Bailey
What had I done? Why had I called Quinn? I stared at my new phone, astonished I’d babbled so much without spilling the beans about our road trip. His reminder about our mystical ball and chain helped.
He knew I’d never betray him.
He just had no idea I’d run away from home for more than a few hours.
He’d forgive me. Probably. Hopefully. Maybe. At least he’d forgive me enough he wouldn’t seek a divorce for running off with his cop’s wife.
Perkette whipped her bra at the cops, and the idiots laughed. Granted, I couldn’t blame them. I hadn’t dubbed Perkette her name because of her breasts, but the shoe fit a lot better than I’d anticipated. I had no idea how her breasts defied gravity, but they did a damned good job of it.
I assumed magic was somehow involved.
Sighing, I considered how best to put an end to her behavior. “Perkette, you’re married. You wouldn’t cheat on Perky because you know I’d shove my horn up your ass. Put your damned clothes on and stop resisting arrest.”
“I wouldn’t call it resisting. I’m entertaining. Look! They’re entertained.” Perkette hopped off the table. “Heaven forbid you drive too late at night. All right, all right, I’ll get dressed.”
“Behave, Perkette. I mean it. You land anything other than a misdemeanor, and not only will I never make you coffee again, I won’t renew my pixie dust license.”
“You play dirty.”
I smiled. “I’ve only just begun. Clothes back on, Perkette.”
She even put her bra back on first, much to my amazement. While she dressed, I counted cops. After six, I figured they could spare one if I asked really nicely. “Excuse me, but I don’t suppose one of you could accompany me? I’ve never been here before, and snails outrun me when I drive in the snow. Frankly, it’d probably be faster to walk.”
“You can follow me, ma’am,” the young cop who’d arrived to the scene first replied, and his eagerness confirmed my suspicion he was fresh from schooling and ready to prove he could handle any task.
The new cops were always so cute in their enthusiasm.
A cop ripe for retirement sighed, and I pegged him as the poor bastard saddled with keeping an eye on the green recruit.
“Thank you. Do you want to wait for them?” I glanced at Perkette, who was taking her time adjusting her clothes, meticulously checking her purse, and charming the other cops. If she’d been the type, she probably could’ve talked them all out of their clothes, too. Fortunately for everyone, she wasn’t.
Perkette was a lot of things, but she worshipped the ground Perky walked on. She just would rather chew glass and rusty nails before admitting it. When I thought about it, we were birds of a feather.
The pair chuckled, and the young one shook his head. “No. We’ll go ahead and meet them at the station. Don’t drive often in the snow?”
“Not really. My husband is the one who usually drives, or I take a cab. He keeps threatening to make me take stunt car driver lessons.” I shrugged. “I just don’t want to be in an accident.”
Both cops grinned, and the older one replied, “It’s refreshing to meet a safe driver. Take your time. We’ll wait if you fall behind. The roads should be quiet tonight.”
I left Perkette to fend for herself, claiming the keys to the rental on my way out of the club. The snow had worsened, and I wondered how I’d make the drive without shaking to pieces or otherwise making an idiot of myself. Damn it, why couldn’t I drive like a normal person?
My lack of experience driving in the snow took most of the blame while my fear of disappointing Quinn accounted for the rest. If I drove through the snow like a normal person without hitting anything, he’d be happy.
My husband really needed to raise his standards a little.
In what I could only classify as a miracle, I made it to the police station without incident. Snow drifted into absurd piles in the station’s parking lot, promising we’d need the shovel the rental company had stashed in the trunk at Perkette’s request if we lingered for too long. I took the spot near the dumpster, which was somewhat protected from the wind. Drawing a cleansing breath, I killed the engine and slid out of the vehicle.
Nearby, an animal whined, and as cats meowed and I didn’t want to know what racoons sounded like, I assumed a dog had taken shelter near the bins. Stray dogs got me in trouble. Before Quinn, I’d hated myself for ignoring a dog in need. Quinn had changed everything.
Since marrying him, I’d been treated for rabies seven times, a city-wide record. Maybe if I stopped getting bitten or slobbered on by the strays I rescued, I wouldn’t need to be treated for rabies so often. Quinn would mourn my lack of self-preservation skills, but I couldn’t leave a dog to freeze in the snow.
Quinn would forgive me. He always did.
I checked around the dumpsters without locating the source of the whining.
Well, shit. I’d have to go dumpster diving again.
Yippee.
“Ma’am? Is everything okay?”
I gave it two months before the green recruit lost his enthusiasm, realizing he’d signed up for an exhausting job and that people like me, who courted trouble at every turn, existed. Since he’d hover if I didn’t answer him, I replied, “There’s a dog in the dumpster. It’s too cold out here.” I dropped my purse, jumped, and scrambled over the metal ledge to peek inside. A squirming, snow-covered bag guided me to the source of the whining. Fuckers. I hated people who dumped animals, especially in the sort of thick plastic bags they’d ultimately suffocate in without help. Teetering on the dumpster’s edge, I stretched and snatched the bag.
It weighed a startling amount, heavy enough I strained to move it.
Why wasn’t I allowed to transform and light animal abusers on fire? Wiggling out of the dumpster with my bag full of unhappy dog, I retrieved my purse and carried the wiggling plastic bag into the station. I claimed the nearest plastic chair in the lobby, set the animal on my lap, and freed it from its plastic prison.
A single white puppy cried its distress, staring at me with one pale blue eye and one emerald eye.
Perkette wouldn’t mind the addition of a puppy on our road trip, would she?
“Another one?” the young cop sighed. “That’s the fifth one dumped here this week.”
Stupid, heartless animal abusers. I couldn’t just add myself to the list of people who’d abandoned the poor thing. “How long does it take to book a brassaulter?”
The cops exchanged looks, and I bet they believed I’d lost my mind. I probably had.
“I’d like to take the puppy to a vet while you deal with her.”
The older cop relaxed, and he grinned. “How long do you want us to keep her, ma’am?”
“Long enough for me to take my new puppy to the vet.”
Both cops laughed, and the older one pointed at the door. “The 24-hour vet is next door. Turn right when you reach the sidewalk. The building looks just like ours, but they have the better sign. We figure whoever is dumping the unwanted pets here can’t tell the difference between a police station and a veterinarian. I’ll dispose of that bag for you.”
“Thanks. Give Perkette a hard time for me, but I’d really appreciate if you kept her charges to misdemeanors.”
They laughed, and I left the station to take the puppy to the vet and learn if we needed to be treated for rabies. Quinn would love if I needed to be treated for rabies again.
Thanks to the invention of neutralizer, rabies treatments no longer involved a series of wretched needles. Guzzling an obscene amount of pink, sparkling fluid wasn’t my idea of a good time, and I’d have to do the guzzling twice a day for a week, but I’d emerge hale and hearty—assuming the neutralizer didn’t send my immune system packing again.
So far, it hadn’t, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath. Quinn could handle a lot, but he freaked if I contracted even a mild case of the sniffles. My hospitalization with every plague known to man and pneumonia had something to do with that.
Personally, I wouldn’t mind a visit from the various Quinn models. I still hadn’t gotten the sneaky bastard to wear a suit for me yet, but I’d caught him in his dress uniform a few times. The dress uniform caused us both problems. I developed a severe case of lust, and he developed a severe case of not wanting to leave for work.
The first three times I’d made him late for work because he’d been wearing his dress uniform had resulted in him leaving with his dress uniform in a bag so I wouldn’t be tempted into stripping him out of it.
Sometimes, I was a bad wife.
The puppy handled the walk to the vet better than anticipated, although the poor thing shivered and kept trying to bury its head under my arm. “Don’t worry, baby. You’ve got this easy. You get one treatment and you’re done.”
The storm ensured sane people stayed indoors, resulting in an empty clinic. The older man behind the front desk cocked a brow when I strode towards him.
“I found this puppy in a dumpster. I’m betting ten bucks it’s rabid, but half the dogs I’ve dug out of a dumpster in the past two months have been rabid, so if we could start with the rabies test and the neutralizer torture, that’d be great. I’m paying cash, and I’d like the full assortment of vaccines. Also, I’m going to need all the basics for a puppy, an idea of what its breed and gender are, and a really good excuse to give my husband.”
“Rabies has been rampant lately. We’ll assume a positive result and treat you both.”
Score. Quinn would be so happy when I called him. “I’ve been treated before, and I’m CDC certified, so I can administer the treatment myself. I’ll just buy the neutralizer supply from you. My license is in my purse.”
“It’s easy to treat a dog, and if you have the certification for human-level treatment, we can show you how it’s done if you pick up any other strays you think might have rabies.”
Double score. That would save me a lot of time and hassle. “That would be marvelous, thank you. What’s this going to ding me?”
“The treatment for rabies takes an hour and costs six hundred. The first round of vaccinations will cost you seventy-five. The exam fee is waived since you’re doing a rabies treatment.”
Ouch. My wallet already whimpered, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. “Okay. How much for everything else? Do you sell collars and leashes?”
He chuckled. “We have everything you need, don’t worry. For food and all the extras, it’ll be a few hundred dollars. In good news, you’re saving a few hours and one-fifty avoiding the rabies test.”
“With my luck, it’s definitely rabid.”
“Four of five rescues lately have been. There’s concern a feral cat colony or dog pack is spreading the virus; domestic pets are all vaccinated, but the feral colonies can spread rabies horrifically quick, and there’s just too many of them to vaccinate. So far, it doesn’t seem to have hit the wild deer populations hard, but it’s only a matter of time.” The old man, with his salt and pepper hair falling into his eyes, reached for his phone and pressed a button. “Dr. Sennets to reception: we’ve got a probable rabies case.”
“I should tell my husband I’ll be frothing at the mouth within a month. Hey, do you do hooves and claws here?”
“Of course, ma’am. What animals would need to be groomed?”
“Me. I transform, and my claws and hooves could use a look. If you have a bored groomer…”
He laughed. “We do. Let’s get your puppy treated first, and then we can take care of your hooves and claws. We need to decontaminate your clothing anyway, so if you transform, that’ll give us a chance to make sure the virus doesn’t spread.”
“You’re a lifesaver.”
A startling young woman in a doctor’s coat and armed with elbow-length gloves strode to the desk. Smiling, she took my puppy from my arms. “I’ll bring your puppy back to you in an hour or two.”
“Can I pay you extra for grooming?”
“That’s already included in the price, ma’am. It’s part of the rabies treatment. Austin, if you’d handle her clothing, please?”
“Before you go, do you know what breed it is?”
“He’s a husky, ma’am. Possibly a purebred. I’d have run a DNA test to be certain, but those eyes scream husky, as does his build. He’s probably around three months old, but I’ll know more when I do a proper examination.”
“How much for the DNA test?”
“Fifty. We have a basic machine here, and it doesn’t take long to do the scan. It won’t tell me more than if he’s a purebred and base breed, but it’s sensitive enough to identify a purebred. If he’s a purebred, I can write up a certificate for you.”
“Add it to my bill, please.”
She nodded, smiled again, and walked away with my puppy.
“If you’ll come with me, ma’am?” The receptionist rose from his seat. “We’ll handle the required paperwork after we’re certain you can’t spread the virus.”
I grinned. “I can’t wait to tell my husband about this.”
He’d be thrilled. Not. Unfortunately for him, when it came to puppies, dumpsters, and contracting rabies, I refused to be sorry.
Quinn
Most of the time, very little of my wife’s emotions bled through our bracelets, but a flash of anger caught my attention before it ebbed to soothing glee. Glee could mean many things. What, I wasn’t sure.
No, I knew.
Trouble.
Glee plus Bailey equaled trouble, always.
I gave in to the inevitable and laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Perkins eyed the package sitting on the kitchen counter, a gift wrapped in red and green. He eyed me, lifted the box, and frowned. The way he carried it implied it had some heft to it, and he carried it to the living room before setting it down and resuming his circling.
As I found his odd investigation of my gift amusing, I let him examine it some more. I’d get to opening it eventually.
He sighed, nudging the box with his toe. “I don’t have any idea what this could be. She gave you coal. That’s my final guess.”
She would just so I’d feed it to her. “Something annoyed Bailey, but now she’s alarmingly happy. While I’m happy she’s happy, she—”
My phone rang, and Bailey’s new number greeted me. I grinned and answered, “Hello, my beautiful.”
“I got rabies again!”
For fuck’s sake. “Really?”
“And possibly tetanus, the black plague, and whatever else I can contract while dumpster diving. This time, you can’t stop me.”
My eyes widened. When Bailey went dumpster diving, she did so for one reason: a dog or cat needed her help. I twisted around to gape at Sunny, who slept on her new bed covered with Bailey’s favorite throw blanket. No matter what I said, I lost. I could earn some affection, gratitude, and a dog’s lifetime of work with one choice.
One choice that wasn’t even a choice at all, not when she sounded so excited and had gathered the courage to be assertive.
Damnit.
I’d have to beg Falhavert to train a second dog.
“Okay. I love you. Please be properly treated for rabies and any other disease you picked up while dumpster diving. What breed?”
“Rabid.”
I sighed, wondering what good yet terrible deeds I’d done in some previous life to deserve Bailey. “Bailey.”
“Soon to be not rabid.”
“That’s a little better,” I conceded, although I worried about her reasons for evading my question.
“My puppy is white, and he has one blue eye and one green eye.”
The husky commentary began to make alarming sense, as I was willing to bet one of my nosy relatives had been snooping into the future again. “All right. Since you’re getting a puppy for Christmas, I have a favor to ask of you.”
“A favor? From me? What do you need?”
“Your asshole boss is transferring you, I’ve known for too long, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
Perkins sighed, shook his head, and shot me a look promising that I’d just created a disaster on par with my wife’s troubles.
“I’m being transferred?”
“In good news, the transfer comes with a huge raise.”
Bailey sucked in a breath. “I’m getting a raise?”
“You are,” I purred to her, grateful I wasn’t quite human. “You’re also getting a good work schedule that will closely match mine.” By closely I meant exactly, but I wasn’t going to tell her that yet.
She squealed. “No more shit schedules where we don’t see each other for days sometimes?”
“That’s right.”
“I can get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep?”
Ah-ha. Mystery solved. “Would my beautiful like some more sleep? Your wish is granted.” I smirked. “Most nights.”
“I won’t be a mooch?”
I rolled my eyes at that. “You’re not a mooch, Mrs. Millionaire. Really. But you’ll find your salary rather comparable to mine.”
Her squeal almost ruptured my eardrum. “Salary?!”
“You won’t be working for the CDC anymore, but you’ll still classify as a specialist and retain your certifications. Your bastard boss figured out how to transfer you without consulting you about it. I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.”
“But what will I do? I know how to make coffee and deal with toxic magical bullshit,” she whispered.
“I have another confession,” I admitted.
“What is it?”
“While I didn’t get her from a dumpster, there’s a puppy in our living room, and she’s sleeping with your favorite throw. I’m bad at following instructions. I interpreted your list to mean ‘I want a puppy.’ So, when a puppy crossed my path, I surrendered without a fight. Her name is Sunny, and I’ve been told she’ll always love you more than she loves me.”
Bailey sucked in a breath. “But I got one, too.”
“We can keep both,” I promised. “You wanted one badly enough to risk rabies again, and I already broke the no-puppy rule, so we’re even.”
There was a long moment of silence, and then my wife whispered, “Can I get you a kitten if I can find one?”
When Bailey had discovered I loved cats, a secret passion I’d made certain no one knew about to avoid the ruthless teasing of my officers, she’d gotten a wistful expression on her face.
She loved animals.
I smiled. “Okay, Bailey. Why not? When are you coming home?”
“I don’t know. I left Perkette to be booked for brassault. It’ll take two hours for the vet to finish with my puppy, and they do hooves and claws here. I’m getting groomed!”
“Just make sure your new puppy can tolerate fire-breathing unicorns.”
“I will.”
“Call me if you have any problems,” I ordered.
“What’s my new job?”
“You’ll find out when you come home, Mrs. Chief Quinn.”
“A hint?”
I smirked, as I’d already given her one. “You’ll find out soon, I’m sure. If you’re not home by morning, I’m going to chase and catch you, and I’ll enjoy every minute of it. Please run with your puppy.”
Perkins choked on his laughter.
“Can you take a picture of Sunny for me, please?”
“Of course. Every day until you surrender and meet her,” I replied. “Just be careful, okay? If any gorgons bother you, pop one of your pills, torch them, and claim their whelps.”
“Quinn!”
“What?”
“That’s illegal.”
“Actually, it’s not. You’re my bride, and if any gorgon other than me tries to touch you, you’re within your legal rights to torch them. And you get first crack at any whelps.”
Her sigh implied she’d reached the end of her rope. “Quinn.”
One more tug wouldn’t hurt. “It’s true. As you’re my bride, a queen as far as I’m concerned, should a gorgon try anything, self-defense is legal. Gorgon law states a threatened bride may defend herself. Death—theirs—is perfectly acceptable.”
Bailey laughed. “You’re a terrible cop.”
“Sometimes.” I relaxed for the first time since finding out the Dover hive had their sights on her. “So. I take it Tiffany’s keeping you for the night.”
“Maybe.” She drawled out the word.
“Enjoy yourself, and know if you’re not home by noon, I’ll be coming for you. I fully intend to enjoy every minute of the chase. I don’t have to go back to work until January, so I have all the time in the world.” As I knew how much she enjoyed my growl, I catered to her. “Mrs. Quinn.”
“Mr. Chief Quinn,” she growled back. “Catch me if you can.”
“Oh, I will,” I promised. “You have until noon unless you wish to surrender now.”
“Like hell I’ll surrender,” my wife hissed. “I’ll call you tomorrow and mock your failure to catch me.”
She hung up, and I laughed.
Perkins coughed. “Dare I ask?”
“She’s going to call me tomorrow and mock me for failing to catch her.”
He sighed. “She’s getting carried away.”
“Like we aren’t?”
“Good point. What are we going to do until noon?”
“Sleep, then we’ll get a rental in the morning and follow our wives. I’d like to keep them one step ahead of us, so if we’re needed, we’re close.”
“With a wolf puppy in tow?”
“Well, she’ll be used to car rides soon. It’s training.”
Shaking his head, my friend sighed again. “Whatever you say, Sam. How is it I became the bastion of sanity?”
“I’m more concerned you think you’re a bastion of sanity. Your wife collects misdemeanors and community service hours when she gets bored.”
“I really can’t dispute that. We even had a proper wedding, and it was my idea.”
“Think I should give Bailey a proper wedding for Christmas?”
“You got her a puppy. I think that’s a sufficient Christmas present.”
“It’s really not. She deserves a proper wedding.”
“In Vegas?” Perkins laughed. “That’s hardly proper.”
“The Venetian has a nice chapel.”
“If it hasn’t been booked.”
In Vegas, everything could be purchased for a price, and a lot of people would work in the middle of the night for a nice paycheck. “Let’s find out. Planning a wedding will keep us busy while we pretend we have no idea where our wives are.”
“This is going to be a disaster,” Perkins predicted.
“Well, yes. I’m married to the Calamity Queen. What were you expecting?”
“Caution.”
I snorted. “Please. Where’s your sense of adventure?”
“What did Bailey tell you the last time you asked that?”
“That it was hiding with her common sense.”
“What she said.”
Bailey
I doubted I’d ever understand Quinn. How had he translated my list to mean I wanted a puppy? Would he realize Perkette and I meant to go to Vegas? Had we not left enough clues? Shaking my head, I retreated to the nearest bathroom with a warning to spray down the tiles with neutralizer once I finished transforming. The grade of transformative I used wouldn’t hurt anyone, but I played by all the rules, even the annoying ones.
Ten minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom with my clothes dangling from my mouth.
The groomer, an older gentleman armed with a utility belt loaded with combs, brushes, and clippers of various sizes, looked me over. “It’s not every day I get to groom a cindercorn. Set your clothes down; a tech will be by to neutralize the bathroom and handle the rest of the cleaning. You want a standard trim?”
I set my clothes down and replied, “Puh-lease. Make mane pretty? Tail, too?”
“Braids over the top to thin your mane somewhat while leaving the rest long? It’s too nice to hide.”
“Some braids nice, puh-leash. Talk hard, sor-ree.”
“That you can talk at all is impressive, ma’am. Please come with me.”
He led me to a grooming room and retrieved a bottle of powder from a tall shelf. “Since your breed isn’t tolerant of water, I’ll use this instead. It’ll clean your coat and add some shine. Don’t ask how it works. I’ve been using it for years and still don’t get it. It’s expensive, but you’ll like the results.”
“Water bad, fire good. Pow-dur bet-ter than water.”
“I’ll admit, I never thought I’d get a chance to groom any sort of unicorn. We get a lot of centaurs, and some of the desert breeds hate the water, too. We’re trained in most species. Zoos and rehab centers contact the emergency clinics if they get an exotic. It’s free schooling for me, but I’m required to volunteer hours in emergency situations. As I’d do that anyway, it worked out great.”
“That nice. They teach tooth clean-ing, too?”
“You open your mouth, I operate the toothbrush. Sentients are easy. Carnivore?”
“Yes. Very. Burn, eat. Eat ash and coal, too. And other things.”
“Fuels? I can do a tooth check and brushing if you’d like. It’ll only add five or ten minutes.”
“Yes, puh-lease.”
It took him over an hour to trim my fur, tend to my mane and tail, and do a full nose-to-hoof check. As promised, he even gave my teeth a good brushing. I passed the basic examination with flying colors, which would make Quinn happy.
Then, under the watchful eye of the veterinarian, I met my new puppy as a unicorn. He growled once, cast a doubtful glare at the vet, and then regarded me like a challenge to overcome, which beat him running away while yipping from terror. “He no run. This is good. Can work with this, yes?”
“He’ll need training.” The woman considered my puppy for a long moment, and then she smiled. “No, this is promising. I had the urge to run when I first saw your teeth.”
Wise people did. My teeth could crunch through bone without much effort.
“Hus-band po-leese off-ee-sur. He know dog train-ers. I hire one.”
“Oh! A police trainer would work nicely. I’ll give you a sheet with his future vaccination schedule. I took the liberty of selecting the basics you’ll need for his care. It’s waiting for you in reception. If you have any questions, please ask. I’ve also prepared your first rabies treatment and had the rest packaged for you in individual dosages.”
“Clothes clean?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll bring them to the bathroom for you.”
“Thank you.”
Twenty painful minutes later and one rabies treatment down the hatch, I emerged from the bathroom so tired I shook. The aftermath of forcing myself to shift didn’t help any, but I hadn’t bled anywhere. I was proud of myself for that. The first time I’d shifted without waiting for the transformatives to wear off, I’d terrified a few years off Quinn’s life and left a disturbingly large puddle of blood on the floor. Five minutes later, a thousand dollars in the hole, and armed with new supplies for my puppy, I left.
My puppy still regarded me warily, but he didn’t growl. I carried him with his supplies hanging from my arms. At the station, I shouldered my way inside. “I’m sorry that took so long. We both needed to be treated for rabies.”
I set my puppy on the floor and secured a hold on his leash. “Is Perkette booked and ready to go?”
The cop behind the counter grinned. “She’s in general holding, rather miffed she’s alone. You can take her.”
“Please tell me she was only charged with misdemeanors.”
“I wouldn’t know, ma’am. How did your puppy do at the vet?”
I beamed. “He did great.”
“Named him yet?”
“Not yet. He deserves a good name, so I’m going to think about it for a while.”
“That he does. I’ll call for your friend to be released, so feel free to take a seat. It won’t be long.”