HIS mum said, ‘What do you do in there all day?’ His dad was more direct, albeit with a wink to show he wasn’t judging him. ‘You slapping the salami, mate? Spanking the monkey? Badgering the witness?’ Adrian laughed self-consciously, which they took as affirmation, then he slunk away, shutting his bedroom door behind him. Later that afternoon, after ensuring the coast was clear, he prised up a loose floorboard, reached into the darkness, and pulled out a thick, leather-bound, gold-embossed book. The Bible. Better they think he was a chronic tugger than know about this.