HOLLY HUMMED AS she walked around her apartment, lighting candles. She wasn’t even worried about the approaching tropical storm. Thanks to the advice of Rita and Norma, she’d bought a bunch of hurricane candles at the hardware store in case the electricity went out.
She was pleasantly tired from walking six dogs today, and relieved, too. Business wasn’t exactly booming, not yet, but it had picked back up after the success of the photos-with-Santa event.
Thinking of that made her think of Pudge, and she shot up a quick prayer for the kind and generous man.
It was raining hard, but she and Penny didn’t need to go anywhere. She’d snuggle up with her baby under the small Christmas tree she’d bought, read her some stories. Maybe she’d let her fall asleep out here in the front room and take her to her bedroom later.
The loud banging on her door took her by surprise. She peeked out, then opened it wide. “Cash! You look like a drowning person. Let me get you some towels.”
“Da! Da!” Penny held up her arms in Cash’s direction.
“He’ll pick you up in a minute, sweetie, he has to take off that wet coat first.” She grabbed a couple of towels off the shelf and brought them out. He took them and dried his head and face, then shed his coat and hung it on the hook beside the door.
He turned back to face her, and only then did she notice his lowered eyebrows, the vertical lines between them, the downturned mouth.
He hadn’t said anything yet, either. And he wasn’t making a move to pick up Penny.
He was more than unhappy; he looked angry. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Is everything okay?”
“How long have you known my father?” He spit out the words.
Holly lost her breath. For a moment she stared at him while she processed the question.
His father. Orin. He’d discovered the connection.
“I don’t know him,” she said slowly. “Why do you think I do?” Inside, her stomach churned.
His expression darkened. “Because Tiff did,” he said.
She sucked in a breath and let it out again. Nodded. “It’s true, she did. But I wasn’t very involved in her life at that point. I never met him.”
He stared at her out of hollow eyes. “I don’t understand the scam, not exactly. But that you were part of it...” He trailed off, shook his head back and forth rapidly, looked away from her. “Wow.”
“I wasn’t part of it. I just found out about it.”
“Yeah. Right.”
“Come sit down and let me explain,” she urged him, instinctively reaching for his arm.
He jerked away. “I’ll stand.”
His cold tone combined with the physical withdrawal felt like a blow to the chest. But for Penny’s sake, she had to stay calm and do damage control. Had to try to find a way to keep Cash from pushing away his child.
That he was going to push away Holly was a given, and her heart cried with loss.
She studied his face, eyebrows drawn together, lip slightly curled. If only she’d found a way to tell him the truth. But she hadn’t, because she’d feared this very reaction. She had to think. “Cash, it’s urgent that you tell me how you found this out. Has your father been in touch with you?”
He nodded slowly, looking away. It was as if he couldn’t stand the sight of her.
Her heart ached with the sadness of that, but she had to think of Penny first. “He’s not a good man, Cash. Not from the little I heard from Tiff. You need to—”
“Don’t you think I know that?” he shouted. “Don’t you think I know the scum I came from?” He clamped his jaw and took a breath, like he was trying to compose himself. “The idea that you were connected with that...”
Penny had started to fuss, and Holly hurried to pick her up. “Shh, it’s okay.” Poor Penny wasn’t used to hearing people yell and it disturbed her. Holly meant to keep it that way. Penny wasn’t going to have a childhood like she and Tiff had had, where angry men were a part of the landscape.
The only good thing was, she was used to this. She didn’t like shouting matches, but they didn’t scare her.
Cash opened his mouth like he was going to go on berating her. “I—”
“Keep your voice down. Please? You’re upsetting her.”
His mouth snapped shut.
“And listen. What I was going to say is, you need to stay far, far away from him, and don’t let him know where Penny and me are staying. Even though he’s in prison, he scares me.”
He stared at her, his eyes still black and hollow. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?” He paused, then added, “And by the way, he’s not in prison anymore.”
“What?” Panic raced through her.
“Don’t worry, he’s in no shape to do anything to you. What I want to know is...” He swallowed hard. “What I want to know is, why didn’t you tell me?” He spoke over Penny’s continued wails.
That got to her, because she could hear the hurt behind his words. Vulnerability affected her a lot more than anger did.
She sat down on the couch and swayed back and forth, trying to comfort Penny. “I kept the truth from you because that was what Tiff wanted. She felt like if you knew, you wouldn’t want anything to do with Penny, and she really wanted Penny to have a good life.”
“Don’t you think I would’ve liked to know that she got together with me because my dad told her to? That she was using me, trying to get money out of me?”
“Did she ever ask you for money? She wasn’t even in touch with you after that one week, was she?”
“No, but she had my baby!” The words burst out of him. “And then you brought her here, and look around, you’re doing well because I’m providing for you. What’s not to like about that? You can walk a few dogs, live the good life, because I was a sucker!”
She squeezed her eyes shut, partly to get rid of the sight of his angry face, partly to hold back tears. She’d always prided herself on being independent. She’d been determined to start her life here on her own terms, working, being Penny’s primary support. And yes, she’d needed money from Cash, child support, but she hadn’t wanted to depend on him too far or take advantage.
You wanted to be his girlfriend, to make a family with him.
She couldn’t avoid the reality that she’d thought about it, and could anyone really blame her? He’d kissed her, he’d treated her with chivalry and respect. She’d thought they were getting close. The romantic vibes between them had been strong.
Now, he was looking at her with something very close to hatred. She wanted to fold up in a little ball and sob like a child, but she stiffened her spine. She had to be strong. “Look, I understand that you’re angry. I should have found a way to tell you—”
“Ya think?” Sarcasm weighted down his voice.
Outside, a bigger surge of rain beat against the windows, making them rattle. She rocked Penny gently, took a few yoga breaths. She couldn’t transmit her own anxiety to the baby. “If you’d like to sit down and discuss it, you can. But only if you can keep your voice down and be rational.”
He stared at her. “You’re one cool customer. I thought you were something else entirely. I thought we were starting to build something.”
A half sob rose up inside her, but she stifled it. He’d thought they were building something? He’d wanted that? She’d hoped that was the case, but until now, she hadn’t known it for sure.
Now, when it was too late. What had she thrown away with her deception?
“I have to wonder how long you’ve been planning this. What did you get out of stringing me along, making me think you cared?”
His words punched at her like physical blows. “I didn’t want to deceive you, Cash. I... Tiff didn’t want you to know her connection with Orin, because—”
“Because she knew it would make me sick?” His fists clenched at his sides. “Do you know how it felt to find out she was sleeping with Orin? My own father?”
“Oh, Cash, she wasn’t sleeping with him. I don’t think so. She wouldn’t...” Holly trailed off. She didn’t think Tiff would stoop that low, but she couldn’t swear that she was right.
“She did. He made that very clear.”
Holly’s heart cracked into pieces. “I don’t think she would have done that,” she whispered.
“I didn’t think you would lie to me.” He blew out a breath, shook his head. “People are pretty disappointing when you get down to it.”
His tone was dreary, final, and she missed his warmth and laughter, was only now appreciating how upbeat he normally was. Loss wrapped around her like a heavy, leaden shroud, and yet she knew it was nothing compared to how she’d feel later, once this had all had the chance to sink in.
Penny’s fussing had mostly subsided but she still moved restlessly, letting out the occasional whimper. Holly’s heart broke for her. She’d lost so much already through no fault of her own; she couldn’t lose her daddy, too. She stood, cuddling Penny close, and approached him. “Could you hold her while I—”
“No,” he said, and turned away.
“Cash! You can’t take out your feelings on an innocent—”
“What do you know about innocence?” He spun back to face her. “You’re the craftiest, sneakiest little liar I ever...” He trailed off. “There’s no point in talking about this.” He pulled out his phone. “Let’s figure out a custody schedule. I’m going back to Atlanta, but I’ll take her one weekend a month like I originally planned.”
“That’s not enough!” For a baby, it was practically nothing. “What about the parenting class?”
“I’m not going through those motions anymore. Who are we trying to kid, that we can do a good job with Penny?”
“You’re giving up on her?”
He gave Holly a level glare that chilled her. “I haven’t decided how I’m going to go. I might just try to get full custody of her. But for now, I’ll plan on...” He frowned at his phone, presumably at his calendar. “The first weekend of every month. Any objections?”
So many objections. “She’ll be upset,” she said. “She’s used to seeing you almost every day.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “What’s wrong, you’re afraid if I leave town you’ll lose my financial support?”
“No! That’s not it at all.”
“Right.” He clicked off his phone and dug in his pocket. “Here. This should keep you going until my lawyer gets in touch.” He pulled out a huge wad of money and, without even looking at it, threw it down on the table. “See you next month. Or better yet, we can get Rita to help us do the transfer. That way, I won’t have to look at your lying face.”
Then he turned around and walked out into the storm.
Carefully, Holly set Penny down. And then she doubled over, because the pain inside was so sharp.
Eventually Penny’s renewed crying got to her, and she picked her back up and comforted her, settled her in for the night. Then she went back out to the front room and sat listening to the storm.
Leave. Get out. Run away.
It was what she’d always done. Human connections didn’t pay off.
But Safe Haven seemed different.
She squeezed her eyes shut and rocked while her heart slowly broke. Cash hated her. He actually hated her.
It had been a mistake to get involved, to think there was a chance she could belong.
FRIDAY MORNING, Rita got out of her car in front of Norma’s condo complex, waved to her friend and surveyed the storm damage with her hands on her hips.
“You made it! Girl, I’m grateful.” Norma tossed an armload of brown palm fronds into a dumpster and then turned toward Rita. “Don’t hug me, I’m a mess.”
“Brought my work gloves. What do you need me to do?”
“We’re just picking up debris from this parking lot so people can get in and park. I took the easy job.” She gestured down toward the beach. “Most of the men are hauling the bigger stuff away.”
“Not Stephen, I see.” He was at the other end of the lot, alone, hauling branches to a temporary dumpster that had been placed down there.
“I don’t want to talk about him.” Norma’s lips tightened. “Where’s Taffy? Thought you were going to bring her.”
“Jimmy’s still taking care of her.” Rita smiled. “He was pretty reluctant when I called from the hospital, but when I asked if he could keep her another day, he sounded a little more positive. I think she’s working her magic on him.”
“Then she’s a better dog than Snowball,” Norma muttered. She was pulling a heavy branch toward the dumpster, and Rita moved to help her, sloshing through the water, glad she’d dug up her duck boots.
“Heave it on count of three,” Norma said, breathing hard. “One, two, three.” They lifted the branch together and threw it in. “Whew, I’m getting hot. Let’s collect little stuff for a while.” She pulled large garbage bags from a box beside the dumpster and handed one to Rita. “How’s Pudge doing, anyway? Last I heard, he was still in intensive care.”
Rita had called the hospital as soon as she’d gotten up. “He’s hanging in there. It takes a while to recover from surgery like that, especially for such a big man.”
“Did his kids come?”
“Nope.” Rita scooped up wet palm fronds and tossed them into the bag, hard. “They said to call if he passed. Which seemed to me to be more about making sure they inherited his money than about caring for their dad.”
Norma puffed out a breath. “Couple of times I’ve met Pudge, he seemed like a good guy. Wonder why they’re carrying so much resentment?”
“You’re the therapist.”
“Yeah,” Norma said, “and professionally, I get that what happened to you as kids, any neglect or perceived shortcoming, looms pretty large. But it’s also the case that losing a parent who’s estranged can cast a long shadow in a person’s life.”
Rita was stuck on some of Norma’s words: any neglect or perceived shortcoming looms pretty large. Involuntarily, she glanced up at the building’s top floor, where Cash had his apartment, now converted into a business center.
Cash was trying to get over his resentment toward her; she could see that and she appreciated it. But underneath, he still blamed her for abandoning him and his brothers.
Talking with Pudge’s snotty kids had made her realize how irrational such resentments could be. But that didn’t make her feel a whole lot better. She didn’t remember Cash as a kid, not except for a few glimmers, but she felt a mother’s love for him, somehow. The fact that he treated her in a cool, distant way made her heart hurt.
She turned to refocus on her work, helping Norma to right an overturned planter. “What’s made you hostile toward Stephen again? I thought you two were going to go out.”
Norma’s lips tightened. “We did.”
“And?”
Norma sorted through the plants, tossing broken ones, replanting those that might make it. “I asked him to dance.”
“That’s great!”
“He said no.”
“Oh.” Rita frowned. “Maybe he just doesn’t like to?”
“Or maybe he meant the evening to be just friends. Maybe he’s not attracted to me. He really clammed up after that and we left pretty soon after. He barely spoke to me all the way home.” She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I told you men aren’t worth getting your hopes up for.”
“You also told me not to give up on Jimmy, that grown-ups have to work through things,” Rita said. “Why don’t you ask him what happened, what his attitude was all about?”
“Nope. I’m done with him.”
“Norma! You give everyone else a million chances, especially as a therapist. Why can’t you cut him a little slack?”
“Because he hurt my feelings.” Norma smiled as if she was making a joke, but it was a forced effort.
“Maybe he wants to apologize,” Rita said. “He’s coming over this way.”
Norma glanced back and stiffened. “I don’t want to talk to him.”
“Be a grown-up,” Rita said, and grabbed her friend’s arm to make sure she didn’t bolt. “Hey, Stephen. How’s it going?”
“All right.” He smiled stiffly at her, then looked at Norma. “Wondered if you have a minute to talk.”
“Not really.” Norma crossed her arms and looked out toward the ocean as if intent on counting the gulls and pelicans flying low over the water.
“I’d like to explain about last night.”
Norma took her time looking back at him. “So explain.”
He glanced at Rita.
“I’m leaving,” she said.
Norma clutched her arm. “Anything you want to say, you can say in front of her.”
“Norma...” Rita backed up, but Norma’s grip on her arm grew tighter. Like a claw.
Like she was terrified.
Wow. Rita stepped closer to her friend and put an arm around her. It had been years since Norma had gotten this close to romance, and from the way her throat was working and her back was sweating, Rita guessed that the bored look on her face was a complete facade.
“All right.” Stephen’s slight British accent sounded stronger. “I wanted you to know that the reason I don’t dance has nothing to do with you.”
“Right.” Norma rolled her eyes, but Rita could feel her shoulders tightening.
“There is nothing I’d like more than to take you in my arms,” he said, “but I just don’t have the skills to dance.”
“Hmmph.” Norma turned away from him. “We done here? I’ve got work to do.”
“Why don’t you have the skills?” Rita asked him. While Norma was barely looking at Stephen, Rita could read both sincerity and pain in his eyes.
“I’ve recently...” He broke off, took a breath and then spoke up again. “I’ve recently been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. It explains some difficulties I’d been having with gait and balance. Walking, I manage quite well, but dancing is out of the question. I’d hoped...” He broke off. “Well. It doesn’t matter now. I just wanted you to know that it was nothing to do with you.”
Norma was looking at him now. “You hoped what?”
“I hoped there was a chance for us, but when I saw how important something like dancing is to you... Well. You deserve a man who can give you everything, a whole man. That’s all.”
He turned and walked away, and Rita saw what she’d never noticed before, a slight shuffle to his step.
“I thought it was me,” Norma said. “That nobody would want to—Stephen!”
“Go after him,” Rita urged, and Norma did.
Rita watched as Norma caught up and spoke urgently to Stephen. He shook his head and continued on, but she grabbed his hand, spoke some more, and then hugged him. Then they looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment. When they hugged again and then walked off together, talking, Rita’s eyes blurred.
No one deserved love more than Norma. Maybe, just maybe, she was going to find it.
Rita had just found a push broom to brush muck and sand off a walkway when she heard a voice from above. “Rita? Is that you?”
She looked up and saw her son leaning out over the third-floor railing. “Cash?”
“What are you doing here?” He trotted down the stairs.
“Just giving Norma a hand with the cleanup. What are you doing here this early? Hard at work?”
He looked away. “I slept here.”
“Why?” She’d gone back to sweeping, but when he didn’t answer, she stopped and looked at him. “You’re upset.”
“Yeah.” He looked down. “Holly and I had a fight.”
“That’s normal,” she said. “Why don’t you take her flowers or something?”
“No,” he said. “I’m moving back to Atlanta. Leaving right away.”
She leaned her broom back against the wall and faced him. “Away from Holly and your child? Why?”
“She...” He trailed off, looked out toward the ocean, pressed his lips together. Then he looked back at Rita. “She kept something from me, something pretty major.”
Rita frowned. “Holly doesn’t seem like she’d mislead you on purpose.”
“I didn’t think so, either.”
“How good is your source?”
He looked at her a moment and frowned. “I don’t know exactly,” he said. “It’s my father. Orin.”
LATE FRIDAY MORNING, Holly woke up from a beautiful dream. Cash wasn’t angry at her anymore. He’d come back and looked in on Holly, then he’d gone to Penny’s room and picked her up and soothed her crying.
Holly drifted back into sleep with a smile on her face. Woke up feeling warm and happy.
Only gradually did she realize that Cash’s presence in the apartment had been a hopeful delusion.
He couldn’t have forgiven her. He surely still hated her for what she’d done.
She tossed, restless. She’d gone over and over it in her mind, and she still couldn’t figure out what she could have done differently. Oh, she could have told Cash the honest truth when she’d discovered that journal entry, but she’d been terrified that he would cut them off, emotionally if not financially. And Penny needed a daddy.
Cash’s actions now made it seem like Tiff had been right: once Cash knew the truth, he’d lose all interest in his child. He hadn’t even touched Penny, let alone comforted her crying. He’d thrown down that big wad of money and left.
How could he think she only wanted him for his money? The truth was, she’d fallen in love with him. With his humor and his kindness and his protective nature. With the way he cared for Penny. With the way he cared for her.
Only he didn’t, not anymore. It hadn’t been stable and real, because it hadn’t lasted.
The flicker of anger she felt burned out quickly, though. Despite all the risk of it, she should have told him the truth. Shouldn’t have kept herself isolated and kept the secret. She should have realized she needed him and needed him to know everything. Once there was a baby in the picture, that highly independent lifestyle had to go by the wayside.
If she ever saw Cash again, she’d tell him that.
Feeling too warm, she pushed off the covers and opened her eyes, blinking. It was later than she’d thought, way later, and the sun was heating up the room.
Weird that Penny hadn’t woken up. But she’d been worn out by crying, herself.
Feeling a hundred years old, Holly got out of bed and dressed and washed her face. Nothing like having a baby to keep you from wallowing in sadness.
She opened the door to Penny’s room, glad it was bright and cheerful, glad she could provide a good place for her child. No matter what happened between her and Cash—especially if he was going to cut way down on his visits with Penny—Holly had to stay strong and be a good mother. “Good morning, sunshine,” she said, forcing cheer into her voice.
Penny wasn’t stirring, so she walked over to the crib. A giant fist clamped around her chest as her mouth went dry as straw.
Penny wasn’t there.