresses and anything else the rich ladies in town could think of. And when they weren’t sewing for somebody else, my aunt made things to decorate her house, and Mama sewed dresses for me. I missed picking out fabrics and patterns with her, and modeling the finished product, twirling in front of a mirror while she smiled.
One day last summer before Mama got sick, I read upstairs while they sewed. Mama and Aunt Susannah Hope started chatting about how when they were girls they made secret hiding places for their treasures. They would stick things behind loose boards in closets and under the shelves in cabinets. I was tired of reading and decided to look for some of their secret places. It didn’t take long to find one of their treasures, a note stuck with chewing gum underneath a bookshelf. I brought it to Mama, and her eyes lit up. “It’s a love note to that boy I had a crush on in fifth grade!” she laughed after she read it. “We even got into your granny’s reddest lipstick so I could seal that note with a kiss.”
“Can I keep it?” I asked. I could hardly believe Mama had been a girl my age. This was proof.
“Okay, but you’ll have to hide it again.” She handed me a stick of gum and winked. “You know what to do.”
When I got back home, I chewed the gum then stuck the note to the bottom of my desk drawer with the gum. It was still there, my own hidden treasure. Thinking of it now, I tried to draw Mama’s lips in my sketchbook, just to help me remember.
Then I remembered another treasure. Once when I was nine, I was poking around Granny Grace’s old sewing chest, with its pull-out drawer that held spools of thread. I opened the top drawer and found an old envelope. Inside was a strand of hair tied in pink ribbon.
“What’s this?” I asked Granny Grace, holding it up for her to see.
“Oh, that,” she laughed. “That’s one of my favorite treasures. I once cut a lock from your mama’s hair when she was a little girl so I’d have her with me forever.”
Forever came too soon. But Granny’s treasure gave me an idea for Mama’s Christmas present.
Those sewing machines hummed all afternoon. Chesler watched fifteen minutes of the Christmas movie before he fell asleep, and I worked on my drawings in my sketchbook. I liked being in that old house and thinking about all its treasures and especially Granny’s treasure. I could see Mama, and I could almost see her running around this house when she was a little girl, when it didn’t have white furniture and dead flowers and so much stuff to break.
It was nearly dark when Daddy and Uncle Don finally came through the front door, their faces looking like Pastor Simmons did just before he preached, all serious like. They would have been smiling and talking if they had found Laramie. Daddy said, “Go gather your things. We need to get home because Uncle Luke’s coming.”
Now Chesler always forgot to brush his teeth, but he didn’t forget what Granny Grace said about taking some PB and F home with us. So he went yelling and running up the stairs for Granny. She and Aunt Susannah Hope came down the stairs and started asking Daddy and Uncle Don more questions than my teacher asks on review day. Daddy just said Uncle Don could fill them in after we left. That meant Daddy didn’t want to talk about it, and he didn’t want us to hear about it.
Daddy didn’t say a word ’til we got home. He hadn’t slept all night and all day, and he had been out in the cold too. He looked like he used to look when Mama was real sick and he was taking care of her, only his face was red from the cold. After building a fire he headed straight for the shower. “Kate, you and Chesler take care of Uncle Luke if he gets here before I get cleaned up.”
Daddy was coming back down the stairs when Uncle Luke barreled through the front door. He looked like a younger version of Daddy, tall and lanky with straight, brown hair and brown eyes. Daddy hugged him and snatched off his cap. “When in the world are you getting a haircut? We don’t want any shaggy-haired doctors in this family.”
Uncle Luke hugged him again. “Maybe I’ll get my haircut when I smell chili cooking. All I smell around here are Chesler’s stinky feet.” Then he grabbed Chesler and swung him over his shoulders. Chesler screamed and giggled.
“No chili tonight. I gotta make good on my promise to Chesler and Kate. I promised them waffles for breakfast, but I was called out to work in the middle of the night.”
With Uncle Luke helping, we had hot eggs and hot waffles at the same time. Daddy didn’t say a word about Laramie and what he had been doing all day.
After supper Uncle Luke helped me with the dishes. It was too dark to see the redbird even if she was in the cedar tree. When we all got to the den, Daddy stoked the fire, and Chesler put on a show like he always did when Uncle Luke came home, singing everything he knew and telling him all about his Christmas list.
Then Uncle Luke told Daddy about all the stuff he was learning in medical school. That’s when Chesler fell asleep on his blanket in front of the fire. I listened for a little while, and then I pretended to be asleep. Grown-ups talked different when they thought children were asleep.
Daddy asked, “So are you going to see Lisa Applegate while you’re home?”
“Yes, I do plan to see her. We’ve been talking almost every day since I was home for Diana Joy’s funeral.”
“Sounds serious,” Daddy joked.
But he didn’t ask any more questions or tease, so Uncle Luke said, “Okay, big brother, cough it up. What’s on your mind?”
“We got a little girl missing, Laramie Fields.” Daddy told him about Laramie and her dad and what happened the night before. “We searched the area all around the house and into the woods but didn’t find anything. The snow covered up all the clues. The police are bringing in some dogs to help with the hunt tonight.”
Uncle Luke got up. “You go get some sleep. I’ll join the search.”
“But you just got home. You must be tired.”
“I’m used to pulling all-nighters. I’ll be fine.”
Daddy didn’t even try to talk him out of it. “Okay, if you’re up to it, I know the guys will appreciate the help. I’ll sleep for a few hours and get Grace to take the kids. I’ll take your place in the search at daybreak.”
Uncle Luke left, and Daddy fell asleep on the sofa. So I just stayed quiet ’til the fire went out. Chesler would get cold on the floor without the fire, so I woke him up and told him we were going to bed. I covered Daddy up with Chesler’s blanket and took Chesler to his room. Another night without brushing his teeth.
Good. It was quiet. Daddy was downstairs, Chesler was asleep, and I could finally pull out my sketchbook. I turned on my desk light and took my pencils out and started to draw. I was thinking about Mama and Laramie’s mama. Mama loved us and wanted to stay, and she told me about faith and family and forever. I knew Mama wasn’t coming back no matter how much I wanted her to, but I knew I’d see her again. But Laramie’s mom? I wondered why she never told Laramie where she was going and why she didn’t take Laramie with her if she could.
I didn’t have my mama very long, but I was glad I got to say good-bye to her. I began to sketch her face, and just as I was drawing her eyelashes something tapped against the window. I looked up. Probably the tree limb tapping again. I looked at the clock. Nearly midnight. I had been drawing for a long time.
I closed my eyes, trying to remember how Mama’s eyelashes really looked. Her picture was too small to tell. Tap, tap again. This time I got up to look, and something hit the window right in front of my face. I jumped back, then I stepped to the window again to see. There on the ground underneath the elm tree, I thought I saw someone waving at me. My breath had already fogged up the window, so I rubbed the windowpane with my pajama sleeve before I peered out.
It was a person. Somebody was standing in the snow waving at me. I knew it couldn’t be, but I hoped it was Mama.