While the arrival of Margaret distracted the bad guys, Candace was busy slipping her nail file to the younger, uncaped Melvin Beederman. She had just enough strength left to do this. And the younger Melvin was not affected by the bologna.
“Use it to cut us loose,” Candace whispered.
The two Melvins, Candace, James, and Margaret, along with sacks of bologna, were now strapped to an enormous barbell. Max, the muscle, dropped it all through the hole in the floor and down they went—Splash!—into the water.
Goofball, Max, and Calamity stood at the edge of the hole, watching. “If I was not in such a hurry to get back home, I would stand here and have a nice long evil laugh session,” Goofball said. He paused. “Oh, what the heck. Mwaah haa haa haa!”
See? You can tell why the guy is an award winner.
“That felt good. Let’s find that plane and get out of here.”
“Make like a crop duster and leave them in our dust?” Max said. He was running out of things to “make like,” and it was getting on everyone’s nerves. Including the narrator’s!
“Whatever.”
* * *
The barbell came to rest at the bottom of Boston Harbor, and the younger Melvin got to work cutting himself loose. He worked quickly—before he ran out of air. He cut himself free, then did the same for James. At the same time, Margaret, who was no longer in the presence of Calamity Wayne, felt her strength return. She busted the shoelaces tying her to the barbell, then grabbed the caped Melvin and Candace.
The five of them broke the surface together, gasping for breath.
“Holy suffocation!” Melvin said. “That was a close one.”
Holy suffocation, indeed! It sure was. They climbed back into the abandoned building.
The young Melvin looked at the slightly older, caped version of himself. “That’s a great head of hair you’ve got. Are we related?”
“Uh … I’m your uncle Fred,” said the older Melvin. He didn’t know how to tell him the truth. And besides, he had bad guys to catch.
“Uncle Fred? How come I’ve never heard of you?”
“No time to explain.” The caped Melvin then turned to Candace and Margaret. “Three bad guys and three superheroes. Perfect. I can go after Goofball. Candace, you can get Max. Margaret, you’ve got Calamity.”
They ran outside and launched themselves. “Up, up, and away!” Candace and Margaret were up and flying on the first try. Melvin did things his way—Crash! Splat! Thud! Kabonk! It wasn’t pretty, but then again, it never was.
* * *
“What’s the plan, boss?” Calamity asked. He knew they had to make like a something and do something, but he wasn’t sure what either something was.
“We split up, just in case,” Goofball replied.
“Just in case what?”
“Just in case something happens. You know, Melvin and his noggin power, or maybe the narrator will pull a fast one. You never know.”
Yes, you sure don’t.
And so Goofball headed north, Max south, and Calamity west.
* * *
“Not so fast!” Melvin said, dropping out of the sky and landing right in front of Goofball.
“Curses!” Goofball muttered, which is a very common bad guy expression, especially at the end of a book.
Goofball did not even try to get away. Melvin had him, and both of them knew it.
“Stop trying to get away from me!” Candace said as she plopped herself down in front of Max on the other side of town.
“Don’t you mean ‘not so fast’?” Max asked. It was, after all, part of the Superhero’s Code to say that. But Candace hadn’t graduated from the academy and didn’t know the correct lingo.
But no matter, Max was caught, just like Goofball. The problem was, where was Margaret?
At that moment she was dropping out of the sky and planting herself on the sidewalk in front of Calamity Wayne. “Not so fast!” she said. She was a student at the academy; she knew the code.
Suddenly she felt weak. She fell to her knees, gasping, “Can’t … move … get … me … out … of … here.”
“See ya,” Wayne said. He didn’t bother to stick around to see what was wrong. He ran. A short time later he saw a policeman sitting on a horse. He knocked him off, stole the horse, and rode west, just as Goofball had told him.
After he was gone, Margaret’s strength returned. She got to her feet and headed back toward the academy. On the way she met up with Melvin and Candace, who were dragging Goofball and Max.
“Where’s Calamity?” Melvin asked.
“He got away,” Margaret said. “I couldn’t get close to him. It made me weak.”
“Weak in the knees?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm.” Melvin stroked his chin. “Sounds like a crush. Sounds like you have the hots for Calamity Wayne.”
“Sounds like it’s the cape,” Candace said. She turned to Melvin. “Should we go after him?”
Melvin shook his head. “We’ve got the brains of the operation and we’ve also got the muscle. Who cares about the getaway guy?”
And so Melvin and Candace flew back to Los Angeles along with Goofball and Max. Then they used the time machine to return to the proper time. Clankity–Whump–Pow–Thunk! It was the worst re-entry yet. But it didn’t bother Melvin or Candace one bit. They were just glad to be home, glad to have solved another case, and very glad to be superheroes in charge of such a great town.
They dropped Goofball and Max off at the police station and headed for home.
“Save the world again tomorrow?” Melvin asked.
“Of course,” said his partner in uncrime. “I can’t think of a better way to spend the day.”
And so they did, because it was what superheroes do, and it was what they loved to do … just as soon as Candace finished her math.