Part 22

Quila and Terise

They watched the fall of Airdrossa from as close as cameras could get. There was a pirate station over in Kayro that seemed to be able to evade the jammers. It showed any footage it could get hold of, scraps beamed in from outside the city, inside the city, wherever anyone was prepared to risk their neck to record. To say this was what it was, no matter the cost.

The guerrillas spread groundsheets over the square where it was muddy from the rain. They kept the screens on all the time now, whether anyone could trace the power drain or not. Dano said there was no one left to find them, but casting off the secrecy felt as if it had been futile all along, like a worn-out coat that had never fitted even when it was new.

Issa watched seldom, she said she didn’t need the screen to see, but Ladyani hardly left it. When she wasn’t bringing him food, Terise sat next to him, leaning on his shoulder with his arm round her, his fingers tangling in her hair. They didn’t talk much, no one did. Even when the government buildings exploded there was hardly a cheer, as if all those who would have made it louder were gone.

Once, a jerky grey fuzz appeared round the corner of a demolished building, light streaming from it to a Chi!me carrier. The recorder ducked before the blasts reached their target, but you could tell from the way the picture shook they found it. ‘Bet that’s Marius,’ someone said and there was a general laugh. ‘Good old Marius,’ the way you spoke of comrades from the other side of death.

***

It was Ihanakan who told Quila when they landed; Terise still hadn’t been near her. He’d put the tray down on the little table by the bed and announced it. ‘You sshould know that your people are here’, he’d said. She’d misunderstood him at first, thinking he meant more than he did.

‘Here? Here here?’ Looking round wildly, as if they would appear from the shadows, while he clicked his tongue at her, reproving.

‘On Ty. They have landed at the sspaceport. They will be in Airdrossa tomorrow.’ He turned as if to go.

‘Wait, Ihanakan, there must be more than that! How many are there? What did the screen say?’

‘I did not ssee the sscreen. But they are here and tomorrow, they will be there. I do not know how many there are.’ A strange look hovered around his eyes, like bitterness. ‘I do not think it matterss. But,’ relenting, ‘if I hear anything more I will tell you. They are your people, after all.’

Her people. It repeated, like wind in dry leaves, long after he had gone. Her people, coming to avenge her, because they did not know she was only bored and not in need of avenging. She was better now, so much better she could even take a few paces across the hut that seemed more and more like a prison. If they knew she was here, they would rescue her. They would make a deal with ViaVera, come for her in a silver ship, take her home. She remembered bright soft floors in many colors, the sun glinting off gleaming wings against the struts of a shining dome. The juxtaposition of the mud floor, the split wood walls and the rain outside made it seem that anything other than dirt and wind and weather was just fantasy.

Footsteps splashed through the puddles along the wall, two female voices chatting in the dialect she didn’t understand. Far off, someone shouted, too distant to make out. They would have finished with the spaceport by now. They would have taken it today, carefully; just a little bombing, to soften up the troops, making sure not to damage too many of the buildings because they would need those, later. Then in with the carriers. Sluicing out, the military called it, like a cleaner sweeping the house after a flood, as if they had nothing deadlier than clean water. They would have cleared up the corpses after them, put the fires out before they went on. She wondered how many ships they had. She couldn’t guess, she had always been the worst in the tactics classes. She had never been interested in wars, only in the politics to help you avoid them. What was the adage? ‘In war there are no victors, for to resort to war you have already failed.’

They would be on their way to Airdrossa, of course. They would be very neat when they got there, of course. The civilians would be in shelters, wouldn’t they, and they would not bomb any civilian targets. Their targeting systems could pick out a single building, a single transport and lock on to it exactly. They could pick off Desailly and his hangers-on and leave everything else unharmed. They said, only half joking, that they could pick out even your thoughts. They did not make war on civilians and they were good at what they did. No errors, no doubts, just soldiers defeated and in the cold, clean dawn, the people emerging to their new city. Cheering, of course.

She knew all the arguments, but somehow for the first time they seemed less than convincing, when it was streets she knew, people she’d met. Would they all get to shelters? Was every bomb infallible? Could they really find only the soldiers so accurately when even Desailly’s palace had guards and secret police and secretaries, cleaners and cooks?

It’s no good, I can’t let them do it. I have to tell them I’m here. I have to tell them now. Footsteps came back again past the door. One set this time, quicker through the rain. Quila took a deep breath, opened her mouth and screamed.

***

Terise was half asleep against Ladyani’s shoulder when Maria shook her.

‘Oh, get off!’ she growled then, opening her eyes, ‘Oh, sorry Maria.’ She changed to dialect. ‘What is it?’

‘I’m very sorry to wake you, but, it’s the prisoner. I was walking past to the well and I heard her screaming.’

‘Screaming? Is she all right, has she had a…?’ she wanted to say ‘relapse’ but didn’t know the word. ‘Is she ill again?’

‘She says she needs to speak to you, now.’

‘Now? Did she say what about?’

Maria shook her head. ‘She said she’d start screaming again if you didn’t come,’ she added, dubiously. ‘Should I…?’

Terise patted Ladyani on the back, got to her feet.

‘No, it’s alright. I’m coming.’

‘You should let that Chi!me bitch starve,’ Ladyani muttered, but he let her go.

It was almost completely black inside the hut, Quila only a figure hunched on the bed. ‘I’m sorry,’ Terise said. ‘I didn’t realize how dark it was. I should have brought a proper light. I’ll go and get one.’

Quila’s answer was low, reined in like a transport down a hill.

‘We don’t need to see to hear.’

‘Fair enough.’ She shut the door behind her, stood leaning against it. ‘Maria said you wanted to speak to me.’

‘Yes.’ The words came but the shape on the bed didn’t move. ‘Ihanakan told me that my people have landed at the spaceport.’

‘Past that, by now. We’ve been watching the news on screen all day. They’ve taken the port and a town called Nuerio and they’re headed for Airdrossa.’ She went on, harsher than she meant, ‘What did you want, congratulations? Nuerio’s just rubble, they don’t know how many people’ve been killed. Did you want me to thank you?’

‘I want you to help me stop it.’ Her control broke, her arms reached out, it was recognizably Quila now. ‘Do you think I wanted this? Do you think this is what I came for? Stars above, this is everything I came here to avoid! And I can’t just sit by and watch.’

‘Like us, you mean?’

‘I’m not judging you. I can’t tell you what to do, I wouldn’t presume. It’s not my business whether you fight or not. But this isn’t your fight and it is mine. I am responsible. They’re fighting because of me. My people are only here because they think that I’m dead, that Desailly got me killed. If it wasn’t for that, the peace talks could still be happening, we could be trying to build on what happened at Cairn Fields, go forward.’

She took a shuddering breath.

‘Every one of those people in that town, everyone who dies tomorrow in Airdrossa is my death, a death against my name on the sky. I’ve been sitting here for hours, just thinking about it, thinking about being here and listening to every single one, knowing I could have stopped it. All those deaths are because of me, and I can’t stand it. I won’t stand it. You have to help me get a message to them.’

Terise knew what she should say, but couldn’t. She took refuge in sarcasm.

‘To the Chi!me? Yes, because we can just call them up any time. How would we even get through?’

‘I can tell you the frequency to use, the codes. I know you have equipment, Du’Fairosay must have called you on it enough times setting the meeting up.’

‘And we’ll just announce to the world where we are, shall we? We only use that equipment when we have to, for the very good reason that we don’t want to be tracked and killed. We can’t use it for this.’

‘You said yourself you’ve had the screen on, can’t that be tracked too? You’re not taking your normal precautions, you’ve left yourselves wide open because there is no one tracking you any longer, you know that as well as I do. And who is there to betray you to? My people already know where you are.’

Terise felt something strike once inside her, like the first tolling of a bell. The Chi!me know where we are… She said, desperately, ‘Alright, I accept we could send a signal. But why do you think it would do any good? You’re the excuse, not the reason, now. What do you think they’re going to say when they hear from you? “Oh sorry, honest mistake, we’ll just take our envoy and go home”? You know they’re coming for Desailly and they’re coming for Airdrossa, and even if you were there right now on the bridge of the lead ship there is nothing you could say that would stop them. There’s no point trying.’

It sounded weak even in her own ears. It was Quila’s turn to be scornful.

‘You don’t believe that. There’s always a point in trying, even when your cause is lost. Why else are you here? But you’re wrong. I’m not a fool, I know there’s other aims now, that they wouldn’t just turn round because I’d appeared. But they can only have got UP on board because of me, I can’t believe they would have got a vote otherwise. If some of the other planets start saying that they should pull out now I’m safe, they might have to think again, maybe just topple Desailly and then leave straight after, leave the rebuilding to Benan or something, not come for the north at all? That would be something, something worth trying for, wouldn’t it?’

‘I can’t let you.’

‘I can’t sit here and do nothing while people die in my name! I don’t understand why you won’t even attempt it. What is it, are you afraid? Or do you just enjoy death that much?’

Terise shrugged, not rising to it. ‘I live with it. But it’s not because I want people to die that I don’t think you can stop the Chi!me, I really don’t think you can.’ Out of the tolling inside, she added, ‘I think they were waiting for us all along. I think they were always coming, whatever we did or didn’t do, whatever we were. Whatever roads we took, whether they were true or not, they always ended here, with them.’

Quila made an impatient gesture, a swoop of dark arm on lighter dark. ‘That’s ridiculous. They’re not some force, they’re people. People, Terise. People who make decisions, who can change their minds. If I could talk to them, I could change their minds. You have to let me. I insist that you let me, I don’t care what you do to me, I’ll scream the place down if I have to.’

Terise could hear the determination in her voice, knew she would do it. Knew it would bring the others running, Ladyani with the I knew she’d be trouble look in his eye, and his blaster… Knew she had run out of prevarication.

‘You don’t have to do that,’ she said. Her voice sounded oddly calm to her, still like the spaces between bells. ‘Quila. Quila, listen to me. You can’t call the Chi!me, you can’t tell them where you are. There’s something you don’t know, about when you were shot.’

She imagined her face turned towards her, guileless eyes widening with the foretaste of comprehension. Don’t look like that, she wanted to say, defend yourself. Please.

‘It was your aide.’

‘My aide?’ It was more incredulous than shocked, still safe for one more moment in innocence. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Your aide. Fairo something, I don’t remember his name. The one that was with you when I met you in Airdrossa, when I went to your hotel. He was the one who shot you.’

‘You must be wrong. It can’t have been.’ Her voice rose, fast, panicky. ‘Or, or he was shooting at you, that’s it, he was shooting at you and it went wrong, I got in the way, I moved and got in the way, it was my fault, I’m always so clumsy, it can’t have been him!’ She stopped. ‘He didn’t mean it.’

‘I saw his face. He aimed at you. He meant it.’ She added, uselessly, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘I see.’ Raindrops pattered on the roof. Quila said, ‘I thought he liked me.’

Incongruously, Terise wanted to reach out to her, hug her, make it all not true. She walked across the room and sat down on the bed. ‘I don’t think it was personal. Really. I saw his face. It was a job he had to do, maybe a job he didn’t want to do. It wasn’t because he didn’t like you, it wasn’t about you, not to him.’

‘No,’ echoed Quila, ‘not to him.’ Her hand found Terise’s on the bedspread. ‘Do you know, I hadn’t had an aide before. I thought it was an honor when they sent him with me, because I’d deserved it. I thought they were looking after me. But instead… I wondered where he was. I thought he must have gone on the flyer with Par’Lennan but I didn’t know. I even worried. But you know what happened to him, don’t you?’

‘I shot him.’ Quila let go of her hand. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner. But if I hadn’t spoiled his aim he would… you’d be dead.’

‘I should thank you, then.’ She didn’t sound very thankful. ‘Ai’Amadi didn’t want me to come. He was my boss, back at IntPro. He tried to talk me out of it, I thought he had some other protégée he wanted to get the assignment. But all along it wasn’t that, it was because he knew I wouldn’t be coming back. Do you think they all knew?’

Terise shook her head. ‘I don’t know how it works.’

‘No, you wouldn’t. Obviously I don’t either. I thought it was about freedom, and justice, and something right. I knew that round the edges there were other things, things about trade and interests and all the murky stuff we pretend doesn’t exist, but I thought at its center there was something good and true, that wasn’t there to be bought. It’s ironic, isn’t it? You could almost think it was funny. Such a good joke. There I was, prancing around telling everyone how we were the good ones, how we weren’t just lawful but the very epitome of law and order. No one was better, no one was more principled than us, while all along we were the biggest criminals of all. Stars, they must have thought I was so stupid.

‘Because I was, wasn’t I? I was stupid and I was meant to be stupid, I was meant to look so idealistic and foolish that when I died, that when they killed me in their games it would be the death of an innocent, a poor stupid girl who didn’t have the sense to know when she was being played with. I just don’t know why it was me out of everyone else that they picked. Were they training me for this? Even on Iristade, in the Academy, was this all they wanted me for? I thought I was valuable, but if they could just throw me away…’

Her voice broke. Terise said, gently, ‘When it comes down to it, we’re all expendable. It’s no reflection on us.’

‘So back home I’m a dead hero, is that how it works? But I’m not dead. I can’t live and I’m not dead. What am I? What do I do now?’

‘I don’t know. I really don’t know.’ Dubiously, she added, ‘If you can think of anywhere you could go, I could try and help…’

‘Because space is wide and has no memory? Yes, I could go anywhere, any place my people haven’t civilized yet, anywhere that’s still beyond their reach. I could tell people, listen, this is what they’ve done, this is what they do, I have risen from the sea and the stars to tell you to rise up indeed. But my people aren’t like you Terrans, we don’t believe in resurrection. We know our end, we say, and we meet it. It’s just that mine seems to have gone on by. Maybe if I sit still it will realize it’s missed me, and come back. What do you think?’

She couldn’t answer the question. ‘I’m sorry,’ was all she could say. ‘Look, I have to get back, I’ve been gone too long as it is. You’d better not go out into the camp what with the bombing and all, feelings are running pretty high against the Chi!me just now but you can stay here, I’ll make sure you get fed. Well,’ in the spirit of belated honesty, ‘for as long as I can.’ In reply, Quila managed a watery smile. ‘As long as you can.’