"LORD CROT ALMIGHTY," Relly moaned. "I thought he was never coming back."
"You know him?"
"Do I know him? He was the scumpack who gave me an F last year in bio. You're in serious trouble. It took him a while to hate my guts. It looks like with you it's hate at first sight."
"But why? What did I do?"
"Didn't have to do anything. It's just the way it works with Knacke. He's the worst, Zee. I thought he was too sick to go on teaching. I heard some kids say he had cancer."
Butt scowled. "I heard other kids say he is cancer." We were standing in front of a bulletin board promoting "good mental hygiene."
"He really is nuts," Relly said. "If he didn't have—what do you call it, tenure?—they'd lock him up in the state looney hospital. You know how I found out I flunked bio last year?"
"How would I know that?"
"I was sitting in the kitchen. Somehow Knacke figured out when I'd be alone. This was right after finals last June. I heard a car horn and looked out the window into the darkness. When I stuck my head out the front door, I heard a noise, like a balloon popping.
"The driveway exploded. A huge big letter F was burning on the blacktop. The car horn started up again. You know, real loud and crazy. Then it stopped for a second, and Knacke yelled, 'There's your grade, loser-boy!'
"My big F burnt itself out pretty fast. I stood there staring, like I wasn't even sure if I'd really seen it. Or if Knacke's craziness had rubbed off on me. His car started up, honking again, and he drove away."
As his story got weirder, I wonder if Relly was making the whole thing up. And if he was, then why? "This is for real?" I said.
He didn't answer. He just smiled and finished up the story.
"I went out and looked at the driveway. The scumpack had used some kind of lighter fluid that burnt but left no mark on the blacktop. Nobody but me had seen the fire. But standing there, I could still smell the smoke. Kind of sour and sweet at the same time.
"There was my final grade for bio. A burning F. 'See you next year!' That's what he yelled as he drove off."