Even though Billy had sweated with Ned a few times in his back yard, he’d always managed to bear the wet heat. Probably because when they’d gone into Ned’s lodge, the season had been late fall or early spring. No ceremony had prepared Billy for a good shove into an oven with a tarp on top during the middle of summer, even if the sun sat low in the sky.
This was only the second round, when they prayed for their natural brothers and sisters—the four-legged, winged, and finned creatures.
Somewhere, René was enjoying a cup of coffee with Ellen, Mr. and Mrs. Makes Room, and Archie. Maybe Grandpa Chases had also joined them.
Billy pushed aside the thoughts. He was supposed to pray. Sweat seeped down the crack of his ass, dripped from his armpits, soaked his chest, and wetted his hairline. Every little bend of his body was soaked.
By the fourth round, he’d drunk the last of his water. Ned’s knee touched his. Men sat cross-legged in the lodge. As for the women, they had their own lodge, and they sat legs bent and to the side.
Since the ceremony was said in Lakota, Billy couldn’t grasp a speck of the language, although he’d finally begun learning what Ned said whenever they’d sweated. Each time they did, Ned had carefully explained the process of the ceremony to Billy.
This round was for their relations. Brothers, sisters, mother, father, uncles, aunts, cousins. Instead of René flashing before Billy’s eyes, Hoyt’s jet-black hair, square jawline, and long, thick nose kept appearing.
As the elder sang, a bolt of lightning seemed to hit Billy. He hadn’t come here to dance for René. Something hinted he’d come for Hoyt, just as during his vision quest, he’d kept dreaming about his loser elder brother.
* * * *
René wasn’t sure what was happening. He’d expected to watch Billy dance and support him, not find himself in the back of Archie’s pickup, accompanied by Grandpa Chases, barreling down the dirt road, far from the ceremony site. One minute he’d been having a cup of coffee with Ellen and her parents, and then Archie had moseyed up to him, saying Grandpa needed to talk, and off they went.
Grandpa didn’t say anything. He chewed on a hunk of tobacco, staring out at the swirl of dust the truck generated in its wake.
The route was familiar. When they’d risen before the sun and headed for the ceremony site following behind Uncle Ned and Aunt Ellen’s vehicle, René had mapped out the route in his head.
They were on their way back to the house.
Ten minutes later, Archie parked what might be called a truck in the driveway. René leapt from the side of the box. He opened the tailgate and extended his hand to Grandpa Chases.
The old geezer shook his head. He placed his hand on René’s shoulder and did a little jump to the ground. Surprisingly, he didn’t break one of his rickety bones.
As they walked past the house to the worn path leading to Grandpa Chases’ camper, nobody said anything.
René lit a cigarette. His sunglasses kept the bright sun from burning his eyes.
The old man stopped and pointed.
René also stopped.
Grandpa Chases’ muttering was lost to René because he assumed the old man was speaking in Lakota.
“He said you don’t wear them to protect your eyes.” Archie stalked off down the path.
Billy had said the same thing when they’d first gotten together—how René hid behind his specs. His throat bobbed.
Grandpa Chases followed Archie.
Left without a choice, René trudged after them.
They finally reached the camper. Archie opened a door close to falling off its hinges and disappeared inside. The old man went in second. Again, René had no choice and hedged into a dirty place in need of a cleaning. Dishes everywhere. Furniture from probably the day Grandpa Chases was born. The stench of grease cloyed at René’s nostrils.
Archie motioned at the one and only kitchen chair.
René sat. Discomfort pinched at the back of his neck. He removed his sunglasses and slid the arm in the scooped neckline of his t-shirt. With the amount of heat in the camper, he might as well have participated in the sweat lodge ceremony. At least the temperature in here was dry and not humid.
From the mess on the coffee table, the old man unearthed a long-stemmed pipe similar to Uncle Ned’s.
“Grandpa wants you to smoke the pipe with him,” Archie announced.
René’s spine stiffened.
“Is everything okay?” A hint of curiosity flickered in Archie’s gaze.
“I... uh... I don’t—”
“I already know you don’t, but Grandpa wants to smoke with you. Smoking must happen before he can share what he has to tell you.” Archie’s tone lacked firmness, so what he said wasn’t an order. More like a suggestion.
“I’ve never smoked before.”
“You smoke cigarettes...” Archie cocked his brow.
The scent of pure tobacco mixed with the pungent stench of grease. The old man puffed on the end of the pipe.
“Well... yeah.” René eyed the pipe. He didn’t want to insult Grandpa Chases. Was it right to smoke from something supposedly sacred he didn’t believe in, though?
“Grandpa says he’s been expecting you—the handsome Anishinaabe,” Archie continued on. He stood between the tiny kitchen and the tinier living area. “He says you came to visit your Lakota relations.”
René almost grunted. What Lakota relations? He was Ojibway. Even then he didn’t know much, other than what Uncle Ned told him. Sometimes he’d listen, other times he’d daydream. He couldn’t even recall what clan the Oshawees were. Bear? Lynx? Dad had told René once. He’d forgotten.
He was handed the pipe. With shaky hands, René took the stem. He inhaled the tobacco that wasn’t close to the taste he took in through his cigarette filters. He drew the sweet smoke deep into his lungs and handed the pipe back to Archie.
Archie did the same and returned the pipe to Grandpa Chases.
“Your uncle married my sister. Your mother is your uncle’s sibling. We are related.” Archie moved his finger in a circle. “Mitakuye Oyasin. Your friend who is with your uncle is part of us now, because you and he have become one.”
Heat engulfed René’s face, and not from the temperature in the trailer. “H-how?”
The old man never answered and kept speaking softly.
“Even though we were once enemies, we married. We formed connections.” Archie continued to interpret. “I am ninety-five years old. I have seen much during my time in the land of the living. You carry two spirits, and they are conflicted. It’s in your eyes. That’s why you wear sunglasses. To hide who you are. Your eyes burn brighter than most because your two spirits are at war. If you are to help us, your two spirits must be in harmony.”
Shifting, René took an interest in the cooler on the floor. Okay, this was getting creepy. He didn’t believe in the supernatural, or that people could read minds, or see into the future. Science disputed such beliefs.
“Sometimes it’s better to not know the answers than to seek the truth to everything. Sometimes it’s better to leave the mystery alone, for if you don’t, the answers you find won’t be what you anticipated.”
There wasn’t arrogance or smugness in the old man’s mumblings. He was simply a humble dude living in a broken-down trailer, wearing broken-down clothes. Grandpa Chases hadn’t become a man of power, of means, or education. Yet, the serenity he exuded, the sheer contentment radiating from him like the light of the sun, was something no wealthy, powerful individual on this earth could emulate.
In his wrinkled hand he held secrets. Secrets to happiness. Secrets to peace. Secrets to love.
René swallowed.
“We will return you to womb in the early morning. You will go inside the lodge and sweat the uncertainty eating your insides out from your skin. By the time you leave here, you will know who you are, and your two spirits will be at rest.”
* * * *
Billy didn’t look at the small crowd who came to support the dancers. Or the campgrounds where people had pitched their tents and parked their campers to be close to the ceremony site. He didn’t dare screw this up, so he remained in the line that had formed after leaving the sweat lodge.
An older man carried the buffalo skull on a bed of sage. Two other men held eagle wing-bone whistles. They walked in single file to the east opening, ensuring to move clockwise.
Ned had mentioned beforehand they were making the altar for the sun dance. The cottonwood tree had already been cut and positioned in the center. From what Billy remembered, the tree represented life for the Lakota. Pine boughs enshrined the tree. Sacred items were secured to the cottonwood—medicine, chokecherry branches, tobacco ties.
The older man placed the buffalo skull before the flags representing the four directions. There was also a rack set up where each dancer offered their pipe or medicine. Billy had nothing to give.
Drumming and singing came from outside the circle. The song hummed deep in Billy’s chest. He could almost see himself sitting with the singers, pounding on the skin. Even though he didn’t know the song, his feet cried to dance. For the first time, he experienced his feet itching to whirl in movement, sway to the rhythm of the beat of the Great Mother’s heart.
The dancers lifted their hands skyward. Billy followed suit. He couldn’t say the words they cried because he didn’t speak Lakota. He participated in the best way he could by keeping his arms raised in prayer.
The older man led them to the next direction. They again prayed. Sometimes the older man used his eagle feather to fan them. When he fanned Billy, a powerful energy erupted in his chest. He spread his arms even higher, singing, which was strange because had no clue how the words had formed in him. He spoke anyway, crying out for Creator to have mercy on him, even pity.
The pipe was carried by another man who sang and danced.
They made the full round of the circle. Still moving, still praying, still stretching their arms skyward.
The pipe was then offered to another man, who accepted. This meant they could stop dancing and praying under the blazing hot sun. The rays were close to striking them to the ground from their intense heat.
Sweat rained down Billy’s backside. The pungent perspiration soaked the hair on his arms, head, and pubic region.
The pipe was returned to the altar.
They could rest.
Billy stood under the shower at the makeshift shack. The cold water poured over his hot skin. He couldn’t freaking believe he’d actually burned, because he was naturally dark, much darker than René. The sun had always been Billy’s friend. Not today. The big yellow ball had turned into foe.
René sat at the picnic table. He smoked a cigarette and drank a can of pop.
Something tugged at Billy’s heart. When he’d left the circle, he’d searched out René. Ellen had mentioned he’d left with Grandpa Chases and Archie, so Billy had driven the truck back by himself to find René at the house.
Once Billy finished washing his hair and scrubbing down his smelly skin, he drew on a pair of shorts and left the shower shack.
“Man, talk about a much-needed rinse.” He strode up to René.
“Was it tough?” Black specs shielded René’s eyes from the sunlight that seemed brighter out on the plains.
“It was pretty cool.” Billy plopped down on the bench. He took the bottled water René offered. “I wasn’t sure what was being said. There was one point I kinda understood. If that makes sense.”
“Believe me, it does.” René puffed on the cigarette. The constant wind ruffled his hair.
Billy’s fingers longed to grasp René’s.
“Go ahead,” René murmured.
“Go ahead what?”
“You’re staring at my fingers. Take them. They’re yours.”
A hint of shock splattered across Billy’s spine. “Uh... what?”
“They know.” René used his chin to motion at the camper.
“You told them?” The shock vanished, replaced by delight.
“No. They told me.” René drew in his cheeks. He remained slightly hunched over.
“Uh... what?”
“They know. Both of them. Archie and Grandpa Chases.”
“How do they know? We weren’t being obvious, we’re we?”
“Nope. They said my eyes give me away.” By the wrinkling of his nose and mouth twisting slightly, René seemed on the verge of snorting.
“I told you once you—”
“Yeah. They said the same thing.” René stood. “C’mon, let’s go for a walk. I need to stretch my muscles. I spent the day helping Archie prepare the sweat lodge at the back of Grandpa Chases’ camper.”
“What happened?”
“I dunno.” René lit another cigarette. He kept the butt between his index and middle fingers, and also clasped the can of cream soda.
Billy fell in step beside him.
René took his hand.
The old man emerged from the camper. He sat on the dilapidated deck in a lawn chair.
“He can see us,” Billy murmured.
“It doesn’t matter. I told you already. He knows.” René kept trudging through the long wisps of grass.
“What does he want?”
“He wants me to sweat.” If René didn’t have his sunglasses on, he probably would’ve rolled his eyes.
“Are you gonna?” Billy couldn’t help his excitement.
“I got no choice even though I don’t want to.” Their hands swung back and forth. “The old man thinks I should. I can’t tell him no.”
“You always tell Ned no.”
“He’s my uncle. I just met Grandpa Chases.” René puffed on the smoke. “What about you? Did you get pierced yet?”
“No. We prepared. Preparation is everything, Ned told me. It’s as important as the piercing and dancing.”
“Oh, I get it. Kinda like studying for a test, huh? If you don’t prepare, you’ll fail kind of deal.” René nodded.
Billy hadn’t thought about his preparation that way, and what René mentioned jived. “Yeah.”
“They go together. If you don’t study, you fail. If you don’t listen in class and take notes, you fail. Common sense. That’s what Uncle Ned always preaches.”
Billy tilted his head. That was true, too. Maybe wisdom stemmed from simply using common sense. Similar to his former behavior. Stealing led to jail and was wrong. So if a person didn’t want to stand behind bars, best not to steal in the first place.
“Geez, I used to think your uncle was wise, but he’s simply talking sense.”
René nodded. “Yep. You got it.”
“Why this then?” Billy held up their clasped hands.
“Why not?” René kept walking. “It’s what I always wanted the freedom to do. The first time I saw it in T-O, I wanted to be one of those couples.”
“We’re gonna be one of those couples.” Billy’s heart told him he’d spoken the truth.
“How? It’s fine in the middle of nowhere, and around a man older than Moses. What about when we get home?”
“Someone has to start, don’t they? If someone doesn’t start, it’ll never happen.”
“Us? Me? You?” René stopped walking. He faced Billy. He’d also gotten a nice tan from today’s adventure in the sun.
“I dunno. Quit asking questions. Your uncle said just do and don’t worry. That’s what he told me when I was getting nervous about sun dancing.”
“Funny, Grandpa Chases shares the same philosophy.”
“I’ll miss you tomorrow.” Billy’s heart tugged. He needed René’s eyes on him to feed him strength.
“I’ll miss you, too. I wanna be there. Maybe we’ll end up there. I don’t know.”
He drew Billy against him. Their lips molded as one.