CHAPTER
6

Ben did all he could to look nonchalant. Rested his forearms on his thighs as he drove. Kept his fingers loose and relaxed on the reins. Added just a touch of a smile to his mouth so his expression would give away none of his inner turmoil.

Had he said too much? Prodded old wounds when he would’ve been better leaving them alone? He didn’t know. And the not knowing was driving him crazy. Tori hadn’t said a word since he’d brought up her past. Not even an angry one. Nothing. It was unnerving.

’Course he hadn’t said anything either.

He gave his head a nearly imperceptible shake. She’d finally admitted that he might actually have a few admirable qualities, despite his male status, and he’d gone and ruined the moment by reminding her of the reason she distrusted his kind in the first place.

Brilliant, Porter. Absolutely brilliant.

Yet he couldn’t regret his words. She’d needed to hear them, whether she was ready to accept certain truths or not. He didn’t judge her for having a son with no husband—however that occurrence came about. Heaven knew, he’d made enough mistakes in his own life to keep him from tossing stones.

He’d never thought it right for society to condemn a woman for bearing the consequences of a sin that obviously took two participants. To his way of thinking, any man who used a female in such a way, then abandoned her deserved society’s derision more than she did. And if the man had forced the issue against the lady’s will . . . ? Ben clenched his jaw. He’d not throw stones. He’d throw boulders.

“Mr. Ben?”

Thankful for the distraction from his dark thoughts, Ben straightened his posture and leaned back against the seat to close the distance between him and Lewis. He raised his chin and twisted slightly. “What you need, scamp?”

“We gonna stop soon? Herc and I are gettin’ hungry.”

Ben glanced at the scenery around him, getting his bearings as he registered landmarks. “I think we can manage that. If I remember right, there’s a real pretty spot by the Deer Spring turnoff. We should be there in about—”

Tori grabbed his arm. Her nails clawed at him with such force, they nearly cut through the sleeve of his shirt.

His gaze shot to her face. Her cheeks had drained of color. Her head slowly wagged from side to side, but her gaze seemed cloudy, unfocused.

“What is it, Tori?” Ben whispered not wanting to alarm Lewis.

Suddenly her gaze sharpened, pinning him to the seat. “We are not going to Deer Spring.” Her voice shook, but her grip on his arm nearly cut off his circulation. “You said we’d be taking the route to Wichita Falls. Deer Spring lies too far east. We can’t go there. There isn’t time.”

There wasn’t time to go all the way to Wichita Falls, either, but somehow he didn’t think that was the issue. Something about Deer Spring spooked her. She had the look of a mare ready to bolt, no matter how badly she might injure herself kicking free of the stall.

“We’re not going to Deer Spring.” Ben took one hand from the reins to cover hers where it clawed at his arm. He rubbed back and forth in a soothing motion, doing everything he could think of to calm her. “I promise. We don’t even have to stop at the turnoff, if you don’t want. We can drive straight past and find another place to have our lunch.”

Lewis popped his head into the space between the two adults, oblivious to the underlying tension. “But, Mama, I’m hunnnngry. And I think Hercules needs to water the flowers.” He snickered at his ma’s prissy phrasing, but Tori barely blinked.

Ben clasped Tori’s hand, peeling it away from his arm just enough to wrap his fingers fully around hers. He didn’t care about the pain from her grip, or the marks her nails had surely left in his hide. All he cared about was communicating that he was by her side. He wouldn’t leave. And he would guard her from whatever threat Deer Spring posed.

“You can wait a bit,” Ben said, keeping his tone light. “Your mama wants to go a little farther before we stop. Maybe she can dig out a snack for you from that basket of hers.” He turned his attention back to Tori, thankful to see a touch of color returning to her cheeks. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “What do you think, Tori? Can the boy have a bit of bread or something to tide him over?”

“A snack won’t keep Hercules from peein’.”

Ben shot Lewis a stern look.

“What?” The boy shrugged. “It’s true.”

“It might be, but we don’t use words like that in front of ladies.” What Ben really wanted to scold him for was pressing the issue of stopping when it caused Tori such distress, but he couldn’t do that without causing the boy worry. Something Tori wouldn’t want.

So, he opted for unilateral authority. “We’ll stop in about thirty minutes, scamp. Sit down and try to keep Hercules away from your mama’s boxes. We don’t want him—”

“It’s all right,” Tori interrupted, her voice a little shaky, but her intent clear. “We can stop.”

Ben peered at her. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Yes.” She cleared her throat and tugged her hand free of his hold. Ben let her go, though he immediately grieved the loss of contact. “Let’s stop at the turnoff,” she said, her voice steadier now. “There’s a stream there, if I remember correctly. It will be a good place for the horses.” Her lips curved in a smile that was no doubt meant to reassure, but her eyes told the truth—she was still shaken. “We’re all hungry. And heaven knows, I don’t want Hercules watering the flowers before we stop.”

Lewis giggled, and Tori’s smile finally reached her eyes.

What had possessed her? Tori nibbled the edge of her bottom lip as she straightened the edges of the tablecloth she’d just spread over a grassy patch of ground near the stream. She’d known their journey today would take them in the direction of her old home. She’d made the trip to Wichita Falls before, for pity’s sake. Yet when Ben mentioned the turnoff to Deer Spring, she’d panicked.

Tori frowned. She never panicked. Panic meant a lack of control, and she treasured control above all else. Yet she’d lost that control. For a few awful moments, the terror she’d fought so hard to abolish from her life sunk its poisonous fangs into her again. It must have been the timing. It was the only thing that made sense. That horrible man with his leering and suggestive proposition left her feeling soiled, the same way Paul had left her feeling after . . .

Don’t think of it, Victoria.

She grabbed the mental door to slam it closed as she always did when memories tried to surface, but this time she couldn’t quite shut it all the way. It was as if someone had stuck his foot into the door, and no matter how hard she slammed, the boot didn’t budge.

Tori glanced over to the stream where Ben stood with his giant horses, patting their necks and talking to them as if they were people. Her heart softened a little. He really was a good man. A gentle man. That’s why she couldn’t close the door on her memories, not completely. Because Ben Porter had wormed his way into them.

Standing up for her against the lecherous farmer. Taking her side without question, even against Lewis. When thoughts of her past life in Deer Spring had pounced on her like a mountain lion on a jackrabbit, she’d reached for him. And he’d been there. Solid. Strong. Solicitous. He’d not pulled away from her touch, even though she knew she must have left marks with the force of her grip. Heat flared in her cheeks as she recalled how he’d had to peel her fingers away from his forearm in order to clasp her hand.

And, oh, how it had felt to have his large hand surrounding hers. Warm. Supportive. Wonderful. As if she had an ally. One who’d stand by her side no matter what came. She’d only ever felt that way with Emma and a handful of the ladies in Harper’s Station. Never with a man.

“Keep an eye on your pup, Lewis.” Ben’s warning sharpened Tori’s focus, bringing her out of her fuzzy reverie. “Helios spooks easier since that accident a few months back. Best to keep Hercules away.”

She remembered that accident, precipitated by the same outlaws who had tried to drive the ladies out of Harper’s Station. They’d destroyed Ben’s freight wagon, nearly killing him in the process, and had sent his horses careening off into the countryside. The black-bellied one, Helios, had fallen and been pinned to the ground when Hermes, still connected via the harness, had fallen atop him. She didn’t blame the animal for being a little skittish. Being pinned down by a hulking beast, unable to free yourself, was a horrifying experience. Tori rubbed her suddenly cool arms. One that left scars.

Thankfully, Lewis responded quickly to Ben’s warning. He scooped up the puppy and moved a few yards upstream. Satisfied with her son’s obedience, Tori turned her attention back to the picnic arrangement and lowered herself onto the spread cloth as she reached for the waiting basket. She unpacked the ham sandwiches she’d made that morning along with a covered dish of potato salad, a dozen molasses cookies, and two canning jars of what by now was sure to be tepid lemonade. Oh, well. At least it was wet and sweet.

“Lunch is ready,” she called.

Ben was the first to turn. His grin set off an odd fluttering in her belly. He’d smiled at her before. Hundreds of times. So why did this one suddenly make her knees weak?

Because he’s still got his foot stuck in your heart’s door. Better dislodge him soon before he finds a way to sneak completely inside.

“Be right there.” He touched the brim of his hat and dipped his chin. The gentlemanly show of respect only intensified the quivering in her midsection. Battling his gallantry was hard enough, she didn’t need him to pour on the charm as well.

Tori dropped her gaze to the basket, determined to put the man back in his proper place—outside her heart. But as she collected the flatware and napkins, her head came back up, her eyes drawn against her will to the man who threatened to circumvent her defenses.

He led Hermes and Helios up the shallow embankment, their pace plodding and slow. The Shires remained in harness, but he’d unhitched them from the wagon to make it easier for them to graze and drink from the stream. They steadily drew nearer. Ben’s gaze locked with hers. She tried to look away but couldn’t. It was as if something inside her had remained connected to him after the episode in the wagon where she’d clasped his arm.

A yapping echoed in her ears. Loud and shrill, but she paid it no mind. Then out of nowhere, Hercules bounded across Ben’s path. Lewis chased the pup, only inches behind.

“No, Herc!” the boy cried. “Stop!”

But it was too late. The pup rushed straight at Helios. The monster horse neighed in fright and reared back on his hind legs, his giant hooves flailing. Right above Lewis’s head.

Tori screamed her son’s name. She scrambled to her feet, desperate to get to him, stumbling over the food she’d so carefully arranged. But he was too far away.

The sharp, massive hooves descended. Lewis stood frozen beneath. Eyes wide, mouth agape.

“Noooo!” Her heart tore from her chest.

But in the same instant the hooves came down, a dark shadow engulfed her son, carrying him to the ground, and taking the blow upon itself.

Ben.