May 5 at 10:04 AM
From: Audrey <audreywilliams56@mymail.net>
To: Alex Williams
Hello Son
It’s a strange thing typing those two words, they make me feel so sad and so close to you at the same time. It’s as if I can see your face more clearly when I type them, and I get a feeling, like a small fist inside my chest. Not so strange, if you think about it, you and your brother, you’re part of me in the most real way imaginable. So when I feel that tight hand inside me, I know it’s you in some shape or form.
It’s the middle of spring now, or is it the end? Either way, the roses are beginning to come out, although we’ve had a lot of greenfly this year. I put a few of the better stems in a vase next to your urn. It’s that blue vase you and Zoe gave me for Christmas and it always makes me think of the pair of you.
I write to Zoe too. She doesn’t always have the time to write back, but we deal with our grief in different ways don’t we. I think her friends are looking after her, and she seems to be busy with work. It’s good to see her settling back into life. Such a lovely girl. I think you found a good one there son, it’s such a shame the two of you never had a chance to build a life together. I’ve told her she’s welcome to visit any time, but I haven’t seen her since your funeral. It’s a long way for her to come, I suppose, and not a very happy trip at that.
I was looking at your old football medals the other week, and it made my heart so terribly heavy pet. Quite took me by surprise, and I had to take a short lie on your bed. I’ll be honest Alex, I could have laid there all day if I’d let myself, but life goes on doesn’t it.
I’m going to the bridge club tonight with Maureen. She’s very lovely, and has been so kind to me over the last few months. But between you and me son, she can go on if you let her. You’d think no one had had a hip replacement before!
I think about you all the time son, and I keep you in my prayers.
I miss you so much – all my love and all my heart
Mum xx