OKAY, HOLLY THOUGHT as she sat at Ma Dixie’s kitchen table dangling a toy in front of Penny to cover her discomfort. Point taken. Cash was mad at her for rejecting him at the parenting class. But he’d brought her out to Ma Dixie’s and abandoned her in the midst of a family gathering, or at least the preparations for one, and she really, really didn’t appreciate it.
It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving, a holiday that she and Penny had spent alone despite several invitations to join others for dinner—most insistently Cash’s brothers and their wives, who’d gathered at Sean’s place.
She hadn’t wanted to impose. Hadn’t wanted to see Cash.
But she had to admit, it had been a really lonely day. Every TV show and commercial, the family groups gathering at the homes around the apartment complex—all of it had made her feel her isolation keenly.
She’d thought she wanted to be alone, thought that was safer, and it was, but it hadn’t been much fun. Even Penny had seemed to look at her with reproachful eyes, as if to say “this is what you have to offer for the holidays?”
Her refusal to join the family, her keeping Penny to herself on the holiday, must have further alienated Cash and the rest of his family, too, even though most of them were still acting perfectly nice.
You did it to yourself. It’s your own fault.
The internal reminder annoyed her as she fiddled with Penny’s shoes, watching Cash’s sisters-in-law shred carrots and cabbage for coleslaw. She didn’t belong here, didn’t want to belong, didn’t trust this overfriendly family.
Anna, Sean’s wife, looked at the old-fashioned clock on the wall. “We’d better head out if we want to see the guys crabbing,” she said.
“Right.” Yasmin hurriedly washed her hands at the white porcelain sink. “Come on, Holly, this is a sight you’ve got to see.”
Holly weighed the merits of going along with staying here. “I... Sure, okay. Just let me grab my diaper bag.”
“Oh, leave the baby with Ma and Pudge. They’ll bring the kids out later.”
“That’s what we’re doing,” Anna added. “Believe me, I can use a break from the girls and HoHo.”
Holly wavered, but in the end, it was she who was responsible for Penny, and she didn’t want to start down the road of letting that responsibility slide. She didn’t want to be like Tiff, or their mother. “No, I couldn’t.”
Both women looked at her blankly. “It’s fine. It’s Ma,” Yasmin said.
“What’s Ma?” The older woman bustled into the kitchen.
Anna smiled at her. “It’s you who’s willing to watch our kids while we run out ahead of everyone and see the guys.”
“Oh, my, yes. Pudge and I will bring them out in the van in a bit. Rita and Norma, probably a few other folks, will be here any minute, too. They’ll give us a hand if we need it.”
“Go ahead, Holly, hand her over to the expert,” Anna said. “Grab some freedom while you can get it. Believe me, I know it’s hard for a single mom to come by.”
Holly stood, frozen against the wall, clutching Penny. She couldn’t leave her precious baby in the hands of these strangers. Strangers who considered themselves family, maybe, but not a one of them, Rita excepted, was related to Penny by blood.
Yasmin stepped in front of her, frowning, hands on hips. “You’re hurting her feelings,” she said quietly.
Anna patted Holly’s arm. “She’s a certified foster parent. She’s not going to hurt your child!”
Yasmin glared at her. Ma held out her arms.
This was the price of taking Cash’s generous child-support payments: she had to become a part of his family and his community. She definitely wasn’t comfortable with that, which was why she continued to work her dog-walking business and live frugally.
But Penny needed a family and a community and the things Cash’s money could buy. So Holly was going to have to sacrifice some of her independence for Penny’s sake.
“I... Okay.” She handed Penny to Ma. “She’s about ready for a nap, so she might be fussy.”
“Fussy babies are my specialty, honey. You go have fun.”
“I have a bottle for her in the diaper bag.” Holly hurried over to the coatrack, grabbed the diaper bag and thrust it into Ma’s hands. “Let me write down my phone number in case there’s any problem.” She grabbed a pen and Post-it note from the kitchen counter and scribbled down her number.
“Got it. We’re going to have fun, aren’t we, Penny?” Ma smiled down at the baby, her eyes crinkling.
“Thank you.” She turned, and then turned back and put a hand on Ma’s arm. “I mean that. Thank you. You’re very kind.” Then she followed the other two women out the door, stopping on the other side of the screen to give one backward glance.
Penny was smiling up at Ma, beating her arms.
She was fine. The separation anxiety was entirely Holly’s problem. And it seemed to have ticked off Cash’s sisters-in-law, who rode along in silence.
They traveled only a few miles down the road, then pulled off into a parking area along a large body of water.
As Anna parked, Holly cleared her throat. “Look, I’m sorry to be so tense. It’s just that I didn’t grow up having a whole lot of people to trust.”
Yasmin glanced back at her. “I hear you, but Ma has done an incredible amount for our men. We’re pretty protective of her.”
“And Holly’s protective of her child,” Anna said. “It’s natural. I was the same way when I got to Safe Haven. Lighten up, Yas.”
When they climbed out of the car, a salty ocean breeze was blowing in, and the marsh grasses shone red and gold. In a circle of stones, a fire burned, a giant pot of water boiling over it.
And there, on the edge of the inlet, were the three O’Dwyer men. Liam and Sean held what looked like fishing lines, while Cash was farther out on the edge, peering down into the water. As she watched, he jerked a line and started hauling something out of the bay. A wire trap, sporting three large crabs. Even from here, she could see their claws opening and closing.
“All right!” Yasmin said. “Blue crabs. I can almost taste them.” She took a step toward the men.
Anna put a hand on her arm, holding her back. “Let’s just admire the view for a few minutes.”
Yasmin smiled. “It’s a fine view, for sure.” Something in her voice made it clear that she wasn’t talking about the blue sky or sparkling water. No, she was talking about the laughing, muscular men. Two of them—Sean and Cash—emptied the trap’s snappish contents into what looked like an old laundry basket. Liam tugged at a line that held another crab at the end of it.
Holly forgot, for a moment, that Penny was in the care of someone she barely knew and that Cash was mad at her. She just enjoyed the sound of deep laughter, the sight of the three men who looked so much alike punching and joking with each other in that strange way men had of showing love. Enjoyed it so much that she lifted her phone and snapped a couple of pictures.
“I think it was hanging out by the water that healed them, way back when,” Anna said.
“They needed healing?” Holly asked.
Both women looked at her as if she was stupid. “Yeah, they needed healing.”
“They had things pretty rough,” Anna explained quietly. “When they came to Safe Haven, their mom was abducted by their dad and they were left in foster care. I’m sure you heard that, but what you might not know is that they had bad reputations and got in a lot of trouble. They’ve worked hard to pull themselves up.”
“I actually didn’t know,” Holly said, staring at the three men before her with new eyes.
“The whole town kind of rallied around them,” Yasmin said. “My dad helped Liam get a college scholarship, but that’s just one example.”
“Sean’s made peace with his past,” Anna said. “I think Liam has, too, wouldn’t you say, Yasmin?”
“Mostly yes.” She frowned. “Cash, now...”
“Cash hasn’t,” Anna said flatly.
Guilt ate at Holly. She’d been judging Cash for his materialism, when he’d actually had a poorer and more difficult childhood than she had herself. Her mother had been preoccupied and sometimes neglectful, but at least she’d been around.
Cash wasn’t just a rich man Tiff had taken advantage of. He was a survivor with scars.
They walked closer to the men, enough to hear their banter.
“Who’d have thought the O’Dwyer boys would be crabbing legally,” Liam said as he measured the crab he’d just pulled in.
“Who’d have ever thought they’d amount to anything,” Sean said. “And now, look, we’ve got a genuine millionaire right here.” He pounded Cash hard on the back.
“Jealous?” Cash taunted.
“Yeah, well, get to work, millionaire,” Liam said. “Your fire’s about to go out.”
Cash turned to poke at the fire, topped by a huge pot of steaming water, and that was when he spotted her. There was a light in his eyes for just a moment, but they quickly clouded.
Holly’s heart ached for him. She’d treated him badly, pushing him away for no apparent reason. Underneath all his confidence was a troubled mind.
While the other two women joined the men, talking and laughing, Holly sat on a rock and just watched.
An old, rusty van and a newer pickup pulled into the parking lot. Kids poured out of the van, and there was Penny, perfectly safe and content in Ma Dixie’s arms.
A couple of men she didn’t recognize pulled planks and sawhorses out of the pickup under Pudge’s direction and put them together to make a long plank table, which they covered with newspapers. Rita, Norma and another woman did an informal assembly line, passing dish after dish to set along the table.
Holly took Penny from Ma’s arms, thanking her. “Was she good?”
“A little angel.” Ma frowned. “Not where she should be, though. You’re having her tested?”
“We are.”
“Good. She’s going to be just fine, but she’s behind by a few months with gross motor skills.”
So it was obvious, at least to an experienced foster parent, Holly thought as she tied a sun hat on Penny and smeared sunscreen over her arms and legs.
The crabs were tossed into the pot of water boiling over the fire.
She felt awkward sitting down beside Cash at the long table, but she didn’t feel comfortable sitting by anyone else, and after all, he was Penny’s father.
And then her excuse for sitting with him was taken away, because Anna spread a blanket beside the table and scooped Penny up to sit with HoHo and Rocky, a teenage boy who, along with his mother, was visiting from out of state and who apparently loved babies.
“And I don’t like seafood,” he said, “so I’ll just give ’em baby food or whatever you want.”
“They say you can feed them shellfish at a year old,” Anna added, “but I’m a little nervous. I’m going to wait a few more months. I brought leftover chicken, way more than HoHo can eat.”
“I have a whole box of crackers,” Holly said, and dug them out for the babies to share. Apparently, in this family, you just passed babies from person to person. It did require trust, but it also gave mothers a considerable amount of freedom.
She stretched in the warm breeze and inhaled the smell of fresh-baked rolls someone was unwrapping. She could get used to this.
Soon the crabs were done boiling—they were bright orange-red now—and were laid out in heaps on the newspaper. Holly looked at them blankly.
“Don’t know how to eat ’em? Here, I’ll show you.” Cash put a crab in front of her. “First, you break off the legs. Throw those away, but keep the claws.” He showed her how to use scissors, a knife and her fingers to extract the meat. “You’re going to get messy,” he said, and then turned to the twins, who sat across from them. “Hang on, let me do the knife part and then you can dig in.”
The twins acted as comfortable ripping apart the crabs as if they’d been born on the water. Holly, though, cringed a little at the messy-looking innards.
“Here, get rid of those, those are the lungs. There, now. There’s the good meat.” He indicated a section of the crab, and when she just stared at it, he pulled it out for her. “Open wide,” he said.
Her cheeks heated.
“She’s not a baby, Uncle Cash!” Hayley said. “Still,” she added to Holly, “you should eat it. It’s really good.”
So Holly opened her mouth, and Cash popped in the piece of crab. When she tasted it, her eyes widened.
He grinned. “See? We wouldn’t steer you wrong.”
Was it her imagination that his eyes lingered on her lips?
Probably so, because he quickly turned away and occupied himself with helping the twins extract more of the delicious meat from the claws.
When they’d all eaten their fill, Rita and Norma walked up and down the table with bowls of lemon water and stacks of soft washrags. Holly wiped her hands and mouth.
Then she reached over and squeezed Cash’s hand. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ve been sort of awkward with your family, and I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.”
He studied her, his gaze level. “I can’t figure you out,” he said. “You sure do run hot and cold. What’s with the mixed messages?”
She bit her lip and shook her head, pretending simple shyness, because what could she say when she didn’t understand her own feelings?
THE NEXT THURSDAY MORNING, Holly shoved her hair off her sweating forehead and unlocked the door of her client Mitch Mitchell’s town house. From inside, she heard the hysterical barking and jumping of his shih tzu, Daisy.
She had another dog with her, something Mitch didn’t like. He wanted Daisy to get her full attention on walks, but it wasn’t possible today.
She tied the Lab mix to the front-porch railing, went inside and shrugged her child carrier off her back. Its design, comfortable and breathable on a rigid frame with a sort of kickstand, was priceless on occasions like this. She set the carrier on the floor, made sure Penny was well-supported and steady and then knelt to properly greet Daisy. The little dog was sweet and impeccably groomed, but hyperactive.
“Come on, Daisy, let’s get your harness on.” She held up the pink contraption, enticing the pup with a contraband dog treat. She was running behind schedule. Penny had been out of sorts this morning, had spit up and struggled against getting dressed, and all of it had taken longer than it should.
After Daisy and Gus the Lab mix, two more dogs were eagerly waiting for their lunchtime walks. She stretched her back. It was noon and she felt like she’d put in a full day already.
A traitorous thought penetrated: if only she’d taken up Rita on her offer to babysit. Today would have been much easier if she wasn’t worrying about Penny, constantly stopping to check on her or readjust the straps of the new backpack carrier—an expensive purchase, but necessary if she was going to make this dog-walking-while-mothering gig work.
She just had to get more organized, that was all. She could do this. The blessing was that business was booming as more and more people heard about her and her services.
Abandoning the effort to get Daisy’s harness on for the moment, she looked out onto the porch. Gus, bless his patient heart, had lain down and was snoozing.
Next, she kissed Penny’s forehead. Was it a little warmer than usual? She thought so, but wasn’t good at judging such things and she hadn’t brought a thermometer.
The baby’s temperature had been normal this morning, though. No doubt she was just a little hot from the excitement.
She turned back to Daisy again, and by a mixture of pleading and scolding and luring with treats, finally got the ridiculous ruffled harness on the dog. As she fastened it, she caught a whiff of the dog and frowned. Did Mitch Mitchell actually put perfume on poor Daisy?
They headed out the door, Holly feeling a little guilty. Gus’s owner wouldn’t mind her doubling up on his walk, but Mitch was another story.
Holly had weighed her options and decided it was more important to get Daisy out on time, or close to it. Besides, Daisy might benefit from a few lessons in doggie decorum from big, gentle Gus.
As they walked toward Safe Haven’s downtown, Holly’s spirits lifted. A few people greeted them, both passersby and folks in their yards. She hadn’t realized how many people she’d meet working as a dog walker in a small Southern town. Half the community seemed to know who she was, and most called out friendly greetings.
Initially, she’d wanted to keep to herself and be anonymous. But she was finding the friendliness appealing, was starting to learn a few people’s names just from the daily encounters while she was out walking.
Downtown, lampposts sparkled with tinsel-covered decorations, and most of the storefronts had Christmas displays or lights. A cinnamon smell emanated from Jean Carol’s bakery; if Holly hadn’t been in such a hurry, she might have stopped in to grab a roll, since she’d had to skip breakfast. She’d already learned that Jean Carol, like most of the shopkeepers here, was dog-friendly.
Cars passed at a leisurely pace, and a mother with a baby and a toddler smiled and said hello. Belatedly, Holly recognized her from last week’s parenting class and returned the greeting.
Usually, she worked on teaching Daisy to heel during walks. Today, she decided to let her do as she pleased. Mitch had been advised by a trainer—for some reason, Holly thought it was Pudge LeFrost—that the dog needed more exercise. That was the only reason he’d gotten a dog walker, and he was a fairly reluctant customer. Hopefully, with Daisy getting more of her energy out during the day, she’d behave better when Mitch came home from work and he’d start to see and believe in the benefits.
As her day settled down into its regular routine, with Penny and the dogs all content, Holly’s thoughts returned to the place she’d been trying to distract them from: Cash.
He’d definitely cooled toward her since she’d rebuffed him at the one parenting class. Which was what she’d wanted, right? But at the crab boil, she’d wished they could be closer. And every morning her phone didn’t flash his number, every evening he didn’t knock on her door as he walked past it to his apartment, regret nudged at her heart.
Cash was incredibly handsome and had real charisma, an aura of success. Of course, all of that attracted her; she was human, hardwired to be drawn to a good provider, the alpha of the tribe.
But it was more than that. He cared about his brothers and was a great uncle to their kids. He gave back to the community of Safe Haven; she’d heard Yasmin talking to him about what they were doing with his big donation to the women’s center, had seen him sneak a hundred-dollar bill into the church collection plate.
He wasn’t exactly outspoken about his emotions, but he had a slew of them. She’d seen the struggle in his face when he’d talked about Rita, and had watched him kiss Penny’s head, then close his eyes and pull her close.
She reached Mitchell’s Men’s Shop, glanced in and waved, knowing that Mitch enjoyed catching a glimpse of Daisy during his busy days. Gus seized the opportunity to mark the fire hydrant in front of the store.
The store’s door opened. “What on earth?” Mitch came out, consternation written all over his face. He knelt down and Daisy rushed to him and jumped into his arms, yapping.
“Hi, Mitch.” Even though she suspected he was angry that there was another dog on Daisy’s walk, Holly figured that ignorance might be the best defense. “Is something wrong?”
“It certainly is.” He glared up at her as he stood, Daisy in his arms. “Look how traumatized she is.”
Daisy was alternating between licking Mitch’s face and struggling to get down, her face relaxed, tongue out. “I—I don’t think she’s upset,” Holly said.
“Not only are you late, but you’re walking my Daisy with that—that beast.”
Holly glanced down at Gus, who’d flopped onto the sidewalk and twisted himself into a pretzel to lick his own hindquarters. “Gus and Daisy are getting along great. Sometimes it can be good for a dog to interact with other dogs, and Gus is supergentle.”
“Daisy is very sensitive,” Mitch said severely. “Aren’t you, sweetheart?” He turned her over to cradle her like a baby while she struggled to escape.
“I’m sorry,” Holly said. “I was running a little late and I’m trying to get back on schedule.” She resisted the urge to look at her watch.
Mitch flipped Daisy back over to right side up and looked sternly at Holly. “I’m reconsidering hiring you as a dog walker,” he said.
She actually wouldn’t mind losing Mitch as a client, though she felt bad for Daisy, so full of pent-up energy. “Of course, that’s your decision,” she said. “It’s kind of like a babysitter. There has to be a good fit. Maybe I’m not the right person.”
Mitch looked annoyed, probably because she hadn’t begged him to keep her on. “I’ll be telling other people in town that I’ve been dissatisfied with your work,” he said.
Holly’s heart sank. “Do you want me to at least take Daisy home?”
“I’m debating that,” he said, setting Daisy down and examining her carefully, as if she might have sustained injuries during the treacherous walk from his house to his shop, a distance of a few blocks at most.
She cleared her throat. Time to cut her losses. “I need to get moving,” she said. “I’m running a little late.” In the backpack, Penny shifted restlessly.
“Whose fault is that?” he asked. “I should have known not to hire a woman with a child.”
A thin, white-haired African American woman who’d been standing behind Mitch, looking in the shop window and poking at her oversize cell phone, spun, strode over and faced the man, hands on hips. “Did I really just hear you say that, Mitch Mitchell?”
Mitch seemed to shrink, just a little, and recognition welled up in Holly. This must be the famous matriarch of the town library, Miss Vi.
“I’ll have you know,” the woman continued, “that someone raised you and took you places and put bread on your table. We’re all indebted to our mothers, and we should support the young mothers among us.” She turned to Holly. “I’m known as Miss Vi around town. And you are...Holly Gibson, is that right?”
Holly nodded and held out her hand to shake the other woman’s thin, calloused one—she was rendered a little speechless by Miss Vi’s energy. Penny wiggled hard in the backpack, and Holly patted her leg, hoping to calm her.
“I just don’t see,” Mitch said, his voice petulant, “why those of us without children are always expected to make accommodations for people who have them. I open my shop on time whether or not Daisy is causing me trouble.”
“It’s not comparable,” Miss Vi said briskly. “You can put a dog in a crate and shut the door. Last I heard, that was frowned on with a child.”
Holly pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. Or crying. She wasn’t sure which.
Penny didn’t have any such restraint; she started to cry. Loudly. Right in Holly’s ear.
As Mitch and Miss Vi went on arguing, Holly drew in a deep breath, willing herself to relax. Both Miss Vi and Mitch were dressed and groomed beautifully, while she was wearing jeans and a hoodie. There’d been no time for makeup this morning; she’d barely managed to run a comb through her hair.
Though she appreciated Miss Vi’s backing, she felt at a disadvantage, like a poor relation.
A silent flash of silver arrived at the curb. Cash in his Tesla.
Could this day get any worse?
He climbed out and strode to the three of them, earning excited barks from Daisy and a low woof of greeting from Gus. He reached up and pulled Penny out of Holly’s backpack in one smooth swoop. “What’s the problem here?”
Relief from the weight of the baby vied with embarrassment about her unkempt state. “I don’t need rescuing,” Holly said, even though it wasn’t true.
TEN MINUTES LATER, after figuring out what was going on and helping Holly and Miss Vi calm Mitch down—to the point where he’d agreed Holly could at least take Daisy home—Cash turned to Holly. She looked exhausted, and there were shadows under Penny’s eyes as well. He had to do something about that.
“Go home and take Penny,” he said. “I’ll be there soon. We need to talk.”
Holly visibly straightened her shoulders. “I can’t. I have to take these dogs home, and then I have two more clients.”
“Not for long,” Mitch quipped over his shoulder as he walked into the shop.
Holly flinched.
Cash’s eyes narrowed as a caveman protective impulse washed over him. “Wait here,” he ordered her, giving a meaningful glance to Miss Vi. She’d gotten herself involved by sending Cash a text, telling him Holly and Penny needed him. Now, he was sure she wouldn’t mind staying to help set things right.
She gave a little nod, reading his unspoken request. She’d stay with Holly and Penny until Cash came back out.
He followed Mitch into his shop. “Not that anyone will listen if you do a smear campaign on Holly,” he said, “but just don’t.”
“I’m only going to share my experience,” the other man said. “There’s no law against that.”
“You and I both know,” Cash said, “that there are a lot of different ways to share experiences. Don’t trash Holly’s name or you’ll have me to contend with.”
Mitch’s eyebrow flicked up, and the faintest trace of a sneer crossed his face. Cash took a step closer. He wasn’t the biggest of the O’Dwyer brothers—that honor fell to Sean—but he had a few pounds of muscle on Mitch. More than that, he had a background of street fighting that Mitch, one of Safe Haven’s privileged sons, couldn’t touch.
Still, he was beyond his street-fighting days. He had other tools at his disposal now. “I buy clothes from you because I believe in supporting local businesses,” he said. “Those I believe in, with owners and business philosophies I respect.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“I’m only going to share my experience,” he said, quoting Mitch. “Good or bad. Think about that.” He turned on his heel, giving the man the opportunity to stay out of a fight he couldn’t win, and walked outside to find Miss Vi standing alone.
“I couldn’t keep your friend here,” she said, her voice apologetic. “If you head down there—” she gestured toward a side street “—you might catch her.”
“Thanks. And thanks for the text.” He patted Miss Vi’s arm, and would have hugged her, except he still held her in the fear and awe she’d commanded in all the O’Dwyer boys when they’d landed in town as teenagers.
“In Safe Haven, we take care of our own,” she said.
“Some didn’t get the memo.” He nodded toward Mitch’s shop.
“That man.” She pursed her lips. “You go after her. I’ll do some damage control around town, see if I can counteract any smear campaign Mitch starts up.”
Cash grinned as he turned away. Mitch didn’t stand a chance.
Taking long strides, he soon caught up with Holly, Penny and the two dogs. “Let me take Penny,” he said.
“No, it’s... Well, okay. Sure.” She turned, and he lifted the backpack off her shoulders and slid it onto his own back as she steadied Penny and helped him adjust the straps to fit his larger frame. “Thanks,” she said. “I really appreciate this.”
“I’m Penny’s father.” He frowned. He still didn’t like how tired Holly looked, and it pushed him past his hurt feelings about the way she’d rejected him. “Tell you what,” he said. “You take the dogs back to wherever they belong and then go home and take a shower, rest a little. When you’ve had enough of a break, walk down to the beach. Penny and I will be there.”
“Well...” She bit her lip. “I have to walk two more dogs, but I wouldn’t mind doing it without Penny on my back.”
“Then grab a little time for yourself after you’re done walking dogs. You can’t take care of Penny very well if you don’t take care of yourself.”
“True,” she admitted. “All right.”
He felt an absurd sense of triumph at having convinced her to let him help her by caring for his own child. His friends back in Atlanta wouldn’t have believed it.
“Doesn’t seem like beach weather,” she said, looking up at the cloudy sky. “There’s an extra sweater and blanket in the bag, and some snacks, but you bring her right home if she gets upset or cold, okay?”
“Of course, but she won’t.” He smiled to reassure her and risked a little flirtation. “I’m a baby whisperer, remember?”
“Oh, right.” She lifted an eyebrow and laughed, her gaze connecting with his. “Okay.”
Now he was on a quest. He strode toward home, Penny on his back, clicking Liam’s number on his phone. “Listen, I know you’re working,” he said when Liam answered. “But I need a favor. Can you get me a permit for a bonfire?”
There was a silence. Then his brother asked, “Are you back to that?”
“To what?”
“You know.”
Until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to Cash that he’d often used bonfires to put the moves on a lady. “Not the same thing at all,” he said. “This is for Penny and Holly.”
“Uh-huh.” Liam’s neutral tone said he was reserving judgment. “I’m headed to the courthouse now. I’ll take a picture of your permit and send it to you.”
He took Penny back to his apartment, changed her diaper and put her into the high chair he’d borrowed for her. He sprinkled some kind of baby crunchies on the tray to keep her occupied while he gathered his supplies.
She seemed cheerful and wide-awake, so he loaded her into the backpack again and headed to Safe Haven’s downtown. Situated on the water, the downtown had a fish-processing plant at one end and a small beach at the other, with a boardwalk, shops and restaurants in between.
He picked up the sandwiches and drinks he’d ordered and walked down the boardwalk through the afternoon light. He heard harmonica music, a little mournful, and scanned the storefronts, decorated with wreaths and Christmas trees and gift displays. Sure enough, there was Rip Martin, a town fixture, leaning against one of the brick buildings, looking out toward the water as he played. “Hey, Rip,” he said when he reached the man, and fished a twenty out of his wallet to put in the hat Rip had set up beside him for donations.
“Thank you kindly,” Rip said, then launched into something bluesy.
Cash hummed along as he continued on down toward the beach. Penny babbled nonsense in his ear, and when he turned his head, she grabbed his nose, then yanked on his hair. She was heavy, too. How did a petite woman like Holly manage to carry her around on her back all day, every day?
In front of him, the empty beach stretched out. He’d always loved walking on it. Some of his biggest dreams and plans had been formulated while pacing this beach, working off the restless energy that came from being a kid who wanted more than he had.
Now, though, he was in a weird, poignant mood. He wasn’t here as an angry, displaced kid, or as a player out to put moves on a lady.
He was here as a dad.
He didn’t know how to be one, didn’t know what it all meant. He only knew that when he reached up to touch Penny’s leg or tilted his head back to smile at her, his heart turned to mush.
He shook off the girlie emotions and chose a sheltered area protected from the wind by a dune, and then gathered some driftwood and pine to burn. Bending down to work on the fire was tough with a backpack—though he was sure it was nothing compared to leashing up a bunch of dogs, which Holly did every day—so he spread the big blanket he’d brought and set Penny on it with a couple of toys.
The gulls squawked overhead, and Penny laughed at them. When a few late fishermen cruised by on their way to dock, her head whipped to watch them.
Cash inhaled the salty ocean air as he started the fire. He uncorked the wine he’d brought to let it breathe. Found a few shells and showed them to Penny, talked nonsense to her.
Maybe he was crazy, thinking Holly would want to chill and spend a little time with him rather than grabbing Penny and taking her home. But he’d sensed a softening in her attitude toward him. And some force inside him, stronger than hurt feelings, stronger than pride, pushed him to make the effort to close the distance that had grown between them.
He was just leaning back on his elbows, wondering if Holly would actually come, when there she was, walking toward him with the sun behind her. She wore ripped, faded jeans and a sweater, and her blond hair blew around her.
She wasn’t classically beautiful; her eyes were set a little wide and her nose turned up. Right now, though, Cash had never seen anyone more appealing.
Was it just because she was caring for Penny with him, or was it something more? She was sexy, for sure, but he was getting this weird she’s-the-woman-for-me vibe, which made absolutely no sense.
He tried to shake it off. The last thing either of them needed was for him to fall in love with her.
Fall in love? He, Cash O’Dwyer, didn’t do that.
Or maybe he did. Because when Holly’s eyes lit up, looking at Penny and the wine and the bag of sandwiches, he thought that maybe he’d like to cause her to have that look again, and again, and again. It filled something deep inside him, a hole he hadn’t known was there.
“Penny looks sleepy,” she said, kneeling down beside the baby and pulling her into her arms. “I missed you, sweetie,” she whispered, looking down at Penny with eyes full of love.
Cash’s heart went all soft again.
But he had to toughen up, had to talk seriously to her and not about his weird romantic feelings. He got out the sandwiches and poured them some wine and tended the fire. Holly cuddled Penny and rocked her until her eyes started to close. Putting her down gently, Holly covered her with a blanket.
He handed Holly a sandwich and set a glass of wine in the sand beside her, digging it in so it wouldn’t spill.
“Clever,” she said, smiling. “You’re a man who’s had a beach picnic or two in his day.”
His face heated as if she could see the string of girls he’d brought here. “I don’t want you to work anymore,” he said abruptly.
She froze in the act of unwrapping her sandwich and stared at him. “What do you mean?”
“Look, it’s hurting you and it’s hurting Penny. You can’t keep lugging her around like that, having her cry, and you can’t adequately tend to her, with jerks like Mitch Mitchell yelling at you both.”
Her eyes got shiny and she looked away, and Cash had been around enough upset women to realize she was going to cry. “Hey, hey,” he said. “I didn’t mean it as a criticism. You’ve been doing the best you can.”
“I thought I was doing pretty well, until today.”
“You are. You’ve started a business from nothing in just a few weeks, while raising a baby. If I could, I’d give you a prize. But the child support is supposed to make things a lot easier for you. You don’t need to work. Or at least, you don’t need to work this hard.”
“The child support is for Penny,” she said, her voice stubborn. “Cash, no one’s ever supported me. I’m not that kind of person.”
“You never tried to raise a child before.”
“I can do it!” She got up on her knees and backed away a little bit from him and Penny both. “I don’t want to be obligated to you, Cash.”
“You wouldn’t be obligated.” Suddenly the irony of the situation struck him. Here he was begging a woman to accept his support, when he’d evaded commitment for years, had gently pushed away all the hangers-on who wanted his money.
“Look,” she said, her eyes softening, “I don’t mean to be ungracious. I appreciate the generous support payments, I really do. I just wouldn’t feel right using it to support me. Like I said, it’s for Penny.”
He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. She was stubborn and independent, and he admired both qualities. But the image of her standing in the street with dogs barking and Penny crying—and Mitch yelling—wouldn’t leave him. “You don’t like accepting help,” he said. “Nothing wrong with that when it’s just you. But Penny is suffering for it.”
She bit her lip as a flash of something—worry, pain—crossed her face. Then she seemed to take hold of herself and lifted her chin. “Do you really think so? Seriously, Cash. Set aside your preconceptions about what a baby’s life ought to be like. Is it so wrong, me basically taking her to work with me?”
Cash had his mouth open to argue, and then he processed her words and stopped. She could be right. Moreover, he recognized something in her—that core of strength beneath what hadn’t been an easy life—and his heart and mind shifted toward her.
She was a woman, yes, and a beautiful one. But she was fundamentally like him, too. He knew her, that part of her at least; he got her. Got her in a way he’d never gotten a woman before.
He’d think later about why he’d always pushed women into the object box, looked at them as conquests rather than people. For now, he was on a blanket with a beautiful woman. A beautiful person.
“You’re right,” he said. “Some of what I’m worrying about is probably some imaginary, sexist image of how mothers should be.”
“Thank you,” she said, her teeth chattering.
He pulled the extra blanket from his backpack and draped it around her shoulders, not squeezing in an extra cuddle like he might have in times past, even though he wanted to more than he ever had. This new accord between them felt too fragile for any of his old moves.
“Perfect,” she said, pulling it tighter around her. When he sat back down, she tilted her head to one side. “Don’t you have a blanket for yourself?”
He shook his head and faked a sad face. “Are you offering to share?”
She studied him for a moment, eyes speculative, and then nodded, holding out one side of the blanket.
He couldn’t turn that down, could he? He scooted over next to her and put an arm around her, feeling the sparrow thinness of her shoulders, smelling her honeysuckle hair. They huddled together, and between the fire and the body heat, Cash was warm. Almost hot.
She might not know it, but she was affected by him. Her lips softened and her eyes darkened, and she shifted the slightest bit closer. He watched her chest rise and fall a little faster beneath her sweater and his thoughts went wild.
To distract himself from his physical reaction to her closeness, he pulled back his arm from around her shoulders. He grabbed their sandwiches and the wine bottle and pulled them closer, easier to get at. Something else to focus on, but it wasn’t enough. He drew in a calming, cool-down breath and cast about for a topic of conversation. “So tell me something about you, when you were younger.”
“Like what?” She took a sip of wine. “Tiff was the exciting one. I just kept my head down and got through.”
They ate their sandwiches for a couple of minutes while he processed that comment. “How come you’re so independent?”
She shrugged and wiped her mouth. “All the school moves meant I couldn’t count on friends. And Mom had a lot of boyfriends, one after the other, so we learned pretty quickly not to get close to them.”
“Sounds lonely.” But it also sounded familiar. Cash hadn’t found people so dependable, either.
They ate and chatted a little more, but when they’d both finished their sandwiches, he was still thinking about her being lonely as a kid, and the connection to her major independent streak today. He had the same streak, but it didn’t come out quite the same. He did a lot of his best work with other people.
What he’d had different was his brothers. “Were you and Tiff close?”
She frowned, tilted a flattened hand from side to side. “At home, we were inseparable. Shared a room, stuck together when Mom was in a rocky spell, figured out how to cook something from nothing. But out in the world—” She broke off.
He let himself put a friendly arm back around her. “Out in the world, it was different?”
She nodded. “I kept to myself, but Tiff was always good at making friends fast. Lively, funny, warm...” She trailed off. “Well, you remember.”
He did, and now that he knew Holly better, he could see the similarities between her and Tiff. Holly was funny, had the same sense of humor. And while it took a while for her to show it, she was also a very warm person.
But there were a lot of differences, most of them much to Holly’s advantage. Tiff had been friendly and fun, but also a lot more worldly. He found Holly’s innocence appealing. She wouldn’t ever try to take advantage of someone; just look how she’d reacted when he’d suggested he give her more money.
No good would come from comparing Tiff and Holly, not now. “It got Tiff into trouble, being so friendly, I guess.” He was surprised to find his throat felt a little tight. Had he been part of the trouble? He guessed he had, but then again... He reached out to cup Penny’s head, adjust her blanket. When such perfection had come out of his and Tiff’s brief relationship, you couldn’t call it anything but right.
Penny turned, sighed and then settled back to sleep.
Holly smiled. “She’s such a good baby.”
“She is.” Cash felt...tender. Different from how he’d ever felt before about a woman. He was attracted, sure, but he almost felt he wanted to shelter her from his own physical desires.
Holly shifted a little closer, and he got the sense that she was having some tender feelings, too.
When she looked up at him, eyes darkening, he knew it. Automatically, he leaned toward her and brushed her lips with his.
Her sharp inhale told him she liked it, and the way she looked up at him through half-closed lashes confirmed it.
So maybe her rebuff of him at the parenting class hadn’t been the final word.
He really wanted to pull her into his arms, and there was every chance that if he did, she’d let it happen. He even leaned a little closer, and she closed her eyes. Yep. This could definitely go in that direction.
Don’t.
He didn’t know where that voice came from. Seemed like somewhere deep inside, but if so, he was unacquainted with it.
But he wanted to be a good father, better than his own dad. He didn’t want to do things he’d regret, like Pudge had said. And for all her courage and strength, Holly seemed pretty innocent when it came to men.
On the other hand...she’d shifted closer. She was definitely willing. He’d be an idiot not to take advantage of what was right in front of him.
Don’t.
He sighed regretfully. “It’s getting cold out. We should probably go back.”
Her eyes fluttered open, and two tiny wrinkles appeared between her eyebrows.
He moved away from her, tucked the blanket around her shoulder and patted her arm in as impersonal a way as he could manage. Then he started stuffing sandwich wrappings and wine into the backpack.
After a minute, she joined him, then picked up Penny so he could fold the blanket. But something about her movements was sort of...muted.
She was hurt.
So he’d restrained himself from taking advantage of Holly, moving things in a direction he wasn’t sure they should go. For all the best reasons, and it hadn’t been easy because he was more attracted to her than he’d ever been to any woman in his life.
And instead of feeling like a good guy, he felt like a chump.