33
Brynn
There are no signs that anyone has been up here at all, except for an empty Moosehead bottle tipped on its side, likely left here from the other night.
I think a small part of me secretly hoped I’d climb these steps and find Josh waiting, somehow teleported back by the magic of Carson’s Cove.
I really have to find another show.
“Hey—”
My heart triple-skips at the sound of a man’s voice, but steadies as I turn to see a familiar blond step from the fire escape onto the roof. He’s wearing khakis and a flannel. The man of my dreams. But I don’t want my dreams anymore. I want reality.
“Listen, Spencer—”
He holds up his hand. “Before you say anything, there’s something I want to tell you.”
I brace for yet another love declaration.
“I heard what you said back there, and I think it was incredible.”
Surprised is not quite the right word for my reaction. “You do?”
He nods, his blue eyes bright despite the darkness. “Yes. This town has been so stuck. It’s the reason I left and why I stayed away for so long. I haven’t been able to put into words what was wrong. But you did. It was amazing.”
I’m still caught off guard by what he’s saying. He and this town are so entwined that it’s hard to separate them.
“Well, thanks.”
He takes a tentative step forward. “You don’t love me, do you?”
The vulnerability in his voice makes my heart clench. “I’m sorry, Spencer, I don’t.”
He nods as if this is the answer he was expecting.
“Did you ever?”
I think about his question. “You were the perfect guy all through my teenage years and, in a very special way, my first love. I’ve been working through those feelings, among others, these last few weeks, and I was sending you some mixed signals, so I apologize for that.”
He nods. “I think I may have been caught up in the past too. Being back here has done funny things to my head.” He takes a step closer. “I still want to stay friends. Get to know you again.”
I know I speak for both Sloan and myself when I say, “I’d really like that too.”
He points at the air vent. “Want to sit for a bit?” It’s the same spot where I sat with Josh. I join Spencer, looking out over the town.
“I wonder if the rest of this place will ever change.”
Spencer looks over at me. “I think it has. I mean, you saw what happened tonight.”
I stare at him, confused. “You mean my speech at the pageant?”
He shakes his head. “No, at the crowning.”
My heart does a little flip. “What happened?”
Spencer smiles. “Well, after Luce won, Poppy threw a fit. She admitted to fixing the pageant for years with Lois, and the two of them were stripped of their duties indefinitely. There was even talk about getting rid of the pageant completely. You were right, it’s kind of a dated concept. Why do you look so surprised?”
“I guess I didn’t expect things to turn out that way.”
Spencer tilts his head. “Me neither, but I think it all turned out for the best. Luce finally got her crown. Poppy got what was coming to her. And you are exactly where you should be.”
“What do you mean?”
Spencer looks at me thoughtfully. “You always loved Carson’s Cove. I think it shocked a lot of people when you moved away and never looked back. I think everyone expected you to waltz into town and be that same girl—but you’re not. It’s obvious that you still love this place. But you’re right, it really does need to change. And now you’re forcing people to take a hard look at what it has become. And I think Carson’s Cove and all the people in it are going to be different—better—after tonight, and that’s because of you.”
I still don’t know how all of this works, or if there is a real Sloan out there who’s lived this life that Spencer just described, but I’d like to think that there is and that she’d be proud of everything that’s happened here tonight. That it’s exactly what she’d want.
Spencer checks his watch. “It’s almost midnight. I think I’m going to head home. Do you want me to walk you?”
I shake my head. “I think I’m going to sit for a little longer. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
Spencer leaves.
I consider going back to Sloan’s, but as I climb down the steps, I pass Fletch’s window. The bed calls to me. I shed my clothes and climb in, pulling the sheets up over my head.
It still smells like Josh.
As I close my eyes, a single tear trickles down my cheek. My thoughts settle, leaving me with just one.
I miss him.
And with the choices I made today, the odds are that I will never see him again.