In the kitchen, Annie stared into the almost-empty pantry. Where did all the food go? On the way home from visiting the hospital the previous day, she had stocked up at the supermarket. But the week’s worth of biscuits and coffee had already disappeared. How much could one team of builders get through?
The milk was almost gone as well, thanks to the continuous cycle of coffee and tea-making that appeared to go on all day. It didn’t help that there was no dishwasher, so the mugs continued to pile up in the sink.
She played the radio on her phone constantly all day as well. Rather than mask the silence of the near-empty house as it had so often done, it now added to the endless noise that invaded Annie’s ears. She reached forward to switch it off when a familiar tune began to play. It was Rocky Relationships’ one and only hit.
The force of the memory almost knocked her down. Suddenly, she was no longer in a draughty, cold kitchen but on that ship’s balcony on the Baltic Sea being kissed by him. She could feel the thrill of his arms around her. Smell the sharp tang of his aftershave, the soft smoky breath as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear. Taste his lips on hers.
Her fingers moved to touch her lips at the memory. Annie let her fingers drop, trying to push the recollection away with a shake of her head. But she knew it was no use. It had been so long, so many years had passed and still she yearned for his touch.
Nobody would ever compare to him, her first love. Not that there had been many offers in the years since. But she had turned them all down, hoping that she would see him again. Knowing that she probably never would.
It had been the happiest three months of her entire adult life. Steve and his band had moved across to one of the larger cruise ships that toured the Mediterranean. Thankfully Annie had been able to grab one of the last positions available so that she could move with him. It had meant that she was now only a waitress in the restaurant but she didn’t care. It was worth it to spend each night with Steve, wrapped in his arms.
Then Rocky Relationship hit the big time. The radio stations had begun to play their song. Suddenly they were a top ten hit. They signed with a new manager and number one in the charts swiftly followed.
‘I’ve got to go, babe,’ Steve had told her. ‘Radio 1 wants us on the breakfast show. So do all the chat shows on the TV. We’re getting off this ship in the morning.’
The tears had rained down Annie’s cheeks but she knew she couldn’t stop him pursuing his dream.
‘I’m crazy about you,’ he had said between urgent, hungry kisses. ‘Don’t you worry, gorgeous. I won’t forget you.’
‘I love you,’ she had told him over and over as the ship docked in the morning. ‘I love you so much.’
‘I’ll call you, yeah? See ya babe,’ he said, before walking away down the gangplank.
Two months later, Annie had headed home for a week of shore leave, reluctantly staying with her mother and stepfather as she had nowhere else to go. She spent most of her week hiding in the tiny spare bedroom, keeping a low profile away from her stepdad’s fierce temper. But for once that wasn’t her biggest concern. She had never heard from Steve, despite endless texts and calls. He had probably lost his phone and had no way to contact her, she had told herself over and over. But she dreamed about him every night, thought about him every minute of every day.
She obsessed over the tiniest bit of news and Googling his name every day, she was amazed to discover that Rocky Relationship’s next gig was in Aldwych town the following evening. It was only ten miles away, an easy trip on the bus. She had to see him. Had to make contact with him otherwise he would think that she had forgotten all about him. She couldn’t bear him thinking that she didn’t love him.
But the day of their one-off gig was fraught. Yet another argument with her stepdad had gone on for hours, now that she was able to stand up to him. Finally, she stormed up to her bedroom and slammed the door shut.
Eventually, she had clambered out of her window and onto the garage roof to get out of the house late in the evening. In the pouring rain she had waited for the bus to take her into the town. But by the time she got to the town hall where the gig was being played, it was all over.
Near to despair, she begged the caretaker to tell her where the band was staying. Luckily it was just over the road, so she rushed across. She knew that Steve wouldn’t expect to see her but she couldn’t keep away. And she knew that he would feel the same way, that he wouldn’t have been able to eat, sleep or do anything since the last time they had seen each other.
The hotel manager didn’t seem to care about the band’s privacy and gave her Steve’s room number.
She was just running up the corridor towards his room when it opened and a much older blonde in a miniskirt appeared. Annie crashed to a halt as she watched her beloved Steve lean forward to kiss the woman.
‘I’ll call you, yeah? See ya babe,’ he said, before closing the door. It was the exact same thing he had said to her before they had parted on board the ship.
She passed the woman and banged on the bedroom door. ‘Steve!’ she shouted.
He opened up the door with a frown. ‘Blimey, it’s you!’
Annie barged past him and into the bedroom. She had still been hoping that she had imagined it all, but no, the bed covers were tangled.
‘You slept with that woman,’ she said, the breath almost knocked out of her.
He shrugged his shoulders in response.
‘But I thought…’ Annie’s voice trailed off. What had she thought? That he would declare his undying love for her? That he would take her with him? That she would leave her wretched home life and everything else behind and see the world with him? Perhaps.
But now, there wasn’t to be anything. No Steve. Ever again.
He took her elbow and gently moved her towards the door. On the way, he picked up his latest CD from a pile on the table.
‘Forgot to give this to you before,’ he said, opening up the door and nudging her through it. ‘See ya babe.’ And then he closed the door in her face.
Annie didn’t know how long she stood in the corridor. Minutes, hours? She was never sure how she found her way home either. But at some point, she let herself in through the front door. The fact that all the lights were on in the middle of the night should have alerted her but she was in too much misery to notice. Or care.
‘Where the hell have you been?’ said her stepdad, coming to stand in front of her in the hallway.
She went to move around him but he wouldn’t let her.
‘You little whore,’ he hissed, throwing a piece of plastic at her.
It bounced off her stomach and landed on the floor. When she looked down at it, she realised it was the pregnancy test that she had taken only that morning. The thin line in the window of the white plastic was hard to miss.
‘That’s private,’ she shouted, snatching it off the floor and clutching it to her chest.
‘Time for you to leave,’ he told her, picking up a nearby bag which she hadn’t noticed. ‘Your mother’s packed this for you. Now get out. We don’t need any more trouble here. Nor any more mouths to feed.’
‘But…’ Annie’s voice trailed off as she looked desperately around her stepdad to see her mother standing at the top of the stairs. Her mum gently shook her head at her daughter before looking away.
Annie found that she didn’t need to worry about her heart being broken by her mother’s lack of courage to defend her own daughter. It had already been smashed to pieces by Steve’s betrayal.
It didn’t matter that she lost the baby two weeks afterwards when she was back working on the ship. She had lost so much more. She had lost everything.
Back in the present day, Annie swiftly moved across the room to switch off the music on her phone.