Saturday 6th March, 1762. Glen Isla. This last week spent preparing the mill & such for the cane. Peter has a way with the machinary and with Wilsons help he keeps the negers in line, they will slack so soon as yr back is turnd. Wilson sees to clening out the old hogs heads and repare of looss staves &c. We are back & for between Blewcastle and heer all week as James away doctoring. John says from the look of it we’ll have our best crop yet.
This evening after dinner Peter took the sulky wt a new young horse in the traces, and showd us his skill. The sulky being light & frale you think it will coup at any moment but P. is so fine a driver he held it on the balance. The horse ran as if the weels was chasing it. We stood on the porch and cheerd wheniver he came round the house, Jacob & Julius whoping and leeping with delight below us till Phebe chase them inside. Later Jacob tell me, Massa Peter go like the wind, him fly-y-y!
Rosanna James’ maid or house keeper as she stiles herself comes fleeing to Glen Isla this night. She says he bate her most crool and shes taken the chance of his absince to beg our protection. We do not dowt she is a lying hoor.
Sunday 7th March. We have word that the Katharine is a day off Savanna. It is a year and four months since she was last here and John did trade with her master Capt. Knight, not long after Tacky. Then he boght 6 Koromanties off him, to make up half of them we lost in the revolt. John boght a further 10 about a year past from an other ship, I forget the master, but we lost 4 of these to yellow fever and the rest are not sesond where as Knights all florish. John & James say they never boght a falty slave of him yet, only wicked ones that went out in the rebellion. That will not happen again, says Jo., we’ll keep them on a titer rope from now, God protect us.
Rosanna does show sines of rough treetment tho she may deserve it. She has stripes across her back very angry looking, also she is wt child, we can not but think this is an other of James’s conquests. If so or indeed even if the bairn is not his he probly shld not have struck her. John at first says she must go back to Blewcastle and she grew histerical falling at his feet &c. At last John says she can stay and be put to work by Pheobe till he has spoken wt James. She’s to sleep with Peach, an envy to us all. She is not ill looking her self and Peter says he may intrude him self atween them if the bed be wide enogh. But knowing John’s views he will not try it.
Wednesday 10th March. Savanna. John & I to Sav to meet with Knight & dine with him. Jo. says its time I was aboord a slave ship & saw how the negroes come to us. The ship has come thro feerce wether and lost a score of blacks to the bloody flux but Knight is well plesed with what he has left and says theres many good ones to be had. To-morrow we bord to make our choise ahead of the crowd.
Knight is a big feerce looking man but wt a tender side to him. He has thick long red hair and a grate shaggy rusty baird, parts of it bleeched out by the salt and sun. With its many various shades he resembils a Scotch bull. You allmost look for his hornes but he has none in fact is amable tho runs his ship from what he tells us with strict disipline. Tis the only way to do it he says. No man can long stay master of such a tribe of villanes as make up a ships crew if he be weak, and he wd be both weak and a fool if he relaxd his vigill on three hunderd Africans made despirate by their dismall situation. He spoke long of his wife in Liverpool, he has not seen her a year, and three children a boy and 2 girls. He says one more passage to Ginea will suffise him, he will remove to the cuntry and grow fat on eggs and beef. He seems fat enough already tho tis hard to tell under all the hair. We sat till late and he staid with us at the inn trusting to his crew the villanes to have all in preperation for us to-morrow.
Thursday 11th March. By long boat to the Katharine. Have not been a board a sea going vesell since I got heer 8 years ago. I was so greevous sick coming over I am made unesy at the meer thought of it. The prospect of seeing Scotland again so plesing in it self is diminishd by fear of the pasage.
The ships side reard up above us like the wall of a grate tower. The day fine and the water flat cawm so it was less of an anxety to me than mite have been. We climbed abord and an astonishing site met our eyes.
There displayd along chanes across the middel part of the deck, was the cargoe or part of it for Capt. Knight assurd us he only broght up the best he had, the others older weak or sicklie being yet confind to the belly of the beest. In any case it was not posibill to have all the Africans above decks at once, from a shortage of space and of fettirs and chanes forby the fear of them louping into the sea. I past an unfastend hach that must go to the slave deck the stench eminating from it was such as I never hope to smell agane. I reeld from it. John saw me and says in a low voyce, they will have cleend it out, think what it was like a week past.
The slaves look very fine many of them. There is a grater proportian of wimen & yung girls than ever before. At his last visit Cap. Knight was impressd by the tales he hard of Tacky & Apongo, and there was many planters toled him they wd not buy Koromanties agane they were too dangerus. The generall notion has been to breed more creeols, if they are borne into slavery they will not object to it so much but see it as their natural state. All ways til now there has been more males than females and some of the wimen not fertil, or their young do not survive. Its even said some smuther them rather than let them growe up in bondage, it is hard to beleeve this cruwelty of females.
In spite of this fear of the Koromanties Knights best slaves are the same, Gold Cost ones and he knows John & James will still pay top prise for them, as will others for they are the best workers in spite of the risk.
Knight did not stray far from our side but he did let us inspect them pritty close, making them stand turn around bend jump open their mouths &c. This as ever is somwhat repugnent to me. John also says he does not like to tuch them too close but will do so to ashure himself of ther quality. They were all well rubbd with pawm oil to make them glissen, had been given pipes & tobacko to put them in better humor and their wool was all shaven so one cd not so easy tell an older man from a young one but there were no tricks with calk or die as some practis. Knight knows we Wedderburns are good customers and tis not in his interest to cheet us.
After an hour or more we had made our choyse. John wanted six men and six wimen and found them, but Knights prices were steep. He wanted £60 a man and 40 each for the females. Six hunderd the lot, and John says five hunderd, Knight comes down to five 50 but will not buge from there. We go to his cwarters to drink a glass & come to a bargin, and that is when we saw the boy.
He was a fine looking fellow, no more than 10 or 11 years, quite tall & well built tho slender and even in the few steps we saw him take he had a grase of movment that was charming to behold, & tho he did not smile or speek he seemd blest with a contenance that in other circumstanses might be sunny and most pleesing to the eye. He broght in a bottle of madeera and glasses on a wooden tray and set it on a table. Then it was as if he did not now what to do – indeed he did not, he stode staring not sullen or stupid but as if lost til Knight usherd him away back on deck, kindly & not roghly. I saw Johns eyes narro as the lad went up.
How do you come by that boy, he asks Knight.
Just the way I come by them all, Mr Wedderburn, says Kt. He was sold to me on a beech for a prise.
John asks who it was sold him, and the captane pulls at the bottom of his baird while soking up madeera through the top of it. Now thats a hard question sir, he says, I’ll have it somewhar recorded in the ledger. But then he said he delt with many traders white & black, mostly black, in many places, and cdnt ritely remember. But it was on a beech he did mind, for he said from the boys look it appeerd he had never seen a beech before or the sea or a ship. Knight says, he stared and stared even as you seen him do just now gentilmen. You cd almost sware you saw the cogs a turning in his head, taking it all in. O he’s a brite one Mr Wedderburn and no mistake. The world comes to him, he dont go to it.
John observd that the boy was let go pritty free about the ship serving the Capt. & so forth and was he not feerd he would escape or try to free his cuntrymen? But as Capt. Kt pointed out where was he to escape save into the jaws of a shark between Guina & Anteega their first port of call, and even now he would drown if he tried swiming to shore. As for aiding the other slaves, an eye was kept out for that but he was a favorit among the crew and lived more wt them than wt the slaves. Then was the Capt. planing on keping him? I cd see that this was what he had in mind, but J’s questions made him considir the matter a fresh. Was you intrested in him yore self Mr Wedderburn? I mite be says J., he’s fine looking, as you say, I have a mind to trane a lad up for a purpos. Oh he’s very fine, says K., he would be an exselent adition to a gentelmans househald. Well, says John, you shall have yr 5 & 50 if you let me have the boy too. K. splutterd a bit as he cd have sold the boy for 30 seperate but John begun to look impashent & as if about to leeve & perhaps Knight saw the hole bargin slipping from his grasp for sudenly he reeches out his muckil paw and sezes J’s hand. Let us seel it with a toast says he, poring from the bottle agane. To the Wedderburns their futur prosperity and the excillent sarvisses of Joseph Knight. I’m obligd to you sir, says John, wt a look at me, which led me to understand he ws thinking as I was, that the Capt. recomended him self some what too strong. By the way, John says, does the boy have a name? K.: That is his name, sir, Joseph Knight, and may he sarve you well. I named him after me, thats my name – Joseph. Which was the first we new of it.
He called for the boy agan & in he come, he new not the words perhaps but he new the sound of the Cap’s voice & stood wating instrucsions. Aynt you a good boy, Joseph? says Knight and the lad says back goo boy like a parret, not a smile or a flicker on his face. Yore to go with your new master now, says Knight. This is Mr Wedderburn. You be good he’ll be a good master to you. Black Joseph says agane goo boy not having I am certane the slitest comprihension that he had just changd hands, and John smiles and claps him on the head. White Joseph roard with laghter.
I dont no why but tho this concluded our bisiness and all seemd well for us & the boy I felt a strong urge to get out of that cabbin and back on dry land. Acordingly I was much releved soon after when having finishd the bottil & John paying part sum to Knight we left taking the boy Joseph with us and the 12 Kromanties were removd from the lines & made redy to be loded ashore & broght to Glen Isla, & Knight to be payed the remander by our agent in Sav.
Befor we went to bed I asked John what purpos he had in mind for the boy, who meantime had been put to sleep wt Jacob & Julius. John said, we will see how he does, but I mean to take him home. When we say home of course we mean only one plase and that is deer old Scotland.
Friday 9th April. Blewcastle. Good Friday. On this day was Christ naled to the Cross for our sins. This the day of his execushon. The jews wanted it. The Romans carried it out. Now we the Christians remember it.
Sunday 11th April. Glen Isla. Easter, or pickny Chrismas as the negers call it. Christ risen. A holyday for them & for us too. We do not go to church, it is too far, but have a short servise here with the house servents, led by John with Bible reading & a psalm. John had Joseph stand befor him holding the Bible open from which he red.
Peter & James here for dinnar but James away erly as meeting wt a cluch of docters in Sav including Davie Fife & an other Scot Crookshank that Ive met but once befor and did not like, he is a sly slidy kind of felow.
Before he left James sees/speeks with Rosana now with a mity belly on her, then with John & agrees to sell her back to her 1st mistress. A complicatd bisness. From Peter I got the full story while they ware out the room.
Rosanna was first a slave on the Duglas estates and maid to Lady Duglas. James as phisician attended Lady D. these 3 or 4 yrs and also some of the slaves. He saw Rosanna there and desird her. This does not surprise me for James desires many that are not half so cumly but it wd have been as Peter says too grate an improprity to buy her for the sole purpose of lying with her, Lady Ds sense of virtue wd not thole it. So James engagd this Crookshank to aproach Lady Duglas and offer for Rosanna, a very good prise, then deliver her over to James. Well I do not now the truth of it wether J. was at falt tho he is hardly a villane, and Peter says some mite charge James with wickednes but the fact is the pius Lady D was willing to sell her maid to Crookshank, a man far less respectd than James. Thus did Rosana come to Blewcastle and Peter reminded me tho in truth I’d forgot it if I ever knew that at least one of the black bairnes running lose there already is James’s by Rosanna. Now she is dew to deliver up an other to him but she protests aganst his ill treetment hence her arrival heer. In short she wishes to return to the Duglasses & they seem prepard to have her. But James has made it an absolut clawse of the contract that the child is free from birth even tho the mother is not. I no not whethir James insists this from pride of blood or because he can not bare to see 2 slaves sold for the price of 1. Peter thinks the former. I say the thing is not proven. The out come is Rosanna is to go from here befor her time is due. This is a blow to yung Joseph K. who has taken to her like his own mother.
Tuesday 27th April. Blewcastle. Feeverish. Hard put to it to see to rite. My pen wanders like spider. Horid visions on walls. Blood. Too weak.
Monday 17th May. Glen Isla. I have been visited by the fever dog agane this past month. Have been very sick & not fit for a thing, as above. Bad dreams of fire, hanging, buchery. They moved me back heer as tis cooler, James comes as often as he can to atend me. Am a little beter to day. Cd scarce keep down any food & have lost much weght thro sweats & purges. James has done his best for me but admits it must run its corse. He says he has grater faith in some of the slave remedies for fever than in his own medecine.
The girl Rosana left here last week, her mother is an o-beeah woman of note in Kingston & James intends to consult wt her – not for this bowt of the fever but for future ones – when next he has ocasion to go there or if she come to see her new grand child, that must come soon from the size of Rosanna when she departd. The witches name is Talkee Amy she runs a shop for her master a marchant Mr Payne. I was there 3 yr ago so James tells me but I do not recall it. She sells cheese chints milk etc. on Paynes behaf & all kind of smuggld & secret goods on her own, as root potiones & such like that the blacks & many whites especialy wimen hold in great esteme.
Yung Joseph has been around my bed side much. He speeks little but you no he is lerning all the time. He helps me walk around the room & will sit for hours wt me. Tho we can not converse much both from the lack of comon langage & my illnes yet I feel he is a comforting presens. He smiles as if to say he nows I will be well agane & some how I beleve it. These visions & dreams tho signify different.
It ocurrs to me if he is 12 or there abouts as wd seem then he was born about the year 1750 when I my self was 12 this makes a kind of bond betwene us. More over I was just 16 when I came here & have felt as adrift perhaps as he, as torn from mother & home as he.
Some wd say we are different as I did not have to come but no, I had to it was desird of me by the others, I could scarse resist. Also being better bred a Scot a white man I have a greater sensibillity of my ordeel, so – poor Joseph but poorer Sandy. He had a great affecton for Rosanna & she for him she wd cuddel & hug him & he liked that as if he had found his mother agane so it was sad for them to be parted tho the Duglasses are not far & it may be they can visit each other. I am struck by Capt. Knights words who gave him his name. The world comes to him. I often ponder what he ment. I think he ment he is wise. His look is wise. James says show me a wise neger & I’ll show you a crafty one.
This riting tires me. I pray for this ilness to pass.
Friday 21st May. Much beter today. For the first time step out side in the evening & walk about the house park. Joseph wt me. We speak with Mary & Peach they seem pleasd to see me up. Mary specialy is warm and tuches my cheek most tender, they are more tuching than us. Some I cant bear ther tuch but Mary is lite of tuch and color, I cd grow to like her. She & Peach fuss Joseph to make up for his loss. He does not trust them, shies away from them as he never did from Rosana & who can say he is not right since thair afection may be taken from him at any time.
Monday 14th June. Blewcastle. James at Lady Duglass today. She tells him Rosanna is deliverd of a male child 2 weeks past, both are well so there was no nesecity for him to see her. As a doctor that is. Of corse there is some delecasy regarding the child’s provinance at lest as far as Lady D. is concernd tho every body betwixt here & Sav must suspeck James of being the father & in deed Lady D. must know also or the mater of the child being free wd not have arisen. Rosanna has called him Robert. James semes torn between pride & rage, but all redy casts his eye else where I’m sure. Tis ever thus wt my brother. We all John exceptid enjoy the lassies flesh but James takes a pride in the frutes of his labors where as the thoght of siring a black bairn is disgusting to me. I can lie wt the lassies but I do not want them bringing forth proginy. Some times I think of being befor God the judge, if you had black bairns they wd be the mark of yore sin. Then you wd be cast into the darknes for etternity. I fear Hell wich I think never crosses Ja’s mind.
Thursday 24th June. We have letters today from Mama & our sisters at Dundee. How fine it is to see ther hand. They tell us Margaret (who does not rite) is well & settld at Blair, she is wt child. Kate, Susanna & Agatha each apend a page or 2 to Mamas news. All well, as is she. Agatha is now turnd twenty, I wd not now her she says. The house in the Nether gait is dispond to Mama & them which is a relef to John – shd the girls not marry they will be sicur of home & incom. Mama wishes they were not in the town all yr but there is little else for it til we come home & take them to the contry agane. They may go to Blair but only for a spell. At once I sat to rite them but there is so littel news to tell or that I can tell. The letter must bild over days. John speks of going to Scotland next yr to redd up our afairs & prepar the way for our return. I wish I may be well enogh to go wt him. Jamaica is killing me.
Lacking news I thought of a better plan. I will paint John James and Peter, perhaps my self also, for Mama. If I go home next yr I will take the portrats wt me, if John goes by him self he may take them.
Saturday 17th July. Glen Isla. More days abed. I am all bone my flesh is an old mans. I can not move or if I do I faint pewk ake til my head bursts & my back semes about to break. This dog is a obstinat beest. James comes, he is never sick, it is not fare. He says he will bring the witch, she is here from Kingstown. I do not want her.
Joseph is not to go to the feelds. John has decided it. He is given over to Pheebe & the house hold to lern to be a foot man or Johns vally or some such I do not care. He is given a blue jackit wt brass butons knee britches bukled shoes & stokings which he seldom wares. They make him a play thing a monkey. He comes less to me now just in the evenings from time to time. He still says little enogh. I used to think his smile was frendly but now I think it cuning. Did he smile to see me getting well or because he saw me sick? His friend is Newman. This is C—as was, his name is Forbidden. Strange that at first I thoght of him as NewMAN, but now he has become NEWman and thus his old self is slowly forgot. But he nows who he is & we now. His back bares the reminder, stripes like weel ruts across the sholders. O God who will pay for such in the final reckening? I fear, we Ws.
This book is a weekness or wd be thoght so by the others if they read it.
Wednesday 21st July: She has been! A feerce old ‘good-dame’ as they wd say at home. Wrinkeld as a stick. She spoke with such a mix of African & Kingstown I could catch barely 3 in every 10 words she said. She ran her fingers over me with not the leest concern whare they went. James was most impacent with her but she wd not be hurried. At last she went away to make up some hellish brew a kind of leaf tea. I have drunk this three times sinse. The first time I was sick the second I fell asleep before I cd finish it & it spilld on the bed. The third time was just now. It tastes like thin mud but my head does not ache so.
Thursday 22nd July. She came again expressd her self well pleesed with me. Joseph was there at her side she spoke much & quick to him & continewed outside on the porch, I know not what of. Do they try to poyson me? Later when I asked him what she told him he said only a Nancy story. It must have been a long one. Nancy is the spider in ther stories, he is a sleekat body & makes his way in life by navery. The negers admire him because he outwits the grater beasts.
Saturday 24th July. On my feet once more. The tea is drunk & I am better for it. Talkee Amy is away to Kingston. How she gets thare I do not no perhaps she flies.
Monday 9th August. I got Mary to come to me last night. She did redily enogh. She has been playing with me this past month so I thogt I would play her back. But strange to say when she crept in to my bed the desire ebbd away & we lay like bairns together. The sleep was good untrubled. She went this morning erly saying she liked it, tho I suspect her lagh. I liked it too. Peter must not see this nor James they alredy think I am a poor enugh apoligy for a man.
Saturday 14th August. I have had so little to do with the plantations of late I loss all sense of the laburs. The new cane is planting, other crops also, thare is more land being cleerd & broken for next season but I have no interest in any of it. John goes about things with out involving me. James at Blewcastle more and more, doctering less and less as Peter is divertd by his own work as a wheelrite and carrage bilder at wich he hopes to prosper. I would help more if I did not get so ill. This contry is not for me. I long for home cold Scotland.
Saturday 21st August. I have begun to plan out the painting. Have decided to do all together, John James & Peter, here at Glen Isla. I have skeches of them all and can work with out making them sit or stand for hours which James for one says he will not abide. I will have them standing on the porch and sitting beside them will be A.W., the Artist, an enigmattic figure wt a knowing look as if to say here are these fine fellowes lords of their domayns in Jamaica, and I am the man that shows them to you.
Monday 20th September. Mary who has been coming to me some nites for a month & more tells me she may not doe so any more. She says this as we lie together. I ask why. She says she has an other man now. I laghd at this saying, Mary, you may have an other man but you have one master & I am he. She shook her head, no my master is not you but yr brother, pleese do not make me stay. What I pleese is what you must do I said. I askd what man. She said, It is Newman. I was angry I said you dont throw me over for a neger & I made to enter her but the anger was spent & I cd not. Then she held me. I suckeld on her she let me. In the morning she was gone.
Sunday 3rd October. They all conspire. I went to John and askd him if he fuckd with Mary. He was cold. I fuck with none of them, he said. I do not beleeve him. I said, she is betraying you, she is wt Newman. John said, that is her consern, leave her alone.
Later I saw Joseph with Newman they were wispering. Mary will not look at me. It is cleer they all combine agaynst me. I have seen Peter & James also, they lagh at me. Well, I too can play that game.
I askd Phebe about Mary, how is her work. P says she is slip shod. I will have her out of here.
Tuesday 5th October. John away to Sav today & tomorrow. I had a long talk wt Phebe. She is a sowr bitch but this serves my purpose. I said to her if Mary is slip shod you need not put up with it. Was there not an other young girl that cd be trayned from afresh to do what she was told and do it better? P. said there was plenty that wd like the chance to work in the house. Very well I said, you fetch one that you like and send Mary to me. Wd the master not object, Phebe says. I too am yr master I said, why do you people not see that, we are all your masters and you must do as we bid. P. nodded her head at me, there was a gleme in her eye as if she knew what I was about, which I did not like. She went out and precently Mary comes in.
You are dismissd from here, I said, you are to go to the second gang. Why, she had the nerve to ask. You know why, I said, you are lazy and impewdent and Phebe says you are beyond listning to her. That is not trew, she says. I said, do you call me a lier. I had a whip in my lap and now I struck it wt force against the chair. No, she says, but why must I go? I told you, you are a disapointment to me, I said, and to Phebe. She says, I will tell Mr John when he returns from Sav. I said, it will be a negers word agaynst his brothers. I will not go, she says. I stood up and struck her in the face with the whip handel saying aye you will or you will get the other end of this bewty across yr back. So she went to the feelds a weeping.
Thursday 7th October. John home late last nite. Erly this morning he must have been aprised by Phebe of what has passd. He came to me and askd why I wishd Mary punishd by being put from the house. I told him he shd ask his housekeper. He said but I know this is yr doing. I said, has Phebe said that? He said yes but it is no mistery, I know what is between you & Mary. There is nothing, I said. If Mary comes greeting to you will you beleve her over me? He said I know what I will beleve but I will not humilate you by bringing her back. He turned his back on me to go. I said, she is lucky the 2d gangs labors are as nothing to the firsts. He did not look at me. I will not humilate you more than you have your self, he said, and went out.
Sunday 10th October. I am wicked I am wicked. God forgive me for she will not. Saw Newman today. He lookd on me with hate. Joseph is serly & avoyds me. I wd have him whippd but he is Johns I dare not.
Tuesday 12th October. Today as I went to the fields I was struck by a blinding pain & fell to the ground. I thoght perhaps I was attacked by Newman. They came to help me & put me to bed. It was the sun or God. All my strenth has fled again.
John came by this evening. I asked him to restore her to the house. He said that was not posible they wd see it as weaknes. Then he said, I see it as weaknes, Sandy, you are sick but you have yr self to blame. I beleve he wd like me to die. I will not give him that satisfaction. To tired to rite more.
Saturday 27th November. Papa died this day. John shut away by him self. The day is hot & sunny but the mood of the place is gloomy. So it is this & each November. Worked on the painting. It is all but done. I have left my self out after all since I feel I am hardly here in the flesh any more. Instead I have put in Joseph, The Faithfull Servant.
Saturday 25th December. Glen Isla. Christmas. I have not ritten heer neer a month. Mary is with Newman he can keep her. She is aling John tells me too soft for the field work. She will go to the 3rd gang to repare. I do not care.
I determin to make a fresh start. I am better. We are all asembled for prayers and then a great dinner. James Peter John & I. Joseph serves the wine. Before the meal I presented the painting to them. Only John knew I had been working on it, and even he I had not let see it. They all aplauded and admired it, nor do I think they were humoring me. Peter says you have captured us very well, and James says espeshally since we never sat for you. John says to Joseph do you see your self, you will look out from that picter for a hunderd yrs and never age a day. None of us will, said Peter. Then James said, but why did you not paint yr self with us. I said, because the painting is for Mama and she will have no need to see me in it. Peter says why not. I said because I will give it to her in person. I am going home.
I thought this might cause a row but far from it, they beemed even more. John says, let us drink to that. Then, looking at me, here is to Scotland we will be there next Christmas. We drank and wished each other happy Christmas. I said they make little of Christmas at home. John said the calvenists may do what they want with their black beeked soles, we will mark it there as here. He smiled at me. I thoght of snow. Strangely I felt warm thinking of it. I long for it. I will make my self better so I can see snow again.