EVERY DAY, SCHOOL SEEMED less real. I went, I sat in classes, I failed tests, and I ate disgusting school lunches. I watched the other kids do what they always did. Fighting and gossip, flirting and goofing off, smoking in the lavs and beating up the geeks.
It was all perfectly normal. And it was all unreal, like I was stuck inside a movie and knew everyone was just an actor.
Kids did what they always did. Only it felt like they were just going through the motions. I swear I heard two girls near my locker talking but all that was coming out of their mouths was blah blah blah. No words, like they were extras in some crowd scene and the director had told them, "Just pretend to talk."
So school was nothing. Knacke was still out and I didn't see Frankengoon all week before the Bug Jar gig.
Up in Relly's attic, things were getting pretty tense. We had three days till the gig and Butt had brought in a new tune he wanted us to do.
He showed up with an old album by Iggy and the Stooges. "It's called Raw Power. And that's the tune I want to do." He put the record on the turntable and out came this crude chugging riff. He started jerking his legs and whacking the side of his head in time. "Cool, right? Totally cool. These guys were like the grandfathers of punk."
The tune was simple. Relly and me had it down in about ten seconds. And Butt had even scribbled some of the words. The part that Jerod liked best was when he got to sing "Get down baby and kiss my feet."
We ran through it a couple of times. "So we do it at the Bug Jar, right?"
Relly shook his head. "I don't think so. It's getting too close to the gig. We've only got three days to go."
"It's done," Butt said. "We're ready, right? All Jerod's got to do is learn a couple of lines. Doesn't matter if he gets it all."
"I don't think so," Relly said.
"Come on. We're not doing a single tune I brought in. This one's easy and I love it. Raw Power!" he yelled. "The crowd will go nuts for it when Jerod gets to the chorus. Raw Power!"
"Let's save it for the next gig. We've already nailed down the set list."
"Yeah," Jerod said, "and you two figured it all out without even asking me."
"Maybe if you showed up on time once in a while, you'd get a say in the matter." Relly turned up his volume and let fly a long, fuzz-toned riff, silencing Jerod for the time being.
We sounded good. But still, all the little things that bugged Jerod were now ten times more obnoxious to him. He swore at me when I missed my cues. He picked up an empty pop can and threw it at Relly when his top E string broke. "What are you so bent about?" Relly snarled. "Strings break, OK? That's the way it goes." He looked over at me for support. "His Highness doesn't get it."
"Right!" Jerod yelled back. "So it's you two against me now. Well you better not forget that without me, you're just a couple of geek nothings. I can get guitar players as easy as I can get girls."
Butt threw a drumstick at him. And I figured in about ten seconds all three of them would start throwing punches. "Enough!" I shouted at them. "You're acting like six-year-olds."
Butt calmed down pretty fast. Relly and Jerod were still steaming. "We're all pretty stressed out," I said. "Why don't we take a break for a little while?"
Without saying another word, Jerod stormed out. Butt stayed behind his drums, adjusting the heads and tightening the stands for about the hundredth time.
I went downstairs with Relly and flopped onto the living room couch. Jerod was already out the door, revving his engine.
"You think he's quitting?" I asked.
Relly sneered. "He quits about once a month. There's always something bugging him. A while back he brought in this tune called 'Everybody Wants to Rule the World.' It was like a disco thing. Or one of those wimpy British synth bands. Duran Duran. Wham. Tears for Fears. God, I hate that stuff."
"And you just told him no?"
"It was perfect for him. He really does think he's the king of the world. But we're a metal band. It was totally not us."
Tannis came into the room. "Something wrong?" she said.
"Same old hissy fit from Jerod. He'll be back. He'll rip around the block a few times in his Acura. I don't know who he thinks he's showing off to. But he always comes back once he gets that crot out of his system."
Relly went to the bathroom and I was alone with his mom.
She pointed to a picture on the wall. Two girls, maybe my age. Back in the early '70s from the look of the hairstyles and the way the jeans were cut.
"That's me," Tannis said, pointing to one of the girls. "And that's my sister. Did Relly ever tell you about his aunt Lissa?"
"I don't think so."
I heard the toilet flush and then Relly's footsteps as he went back to the attic. As usual, it felt weird being alone with Tannis. But for once I didn't try to get away.
"We were only a year apart," Tannis said, taking the picture off the wall and handing it to me. "She was really into drama. You know: plays, theater. She was good. Very good."
"Does she still do it?" I asked. It was easy to see which one was Tannis. Darker hair, heavier features. Tannis, at least in the olden days, was kind of cute. But her sister was beautiful. "She's the one in the kitchen, right?" I said. "The zodiac picture. Aquarius."
"Yes, that's Lissa."
We heard a car door slam and then Jerod came stomping into the house. "So what are you waiting for?" he asked me. "Let's get back to work."
Just like Relly said, the fight was all forgotten. And if anything, we sounded even better after Jerod had his little tantrum.
No more talk about the set list. Relly had added the last tune, "Silence Loud," and that was that.
It was great, better, I bet, than any drug. So much power, so much joy blasting out of the amps. Relly faced in toward the drums. And me, too. With Jerod in the middle. We were a perfect four, banging our heads against the air.
Afterward, I wondered what the real Silence Loud would've thought if she'd heard us. She was a pioneer girl from the olden days. She died when she was seventeen years old. That's what her stone said. Probably she'd run screaming from the room if she heard her song. I felt a little bad about that, stealing her name. Maybe in a hundred years somebody would steal mine too, thinking, Zee, that's the weirdest name I ever heard.
I was OK with that though. And I hoped Silence would understand if I ever met her and had to explain it all.