In part 1 you learned many skills to strengthen your brain, regulate the physical changes of stress, and manage strong, distressing emotions. You are now prepared for an extremely important part of resilience training: growing happiness. As you’ll see, what makes us happier helps us “spiral upward,” or flourish, and become more resilient overall. Part 2 will explore many practical, well-researched happiness skills drawn from positive psychology. We’ll start in this chapter with happiness basics.
The definition of “happiness” is important and comprises two things:
So happiness is more than fleeting emotions that result, say, from getting everything you wanted for your birthday. Rather, happiness reflects a deeper, more enduring inner condition. It is the ability to inwardly enjoy life even amidst outer turmoil. It is the capacity to savor life’s beauty and to say, with Winslow Homer, “All is lovely outside my house and inside my house and myself.”
Happiness and resilience are closely intertwined. For example, positive emotions help people more quickly reduce elevated arousal and recover from stress. In addition to being correlated with resilience, happiness has been linked to thriving and effective functioning in many areas of life. (See Diener and Biswas-Diner 2008 and Fredrickson 2009 for excellent overviews.)
The broaden and build theory of leading positive psychology researcher Dr. Barbara Fredrickson (2009) explains how happiness helps us flourish. Pleasant emotions expand our view of adversity, helping us see a broader range of coping options. They also motivate us to act on new coping options. Applying a broader range of coping options builds new neural pathways in the brain—and a larger coping repertoire for future adversity. The mechanism may be related to brain biochemistry. Pleasant emotions cause the brain to secrete neurotransmitters such as dopamine and opioids. These chemicals foster one’s tendency to approach and solve problems (rather than avoid them) and reinforce or reward coping efforts with more positive feelings. An upward spiral is created whereby positive emotions lead to more effective coping, which increases satisfaction levels and the openness to tackle more challenges. Thus, happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007) has concluded that feeling happier makes people more productive, likable, energetic, healthy, friendly, helpful, resilient, and creative.
In an imperfect world, perpetual happiness is an unrealistic expectation. Most would find constant euphoria boring and shallow. Constant happiness does not favor optimal functioning. Down times can send us back to the drawing board to become wiser, stronger, and more compassionate. Strive for greater happiness, but not perfect happiness. The pursuit of perfect or constant happiness can be exhausting and disappointing.
Happy people do experience distress. For example, it is perfectly normal to feel grief and guilt at times. However, happy people spend less time feeling negative emotions, and when they do they know how to bounce back.
There are times when being too attached to happiness, and not being open to all emotions, can work against us. For example, a person who is overly attached to happiness might minimize medical symptoms or ignore a doctor’s advice. However, Dr. Fredrickson (2009) has found that people generally flourish by increasing the ratio of positive emotions to negative emotions they experience. She found that a positivity ratio of at least three to one builds resilience over time. That is, for every unpleasant emotion you experience, you need to experience at least three positive emotions to offset it. Most people fall below that ratio. The ratio can be increased by either reducing gratuitous negativity or increasing the positives. Eliminating distortions is an example of reducing negativity. Being open to the simple beauties around us is an example of increasing the positives.
Based on a considerable amount of scientific research, Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007) and her colleagues have identified three sources of happiness (see figure 10.1).
Figure 10.1: The happiness pie: Where does happiness come from? (Lyubomirsky 2007)
Figure 10.2 depicts one way to look at the relationship between genetic baseline, circumstances, and intentional activity when it comes to happiness. External events, such as a promotion, a new car, or marriage, can produce a bump in happiness, which typically returns to the genetic baseline over time. However, regularly and intentionally engaging in activities that promote happiness can raise happiness levels to a new baseline, which can be maintained as long as we continue to engage in happiness-enhancing activities. Let’s note the need for balance here. If your genetic baseline is low, acknowledge this with kind understanding, while recognizing that there is still much you can do to grow happiness.
Figure 10.2: Increasing happiness through intentional activity (Kerr, no date)
It is more difficult, though not impossible, to experience pleasant emotions when one lives in dire economic, political, medical, or psychological conditions. Thus, it is important to strive for financial security and to treat medical or psychological conditions. Remember, many conditions that interfere with happiness, such as PTSD, depression, anxiety, apnea, thyroid disorders, and high cholesterol, are highly treatable.
Considerable data show that people on average are happier if they live in an economically developed democracy that respects human rights and actively participate in running their government. Married people are generally happier than those who are cohabitating or single. However, people who are happier are more likely to marry and stay married. In other words, people who remain married were happier going into their marriage. Starting out marriage with steep expectations and fewer relationship skills can lessen the chance of happiness in marriage. Though raising children can be stressful, especially during their teen years, a number of studies link having children with happiness. Children are often linked to other factors associated with parental happiness, such as marriage, morality, stable work, religion, and meaning. (See Brooks 2008 for an excellent summary of happiness research.)
We all live with the desire to be happy. Happiness is largely learned, although the foundational skills often take effort and persistence. As the beloved comedian George Burns once observed, most of the things that make people happy don’t fall into our laps. We have to work at them a little. The good news is that most people say they are generally happy most of the time, even those suffering from mental or physical illness. More good news is that learning happiness skills can result in significant increases in one’s happiness (Lyubomirsky 2007). And preliminary studies (Sin and Lyubomirsky 2009) suggest that learning these skills can improve depression, suggesting the utility of adding happiness training to the typical regimen of psychotherapy or medication.
Happiness is a critical component of resilience. It changes the brain in a number of ways that favor optimal well-being and functioning. The brain is plastic; it has the capacity to build neural pathways associated with happiness. You might wish to review chapter 1 on the brain. Jot down any steps that might strengthen your brain and prepare you to etch new neural pathways for happiness. Even small steps, such as increasing sleep by fifteen minutes, reducing excessive caloric intake by fifty calories per day, adding a serving of fruits or vegetables to your daily menu, or taking a short walk, can reap large dividends. In chapters 11 through 21 we’ll turn to developing happiness software—the programming, or habits, that increase happiness at both the brain and heart levels.