The doorbell chimes. I jump up from the game of Uno I’m playing with Sekeena and Creeper and go to answer it. I glance at the clock; Jack is right on time. I pull the door open and the cool March air touches my face and arms. “We just started playing. We’ll deal you in next hand.” I wave him in, but he doesn’t move.
He stands under the porch light in his loose-fit jeans and denim shirt over a white T-shirt even though it’s still cool enough to warrant a jacket. His dark hair is tousled, his face clean-shaven. He stands like an actor who’s forgotten his lines. His blue eyes dart here and there, settling nowhere. He jerks his head to the right; he wants me to join him on the porch.
I grab a sweater and step out, closing the door behind me just as a burst of laughter erupts from inside, and Sekeena calls “Uno!” Jack looks past me, through the glass of the front door, into the house and smiles.
He looks back at me, and I gesture to two wicker rockers in the corner, but he shakes his head. I’m disconcerted by his uncharacteristic silence and a nervous giggle burbles up from my throat.
“What is it, Jack?”
He searches my face. Finally he says, “You know how you think about something for a long time? You play it out in your head over and over, how you think it’s going to go, but when the time comes it’s nothing like you thought it would be?”
I laugh in earnest. “That, as you well know, explains the last year of my life.”
He rubs his hands down the front of his jeans. “I’m having one of those moments right now.”
I’m puzzled by his words, but I wait. I know he’ll make it clear. Still, I wish he would agree to sit down.
Hands on his hips, he looks handsome, and flustered. I try to hide a smile. He looks up, blue eyes shining in the porch light. “I don’t know if I should say anything.” He turns toward the dark front yard. When he turns back, he says, “I’ve imagined what I would say. What you would say. Especially what you would say.” He presses his lips together hard and looks up at the porch ceiling. “I sound like a dope.”
I shake my head. I want to say no, he doesn’t sound like a dope, that I very much want to hear what he will say next.
He presses his hands together and points them at me, like directing a prayer my way. “You’ve been through so much. Since before I met you, your life has been this runaway train, and even though things have been better—” He interrupts himself, raising his eyebrows, asking me to confirm his observation.
And in a rush, I know what he’s going to say. My skin tingles with the knowledge. I nod. “Things are better for me.” I pause, searching for the right words. “I’ve come a long way.” I tap my temple. “I’ve found some peace of mind.”
“I know.” He smiles. “The thing is, I never knew— You are the most—” He stares down at his feet. “I’ve never met anyone like you.”
He takes two slow steps toward me. “I’ve wrestled with this for a long time, Kate. Whether it’s the right time to tell you. But I think we both know …”
My heart ricochets around my rib cage. “Tell me.”
He presses his lips together hard, then says, “I love you.” He blurts it out, the sounds running together, making them a single word.
Once again I am wrapped in the sensation of liquid honey pouring down my body. I’m known by him. His presence surrounds me, reaches out to me. Tears blur my vision. “Say it again.”
He laughs, his face open, relieved, happy. “I’m completely, stupidly in love with you.”
I beam at him. “I’m so glad.”
Then I’m in his arms and it is as if the fabric of his waiting is torn asunder, shredded by the moment of fulfillment. There are no tender touches, no soft exploration, no tentative parting of gentle lips. Instead his kiss is a bold declaration: I belong to him, and he to me. Connected by something larger than both of us.
He pulls back. “I don’t want to rush, Kate. I understand we need to go slow.” His hands run over my hair, my face, down my back to my hips, up again.
I touch his face. I nod yes, we’ll go slow. Take our time, whatever you say. “I love you, Jack.”
Tears well in his eyes, his voice is like gravel. “My love.”
My heart thrums in my ears. I pull back a little, so I can read his eyes. “Dr. Alexander says there are no guarantees. I’m making progress, but the future—“
He puts a finger to my lips. “The future belongs to God.” His finger trails from my mouth down my chin and rests in the small valley of my collarbone. “I love the living, breathing part of you, Kate. That will never change.” And his mouth presses down again.
Behind me the door opens. I turn.
Sekeena stands there, bug-eyed at the sight of Jack and me. “Whoa.”
We grin at her, arms around each other. To Jack I say, “Let’s play some Uno.”
He looks deep into my eyes. “I. Love. Uno.”
I laugh as we step inside and close the door.