Lily drifted in and out of sleep. After she’d set up her tent and sleeping bag in the snow fort, she’d pulled out her mini Christmas tree with the tiny ornaments and her stove. She lit incense, sang a few Christmas carols with tears streaming down her cheeks, and bedded down in her bag to the soft glow of her headlamp.
The temperature had dropped quickly after shutting off the stove and Lily relaxed into it. As she understood it, freezing to death was peaceful. She’d just fall asleep and never wake up. And if luck favored her, she’d see Linus again.
Silence enveloped her and she slid into slumber, but her darn body shivered when the cold touched her, waking her again. She grumbled and tightened the bag around her body, seeking the stillness of sleep and death.
The wind rattled the tent front, pelting the flap with little clicks of snow, and Lily settled back into sleep. She left the mountain and cold behind and found herself seated on a huge quartz crystal jutting out over a spiky field of more crystals. The air smelled of cardamom and cloves, and gentle light glittered off the crystalline landscape. The colors of the world around her seemed muted and faded, but beauty and serenity seeped into her and she breathed a sigh of relief.
Peace invaded her spirit and she raised her face to the sky, closing her eyes. She’d missed the silence and the simple joy of being still. Her mind no longer rattled with fear or despair, or the need to do something more. She could sit and simply be.
The wind picked up and the crystals chimed with its passage, tinkling like the windchimes Linus had given her for their birthday. Lily opened her eyes and choked a sob. Winding his way through the bright, sharp gemstones, Linus met her gaze and grinned at her, opening his arms for a hug.
Lily flung herself off her crystal seat, tears cascading down her cheeks as she threw herself into his waiting arms.
“Oh, God, Linus, I’ve missed you so much.” She pressed her nose against his chest and tried to stop the sobs shaking her body. She only succeeded in crying harder.
“Hey, now, Lil, don’t cry. I’ve been here the whole time.” Linus squeezed her gently. “You still felt the connection, right?”
Lily pushed back a little and looked up at him. “No. What connection? You died. You were gone and my heart was empty. I was all alone. How could you do that to your younger sister?”
Linus chuckled. “I’m only older by ten minutes.”
“Still.” She thumped him in the arm with her fist. “You’re not supposed to leave your little sister by herself.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sorry about that.” He gave her a sad smile. “I didn’t know it was part of the plan or I would’ve given you a heads-up.”
Lily’s lower lip trembled. “I didn’t get to say goodbye, you big knucklehead. I was in Australia.” She shook her head and tears splashed her cheeks. “I shouldn’t have gone.”
“Bullshit.” Linus pushed her down on a nearby crystal. “You’d wanted to see what Christmas was like in the tropics and you got the opportunity.” He dropped beside her. “No one could’ve known what would happen. You can’t live your life defensively. That’s not living.”
Lily huffed a laugh, swiping at her tears. “Says the dead guy.”
He grinned. “I should know, shouldn’t I?”
“Heh. Yeah.” She rubbed her nose on her sleeve.
“Here’s the thing. I’ve been with you every step of the way, keeping an eye on you, and you’re starting to freak me out a little, Lil.” He took her hand and met her gaze, his usually dancing eyes serious. “You’re pushing too hard and it’s going to end up killing you.”
Lily pursed her lips and looked away. How could she tell her dead brother she didn’t want to live anymore? “There’s nothing really left for me…here.”
“Bullshit again.” Linus shook his head and gave her a dry look. “You have Felicity, Portia, and Elaine back at the Lodge. You have Mom and Pop, who worry about all the risks you take now. All those people love you and don’t want to lose you. Hell, you have four hundred and twenty Facebook friends, right? I bet they’d notice if you were gone.”
Lily didn’t laugh. “They don’t understand. No one does. The magic is gone. You’re gone.”
“Jeez, there are days you’re dumber than a bag of hammers.”
“What?” She blinked up at him as he stood over her with his arms crossed on his chest.
“Lily, I still have a connection to you. You feel it every time you get the thrill of hang gliding or standing at the edge of Niagara Falls. That’s the magic you and I share, even now.”
“But it fades and leaves me more empty than before.”
Linus crouched before her and took her hands. “That’s because you’re trying to hold on to the past too tightly. The past is empty, there’s nothing there. You have to make new memories and experience the magic of the present. What did the old tortoise say?” Linus scrunched up his nose, narrowed his eyes, and made his voice sound old. “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” He grabbed her shoulders. “Take the gift and unwrap the magic, Lily. It’s there for you, you just have to reach for it.”
The tears scalded her cheeks in burning trails. “But it’s not the same without you, Linus. My heart is empty now that you’re gone.”
“Then you’re going to have to fill it with something better, right? Take the gift, Lily. It’s Christmas, after all.” He gave her one more squeeze and stood up again. “All joking aside, it’s not time for you to give up. You have so much more you need to do and so many others who need your adventurous spirit, got me? So, instead of getting busy dying, you need to get busy living.” Linus glanced past her shoulder, a cheeky grin quirked his lips. “There’s more magic in the world than you know and you have to take a chance. You have to hang in there long enough to discover it.” He met her gaze again. “Promise me you’ll take the chance, Lil.”
She shook her head. “I can’t do it alone.”
“Yes, you can.” He glanced past her again and nodded as if in greeting. “But it looks like you won’t have to. Now promise me.”
“But—”
“Promise.” Linus crossed his arms over his chest.
“I promise.”
“Good. I’m going to hold you to that, you know.” A warm smile filled his features. “I love you, Lil. Remember you promised. I think I know someone who can help you keep it.”
“What? Who?” Lily looked over her shoulder, but she didn’t see anything beyond a bright, flickering light. When she turned back, Linus had retreated and jogged away from her through the crystals. “Linus, wait!”
She jumped up to follow him, but he only increased his pace, a loving smile on his face.
“Get busy living, Lil. And go play in the snow. It’s Christmas!”
“Please, Linus, wait for me. Don’t go!”
But he faded into the crystal field, each glittering brighter and brighter. Lily stopped and put her hands over her eyes to block out the light, but it seared her retinas and pulled her away from the quiet and peace. Wait, how can light pull me away from peace?
She tried to hold onto the sweet, soft serenity of the crystal field, but the light grew even brighter and cold, biting pain dug into her body. Lily gasped and opened her eyes, trying to see anything beyond the brilliant light.
“No, don’t want to wake up. Just want to sleep. Linus, come back.” She tried to fight whoever forced her back into the world, but exhaustion and cold stole her strength.
Strong hands gripped her shoulders and pulled her out of her cocoon of safety and silence, back into the howling wind and shivering awareness. The scents of cardamom and cloves and ice filled her nose as a rich male voice kept asking her questions, but her mind refused to process the words into coherence. Why won’t he just let me go? She tried to ignore him, but he thrust super-heated bean bags into her sleeping bag and cinched the top opening tight around her face.
Heat brought awareness and more pain, physical this time, as the blood returned to her extremities. No, no, no. Don’t want to be warm. Let me go. I want my brother.
Get busy living, Lil. And go play in the snow. It’s Christmas.
Linus’s voice burned her mind as much as the bean bags scorched her body, and Lily wept her confusion.