CHAPTER SEVEN

Sarah knew Alec was hiding something, but she didn’t pry. She didn’t believe for one moment that it was a wrong number. And yet, when he’d gone to get his coat, she had checked his recent calls and it wasn’t a phone number she recognized.

If Alec’s assistant had, in fact, given the new cell phone number to Ben, it was probably for business reasons. She didn’t want to believe that Alec was arranging any deals with Ben, but she couldn’t rule out the possibility.

He had taken care of her, giving her a place to stay, a job, access to money, and even a trip to Paris. What kind of man did that unless he expected something in return? He’d kissed her this morning, and that had most definitely crossed the line of friendship. But in the back of her mind, the suspicions deepened, making her feel wary.

There weren’t many people out walking, and she tried to force her attention back to sightseeing as she and Alec continued down the street. There was chill in the air, and all the shops were closed. There were rows of white tents decorated with holiday lights, but the Christmas market had now ended.

They walked in the direction of Notre Dame Cathedral at the far end of the Seine. In the distance, she could see a Christmas tree outside, lit up for the holidays. Alec led her toward one of the bridges, and she leaned against the stone balustrade. The water below was dark with chunks of ice floating near the shore.

Inwardly, her thoughts were churning. She wanted to confront him, but her instincts warned her not to say anything. He’ll just get angry, and you’ll ruin this memory.

It doesn’t matter who called him. It’s none of your business. She pushed back the urge to demand answers. Instead, she took deep breaths, calming herself. Silence descended between them, and she forced herself to make conversation.

“Is New York your true home?” she asked. “Or do you travel throughout the year?”

“It’s the closest thing I have to a home. But I do travel often.” He glanced back at the Eiffel Tower which stretched high above the landscape. “It’s not a bad life.”

“It’s lonely,” she countered. “With no family, don’t you sometimes feel like you’re missing something?”

He was quiet for a time. Then he admitted, “I do still have family. My father’s been in jail for years now.”

Sarah sobered at the revelation and the bitterness in his voice. She’d made a thoughtless remark and wished she could take it back. “I’m sorry for what happened to your mother.”

He gave a nod but said nothing else. Then his hand bumped against her fingers in a silent invitation. Wordlessly, she took his hand. She wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone just now. Although she had no idea what would happen between them, or if he had any connection at all to Ben, she did want to remain his friend. She owed him that much.

They walked for a distance along the banks of the Seine. She didn’t know what to say, but the weight of her suspicion made it hard to trust him.

“Merry Christmas, Sarah,” he said at last, stopping near the edge of a bridge. “I’m glad you’re here.” He took her other hand in his, and her heart gave a leap.

Stop it, she warned herself. You don’t need a rebound affair. Shut that down right now.

She felt too vulnerable just now, and an affair wasn’t smart—especially with a man whose intentions she was starting to doubt. Maybe the best way to handle this was to deflect him. She ventured an easy smile. “It’s good to spend Christmas with a friend. It makes it less lonely.”

He kept her palm in his. “It’s not friendship I want anymore, Sarah.” He squeezed her hands a moment before releasing them. “But we both know you’re not ready for more. I won’t ask that of you.”

Her face colored because he’d seen right through her. In the hazy afternoon light, she was caught up by his handsome face. His deep blue eyes held her mesmerized, drawing her closer. There was a faint stubble of beard on his cheeks, and she found herself wishing she weren’t so broken, that she could simply steal a moment for herself.

She took a breath and admitted, “You’re right. It’s too soon for me. But I do care about you. Perhaps more than I should.” A part of her wondered what it would have been like if she had met Alec first.

“There’s no rush,” Alex said. “We can be friends for as long as you want. Or if that’s all you want.” He pressed his hand to her spine in silent support. His touch brought her comfort, and she found that her tension had begun to ease. For a while, they walked along the riverbanks in the quiet solitude. She wished she could lay aside all her fears and be open to a new relationship. But Alec needed to understand her past first.

“After I…’married’ Ben, he changed.” She searched for the right words, hoping he would understand. “It was almost like the hunt was gone, and he got bored.” She slowed her pace, watching the river lapping at the edges of the large bridge. “I felt discarded. Like a toy he no longer wanted.” With a rueful smile, Sarah admitted, “I kept trying to please him. I wore the clothes the stylist picked out for me, and I tried to be the sort of wife he wanted. But it was never enough.”

After that, Ben had begun to criticize her. If she chose her own food off the menu, he would berate her if he thought it was too fattening. She had demurred to his wishes, but his moods shifted so often, it was impossible to keep up.

“He only praised me when I did everything he wanted. After a while, I let him control so much of my life, I lost myself.” She turned to face him. “Before the night I came to your hotel in New York, I hadn’t eaten dessert in a year. Ben didn’t want me to gain any weight.”

Alec’s face hardened, holding back his anger. “You can eat whatever you want. Wear whatever you want. It’s your life.”

“I know.” She wanted to seize back her freedom, but it was difficult to silence the voices of criticism. She had lived with the invisible chains for so long, she could hardly imagine a different life.

Deep inside, she did want to know what it was like for someone to truly care about her. But another part of her didn’t know if that was ever possible.

Did she dare take the risk? Her heart pounded, but she forced herself to say the words. “There are many things I want. Some that I’ll never have.”

“What is it you want most of all?” he asked quietly.

She faltered, wondering if she dared to trust him. “I want to be free to make my own choices. Even if they’re mistakes.”

His hand tightened upon hers. “You are free now, Sarah. You can reach for whatever you want.”

She swallowed hard and admitted, “And someday, I hope that I can be with someone who lets me be myself. Someone who will love me for who I am, not who he wants me to be.”

Alec’s gaze turned heated at the words. He leaned down, taking her face between his hands. For a moment, he didn’t move, waiting for permission. She gave it when she stood on tiptoe and kissed him. His mouth was warm, inviting. A surge of longing spiraled within her, the desire to push back against all that she’d lost.

A reckless side of her knew that this wasn’t wise, but she allowed herself to indulge in the forbidden moment. She drew her arms around his neck, and he pulled her closer. “Do you want to go back?” He murmured the words against her mouth, and she felt a surge of desire blooming within her.

She didn’t know what she wanted. No, this wasn’t a good idea. But her heart didn’t believe it. Spending Christmas in his arms was exactly what she wanted right now. For so long, she’d been imprisoned, a woman caught up in invisible chains. She’d been told what to do and when to do it for so long, she needed to seize her freedom.

“All right,” she murmured, though she wasn’t at all certain it was a good idea.

It was growing colder outside. The wind was biting, and the streets were quiet with everything closed. He took her hand in his, and they walked in silence. Sarah didn’t know what to say, but she wanted to believe that he was different from Ben. She didn’t want to imagine that she could make the same mistake twice with two powerful men.

Alec might be playing with her emotions, using her somehow. And so, she decided to test him.

“Was it really a wrong number on your cell phone?”

It took an effort for Alec not to react to the question. If he told her that Carnell’s wife had called, it would only lead to Sarah finding out about the business deal. And he wasn’t stupid. The moment she learned of his connection with Ben would be the last time she spoke to him.

He didn’t want to lose her, based on business dealings that had been in play before he’d even met her. He liked Sarah, and he didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. But he was lying to her by omission. It was wrong at the deepest level, and that wasn’t fair.

And so, he decided to reveal part of the truth. With a sigh, he admitted, “It wasn’t a wrong number. I’m sorry for acting as if it was.”

She waited for him to continue, and he added, “It wasn’t Ben, either.”

“Was it a woman?” she asked quietly. “Are you married? Or with someone?”

“No. I swear it.” The thought caught him off balance, for he would never cheat on a woman. It wasn’t something he would ever consider doing. He slowed his pace and looked her in the eye. “I’m not involved with any woman. Except, perhaps, you. That is, if you want to.” He held her hand, stroking her knuckles.

“Why would anyone call you on Christmas morning?”

He didn’t know how to answer that. She was right, that no business associates would call on such a day. All he could say was, “There are some developments that affect my hotel industry. Some of them are happening within the week.”

They continued walking back to the hotel, but he could tell that Sarah remained unconvinced. He didn’t blame her. “Do you want to watch another movie?” he offered, just before they stepped through the hotel doors.

“Not just now,” she answered. “I think I’ll call my brother and wish him a Merry Christmas.”

“What about dinner? We could have a casual meal in the hotel dining room.”

She nodded. “All right.” But in her tone, he could tell that he’d planted the seeds of distrust. A heaviness caught him in the gut, for he didn’t want to lie to her. But the truth would hurt far worse.

She was already withdrawing from him, distancing herself. Although part of him knew it was bound to happen, he didn’t want her to go. If he wasn’t honest with her—if he didn’t tell her the truth, they had no chance at all to move past friendship. But what was he supposed to tell her? He walked past the front desk, and the clerk greeted him with a smile. She switched into English and held out an envelope. “For you, Monsieur Harrow.”

“Merci.” He tucked the letter into his coat pocket, not bothering to see who it was from. Instead, he was concerned about Sarah. When they reached the elevator, she pressed the button, hardly making eye contact with him. He sensed that the moment she reached her room, she would turn him away.

On a whim, he pressed the stop button on the elevator. Her expression froze, but this time she raised her gaze to his face. And he decided to throw caution to the wind and tell her the truth. He owed her that.

“It was Miranda Carnell who called.”

Her face blanched, and her mouth tightened. “That was…not what I was expecting.”

“Neither was I.”

There wasn’t fury in Sarah’s expression—only a startled surprise. She paused a moment and said, “You could have told me the truth. Why would you hide that from me?”

“I didn’t want you to think that I had anything to do with her phone call. I had never heard from her before today, and that’s the truth.”

“You lied to me only a few minutes ago.” Her voice was brittle, holding back her emotions.

“I didn’t reveal it right away because I knew it would hurt you. I don’t know what she wants from me. I will call her back and ask.”

She seemed to accept his answer and then looked him in the eye. “You don’t need to shield me from the truth, Alec. If this concerns my life, I deserve to know.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” But no matter how he framed the business deal, she would believe he’d betrayed her. It didn’t matter what he said or did. She would think that the only reason he’d helped her was to gain leverage over Carnell.

In reality, he’d likely harmed the deal more than anything else. Ben mistakenly believed that Alec was sleeping with Sarah. Most likely the man would walk away from the contract. But even if the worst happened—if he lost the deal—he would still help Sarah again, without question.

He started the elevator again, feeling as if their friendship had slid onto shaky ground.

She stopped in front of her room and inserted the key card. “Just knock on my door when you’re ready to get dinner.” With that, she pulled the door shut behind her.

It was clear that she was displeased by his earlier secrecy. And she had reason to be suspicious. He should have told her the truth from the first, but he doubted she would understand or accept his dealings with Ben.

At the end of the hallway, Alec opened the door to his suite and remembered the envelope the front desk clerk had given him. Once inside, he let the door fall shut and took the envelope out of his inner coat pocket. The handwriting looked like his assistant’s, and there was no name on the return address from Washington D.C. Alec tore open the envelope. Inside was a yellow sticky note attached to a letter. It said:

This was sent to the office last week. Thought you might want to have it for Christmas.

– Lacey

The moment Alec started reading the letter, an icy chill flooded his veins. He forced himself to sit down, and his heartbeat raced.

It was a letter from his mother, dated from thirty years earlier. His lungs constricted, and his eyes blurred as he struggled to lock down his composure. At the time this letter was written, he would have been three years old. To see her words and this letter…a living piece of her…ripped the heartache open all over again.

Dear Alec,

I want you to know how very much I love you. If you ever read this note, you will learn things about me that you will wish you’d never known. But I want you to understand the truth.

About a year ago, I met someone and fell in love. I wanted to leave my husband and take you with me, but your father refused to let you go. I had no choice but to stay married to him, because I could not imagine turning my back on you.

I was faced with a terrible choice, one I never wanted to make. But I chose to give up the son I had with another man. I let him keep Carson because I knew he would be loved by his father.

Your father hates me for what I did, and he has that right. But I made a mistake, and I paid the price for it. I hope you can forgive me and one day meet your half-brother.

If you received this letter, it means that I am already gone. Know that I will always love you, and you are my world.

Love,

Mama

For a long time, he simply stared at the note in disbelief. A part of him wanted to deny it, but how could he? It was her handwriting, though he didn’t know if Carson had been the one to send the letter to his office. Was his half-brother trying to reach out to him? Or had someone else sent it to Lacey?

Alec had no memory of another pregnancy, so his brother must be close to his age. Since Eva had given the baby away, there was no reason for him to know about it. But Logan had known his wife was unfaithful. That was the reason for the sickening abuse. His father had been so consumed by it, he’d lost all sense of reason.

And now Alec had a half-brother somewhere. He flipped back to the envelope and studied the return address from Washington D.C. He didn’t know anything about this man. But the letter had arrived on Christmas Day—a miraculous feat if there was one.

It was the gift of unexpected family. And he didn’t know what to think of it.

Sarah hung up the phone with her brother, and she rested her head in her hands. Christopher hadn’t been eager to talk with her at first, and when she dug deeper, she learned that he’d never received the money she’d tried to send him. She should have known Ben would find a way to cancel the check.

But even her apology wasn’t enough to gain her brother’s forgiveness. Their conversation had been strained, and she couldn’t bring herself to confess the truth of her situation. It was humiliating to admit that she had been tricked into believing they were married. She’d made a fool of herself, and now she had nothing left.

Worst of all, her brother believed that she’d abandoned him when he’d needed her. Why would he help her now?

Sarah stood from the desk and walked to the window. It was late afternoon, but it was already growing dark. The Christmas lights gleamed in the distance, and she thought of Alec once again.

She’d known he was holding back the truth at first, and his withdrawal had cut her to the bone. Miranda Carnell had called him on Christmas morning, and he’d tried to shield her from the knowledge. She didn’t know why; perhaps it was his overprotective nature. For some reason, Alec had suddenly changed his mind and revealed everything to her. She didn’t know what to make of that. Was it guilt? Or had he decided to trust in her? All she knew was that Ben would never have done such a thing. He would have lied about it and never told her the truth.

Her head and her emotions were at war right now. She couldn’t help but compare the two men. Both were wealthy and powerful, accustomed to getting their own way. But Alec cared in a way Ben didn’t. She’d seen him staying up late, trying to find ways to keep the unprofitable hotels from closing. He didn’t want his employees to lose their jobs just after Christmas. And his honesty meant a great deal to her.

He meant a great deal to her.

While she intended to go to Florida to see her brother, the thought of not seeing Alec again brought a sense of emptiness. He had given her so much, making her feel safe again. It felt as if her life was shifting directions, and now, it was time for her to stand up for herself. She needed to break free of the past to make decisions about her future.

The Christmas presents Alec had given her earlier lay upon the bed in the large, wrapped box. They were thoughtful gifts of friendship, and she appreciated them. But she honestly didn’t know what else was happening between them. She couldn’t deny her attraction to Alec, despite the warnings from her head. His kiss haunted her, making her wonder if she ought to give it a chance between them. He had never pushed for more, though he had revealed his interest. Her heart urged her to try.

But what if he used her the way Ben had? What if she let down her guard, only to face heartbreak? She warned herself not to get to close.

Sarah chose a midnight blue wrap dress and was considering which shoes to wear when Alec knocked on the door. A sudden rush of nerves caught her stomach as she opened the door. He wore a blue dress shirt and khaki trousers. His hair was damp from the shower, and his aftershave was a spicy fragrance with a hint of lemon. It made her want to lean in closer to his neck and breathe.

“I’m almost ready for dinner,” she said. She just needed to put on her shoes and finish her makeup. “You can come in.”

“You look amazing.” He closed the door behind him, and the air was electric between them, an invisible magnetism drawing her closer.

Her cheeks flushed at his compliment, and she murmured her thanks while slipping her shoes on. It was a distraction she needed, for his very presence unraveled her good sense. She couldn’t deny that she wanted Alec, and not only because he had helped her escape Ben. He was gorgeous and strong with a kiss that took her inhibitions apart. And though she was afraid of an uncertain future, the attraction between them seemed to only grow stronger.

“Are you still angry with me?” he asked, leaning against the wall near the door.

“I was,” she confessed. “You should have told me about Miranda when she called.” She stepped into the bathroom and brushed powder over her cheeks.

He nodded. “You’re right. I can only say that I was startled by the call, and I wanted to protect you.”

His blue eyes fixed upon hers, and she felt a dangerous rush of warmth flooding through her. He took a step forward, then another, until he was standing behind her in the bathroom. “I don’t like the fact that Ben is stalking you. Or that his wife called. You deserve to celebrate Christmas without those shadows in your life.”

She agreed with him on that point and tried to nod. But right now, she was overwhelmed by the emotions rising within her. Anger towards Ben for the elaborate deception. Fear of an unknown future. And forbidden desire for a man she shouldn’t want.

Sarah rested her hands on the counter, her heartbeat quickening. She closed her eyes, trying to steady herself.

“Are you all right?” he asked. She could feel his presence behind her, and the air grew charged between them.

“I’m trying to make a decision,” she answered honestly. A thousand fears rose up—fear of rejection, fear of the consequences. Fear of getting hurt again. A part of her wanted to lose herself in forgetfulness, while another part wanted to silence her own needs.

“About what?” He reached out to take her hand, and his fingers laced with hers. For a moment, she couldn’t look at him. His very presence took her senses apart.

“About you.” Sarah turned to face him, wondering if he would see the uncertain emotions in her face. She took a breath and rested her hand upon his chest. He reached out and caressed her cheek.

His unspoken invitation was enough. She wanted to feel cared for, almost beloved, instead of being used by a man. For the past two years, she had sublimated her own needs, putting Ben first. Would it be so wrong to reach for something she wanted?

She knew better than to imagine that there was any future with a man like Alec. He lived like a gypsy, moving from one hotel to another. When she returned to New York, she might not see him again.

It was taking such a risk. And yet, she almost wanted to do something selfish—to lash back at Ben for all that he’d done to her. To seize a moment for herself.

She reached up to Alec, standing on tiptoe. He leaned down, his mouth a breath away from hers. His eyes flared with unspoken need, and she drew her palm along the edge of his jaw. There was no mistaking the raw desire in his eyes.

But he was giving her the choice.

“What did you decide?” His voice was rough, almost primal in tone.

Her skin was alive, prickled with goosebumps. She drew her fingers along his cheek slowly. Then she pulled him lower and kissed him.

Her lips were warm, and Alec kissed her back, sliding his fingers in her hair. Though he didn’t know what thoughts were running through her mind, right now he didn’t care. He lifted her to sit on the granite bathroom counter, which made it easier to kiss her. The heat between them rose hotter, as if he couldn’t get enough of her. He claimed her mouth, his tongue slipping inside to tangle with hers. A slight moan broke free and she parted her knees. He slid his palms up her calves until he reached the hem of her dress.

He knew that she wanted him as much as he desired her, but he didn’t want her to feel pressured into something she wasn’t ready for. He drew back from her mouth and murmured, “If you need me to stop, I will.”

“I don’t know what I want.” She wound her arms around his neck and met his gaze with her own. Her cheeks were flushed, and she whispered, “I know this isn’t real. And I know it’s too soon. All I want is to forget about everything else. I want to steal a moment where I’m not thinking about the past or the future. There’s only now.”

He understood her desires, but he also knew the weight of guilt. He was involved in business dealings with Carnell, and if she ever found out, she would be furious with him. He was a bastard for letting this happen between them.

But the moment she reached for him again, he lost himself in her embrace. There was something different about Sarah. She gave herself fully, with no hesitation. He wanted to push away the terrible memories that haunted her and replace them with a night of surrender.

“Do you want to go to dinner?” he murmured against her mouth as he slid his hand up her bare thigh.

“No. We can eat here.” She kissed him back, and he decided that room service was a very good idea.

He lifted her from the counter and carried her into the bedroom. From the window, Christmas lights gleamed against the reflection of the Seine. Slowly, he lowered her to stand and took her hand. He led her to the sliding glass door and stood behind her so she could see.

“So beautiful,” he said, while he moved her hair to the side and kissed her nape. She shivered at the touch, and he reached for the tie that held her dress closed. He rested his hands there for a moment, still giving her the choice.

There was no discussion of a future between them—but she had only asked for a night to forget. And this was something he could give.

Alec opened her dress, baring her black bra and underwear. He slid his hands down her waist, kissing her throat as he did. Goosebumps prickled across her skin, and he was mesmerized by the swell of her breasts cupped by the black satin. He gave in to the urge to slide his hands over her breasts, reaching to unfasten the band of her bra. She leaned back against him and murmured, “You’re wearing too many clothes.”

When she turned, his breath caught at the sight of her creamy skin and her bare breasts. It took an effort to control the surge of raw need that claimed him. He wanted to lift her in his arms and lay her back on the bed, pleasuring her until she cried out in release. But he wanted the moment to last.

Sarah reached for the buttons of his shirt, flicking them off one by one. He lifted away his undershirt until his chest was bare. When she slid her hands over his pectoral muscles, his body hardened with need. She was looking at him in a way that made his heartbeat quicken. There was yearning but also a hint of sadness. He lifted his hand to her bruised cheek and stroked it. “He never should have hit you. It won’t happen again.”

She shook her head. “No. Because I’m never going back to him.”

Alec leaned in to kiss her cheek before capturing her mouth again. He was caught up in the moment, in the way she yielded to him. He reached for her breast and cupped it, caressing her nipple. She shuddered, and her fingers dug into his shoulders. He continued kissing her, all the while stroking her breasts.

She seemed shaken by his touch, and she closed her eyes as if overwhelmed by the sensations. He was beginning to wonder if any man had ever taken the time to please her. He wanted to discover her secret places, to make her cry out in fulfillment.

Alec guided her back to the bed and removed the rest of his clothing, leaving it on the floor. He took a condom from his wallet and tore open the foil, sliding it on. Then he laid her back on the bed and leaned to kiss her stomach. He trailed his mouth lower before he caught her panties and slid them down. She nearly came off the bed when he drew his hand between her legs. She was damp with need, and when he stroked her, she tried to reach for him.

“Not yet,” he soothed. “Let me touch you first. I want to watch you come apart.”

“I don’t—” she started to say and then amended, “I meant, don’t worry about me.”

He rested his weight on his forearms and stole another kiss. Realization dawned within him, and he murmured, “I’m going to touch you until you can hardly take another breath. I want you to feel everything you’ve never felt before.”