It was Cicero who said, “While there is life, there is hope.” Optimism, like self-esteem and gratitude, is strongly related to happiness. Also, like self-esteem and gratitude, optimism is an attitude and a skill that can be cultivated through practice. This chapter explores ways to enhance this important strength of resilience.
Having realistic optimism doesn’t mean that you expect everything to turn out perfectly. Rather, it means you have the view that if you try your best, things are likely to turn out as favorably as possible. It is also expecting that even if things turn out badly, you can still find something to enjoy and look forward to. Think again of WWII concentration-camp survivor Viktor Frankl, who marveled at the beauty of the sunset through the barbed wire, while dreaming of lecturing someday about creating meaningful lives.
Researchers such as Martin Seligman (2006) have found that optimists are not only happier than pessimists, but they are mentally and medically healthier, are more resistant to stress, are more satisfied with their relationships, and perform better in high-stress environments. Optimists are more likely to anticipate bad and good outcomes, plan accordingly, and persist in doing their best. They don’t waste time getting bogged down in negativity or fruitless activities.
Optimism moves us to action. However, it is important to distinguish between realistic and unrealistic optimism. When we have realistic optimism, we recognize the importance of personal effort: we hope for a good outcome and actively work for it. If one approach doesn’t work, we flexibly choose another. While we expect that goodwill generally prevails, we accept times when nothing more can be done.
Unrealistic optimism, on the other hand, causes us to blindly assume that all will be well without fully considering the challenges and effort needed to succeed. We may assume that we are more capable than we are. This false security and overconfidence can leave us unprepared and disappointed. Thus, people with unrealistic optimism might fail to take care of their health or might fail professionally because they didn’t sufficiently train. Now let’s translate these ideas into learnable skills.
Optimists and pessimists think differently about bad events (Seligman 2006). If you ask a person why a bad event happened and what it means, his explanation indicates how he thinks about himself, his life generally, and his future. Let’s say two coworkers, one a pessimist and the other an optimist, fail a promotion test. The pessimist attributes the failure to the three Ps, something that is personal, pervasive, and permanent:
In contrast, the optimist has a very different way of explaining things, attributing her poor performance to things that are external, specific, and impermanent:
Which explanatory style is more likely to motivate you to feel and function at your best? Notice that the optimist’s thoughts are realistic and adaptive. Also notice the relationship between the pessimist’s thinking style and low self-esteem. The pessimist’s thinking style is more likely to lead to feelings of helplessness, passivity, and depression. Fortunately, we can learn to think more optimistically. Mastering this skill can reap huge benefits.
Activity: Explanatory Style
This activity works well in a group of two or three, but it can also be done individually.
| Pessimistic Thoughts | Optimistic Thoughts |
|---|---|
|
Personal—condemns and entirely blames self; attributes outcome to personal flaws at the core |
External—sees whole picture; allows for influence of other people or difficult circumstances; no self-condemnation for poor performance; focuses on improving performance |
|
Pervasive—consistent pattern in all areas |
Specific—limited to this situation |
|
Permanent—unchangeable |
Impermanent—temporary, fleeting, changeable |
Rather than becoming despondent and giving up, an optimist tends to look at adversity and see a silver lining—some hidden benefit, something that is right, something that could lead to a new chapter in life. Like taking an inventory after a military engagement, the optimist looks at adversity and sees what’s left to work with. For example, consider an optimistic young man who was severely injured in an automobile accident. His rehabilitation took years, and yet he remained positive:
Activity: The “At Least” Exercise
This exercise stimulates a constructive shift in the way we respond to adversity. It helps us appreciate what’s left to work with. It provokes us to ask how well we can manage despite what happened. It stimulates curiosity about future possibilities. The instructions are to simply identify an adversity and complete the sentence stem “At least…” Write down as many completions as you can. Let the thoughts flow without inhibitions of any sort. Then, put the sentences aside and come back to them after sleeping, to add additional thoughts. When finished, you might ask others to contribute their thoughts.
Optimistic beliefs can be reinforced in many ways.
It is a peculiarity of man that he can only live by looking to the future…and this is his salvation in the most difficult moments of his existence, although he sometimes has to force his mind to the task. —Viktor Frankl
Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better, whereas enslavement is a certainty of the worst. —Albert Camus
The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity. —Winston Churchill
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair. —2 Corinthians 4:8
This could be tough. If I do what seems best, things will probably turn out as well as possible.
The first time through is usually more difficult. Keep goals realistic.
I’ll approach this with curiosity, not self-doubt.
I’ll recognize if it is time to shift strategies.
Other:
This is a difficult situation.
Keep calm and steady. I’ll probably solve this.
If I try a different strategy, perhaps I’ll get better results.
My best is all I can expect to give to this challenge.
Other:
(Identify thoughts for a good outcome.)
Good job.
All in all, I did pretty well.
I used my strengths and skills and marshaled needed resources.
This gives me confidence to succeed in other areas.
Other:
(Identify thoughts for a bad outcome.)
It’s water under the bridge; tomorrow is another day.
This challenge revealed both strengths and areas to improve. I’ll improve with time and experience.
Next time, I’ll try a different strategy, specifically .
Some situations are beyond my control.
Even though I came up short, I’m still a worthwhile person.
Other:
Optimists have dreams. They imagine a better life and set goals to create it. As noted, writing about past traumas for up to thirty minutes a day for four days in a row can raise your mood and reduce visits to health care providers; even more impressive results can result from writing for the same amount of time about creating your hoped-for future (King 2001).
Activity: The Best Possible Future Self
Can you imagine a bright future, one in which you have worked hard, overcome obstacles, and achieved the goals you most desire? Are you open to the idea of a better future? The process of describing this type of future life helps you sharpen goals, reminds you of what you’re really working for, and motivates and empowers you to achieve these goals. This activity (which combines elements described in Austenfeld, Paolo, and Stanton 2006; King 2001; and Lyubomirsky 2007) involves writing continuously for twenty to thirty minutes on each of four consecutive days. Here are the instructions.
Strengthening optimism can counterbalance a difficult past by urging us forward, toward a brighter future. Resilient people keep their dreams for a happier life alive, despite setbacks. When you feel stuck in the negatives of the past, remember to return to the skills in this chapter.