"I JUST WANT PEOPLE to leave me alone," I said. "That's all. I'm not fighting anyone. Anyway, they already won. There's no point fighting."
"So you're quitting before you even start?" Relly said.
"I don't want to be a god." This sounded stupid, but it was true. "I don't want to be in your secret war and fight against Knacke and Scratch."
"All right," Relly said. "What do you want?" We were in the kitchen. His mom was mixing up herbs to make one of her stinky teas. She kept looking over at me, then back to the leaves and roots and berries she was crushing up.
"I want to be in the band. And play out. And maybe do some recording."
"That's it? If you could have anything in the whole world, that's the best you can come up with?"
Tannis stared at me, like she was afraid of what I'd say. Or maybe she was holding her words inside until the right moment to speak.
"I don't know," I whispered. "What difference does it make? I can't have what I want."
"Who says?"
If I was completely honest, I would have told him, "I want you. You're the one I've been waiting for."
But I couldn't say that with his mom in the room with us. And maybe I couldn't say it even if we were totally alone. I wasn't afraid he'd laugh or make a disgusted face. No, much worse would be a shrug and him saying, "Yeah, sure, whatever."
"OK, maybe you're right and it doesn't matter what you want," Relly told me after a while. "Then the only thing that counts is what you are." He took my hands and held them, which he'd never done before. It felt wonderful and scary, perfectly natural and totally wrong. "You're a god, Zee, like me. Like Butt and Jerod. And gods have got to—"
"Butt and Jerod? They burst into flame, too?"
"No, that's just me. They're made of different stuff. Butt is earth. And Jerod is air. I'm fire, which you already know."
"And that makes me—"
Tannis cut in. "Water." Her voice was loud and edgy. "Your element is water, Zee." She was holding a glass mixing bowl. The stuff inside sloshed back and forth like liquid silver. She came toward me and for a second, I thought she was going to pour it over my head. Instead, she set it carefully on the table. "Look," she said. And there was a reflection of my face on the surface. It flickered and shook. But still I saw myself.
"You're water," Relly said. "And that makes Scorpio Bone complete. Earth, air, water, and fire. The four elements."
"So Knacke is right? You're into—"
"Knacke is a stenching old scumpack and everything he touches turns rotten."
He continued to hold my hands in his. And they were strong, real strong. "You know what the word occult really means, Zee?" Of course I didn't. "All it means is 'secret' or 'hidden.' It doesn't have a thing to do with good or bad. Just secret."
"And Scorpio Bone is the—"
"Four and no more. It takes four to win the war." Relly was looking at me eye to eye and it was the total opposite of when Frankengoon had stared me down. Both times, somebody was peering deep into me. But with Relly it felt good, like he knew me, maybe even knew me better than I knew myself. And I was not just OK, but great, the one and only. There was something about me that was precious and powerful. And Relly needed it. He needed me.
"There's four of us, two pairs. Butt is earth. You know: all his stupid toilet jokes. He's the god of dirt. And Jerod's his opposite, the god of the air. Singers are all wind, right? Blowing hard, but kind of empty. Jerod and Butt are one pair. The lowly dirt and the heavenly air."
"And we're the other pair?"
He nodded. "Fire and water. You need me to bring you to a boil. And I need you to put out the flames. But you're not just plain water. You're ice and you're snow. You're steam and clouds and fog."
"And fever," Tannis said. "Fever is body heat cooking the body's water. Fire and water together in the flesh." Saying this, she went back to the stove.
"This is all so insane. I just want to—"
"Don't say it unless you really and truly know what you want. Because you might just get it."
"All right. So what do you want?" I asked him.
His mom turned to watch Relly. He didn't see the look on her face. But I did. And it was scarier than anything Frankengoon or even Knacke had done. It was like the answer to my question was life or death to her. The wrong response and everything would be ruined.
"I want the band to be a success. I want to play out a lot, too, and record. And I want people to see how great we are."
"But that's not all?"
"I guess I want the real thing," he said after a long stretch of quiet. "I mean, if it's fake or bogus I hate it. If it's all lies, then I want nothing to do with it. TV and textbooks and what kids talk about at school. That's all a lie. You know what I mean?"
He could see I didn't understand.
"Like you look at me and I'm just this kid. But I'm also the god of fire. And you're just a kid too, a girl with an Ibanez bass who doesn't say hardly anything at school. And you're the ocean too, and rain, and blizzards."
Part of me was saying, Right, sure, I'm Neptuna, goddess of the seas, and thinking about how crazy it all sounded. I should go home and never come back. Next thing I knew, he'd be talking about human sacrifice or having aliens over for supper.
But another part was listening real hard and kind of nodding. It was like I knew it all already, only I needed somebody to bring the truth back to mind.
"You really believe this, don't you? The god part. Earth, wind, fire, and water. The whole bit. You believe it?"
"One hundred percent." He didn't pause for even a second to answer that one.
His mom turned away, back to messing around with her wet leaves and lumps of little black berries.
I let out all the air I'd been holding in my chest. I closed my eyes and relaxed. "All right, then," I said. "Then I believe it, too."