Fun and rest were not exactly in Lottie’s mind during the long Christmas holiday. She was offered full-time work at the department store to help them cope with the seasonal rush. It was a busy, popular, fashionable store in the heart of Wellington and she enjoyed her work there, although it was largely behind the scenes, fetching and carrying goods as they were required, to fulfill orders. Kirkcaldies attracted a good class of clientele, the wealthy folk from Wellington and its prosperous suburbs, and it had a noted tea room where people both liked to meet and, especially, be seen.
It was also a change from her drab daily existence, her fraught, mundane home life, and she made a point of getting there early and leaving late, which drew frequent praise from her superiors. As well as her time-keeping, Lottie found favour for her good looks, which attracted customers, appropriate dress sense, obedience, courtesy and generally obliging behaviour, always willing to please. At Christmas she was invited to choose a new dress at a large discount, which she was able to afford from the money she was earning.
However, the more time she spent at Kirkcaldies the less time she had for study, and success in her exams was essential if she were to fulfill the expectations Miss Carson had for her.
Early in the new year Lottie was coming down the stairs after her break to return to the haberdashery department when she heard a voice behind calling her and turned around. Close behind her was a stylish-looking young woman she couldn’t immediately identify. She was dressed in a fashionably bright floral print frock; over one arm was a white handbag and she carried several shopping bags with the store’s logo on them.
‘You don’t recognize me, do you, Lottie?’ the young woman said with a smile. ‘I’m Vi, Madeleine’s sister.’
‘Oh, dear, of course.’ Lottie felt embarrassed and knew she looked it.
‘It’s the unfamiliar surroundings,’ Violet said cheerfully. ‘Last time I was in my tennis gear. How very nice to see you. Have you time for a cup of tea upstairs?’
‘I’d love to,’ Lottie said, rather overpowered by this dazzling, composed young woman she had last seen red-faced, hot and perspiring after a game of tennis. ‘But I’m afraid I can’t. You see, I’ve just had my break and I work here.’
‘Oh,’ Violet sounded surprised, ‘do you?’
‘Only for the holiday. But during term time I work here on Saturdays.’
‘That must be so interesting. Look, we so enjoyed meeting you and I’m afraid we didn’t give you a proper welcome – you left so early, and we’d love you to come to tea again. Madeleine wants me to enthuse you about teaching although I’m not sure I am very good at it, but she was very keen for me to try. What time do you leave work today?’
‘Today?’ Lottie faltered. ‘Today I leave just after lunch. About two o’clock.’
‘Look, come back with me. It’s a gorgeous day. I’ll hang around town and pick you up. I’ve lots to do. Oh, please say yes.’
Violet’s enthusiasm was infectious. However, Lottie remembered her mother’s warning – or was it a command? – not to go to tea again, but now it didn’t seem to matter. She was seized by a mood of recklessness and her eyes glowed. The vision of that lovely house, the lawn with the pool and tennis court and those beautiful people was so compelling. She knew that she would love to live like them, to be more like the Carsons; that deep down it was an enviable way of life and one to which she aspired, leaving Broadway terrace and its world far behind.
Sensing her change of mood, Violet said again, ‘Go on. It’s such a lovely day.’
‘All right,’ Lottie said. ‘Won’t your mother mind?’
‘Of course she won’t mind. She’ll be delighted. We all will. I’ll pick you up outside. Two o’clock, say?’
‘Two o’clock, then,’ Lottie said, still rather bewildered and a little afraid about what she’d done. ‘I really must dash or I’ll get into trouble.’
The parcels she’d seen from Kirkcaldies were piled along with many others on the back seat of Violet’s car when she arrived to pick Lottie up.
‘I’m a compulsive shopper,’ Violet said, glancing at her guiltily. ‘Are you?’
‘Not really,’ Lottie replied. ‘I don’t have the money. But I bought this dress from the store before Christmas. They give staff a discount.’ She looked down at the attractive gingham print she had changed into with a sense of pride and also gratitude that she happened to be wearing it on a day she was unexpectedly invited to tea with the Carsons. Maybe away from her school uniform she would have more confidence.
‘It’s very pretty,’ Violet said.
The hood of the sporty little car was down as Vi headed away from the town towards the bay.
‘Do you each have your own car?’ Lottie asked.
‘Yes,’ Violet replied, glancing at her, and then, as if realizing it accentuated the gap between them, decided to keep her eyes firmly on the road. The wind blew in their faces anyway, making it difficult to talk, but they were soon slowing down as they approached the house and Violet turned into the drive where two other cars were parked. ‘Oh, you might meet Madeleine’s boyfriend,’ Violet said suddenly. ‘I think that’s his car.’
Miss Carson had a boyfriend? The idea seemed both surprising and somehow a little shocking. Lottie began to feel nervous again and started to regret her rashness in accepting the invitation.
‘He’s very nice,’ Violet said reassuringly. ‘We think there may soon be an engagement.’
‘What does he do?’
‘He’s in the army. I think he’s on leave. His name’s Andrew.’
Violet stopped the car and Lottie got out, scooped up some of the parcels and climbed the steps to the porch. Violet pushed open the door and called out when she got inside: ‘Anyone at home?’ When there was no reply she said, ‘They must be in the garden. Andrew is keen on tennis.’
Lottie now felt very apprehensive about meeting Miss Carson’s boyfriend. This was something entirely unexpected. It was as though she was seeing her teacher in a new and rather unwelcome light.
They put the parcels down in the hall and walked towards the open doors at the end. In front of them was the green expanse of lawn, but there were no players on the tennis courts, just two deck chairs by the pond with their backs to the house, linked by two arms, hands entwined.
‘It’s Andrew,’ Violet whispered excitedly.
‘Maybe we shouldn’t disturb them. Perhaps I should go home?’
‘Don’t be silly. Madeleine would be furious if you went away. Hullo,’ she called, and simultaneously two faces appeared around the sides of the chairs, their hands falling apart.
‘Why,’ Miss Carson got up from her chair, shielding her eyes from the bright sunlight, ‘it’s Lottie! How nice.’
As she came towards Lottie, a welcoming smile on her face, the man in the other chair slowly rose to his feet.
‘Where did you find her, Vi?’
‘At Kirkcaldies,’ Violet said.
‘And were you shopping there too, Lottie?’
‘I work there, Miss Carson, during the holiday.’
‘She also has a Saturday job. I think that’s very enterprising,’ Violet added tactfully, realizing she may have made a blunder.
‘Ah.’ The smile on Miss Carson’s face was replaced by a slight frown, but she said nothing and turned to the man standing in the background. ‘Lottie, this is a friend of mine, Captain Marsden. Andy, Lottie is one of my pupils from school, one of my best pupils, I should say.’
‘How do you do, Lottie?’ Captain Marsden said, coming forward and shaking her hand.
He was of medium height, dark-haired with a muscular frame and a firm handshake, not strictly good looking in the way Miss Carson’s brother was. Like Madeleine, he was in whites and tennis racquets lay on the grass by the side of the chairs.
‘How do you do, Captain?’ Lottie said politely.
‘You must call me Andy,’ the captain said, smiling, and Lottie cast a doubtful look at Miss Carson, who nodded.
‘And at home I’m Madeleine,’ Miss Carson said, but Lottie didn’t think she would ever get used to calling her by her Christian name. From now on she would probably not call her anything.
They strolled towards the pond and Andy put up two more deck chairs, indicating that Lottie should take one.
‘Mummy’s out playing bridge,’ Miss Carson said. ‘We were just relaxing. We had a very strenuous game.’ On the table in front of them was a half-empty jug of squash and two glasses. ‘Andy has to go back to camp this evening.’
‘Then we should leave you alone,’ Violet said.
Miss Carson shook her head firmly. ‘Not at all. We’ve seen loads of each other, haven’t we, Andy?’ Miss Carson playfully took his hand and he held on to it while Lottie felt embarrassed as though, yet again, she was an intruder who had no place here.
‘I wouldn’t mind going on with the tennis,’ Andy said. ‘Do you play, Lottie?’
‘She’s very good,’ Miss Carson said. ‘She’s good at everything.’
Violet jumped up. ‘Let’s do that. Let’s knock a ball about and then have tea.’
‘I’m not really dressed for tennis,’ Lottie said awkwardly. Nor did she want to get her new, one good dress dirty.
‘Neither am I. I’ve got a spare tennis dress you can wear – and shoes, if they fit.’ Violet glanced at Lottie’s feet. ‘Come on.’ She reached out for her hand. ‘Let’s race inside and change. It will be fun.’
Fun was something to which Lottie was unaccustomed. Suddenly it was as though her spirits had lifted, and the reluctance and awkwardness vanished as she ran across the lawn hand in hand with Violet. They flew up the stairs to her bedroom, which seemed almost as large as the whole house. It was flooded with sun and the windows overlooked the lawn. While Violet rummaged through her wardrobe for a suitable dress Lottie glanced out of the window. Miss Carson and Andy were locked in a deep embrace, their arms wrapped around each other, bodies close together, almost as one. Her eyes riveted; she felt like a peeping tom but was unable to look away.
Violet came up to Lottie, holding the dress against her as though measuring it for size, then following her gaze she saw the couple on the lawn.
‘They are so in love.’ She sighed. ‘He’s nice, don’t you think?’
‘He seems nice,’ Lottie said guardedly. ‘I can’t really say, having known him for only a few minutes.’
Violet held the white dress against her. ‘Try it on,’ she said. ‘Go on, I won’t look.’
The dress fitted and so did the shoes and, feeling magically transformed by this change in apparel, Lottie flew down the stairs after Violet and through the hall to the lawn, where Andy was expertly swinging a racquet which he handed to Lottie. ‘See if this is all right. It’s one of Madeleine’s.’
Lottie took the racquet and balanced it carefully between her hands, doing one or two imaginary shots.
‘It’s fine,’ she said, smiling at him and, satisfied, the four trooped on to the court, Violet and Lottie versus Andy and Madeleine, and started knocking up. Lottie hadn’t played for a while but the old feeling of self-assurance and confidence returned as she got into her stride. It was a lovely day with a soft breeze coming in from the sea, and she surprised herself by feeling so much at home in this company. What a contrast to her last visit when she was so gauche and awkward.
After winning the toss she elected to serve first, overcoming her nerves to knock the ball hard on to the base line of the opposite court. Andy, trying to retrieve the shot, sent it out of control high into the air and he and Madeleine only took one point, Lottie and Violet winning the first game with ease. They then went on to win the set and, hot and tired, left the court to refresh themselves with squash waiting for them on the table, brought out by the maid while they were playing.
‘I really didn’t know you were so good,’ Andy said admiringly to Lottie. ‘Otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested a game.’
Sensitive to being patronized, Lottie retorted: ‘I think you let us win.’
‘You mean no one would deliberately play that badly.’ He laughed and glanced at Madeleine. ‘Not at all. We didn’t let her win, did we, darling?’
‘No,’ she said, smiling approvingly at her protégée. ‘I told you she was good.’
‘Violet is very good,’ Lottie said firmly. ‘I enjoyed it. Another game?’
‘Why not?’
They got up and played another set which the two girls won again, cementing Lottie’s suspicions that the older couple were letting them win. Never mind – it was good fun.
Just as they finished, as if on cue, the maid emerged with tea, dainty cakes and sandwiches. Lottie, completely relaxed, wondered at the ease with which the family were now absorbing her into themselves, making her feel at home and one of them, and how she wished she was. It was a lifestyle that would have suited her and, as she drank squash and ate the delicious little cakes, she stretched back in her chair gazing around at the beautiful house – which had not only one indoor bathroom but two, the manicured lawn with its pool and tennis court, and decided that this indeed gave her a goal, something to aim for. But in order to achieve this she must better herself as Miss Carson had said by studying hard and moving into the professions. In a way, though she did not know it yet, it was one of the turning points in her life, a moment of illumination to which she would return in the years ahead.
Suddenly Madeleine interrupted her reverie, saying mysteriously, ‘We have some news,’ as she looked at the man beside her. ‘Andy has asked me to marry him. We are engaged.’
‘Oh, Maddy!’ Violet jumped up and embraced first her sister and then Andy, while Lottie shyly hung back. Her first thought was how it might affect her life, losing perhaps her teacher, her champion. Besides, she had a poor opinion of marriage. The example provided by her parents was not a happy one.
As Madeleine looked over at her she said: ‘I’m very happy for you. But I don’t want to lose you, Miss Carson.’
‘Oh, you won’t lose me,’ Madeleine said. ‘We are not getting married at least for a year and then, well . . . we’ll see what happens, but you will be very well looked after by the school, whatever happens to me.’
‘Do Mum and Dad know?’ Violet asked.
‘No, you are the very first.’
‘I just asked her,’ Andy said, taking Madeleine’s hand, ‘and I can’t believe my luck.’
‘You have to ask Daddy,’ Madeleine said teasingly. ‘He might say “no”.’
‘Then what would you say?’ Her new fiancé looked at her adoringly.
‘I’d say, “Daddy, you are an idiot” and promptly leave home. But all this is academic. I know Daddy likes you and would approve of you as a son-in-law.’
‘I should really get home.’ Lottie had begun to feel uncomfortable. This was an intimate part of their family life from which she now definitely felt excluded. She was no longer part of them – the dream had been broken. Time to retreat. ‘It has been a wonderful day and thank you very much.’
‘I’ll take you home,’ Madeleine said briskly. ‘Mummy should be home soon and I must be here to tell her.’
‘Then let me take her,’ Andy suggested, but Madeleine shook her head.
‘I want a word with Lottie. Run off and change, Lottie.’
Lottie ran up to the bedroom and was followed by Violet, who was still flushed with excitement. ‘Isn’t it thrilling about Madeleine and Andy? I told you they were in love. He must have proposed as they were kissing. Imagine that! We actually saw it happen. The very moment.’
Lottie smiled as she shrugged herself out of her whites and into her dress.
‘Are you really worried about losing Madeleine?’
‘Not really,’ Lottie said, glancing at herself in the mirror and brushing back her hair.
‘Nothing will change,’ Violet said. ‘You are our friend and will always be welcome here. Always. And look, one day I’m going to take you to the college and show you around. Really. Your enthusiasm might inspire me.’
‘That would be nice,’ Lottie said, ‘but I thought you were the one who was supposed to inspire me!’
Both girls burst out laughing and Lottie at that moment felt closer to her new, slightly scatty, friend than ever.
‘I must hurry,’ she went on when the laughter had subsided, ‘or Miss Carson will be cross.’ She still couldn’t call her Madeleine.
‘Oh, she won’t be cross, not today, not with anyone. She is too much in love. Look, you go on. I’m going to have a bath. I’ll see you very soon,’ and she gave Lottie a fleeting peck on the cheek. ‘Tennis again, maybe next week?’
‘We’ll see,’ Lottie said, and with a wave went downstairs to find Miss Carson and her fiancé standing together on the steps, hand in hand.
‘Here I am,’ she called. ‘Violet is having a bath. I hate to take you away,’ she said to Madeleine. ‘I can easily get a bus.’
‘Nonsense! Get into the car.’
With a smile to Andy, Lottie did as she was told and Madeleine got in beside her, putting the car into gear and smartly reversing, waving to Andy before they turned into the road.
‘The captain is a very nice man,’ Lottie said shyly, following Madeleine’s gaze.
‘I’m glad you like him.’ Madeleine glanced at her. ‘I haven’t known him all that long, only since the winter. We met at a dance and it was, well, love at first sight, I suppose, for me anyway. He is lovely and generous and kind, and my parents like him and I love his parents, so I couldn’t do better.’
Miss Carson slowed down the car and then stopped at the end of the next road and when she spoke the tone of her voice had changed from that of a woman in love to schoolmistressy again. ‘However, Lottie, I did want to have a private word with you. I am very disappointed that you feel you have to work. I told you at the end of term that you were looking very tired and now I know why. When your mother and I talked about you staying on I never thought this would happen. I am very ambitious for you, you know, Lottie, and with good reason. But if you wear yourself out at the store and helping at home, as you know you do, you won’t get the grades you need to go to college. I would like to have a word with your mother about it.’
‘Oh, please, not now,’ Lottie begged. ‘I am already late home and Mum doesn’t know where I’ve been. She will already be cross with me and, well . . . I have to work, Miss Carson. I feel I owe it to my mother to help as much as I can. You know my father can’t work. Bella is better now at housework and Jack occasionally does errands. I promise I won’t let it affect my work. I promise.’
‘Well,’ Miss Carson started the car and turned towards the town, ‘I hope you’re right because I see a brilliant future ahead of you. Maybe even university if you continue getting the grades you are now.’
Lottie remained silent, already nervous about the reception she might get at home. ‘Do you mind stopping at the end of the road, Miss Carson? I don’t want Mum to know where I’ve been.’
‘But why not?’
‘Just because I didn’t tell her and she’ll be angry. You don’t know my mum when she’s angry.’
‘Oh, I think I can imagine it,’ Miss Carson said with a grim smile. ‘I do hope you won’t get into trouble?’
‘I’ll think of something,’ Lottie said as the car stopped by the side of the pavement. She looked at the anxious face turned to her and then impulsively kissed Miss Carson on the cheek. ‘Thanks ever so much and really I am very, very happy for you, very happy. You and the captain are very well suited.’
‘Why, thank you . . .’ Miss Carson looked pleased and surprised by this unexpected and untypical gesture, and put a hand on her cheek. But Lottie, without another word or a backward glance, got out of the car, shut the door and sped along the street. She slowed down as she came to the house and apprehensively opened the front door.
Inside, as she expected, her mother greeted her with an ominous frown, taking an obvious and protracted glance at the clock on the mantelpiece. ‘Do you know what the time is, Charlotte?’ Lottie steeled herself. Her mother always called her by her full name when she was about to administer a reprimand. ‘It’s nearly seven. Where have you been? Wasn’t it your half day? I expected you home hours ago. I had a lot of jobs lined up for you. I wouldn’t have minded a little time off myself but, as usual, you are too selfish to think of me. Besides, I was very worried. Your father was worried.’ Ada turned to the man sitting in his corner, who was looking at her with an uncharacteristically reproachful expression.
‘Sorry, Mum. I met someone I know.’
‘Who?’
‘Someone.’ Lottie faltered.
‘You aren’t meeting a boy, are you, Charlotte?’
‘No, Mum, of course not.’ Lottie coloured at the very idea.
‘Who, then?’
‘It was Miss Carson’s sister, Violet. She came to the store and, well . . . she invited me to go home with her.’
‘You went back to Miss Carson’s house?’ Ada’s voice rose by an octave.
‘Yes, Mum. I did.’
‘And you never thought to say anything to me or think that I’d be worried? That your father would be worried?’
‘I should have, but I didn’t. I am sorry, Mum.’
‘Sorry is not good enough, Charlotte.’
‘No.’ Lottie hung her head.
‘You went back to a place you swore you never wanted to go to again because they made you feel inferior and you didn’t fit in?’
‘Yes, but I like Violet. She has offered to show me around the teacher’s training college, where I may go one day. She’s studying there which was why Miss Carson was anxious for me to meet her. Mum, I am sorry I upset you and it was selfish.’
‘And was Miss Carson there?’
‘Yes. She had just got engaged and her fiancé was there with her. A very nice man, a captain in the army.’
‘And what did Miss Carson say when you just turned up?’
‘She was very nice. So was the captain. We played tennis. It was nice. I really enjoyed myself.’ A note of defiance entered Lottie’s voice.
The idea seemed to enrage Ada more and she advanced towards her daughter, her expression even more forbidding. ‘Charlotte, I thought we decided, you decided, that you would never go to Miss Carson’s house again. You said you didn’t fit in and your last visit made you very unhappy.’
‘I know. But this time it was better. I felt happy there. They are very kind to me and it is a very nice, happy place. Much happier than here!’ she burst out. ‘Much, much happier.’
The blow across her face was as painful as it was unexpected and she reeled back, raising an arm to protect herself. But it was followed by another and she staggered against the wall.
‘Much, much nicer!’ she shouted between blows. ‘Much nicer and happier. My, how I wished I lived there!’
With that she staggered out of the sitting room and ran upstairs to her bedroom, where she threw herself on the bed in a torrent of weeping.
Sometime later the door opened and Bella crept in and sat by her side, putting a hand on her shoulder and patting it.
Drying her eyes, Lottie sat up and put an arm round her sister, laying her head against her chest. ‘I hate it here,’ she said. ‘I don’t think I can go on living here.’
‘Mum is very sorry. Dad actually told her off.’
‘She has never hit me before. Never.’
‘She said she didn’t know what got into her. I never saw Dad so angry with Mum and it surprised her.’
Lottie continued dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief and then blew her nose hard. ‘I would leave here if it wasn’t for you and Dad. I hate Mum and I know she hates me. I was silly today, but she’s always picking on me and I can’t stand much more of it.’
‘Where would you go?’
‘I don’t know, but I’d find somewhere. I’d leave school and see if I could get a full-time job at the store. But I can’t leave you and Dad and Jack with her.’
‘I don’t want you to leave either, Lottie.’ Now it was Bella’s turn to wail. But Bella was very good at wailing and did it a lot, whereas Lottie never cried and tried very hard to conceal her emotions.
‘Don’t worry, I won’t.’ She lay lengthways on the bed and pulled Bella down beside her. ‘I will never leave you. Never. It is all a dream.’
Her arms tightly wrapped around her little sister, she closed her eyes and thought of the large, gracious house and the sunshine which seemed to sweep across the lawn dappling the pool, and the tennis court and how very, very different life could be – and would be, one day, she promised herself.
Ada, noticing the severity of her expression, faced Miss Carson across the table in the visitors’ room. She had been summoned to a meeting a few days before the beginning of the Easter term and was asked once again not to say anything to Lottie. Ada had again donned her best hat for the occasion, though in a concession to the weather, which was still unbearably hot, she hadn’t worn a coat. Despite the open windows no breeze disturbed the air in the stuffy little room.
‘I’ll come straight to the point, Mrs O’Brien,’ Madeleine said. ‘I’m very surprised and distressed to hear that Lottie has been working full time at Kirkcaldies, and also has a job there on a Saturday during the school term.’
‘Well, what’s wrong with that?’ Gazing at her defiantly, Ada knew that Miss Carson didn’t like her and the feeling was mutual.
‘I thought last term that Lottie was looking extremely tired. Despite that she got excellent exam results, but it must take its toll on her. She didn’t tell me she also had a job and I really feel let down, not by her but by you, Mrs O’Brien.’
‘In what way do you feel let down, Miss Carson?’ Ada asked, steely-voiced.
‘The reason I arranged for you to have an allowance was so that Lottie would be able to concentrate on her studies. I know she helps out in the house – does the bulk of the housework, in fact – and with a full-time job or even a weekend job that will certainly eventually have an effect on her studies.’
‘And what are you going to do about it?’ Ada’s tone grew noticeably more belligerent.
‘I would like her to give up the job, which was the idea behind providing you with this subsidy.’
‘It is only on a Saturday during term. She took the full-time job just for the holiday. I see no harm in that, nor does it give you any right to interfere. If you continue to object I will take Charlotte away before she goes on to the higher grade as she is now sixteen and fully capable of earning her own living. Anyway, I feel this is a matter for the school which gives me the allowance and in my opinion the headmistress should be talking to me, not you. What exactly is your interest in Lottie, Miss Carson?’
Miss Carson flushed and paused imperceptibly before replying, ‘My sole interest in Lottie, Mrs O’Brien, is her welfare and helping to realize her academic potential.’
‘Do you invite all your students to your house, Miss Carson, and play tennis with them?’
Miss Carson’s flush deepened. ‘I do invite the occasional student, yes, since you ask. But my younger sister Violet is at the Teacher Training College and I thought that she and Lottie might get on. They are close in age and, in fact, they do.’
‘I really don’t see any need for inviting her to your house. It is making her dissatisfied and discontented with her home and she has become much more difficult during this holiday. She told me, in fact, that she didn’t fit in, didn’t feel at home with you and that you were all very self-satisfied.’ Ada adjusted the brim of her hat and got up. ‘You see, it is doing Charlotte no good at all, Miss Carson. We are a very ordinary, working-class family who have difficulty making ends meet. My husband is an invalid as a result of the war and sits in a chair coughing his heart out all day, receiving a small pension and the occasional handouts from benevolent funds for ex-soldiers. I work all the hours God sends and the last thing I want is a daughter who is given false ideas about her expectations by people she has nothing in common with, will never be able to imitate and feels uncomfortable with. In other words, Miss Carson, I’ll thank you to mind your own business and we will mind ours.’
Almost choking on her words, feeling perhaps that she had gone too far, Ada turned her back on the teacher and made for the door without saying goodbye, leaving a thoughtful, humiliated and much-chastened woman behind.