Chapter 4

Rapid Relief Techniques

With skills in hand to manage your body’s response to stress, we turn now to skills that will help you manage troubling emotions. At some time or another, we all experience strong, distressing emotions, such as fear, panic, anxiety, sadness, grief, shame, disgust, or anger. If we lack skills to handle them, these emotions can build up like a pressure cooker that eventually explodes. Over time they might erode mood, health, and functioning. Chapters 4 through 9 will teach you practical skills to manage difficult emotions. This chapter will help you recognize painful emotions, and it provides two skills to help you gain rapid relief from moderately upsetting experiences.

Painful Emotions Are Normal

Present difficulties often stir up painful emotions, which often stir up similar emotions and unresolved memories from the past. Pain from the past, in turn, can fuel worries about the future. It’s reassuring to realize that distressing emotions are common to everyone, and that they usually make sense when we consider one’s life experience. Perhaps you can take a moment to consider your own life experience. Please check any adversities below that you’ve encountered. Without any judgments, simply notice if any emotions arise as you do.

Everyday strains (overwhelming time demands, critical leaders or family members, financial concerns, pressures to excel, ongoing conflict with family or coworkers)

Serious illness or injury in yourself or those you care for

Rejection, betrayal

Humiliation, criticism, feeling inadequate

Losing your job

Loss (death of a loved one or friend, end of a relationship, loss of income)

Infidelity

Divorce (your own or that of your parents)

Failure

Trauma (experiencing, witnessing, or sometimes even learning about overwhelming events such as combat, terrorism, natural disasters, riots, crime, traffic accidents, domestic violence, physical or emotional abuse, or sexual trauma; rape, abuse, and molestation are particularly distressing)

Other:

Pause to reflect, again without judging. Do any of these events stir up emotions that seem strong or unsettled? Might there be connections between your everyday emotions and past experiences?

If unresolved, emotional upheaval from the past can keep present emotions highly charged, disrupting mood, physical health, and functioning. We now understand that childhood adversities—such as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse; neglect; or living in a home with domestic violence, mental illness, suicide, substance abuse, or a missing parent—can lead to a wide range of psychological, medical, and functional problems in adulthood. Most adults have experienced at least one such adversity. The more childhood adversities one has experienced, the more likely one is to experience psychological, medical, and functional problems (Felitti 2002). We also know that nearly every kind of trauma, particularly if it has not been resolved, is linked to increases in diverse medical conditions, ranging from the flu to even heart attacks and cancer (Prigerson et al. 1997).

This understanding underscores the importance of processing and settling past emotional wounds—the sooner the better. Fortunately, there are many ways to do this. Many effective strategies have been developed to help people heal from trauma. A skilled trauma specialist can help trauma survivors settle overwhelming experiences. This chapter and chapters 5 to 9 can help you gain relief from less disturbing emotional upheavals by confronting, rather than avoiding, distressing emotions. Also, see The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook (Schiraldi 2016a) for details on trauma treatments. If dealing with difficult experiences seems daunting, see a skilled mental health professional. You might discuss the skills in this chapter with a therapist and consider using them to complement treatment.

Avoiding Emotions Usually Doesn’t Help

Avoidance is a common thread in the stress-related conditions. It is natural to want to avoid painful emotions, memories, or situations. However, as figure 4.1 suggests, the problem with avoidance is that nothing changes, and sometimes the very things we do to avoid pain create their own set of problems. The following lists ways that people avoid. Do any of these describe your typical response to stress? Check those that apply.

I don’t think about troubling thoughts, emotions, situations, or memories and thus do little to modify them.

I deny anything is wrong, or I minimize the pain. (“It doesn’t really bother me. It used to, but now it doesn’t.”)

I numb my emotions. (When we numb negative emotions, we also numb positive emotions.)

I dwell on physical pain or symptoms to avoid emotional pain.

I withdraw from people, places, or situations that are distressing.

I keep feelings to myself and don’t tell others what is going on inside.

I wish I could erase painful memories. (This is not possible, and trying to do so only creates tension.)

I try to escape or block out negative emotions with:

Drugs

Painkillers

Excessive humor

Workaholism

Intellectualizing (habitually thinking, complaining, worrying, or being stuck on “why” questions while not acknowledging underlying emotions and trying to resolve them)

Overconfidence or overachieving (an attempt to compensate)

Compulsive gambling, shopping, sex, or other addictions

What do you notice? Do you see any patterns? Might avoidance be working for or against you? Avoidance takes a lot of energy and is exhausting. It keeps us stuck emotionally and prevents us from enjoying many of life’s satisfactions. Please note that habitual avoidance is not the same as healthy, temporary distractions, such as wholesome recreational activities or vacations. We are talking about habitual avoidance patterns like those listed above that do not change our response to pain. These patterns offer short-term benefits, and people engage in them because they haven’t yet learned a better response to pain. Fortunately, there is a better strategy.

Figure 4.1: The emotional avoidance detour (Ciarocchi and Mercer, no date)

The New Strategy

We have learned from the study of trauma that each time we bring a painful memory into complete awareness, the brain has a chance to change it. Thus, a survivor of a difficult divorce tells his or her story to a safe and respectful listener, and this enables the brain to incorporate feelings of safety and respect into the painful memory. If that survivor reduces arousal while telling the story, then calmness and comfort might begin to replace agitation.

The better strategy acknowledges pain and actively moves toward it. Rather than battling the pain (“I can’t stand this; I need a drink”), or avoiding it in passive resignation, we turn toward the pain with compassion and acceptance. We allow ourselves to stay in contact with distressing emotions, thoughts, memories, and bodily sensations long enough to process them. This helps to reduce symptoms of post-traumatic stress, anxiety, depression, and general distress. For example, Carrie tried very hard to forget a difficult childhood experience by keeping busy, drinking, and partying. Eventually, she learned to turn toward the pain and to allow it in, without judging the pain as bad or good. She realized that she was stronger than she thought and that she no longer needed to run from her memory.

This part of the workbook will help you modify painful memories and your emotional response to difficult times. We’ll start with two techniques that often bring rapid relief from intense, distressing emotions, which can arise from a range of events, from an argument with a family member to something traumatic. For traumatic events, it is usually wise to try these techniques with a trauma specialist. For events involving moderately intense emotions, you might experiment with these on your own.

Eye Movements

Dr. Larry D. Smyth (1996), of the Sheppard Pratt Hospital, developed this useful adaptation of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), which is a comprehensive treatment for PTSD and other stress-related mental disorders. The following technique helps about two-thirds of people who try it.

  1. Identify a past or present situation that distresses you and is difficult to shake. Remember, go easy. When first trying this technique, do not pick a situation or memory that is extremely intense for you. Rather, pick a moderately distressing situation to gain confidence in the technique. While this technique does not usually have negative side effects, there is always the possibility that one might be overwhelmed by trying to go too fast too soon. In a moment you will think about the situation to the point that you feel 5 to 6 subjective units of distress (SUDs), where 0 means you feel pleasantly relaxed, with no distress, and 10 is the most intense discomfort you could possibly feel.
  2. Imagine the upsetting situation. Notice the emotions and bodily sensations. Now add any images (such as someone scowling at you) and thoughts that go along with the memory (such as I can’t take this… Why did this have to happen? What’s wrong with me?) until the SUDs level reaches 5 or 6. Don’t allow the SUDs level to go higher, because we don’t want this process to become overwhelming. A level of 5 to 6 is moderately distressing—uncomfortable but tolerable. At this level you can think clearly.
  3. With eyes open and head still, move two extended fingers back and forth in front of your eyes. Your hand should be about fourteen inches in front of your eyes, and the back-and-forth movement should cover a distance of about two feet. Watch your fingers move back and forth for about twenty-five cycles.
  4. Notice where your SUDs level is now. Typically it drops to 4 or 4½. Notice any shifts in the thoughts, images, bodily sensations, or emotions. People often notice that they change or lessen in intensity. For example, an image might shrink or fade, or the gut might feel less tense. If your SUDs level dropped a little, then this technique may be useful for you. Repeat the back-and-forth movement of the fingers.
  5. If you wish to use this in places where back-and-forth hand movements are inconvenient, be creative. Try picking two spots on the wall or on your knees and move your eyes between those spots. You can also move your eyes back and forth with your eyes closed, or with your hand over your eyes as if you are in deep thought.
  6. If this technique dropped your SUDs level, practice it several times a day for a one-week period to master the skill. Use it as a rapid stress reducer when you want to soothe your nerves, or perhaps before returning home from work.

Thought Field Therapy

Thought field therapy (TFT) is another simple technique that can bring rapid relief from strong and distressing emotions. Its originator, Dr. Roger Callahan (a WWII veteran), described it as a self-help technique that can decrease emotional distress related to anxiety (including panic, phobias, worries, and fears), depression, stress, troubling memories, guilt, grief (for example, from a death or a broken relationship), fatigue, and embarrassment. He noted that it also dramatically improves heart rate variability (which is similar to heart coherence), typically within minutes, while helping to reduce pain and symptoms of certain chronic diseases, such as fibromyalgia and asthma. There are, he stated, no apparent risks or side effects—it either works or it doesn’t.

When using the technique, one does not have to talk about, analyze, or disclose any details regarding the adversity. You can easily learn the technique and teach it to others. Preliminary research in Kosovo, Rwanda, and elsewhere appears to support the favorable clinical impressions regarding its use (Johnson et al. 2001; Sakai, Connolly, and Oas 2010). The instructions that follow are an adaptation developed by Dr. Robert L. Bray (2017) (used here with permission). In this technique, you will tap solidly with the tips of two fingers of either hand—firmly but not so hard as to be uncomfortable. To prepare, locate the tapping points (it does not matter which side of the body you use):

  1. Side of hand: This is the fleshy part where one would strike when doing a karate chop.
  2. Under nose: Between the top lip and the nose.
  3. Beginning of eyebrow: Just above the bridge of the nose.
  4. Under eye: On the bone about an inch beneath the pupil (when looking straight ahead).
  5. Under arm: On the side of the torso, about four inches below the armpit.
  6. Under collarbone: Place two fingers at the notch at the base of your neck. Drop them down an inch and slide them over about an inch.
  7. Little finger: Along the nail line on the inside of the finger (next to the ring finger).
  8. Under collarbone: Same as step 6.
  9. Index finger: Along the nail line on the side of the finger near the thumb.
  10. Under collarbone: Same as step 6.

Finally, there’s the gamut spot, so named because you carry out a sequence of activities while continuously tapping there. To locate it, make a fist, then place the index finger of the other hand, which will tap, between the knuckles of the little and ring fingers. Slide the index finger an inch down the back of the hand, toward the wrist. That’s the gamut spot.

Here are the instructions for TFT:

  1. Remember and think about a situation that had a moderately negative impact on you. Using the SUDs scale described with the previous technique, rate the situation from 1 to 10. If you can’t remember a situation, focus on a distressing image, feeling, sensation, or sound.
  2. In succession, tap each of the ten major points about six to ten times:
    1. Side of hand
    2. Under nose
    3. Beginning of eyebrow
    4. Under eye
    5. Under arm
    6. Under collarbone
    7. Little finger
    8. Under collarbone
    9. Index finger
    10. Under collarbone
  3. While continuously tapping the gamut spot, do the following:
    1. Close eyes
    2. Open eyes
    3. Look down and left
    4. Look down and right
    5. Whirl eyes in a circle
    6. Whirl eyes in a circle in the opposite direction
    7. Hum aloud any tune
    8. Count aloud to five
    9. Hum aloud again
  4. Repeat step 2.
  5. Rerate your level of upset. Repeat the whole sequence (steps 2 through 5) until there is no further drop in the level of upset.
  6. End with a floor-to-ceiling eye roll if the SUDs rating is 2 or less. That is, while tapping the gamut spot and holding your head level, rotate your eyes on a vertical line from floor to ceiling over a period of six to seven seconds.

Why Do These Techniques Work?

Various theories might explain why these techniques can be effective. First, both techniques help us to confront pain. Exposing ourselves to distress is the first step toward desensitizing the nervous system, whereas avoidance maintains memories and the resulting arousal. The actions involved in both exercises stimulate both sides of the brain, which helps the brain process distressing memories that are stuck. (It is likely that the brain already contains thoughts and images that help to neutralize distressing memories; these techniques can blend these healing thoughts and images into the distressing memory.) Both techniques disrupt racing and worrisome thoughts, and focusing on bodily sensations—either by noticing them or by tapping—tends to ground one in the body and help to calm oneself down. Moving the eyes and tapping might also help to release energy that is bottled up or stuck.

Activity: Practicing a Rapid Relief Technique

Select either of the rapid relief techniques and try it out for four consecutive days in response to a moderately distressing event. Keep a log of its effectiveness using the form in appendix C.

Conclusion

This chapter introduced the idea of facing, rather than avoiding, what hurts. Doing this in a kind, nonjudgmental way (meaning no thoughts such as I hate this! This is awful!) reduces suffering. The eye movements and tapping techniques often provide rapid relief from distressing emotions. You can practice them preventively or in response to a troubling event. Chapters 5 to 9 will broaden your skills for settling troubling emotions.