I tied Vanessa’s dinghy up at her jetty, then jumped out to offer her my hand. This time, she took it without really noticing, stepping slowly onto the jetty. She kept a hold on my hand as she trudged listlessly back to her house.
As she opened her front door, golden light spilling out onto the decking at her feet, I let go of her and wished her a good night. I started back to my house.
“Please stay,” she said quietly.
I turned to look back. She stood in the doorway, haloed in light, but her face was in shadow as she was facing me in the dark.
“I would really appreciate it if you would stay the night with me.” Her voice was steady and calm.
I retraced my steps to stand in front of her again. If I close my eyes, maybe I can deliver the words that I’ve been rehearsing in my head while we were in the dinghy. “You’re angry and upset and you want me to comfort you. I get that and I’d like to. But you’re upset because one fuckwit had the stupidity to say he wanted to see you with your clothes off. A few months ago, I might have been that idiot.” I paused for breath and reached out to clasp her hands. “If you’d volunteered to do it, not a single man in that room would have objected, me included. We’d have all held our breath in anticipation until we went blue. I think, if you’d undone the buttons on your shirt and showed them even a glimpse of your bra, every man over 40 in that room would have had a heart attack. We’d have needed the nurse, the rescue helicopter, the Royal Flying Doctor Service and a boatload of defibrillators. And the reason why is because you’re beautiful. The first time I saw you in your bathers on deck I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.”
I paused for breath and risked a look at her. She smiled faintly, but she didn’t say anything.
“You want me to stay and tell you what an amazing woman you are, that I’d be happy with you if I never saw you with your clothes off again. You are an amazing woman, it’s hard to believe any human man would have a hope in hell with you. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to see you naked again, because seeing you and touching you and fooling around with you is so addictive that you’re like a drug. One hit and I’m hooked, the biggest, ugliest groper you ever fished up. And if one day I don’t see you, I’ll get withdrawal symptoms, as bad as any chemical drug.” That’s all I managed to say before I choked up and the words wouldn’t come out any more.
She cleared her throat. “Please, I’d still like you to stay.”
I laughed. “Because you think I’m different to them? I’m not. The only difference is that I want you to take your clothes off in private so I can be selfish and I don’t have to share you with anyone else. You don’t want me tonight.” I threw my hands up in surrender.
She took a step back into the light, so I could see her face more clearly. Her face was still tearstained, but her impish smile shone through the tears. “For someone who notices so much sometimes, it’s amazing how oblivious you can be. You really have no idea.” She pulled her shirt up and over her head, letting it dangle from her hand by her side. My head filled with the vision of blue lace that moved with her every breath.
She raised her eyebrows. “How much more do I have to take off to get you to come in and shut the door?” She started to undo the buttons on her shorts.
“What are you doing?” I hissed.
“Baiting a big, stubborn groper, I think,” she retorted. She started to slide the shorts down over her hips.
I looked around, but it was too dark to see if anyone else was nearby. “What if someone sees you?”
She looked at me with a puzzled smile. “I’m counting on you seeing me, and I’m hoping you’ll lock the door behind you, which should take care of everyone else.” The shorts slid to the floor and she kicked them aside. I was mesmerised by the sight of the blue lace g-string I’d dreamed about.
She walked slowly toward me, now wearing nothing but blue lace. I couldn’t move or take my eyes off her. This is the girl of my dreams, complete with blue lace underwear. She clasped her arms around my neck and kissed me, there in the middle of the path.
I didn’t know where to put my hands, but I had to get her inside before someone saw her. I grabbed her round the middle, my lips still on hers, and tried to walk us both into the house. She kicked the door shut behind us, pushing my back to it. Pressing up against me, she reached around me to lock the door. I came up for breath, gasping.
She looked into my eyes. “I’m upset because I wanted to kill a man tonight and I didn’t. And I would like you to stay because I think your presence may prevent me from killing a man in the morning, when he comes to mumble an apology.”
She crossed the kitchen and turned the lock on the back door, treating me to a clear view of exactly what her g-string didn’t cover. Shit, she does still want me and I’ve never wanted her so much. How in hell does she look sexier in her underwear than she does naked?
“Now, we have the house securely to ourselves and all night to enjoy it. What do you suggest we do first?” Her smile was wicked as she reached behind her to undo her bra.
No, not yet! I want to enjoy this for a bit longer. Then I want to help you take it all off…
“Oh, please don’t,” I begged her.
She looked at me in surprise. “You don’t want me to take my clothes off? I thought...” The colour drained from her face.
She thinks I don’t want her. Oh God, as if that could ever happen. I struggled with the words. “I’ve dreamed about this,” I began.
Her smile was thoughtful. “You’ve dreamed about me in my underwear?” She laughed.
Now I was embarrassed. “Yes,” I mumbled, not looking at her face.
She moved closer to me, within arm’s reach. “Do I ever take it off?” she asked gently.
I felt my face grow hot. I’m not going to tell Vanessa the fantasies I’d constructed in my head about her. “If I’m lucky,” I managed to say.
“And what else do we do?” she asked softly.
“We start slow,” I began, swallowing hard. My mouth opened, but I couldn’t work out what words to say. How do I explain to this perfect woman that all the fantasies I’d had about her since last weekend involved an incredibly elaborate seduction, until, miracle of miracles, she’d agree to take everything off and sleep with me again? Sex like we’d had last weekend was only ever the climax of my fantasies, right at the end, if I was lucky. If I wasn’t lucky, I’d get brought back to reality by a well-aimed rotten lobster or someone banging on my front door, telling me it was time to pull the pots or that their generator had blown. I’d managed to fuck up last weekend and here I am, about to screw up the second chance I never thought I’d get. Why don’t you just get one last eyeful of blue lace before you kiss her goodbye?
My breath caught in my throat as I looked her up and down. My hand was shaking as I ran it lightly across her face and into her hair. Tentatively, I pressed my lips against hers and closed my eyes. I felt her lips part as she took a breath.
I pulled away, cautiously, before opening my eyes. She was right there in front of me. She hadn’t moved. Her eyes were laughing at me even before I heard her amused voice. “It might take a while if we go this slow.”
For the first time ever, her laughter irritated me. “Haven’t you noticed I get tongue-tied around you? You’re not making this any easier,” I snapped.
Vanessa stopped laughing. Her expression turned gentle. She took my hand and led me to her bedroom, which I’d never seen. Her hands helped me to take my shirt off, then my shorts, so I was standing there in my underwear, just like her.
She was facing me, close enough to touch. Her smile was soft. “Are your dreams different to anything we’ve done together before?”
I want to give you the best night of your life. I want it to be so good you’re still beside me when I wake up in the morning. My voice died and I didn’t manage to say a word of it. I nodded, looking down at my feet. Fuck.
She took a step closer, so now all I could see was the deep, inviting cleavage between her boobs, edged with blue lace.
“Show me,” she whispered. “We have all night. Show me your dreams, and I promise you will be lucky.”
I learned that when a man’s dreams come true, he yearns for more. At the end of that night with Vanessa, I yearned for sleep, so I could dream about her all over again. With my eyes open.