BEFORE he’d even finished Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Jared decided to become a Buddhist. And a motorcyclist. He told his family over dinner. Immediately his dad began singing ‘Everybody was kung fu fighting!’, with his two brothers joining in when they saw that Jared was not only perplexed, but annoyed. ‘What’s kung fu got to do with anything?’ he said. But on they sang, ‘...fast as lightning!’, chopping the air theatrically. When he saw his mum giggle he nearly exploded. But he doused his fire and walked away. He was on the path to enlightenment. Unlike those fuckers.