IT STARTED OUT OK. We were pretty together on "Hole in the Sky." Butt was solid. No matter how scared he was, he kept us together that day. And I was OK, too. Relly stretched out a little on the second tune. And Jerod finally got his stride on "Blood Drive," yelling and wailing and shaking like a wild man.
I kept my eyes pretty much on the Ibanez. There was no way I could look out at the crowd without melting down to nothing. I stayed with Butt, laying down the heavy bottom. I played off of Relly, doubling lines, snaking around his riffs. And I listened to Jerod through the monitors, especially on the words I had written. It was so weird to hear them that big, that strong, blasting out over a couple hundred kids.
We had three songs to go when the Ghost Metal thing started to happen.
The crowd was with us. We might not have been the top of the bill. But they heard what we could do. And they were starting to like it. Relly finally shook off the fear and let himself go. I glanced over at Butt and now he, too, was pouring himself totally into the noise.
So I guess I was ready at last. I was safe there on the stage. Which is very weird. Safe even though everyone was looking at us. I was free too, which is even stranger. Free to make the biggest throb in the world.
We tore through "The Ocean," the old Led Zeppelin tune. And the crowd was screaming. We went right into "Scar Monkey," and as Relly laid on the riff hard and heavy, I finally heard his Ghost Metal thing. We were loud, huge, strong as a thunderhead. And still, inside the monstrous noise I swear I could hear this ringing silence.
I looked over at him and he gave me one nod. That was all. He nodded as if to say, "Yeah, that's it, that's the sound." The song rose like a sea monster out of some churning waves. The crowd went crazy, guys banging their heads against the invisible wall and girls glowing as the spotlights swept over them. And I went into that empty secret place, just me and Relly.
And then we were on our last tune, "Ten Thousand Charms." We ground like huge millstones squeezing out lightning and thunder. It was better than ever. It was the best we'd ever sounded.
The most amazing thing was to hear my words roaring out of the huge PA system. I'd kept those words secret, bottled up, for a long time. And now Jerod, beautiful Jerod, was wailing them for a couple hundred kids.
The crowd loved it. Or maybe they loved us. I don't know. It's all a jumble in my head. Did they hear the Ghost Metal silence, too? The roar and the nothingness inside the roar? Did they hear my words? I mean really hear them? I don't know. Did they get the feverish, swelling buzz like us? Who's to say?
But they sure made noise when we were done. They yelled and clapped and whistled and some were pushing up against the stage, like they wanted to touch Relly or Jerod. Like we had some magic that maybe might rub off.
I could hardly look at the crowd, it was so intense. I wanted to run, to escape all those surging bodies and crashing waves of noise. Jerod loved it, prancing around, accepting the applause. And Butt was thrilled, too, wearing a big doofy smile.
And Relly? I figured this would be his moment. I thought he'd stay onstage for as long as they'd let him, soaking up the good feeling.
But he was gone.
The next couple of minutes were all a blur. The MC came out and was hyping up the crowd for the next act. I think Jerod threw himself off the stage and was sucked into the crowd. Butt gave us a last blast of drumstick dynamite and headed backstage.
I followed Butt to the so-called dressing room. It was chaos. Four other bands were there, and some kids had snuck in from the crowd. People were yelling and swaggering around, chugging Mountain Dew, joking, huddling in little clusters, eating pizza, and acting like a pack of maniacs.
No sign of Relly, however.
His Strat was in its case, so I knew he'd come through the dressing room. But why had he run off so fast?
I cornered Butt and said, "Where'd he go? Why'd he take off?"
"Down that way," a girl wearing way too much purple mascara told me. "I think I saw him go down the back hall."