TRANSCRIPT OF CAPTAIN Hal Sutton’s speech to the press after the USA suffered its worst Ryder Cup loss in history to Europe in 2004:
Man, I can’t tell you how bad I wanted our little dogies to beat them European polecats. Why tarnation, we’re the greatest golfers in the world, us being from the United States of Amurka and most of Florida, while they’re from England and London and Spain and a lot of other places outside Russia. They probably had a Norwegian stuck off somewhere in case of an emergency. Several of my rawhides had never been around Europeans. To calm ’em down, I said, “You don’t need to have been to Europe to see what they’re like. Just spend two or three days up in New York City—you’ll be lookin’ right at ’em.”
That got kind of a laugh.
As our Ryder Cup captain this time at Oakland Hills in Dee-troit, I wanted to jump on the Europes real quick and stuff ’em in our saddlebags. That’s why I went out early with Trigger Woods and Thrill Mickelson, my two top ranch hands. They’re stronger than new rope.
How was I to know they wouldn’t hardly speak to one another, and just in general play like hospital food?
Somebody said Woods and Mickelson don’t like each other, and that’s why they didn’t have no chemistry on the golf course. I said, “Well, son, I been around this game longer than most rivers have been wet, and I ain’t never yet seen a test tube or a Bunsen burner make a birdie.”
People asked me why Tiger Woods snubbed the press. Why he wouldn’t go to the pressroom after he lost three out of four matches the first two days. I said, “Well, I ain’t Socrates or one of them other teachers at Harvard, but I know this much: you can’t tell a cattleman what to do if he’s got a bigger spread than you do.”
Phil Mickelson made me proud, I have to say. He went in the pressroom and took his medicine. He tore his heart out of his chest and throwed it on the floor. I was honored to pick it up and give it back to him.
I congratulated my opposing captain, Bernhard Landers, even though he’s from Germany. And I congratulated Sergio García. Sergio went undefeated for the week, scoring four and a half points. Funny thing about Sergio. He does good in these Ryder Cups, but when he comes over and tries to play on our Tour, he can’t chew loose eggs.
I also shook the hand of Colin Montgomers for scoring their winning point on Sunday. It must have felt awful good, seeing as how his wife went O. B. on him this year. I could identify with that. I’ve had wives go O. B. and others that DQ’d on me. Ever how many it’s been.
Somebody said that when we got whipped 18½ to 9½ it was one of the few times Amurka has been held to single digits. Well, I say you can’t call it single digits if you count that doodad hangin’ on the 9.
We’re lickin’ our wounds, but I still say we’re the greatest golfers in the world, and I wouldn’t take nothin’ for being associated with this bunch of ringtailed tooters, even though they turned out to be all hat and no cattle.