This morning, Mum comes with me to buy the food for the buffet later on that night, and when we get back, the mobile hairdresser arrives.
‘She’s here. Do you want to do this?’ I take her hand and squeeze it encouragingly.
I can tell she’s nervous, but she forces a smile. ‘Of course. Can you let her in? If you can be brave, then so can I!’
It’s definitely a start …
I take a bit of time getting myself ready to go over to the Log Fire Cabin. Despite everything that’s happened with the break-up, there’s still a tiny flare of excitement in the pit of my stomach at the thought of seeing everyone again, and getting back to doing what I love: cooking.
I glance in the bedroom mirror before I leave. Skinny jeans and sparkly top. Shiny dark hair tumbling down over my shoulders. I look thinner because I haven’t eaten much since Harrison dropped his bombshell, but I could afford to lose a bit so that’s no bad thing. My ‘well-upholstered’ days appear to be over for now. I frown, remembering Harrison’s very dodgy ‘compliment’ that I tried so hard to see in a good light. Over the last few days there have been times I’ve wanted to kill him with my bare hands, so frowning is a definite improvement.
Popping into the kitchen to say cheerio to Mum, I find her chatting over tea and mince pies with Helen, whose nifty scissors and colouring magic have completely transformed her hair.
‘You look amazing, Mum!’
She smiles at me modestly and runs a hand through her newly shiny chestnut locks. ‘Hasn’t Helen done a marvellous job?’
I smile at the hairdresser. ‘You really have. She looks about fifteen years younger.’
‘I was saying to your mum that next time we could try going a little lighter,’ says Helen. ‘Great mince pies, by the way.’
I smile, happier than I’ve felt in days. I like the sound of ‘next time’.
When I arrive at the Log Fire Cabin soon after three, it’s cold and crisp and already getting dark. When I ring the bell, the door is opened by Tom.
‘Hey, Poppy! It’s good to see you.’ He’s wearing drainpipe black jeans and a cool turquoise shirt, and he seems to have matured since I last saw him.
‘It’s great to be back, Tom.’ I smile, glancing around at the familiar hallway and the foliage and lights up the stairs that Jed and I put there together.
Tom comes through to the kitchen with me.
‘This is Charlotte,’ he says, as a pretty dark-haired girl gets up from the breakfast bar. She’s wearing a cute cream dress and tan heels, and Tom puts his arm around her waist, looking proud as punch.
‘I’ve heard all about your scrummy food,’ she says shyly, as she follows Tom out of the kitchen, leaving me to get on.
A movement beyond the window catches my eye and I go over and glance out. Clemmy and Ryan are in the hot tub, bathed in candlelight, which I’m sure will have been Clemmy’s idea. As I watch, Ryan leans over and kisses her full on the mouth. I draw back in case they see me, although they seem far too wrapped up in each other to be aware of anyone else. My heart lurches. Everyone is coupling up, which is lovely, but it all feels rather bittersweet to me. My stupid, hopeful heart was counting on Jed being here to welcome me, but he’s nowhere in sight.
Ruby bounces through to the kitchen as I’m making the mini smoked-salmon quiches. ‘Tom told me you were here. Look at this, Poppy. Bob and I are going to do it next week.’ She shows me a website on her brand-new phone. Apparently you pay money and you get to hang off a rock face, protected from a fall to your death hundreds of feet below by just a single rope.
‘How sick will that be?’ she says happily.
I grin at her. ‘Sounds terrific. Where do I sign up?’
‘You wouldn’t dare!’
‘You’re right. I wouldn’t. Is that the girl Tom phoned and asked out as a dare that night?’
‘Charlotte, yes. Apparently she’s always liked him, too, but she was too shy to do anything about it until he phoned.’
‘She seems lovely.’
‘Yeah, she’s all right. She can windsurf.’
I nod. ‘Praise indeed. I bet your mum’s happier now that you and Bob are getting on.’
Ruby snorts. ‘Yeah. They went off into Easingwold for lunch all smoochy-smoochy. Yuk!’
She grabs a tortilla chip and whisks out of the kitchen with a little wave.
I get on with preparing the evening’s buffet, thinking how good it is to be back here among all these lovely people. A cold hand grasps my heart. But they’re all leaving on the second of January. And after that, I’ll never see Jed again …
The door opens and I look up expectantly. It’s Clemmy, dressed in a silky, pale-blue robe, her hair twisted into a towel.
‘Poppy! How lovely that you’re back!’
‘I’ve missed everyone.’ I smile, and we hug. ‘A lot seems to have happened in the few days since I was here last.’ I give her an arch look and she reddens.
‘Gosh, I know. Tom and Charlotte.’
‘And you and Ryan. I saw you in the hot tub together.’
Clemmy beams, radiating pure happiness. ‘I wore down his defences. He admitted he’d always secretly fancied me but didn’t think I was his type, whatever that means.’
I laugh. ‘Apparently he’s changed his mind.’
She nods, her eyes shining.
‘It seems strange to think that when Jed left that message on my phone inviting you for Christmas, I thought it was the two of you who were meant to be together.’
She sighs. ‘Jed’s lovely. I think he has a soft spot for you.’
‘Really?’ I turn away to mix the mayonnaise.
‘Definitely. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one’s watching.’
I swallow hard. ‘But he’s with Katerina, isn’t he?’
She groans. ‘Yes. Ry seems to think he’s taken her to London. He heard Jed phoning a hotel there earlier in the week, and they just seem to have taken off without a word.’ She shrugs. ‘It’s a shame they’ll miss the fireworks at midnight. It’s taken Ryan ages to organise it.’
My heart, having flipped with joy when Clemmy said Jed liked me, is now plummeting down a lift shaft. I feel sick at the thought of Jed and Kat together in London.
‘Hey, did you know I’d persuaded Ry to go and see his dad in France?’ says Clemmy.
‘You have? Oh God, that’s brilliant, Clem. Will you go with him?’
She nods shyly. ‘He said he’d spoken to you about him and you made him see the situation in a different light.’
‘I’m so pleased. You only have one dad.’
I offer her a tortilla chip and she takes one, then says thoughtfully, ‘You know, having you here, in this kitchen over Christmas, helped us all. We were at sixes and sevens when we arrived but it’s as if everything has worked out as if by magic.’
‘Magic?’ I laugh. ‘Well, I’m not sure I can lay claim to being a magician, but it’s a lovely thought, Clem. Mind you, I’ve always believed in the healing warmth of a kitchen, as the heart of the house.’
She nods happily. ‘You will stay for the fireworks? And have a drink and some food with us?’
‘I’d love that. Thank you.’
We all gather in the living room, helping ourselves from the buffet I’ve laid out on the dining table. I’m driving so I stick to the fruit punch, having first established it doesn’t contain any lemonade that might possibly be vodka!
At one point, I glance around, and it hits me how happy and relaxed everyone seems to be. A weight settles in my stomach. I’ve been telling myself that it doesn’t matter if I see Jed or not because I’m not going to be acting on my feelings for him. And anyway, he’s with Katerina. But finding him gone has made me feel as wobbly and lost as I felt when Harrison dropped me off and drove on to spend the night at the Pretty Flamingo Hotel.
I’m in love with Jed.
And there’s nothing I can do about that, except wait it out and hope that one day, the feeling might fade. Emotion swells inside. I make an excuse and retreat to the kitchen, then I grab my coat and slip through the patio doors, standing just outside in the snow, looking out across the lake. It’s very dark and I can’t make out the cottage on the opposite bank, but the light flooding out from the cabin means that I can actually see a few yards in front of me.
I think about Harrison and how sad it is that we just couldn’t work as a couple. Because I do realise that now. I’ve been thinking about practically nothing else since we broke up, and I know now that I was just kidding myself, wanting to believe that we could be happy together. I skated over the obvious signs that we were basically incompatible because I was so enamoured with the idea that I was loved. Martin had made me believe I didn’t deserve love, but here was an attractive, intelligent man with a lot of caring ways telling me I actually was worthy. And that was everything to me.
But then things started to change in my life, which upset the fragile balance of our relationship and brought it crashing down.
I swallow hard as fresh tears well up.
I will get through this, though. I actually quite like myself now, which is a real revelation. I’ve been growing more confident and braver by the day, and the new business will throw up even more new challenges and adventures that I will have to rise to. And actually, it feels quite exciting, as well as a little nerve-racking. I couldn’t have imagined doing something like this a year ago. Even six months ago …
‘Aren’t you cold out here?’ A familiar voice reaches me from the shadows and when I turn, Jed is standing close by. My heart lurches painfully then starts beating at a million miles an hour.
I smile at him, sneaking a look behind him, wanting to know if he’s brought Katerina. But there’s no one else in sight. ‘It was warm in the kitchen,’ I say. ‘I just wanted some air.’
He nods, standing several feet away from me as if he’s keeping his distance. ‘I was so sorry about Harrison … the break-up. Are you okay?’
‘Thank you. I’ll be all right. I suppose it just takes time.’
‘True. And when you’re finally over it, you’ll be amazed at how hopeful you feel about life.’
I smile shyly at him. He sounds as if he’s talking from experience. ‘How is Katerina?’ I’ve got to know. I can’t keep torturing myself, dreaming up all these possible scenarios – like I did with Mark.
He looks thoughtful. ‘Katerina is … fine. She’ll be flying back to Australia tomorrow.’
‘For good?’ It’s out before I can stop it.
‘Er, well, I’m not sure about that.’ His lips twitch. ‘But she’s taken another two-year contract. If that helps?’
I glance at him. Is he making fun of me? There’s a definite glint in those gorgeous green eyes but it’s frustratingly impossible to tell how he feels about me.
‘It’s good to see you,’ he says.
‘You, too.’
He moves as if to hug me, then he stops.
We lock eyes and my head starts to spin crazily as it always does when I’m close to Jed Turner.
‘Listen,’ he says, ‘I know it’s probably far too soon after your break-up for you to want to …’
I nod, my heart drumming fast. ‘Far too soon,’ I murmur, transfixed by his mouth.
He nods. ‘You’ll have to get over Harrison first. Lay that relationship properly to rest. And I have absolutely no intention of being that transitional guy whose only function is to help you get over your heartbreak.’
His gaze drops to my lips and suddenly they feel all bee-stung and beautiful, which is weird. ‘You could never be that transitional guy,’ I tell him, astonished at my bravery. What happened to meek and mild Poppy?
‘Maybe.’ He shrugs but I can tell he’s secretly pleased. ‘All I’m saying is I’ll wait. Until you’re ready. Am I being too presumptuous?’
My knees are so weak I think I might have to sit down. I shake my head and murmur, ‘Not at all.’
I love Jed Turner. I really, really love him! I can see it so clearly now that Harrison is no longer in my life. I think I was a goner the instant I spotted him at the station that time. Or maybe I fell in love with his glorious voice, who knows? All I do know is that he seems to have feelings for me, and that’s just the most incredible thing ever.
I’m not sure how I feel about him ‘waiting’, though. Although I suppose it’s probably for the best.
‘We could always date.’
He frowns. ‘Sorry?’
I shrug. ‘We could go on dates because that’s not being in a proper relationship, is it? Then I’d be able to – you know – get over the break-up in my own time.’
‘While casually dating.’ He weighs it up. ‘You know, you might be on to something there, Poppy.’
‘Glad you think so.’
‘I do.’
Oh God, we’re moving closer to one another. He’s so within grabbing distance. We could do all sorts of things if we were ‘just dating’.
He runs a hand through his hair and gives me one of his slow, heart-stopping smiles. ‘What are you doing to me, Poppy Ainsworth? Are you saying we can definitely see each other? Because this distance between us here feels as wide as the English Channel.’
‘If we’re going to “date”, it would be really weird if we didn’t get very close now and again,’ I say slowly, looking into his eyes.
‘Like this, you mean?’ He bridges the gap and slides his hands around my waist, then kisses the tip of my nose.
A delicious shiver runs through my entire body. Heart hammering, I pretend to consider. ‘Maybe you should be a bit more decisive than that.’
He pulls me against him with a low groan. ‘Better?’
‘Much better.’ My voice comes out as a squeak. ‘I like this dating business.’
‘Me, too,’ he says, a second before he brings his mouth down hard on mine.
We kiss like we’re never going to let go, and somehow I end up pressed against the wall of the cabin, feeling all of Jed Turner’s delicious weight against me. I think just once of Harrison, hoping he’s happy with his Spanish dancer, then I abandon myself to Jed’s touch, aware of nothing else in the world.
When we come up for air, we smile at each other rather bashfully and I lean against his beautiful chest with a little blissed-out sigh. Something wet lands on my nose and I look up at the night sky. It’s started to snow again. A few flakes drifting down, just in time for New Year.
I smile up at Jed. ‘So you were in London today?’
‘Yes.’
‘Business or pleasure?’
‘Neither, really. I was looking for someone.’
‘Really?’ I pull away so I can look at him.
‘Yes. You know him, actually. I took a photo.’ He pulls out his phone and starts searching.
I stare at him, a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.
He passes me the phone and I stare at the picture of a man.
He has olive skin and hair that’s almost black, just like mine. Except that his is brushed with grey at the temples. But it’s the eyes that I remember. Warm, smiling, the same dark brown as mine.
I look up at Jed in wonder. ‘My dad.’
He nods.
‘But how …?’ My head is whirling with questions but I can’t seem to form the words.
‘How did I find him?’
I nod, desperate to learn everything Jed can tell me. This amazing new development is truly like the icing on the cake of my day!
Jed smiles at me, his eyes full of warmth. ‘After you told me about your real dad that time, I kept thinking about your situation. It’s pretty similar to Ryan’s, really, and I know what it meant to him to meet his biological dad.’ He shrugs. ‘I can speak a little Italian. Just enough to make myself understood. So I phoned round the big five-star hotels in Naples, hoping I might strike lucky.’
‘Wow! What did you say?’
‘That a family member was trying to track down an Alessandro Bianchi, who used to work in the kitchens there.’
‘Did anyone remember him?’
He shakes his head. ‘It was so long ago … but I left my name and number just in case. And then a few days ago, I got a call from the head chef at one of the hotels, saying he worked alongside Alessandro when they were just starting out in their careers. He remembered that Al, as he called him, was always talking about moving to England when the opportunity arose.’
‘Really?’ He’d wanted to live in England!
‘The guy gave me the name of a five-star hotel in Florence where your dad went to work as a chef de partie after he left Naples.’
‘And you phoned the Florence hotel?’ My heart is beating so fast, I feel like I might faint.
Sensing I’m overwhelmed, Jed steers me gently over to a stone bench and I snuggle against him in the cold night air, loving the protective feel of his arm around me.
‘Yes, so the receptionist at the Florence hotel remembered him straight away. She said he’d moved to England a year earlier to take up a new job as a head chef – and she gave me the name of the hotel in London.’
‘Oh my God.’ My voice is barely above a whisper. ‘So he’s actually living in England now.’
Jed rubs a hand over his face. ‘Listen, Poppy, I hope you don’t mind that I did all this?’
‘No, of course I don’t. I couldn’t be happier.’
‘Good. I would have involved you earlier – I was just afraid my search might lead up a blind alley and I didn’t want you having your hopes built up, only to be dashed all over again.’
‘So, is that why you went to London yesterday? To find him and talk to him?’ I need to know, but part of me dreads hearing something bad. I didn’t reply to any of the letters Alessandro sent me. What if he doesn’t want to know me any more?
Jed nods. ‘He’s a great guy. We had a good long chat. And when I told him you were desperate to contact him again, his face lit up and he didn’t stop smiling for the rest of our conversation.’
‘So … he actually wants to see me?’
‘Of course he wants to see you.’ Jed smiles, gently brushing my face with his thumb to wipe away a tear. ‘You’re his daughter and he’s never stopped thinking about you. And your mum.’
‘She’d like to see him too. I’m sure of it.’ I gaze up at him. ‘Thank you so much for this. I can hardly believe it.’
Jed pulls me into a hug, and the emotion that was choking me up starts to spill out. I weep happy (and copious) tears into Jed’s jacket, but he doesn’t seem to mind at all. He just holds me closer. And being crushed against him feels just as incredible as finding my real dad at last.
Finally, I pull away and look up at him. ‘So is he … is my dad coming here?’
Jed nods. ‘He’s got a few days off after New Year and he wants to see you.’ He fishes something out of his pocket. ‘He asked me to give you this. He’s kept it all this time.’
I take it. It’s a small, square Christmas card, handmade, with a child’s drawing of two people having a snowball fight and ‘Happy Xmas!’ emblazoned across the top in red glitter. Over the years, the glitter has grown somewhat sparse. I hold the card in my hands as if it’s a precious, ancient manuscript. Opening it, I read the words, ‘Love from Poppy.’
I gasp. ‘I made this for him when he was here that Christmas! I can’t believe he’s held onto it for all these years.’
Jed grins. ‘He asked if we had snow here.’
‘He did? Why?’
‘He said he’d very much like to have another snowball fight, although he accepts that you might have honed your snowball-throwing skills just a little since you were twelve!’
I laugh in delight. ‘He remembers that snowball fight?’
Jed smiles, looking equally delighted, and then leans down for another kiss.
When we finally draw apart, I gaze up at him coyly. ‘Are we on a date, then?’
‘A date? Oh, yes.’ Jed nods solemnly. ‘Which means I get to kiss you very thoroughly at midnight.’
Just as he says the words, there’s a loud crack and then fireworks begin sizzling and exploding overhead. Nestled in the crook of Jed’s arm, I gaze upwards, laughing as Ryan and Clemmy’s glorious display lights up the entire night sky.
‘Forgot to tell you,’ murmurs Jed close to my ear, ‘Bob likes your food so much, he wants to hire you.’
‘He does? Oh my God, can this day possibly get any better?’
‘My feelings exactly.’
Jed pulls me against him once more. And as the snowflakes drift down around us, I mould myself against him, revelling in the heat and solidity of his body and sinking ever deeper into his kiss. The technicolour explosions going off around us really are the perfect reflection of how I’m feeling inside.
This could very well turn out to be my best year yet …