It was as if someone had set up the time perfectly. With Debbie out sick, there’d only be Sheldon, Vince, and Eddie for band practice. Eddie had to work late, so he wouldn’t show for another hour. Downstairs, in the basement, only René, Sheldon, and Vince filled the rehearsal room.
René sat at his kit. Last night, he’d taken Keith to the airport. He had to tell the guys today. Keith might have found a safe haven in Toronto to live his life, but René was here in Thunder Bay. Somebody had to start the ball rolling in the backwoods of Northwestern Ontario. He’d never wanted to be the first in line. The universe thought differently, though. Or as Billy would say, Creator thought differently.
Maybe there was some truth to Billy’s prayers each morning. René continued to smoke his pipe and use his hand drum. He wasn’t praying to anything or anyone in particular. He was merely copying what Grandpa Chases had done.
If you are there, or exist, or half exist, help me find the words.
“We should have a dart first. Or some ganja. Got any, Renny?” Vince had to raise his voice because Sheldon was warming up his vocal cords. He set aside his guitar.
“No, not holding.” René placed his sticks on the snare. He grabbed his beer off the wooden bench beside him where he kept his boom box and headphones.
“Shel, enough with the mi, mi, mi’s. C’mon.” Vince swaggered to the doorway, clutching his whiskey and Coke.
Sheldon pivoted. His long hair followed. He held a mug of tea laced with whiskey and honey.
For someone who took good care of his voice, René couldn’t fathom Sheldon smoking.
“You know I don’t go near cigs before I sing.” Sheldon sipped from the mug. “I only indulge in this magical drink to smooth my throat.”
“C’mon, anyways.” Vince vanished down the hall.
René shrugged. He followed his buddy. The footsteps behind him said Sheldon brought up the rear.
For the past couple of years, metalheads were cutting their hair. Vince was no exception, because he followed every trend. Even Eddie had shorn his locks. As for Sheldon, he’d refused to take the scissors to the long, thick mane he forever primped if a mirror was available.
From the age of four, René had known these guys. There wasn’t any reason for sweat to fill his armpits and dampen his t-shirt a smidgen. He headed out the back door with Vince still in the lead.
Billy was over at Stuart’s or Andrew’s for the evening. He knew René needed this private time. Before leaving, Billy had wrapped his arms around René and assured him no matter what happened, he’d always be there for him. The problem was, Billy didn’t play an instrument, and René might find himself kicked out of Anarchic Aggregation.
He plopped in one of the chairs around the rectangular table on the deck. The umbrella remained up, something René had to take down before darkness set in. Since August was ending, so was summer and the long nights.
Vince lit a cigarette. He plunked his running shoes on the other chair across from him and folded his legs over the other. “Have you heard from Chunky Dee-lite?”
“Yeah. Talked to him the other day on Messenger. He’s doing great. He started his apprenticeship.”
“He did? So he’s on his way to chef land. Is he coming back? Staying?”
“I dunno. He hasn’t made up his mind. He really wants to take over his parents’ restaurant. The kicker is, he’s not sure if Shantelle wants to move. I guess whatever she’s doing, he’s doing.”
“Isn’t that like Chunk to let his first taste of pussy lead him by the tail.” Sheldon cracked a cocky smile. “You wouldn’t catch me doing that. No way. I’m only twenty, and this finger is remaining empty for a long, long time.” He wiggled his ring finger.
“Would you say that if Debbie was here?” René couldn’t resist teasing his buddy.
“Ha-ha-ha. You’re too funny, Ren-Man.” Sheldon winked. “Hey, once you nail an older girl, you don’t go back to teenagers, lemme tell you that.”
True, Debbie was twenty-two to Sheldon’s twenty.
“When are you gonna move out? Shit, you already had your own pad in T-town.” Sheldon sipped his tea. “And I can’t believe you passed up a chance to play Rockfest to haul your sorry ass back here. Hah, you did dodge a bullet. Word is they caught major flack. Guess that’s what they get for calling their band Madame Moxy. I’ll give their singer props for having the pipes, but we all know fronting a band is more than pipes. From what Matt told me, the dude’s got zero stage presence.”
There was René’s opening. And he agreed with Sheldon. Nobody could work a crowd like his loud-mouth buddy. Maybe because Sheldon had a whale-sized ego, which probably gave him the ability to bare himself in front of an audience, instead of hiding behind an instrument. “I had a good reason.”
“Yeah? What?” This came from Vince, who was blowing smoke rings and staring at the hazy blue sky with sprinkles of orange laced on the horizon.
“Billy...” René raised his shaky hand to take a drag off his cigarette.
“Oh, dude, you looked out for him for too long.” Sheldon shook his head. “Don’t put your life on hold ‘cause of him. He’s a big boy and managing just fine now that he quit the dealing and stealing. Hell, he took Carla Morrisseau to prom and the chem free party. Before you parked your ass here permanently, he was always with her. If I was his age, I woulda been, too.”
A fleck of jealousy seeped across René’s chest. He brushed aside the shade of green. He trusted Billy, and he trusted Carla. “She’s a great girl.”
“Great? Is that all you can say?” Sheldon’s thick lips formed into a smirk. “She’s a fine piece of ass. If I was two years younger and returning to high school for my OAC...”
“Maybe all I can say is great because I’m gay.” The confession simply fell from René’s mouth without him having to try push the words from between his lips.
“You’re too funny, Ren-Man. Try again.” Sheldon sipped more tea.
René stared at him.
Sheldon moved the cup in a circle, swirling the contents. His gray-blue eyes pinched slightly. “You’re joshing, right?”
Vince had ceased staring at the sky and blowing smoke rings. He’d also removed his running shoes off the spare chair and sat straight, head tilted.
The trembling started in René’s limbs and swarmed to his torso. Even his teeth clattered. “No. I’m dead serious.”
Sheldon peeked at Vince, whose open mouth was a perfect place for flies to nest. The only sounds on the back deck were the crickets in the field, some frogs croaking, and the odd shouting from down the road. Not even a breeze was present.
“Renny, qu-quit kidding around.” For once in his life, Sheldon actually stuttered. “C’mon, man.”
“I’m not kidding.” Heat engulfed René’s face—he’d have to draw them a picture. Dammit, he’d done too good of a job hiding his true self. “The rumor Olivia started about me when she was drunk off her ass at that party, remember? It’s true.”
“Nope, not believing it.” Sheldon shook his head.
“She found my...” Well, this was embarrassing. “She found my mags. Skin mags. And they weren’t full of chicks. The opposite.”
“That’s a lie.” Sheldon thrust his finger. “You looked at tons of tits and ass with us. Right, man?” He blinked at Vince.
“You were always checking out our stash with us.” Vince kept gaping at Sheldon.
“I had no choice. Did you really think I was going to admit what I am?” René set his hand on his chest. “It tore me apart. Completely apart. I didn’t wanna be different from you guys. For the longest time I was pissed about it.”
“You, uh... m-mentioned Billy.” Sheldon swiped at his hair. “You said you came back because of him.”
“Yeah. I did.” René stubbed out his cigarette and reached for his beer. At least he’d stopped shaking, probably because his buddies weren’t running for Sheldon’s car, screaming there was a fag in their rock group. “I-I watched the broadcast when Rob Halford came out last year. It was a... a turning point for me. If a respected rock star can do it, and he had a lot more to lose than me...”
Vince and Sheldon both nodded and then resumed staring at each other.
“I... living in Toronto was a big help. I had a buddy who was also gay.” René picked at the label on the bottle. He shifted in the chair because the crickets were singing again. This was going over well. Not.
For the longest time they sat in silence. The sound of a clock ticking almost appeared.
Sheldon rubbed his running shoes along the deck’s wooden floor. “Renny, what do you want us to say?”
René reached for another cigarette. “I dunno. Maybe try starting with that’s cool. We don’t care.”
“Chunkster knows, doesn’t he.” Sheldon actually snuck a cigarette from René’s packet.
René nodded. “He was the first person I told after I spoke to my parents.”
“Since you two were crashing at the same pad, I’m guessing he doesn’t give a shit.” Sheldon set the platinum lighter back on the packet.
“Nope.”
“What about Billy? Did he tell anyone?”
“Carla.”
“Y’mean him and Carla... that was all a sham?”
René finally peeled the label away from the bottle. “They’re friends. Nothing more. They could’ve been more than friends, but Billy wanted me, not her.”
“Wha... I don’t get it.” Sheldon wrinkled his brows. His peach-colored lips puckered in a frown.
“He’s bi. He can go either way, and he wanted to go my way.”
The face Sheldon made said Billy was the biggest loser to ever walk the earth for passing up a chance to nail Carla. “I see...”
“Look, Billy doesn’t care who knows. He kept quiet for my sake.” René threw out his hand. “I guess coming from the biggest joke of a family on the rez, he found out fast who his real friends are. I mean, he had nothing to lose. He... I don’t know why he never cared. He just... doesn’t.”
“Do Stu and Andrew know?”
René shook his head. “Billy’s staying quiet for my sake.”
“Oh man... Renny.” Sheldon drew his fingers through his long locks the shade of a high noon sun. “Why now? We got a kick-ass guitarist. The band is getting gigs. Why now?”
“Do you think I wanted to be this way?” René couldn’t help the anger in his voice that flamed in his chest. “Whether I like it or not, this is who I am, and I spent over a damn fucking year accepting it, and learning to say yeah, I’m cool with me now. Because before that, I hated myself. I hated everything about me.” He fisted his hand.
“Whoa... easy... man.” Sheldon leaned forward. “We don’t want you hating on yourself. Okay?”
“Yeah.” Vince finally found his mouth and cleared his throat. “You’re our buddy. Fuck, we’ve been together since kindergarten. It’s always been the three of us, even before you forced Chunk down our throats in grade three.”
A lump built in René’s throat. He blinked back the water forming in his eyes. His buddies were accepting him. They truly cared.
“Aww, man, don’t...” Sheldon leaned across and clasped René by the hand. “We’re best buds. Always.”
René clasped back. Their grips were close to an arm-wrestling match, with their biceps pumping.
Sheldon came half out of his chair. He drew René firmly against his chest. “We’re buds for life, man. We’ll figure something out if the fans start asking. Y’know?” He patted René’s back.
“Th-thanks. Thanks, Shel.” René squeezed his eyes shut.
“I mean, if I ever wanna turn gay, you’ll be the first guy I call for a date. Okay? You’re the hottest of the rockers... next to me, of course.” Razzing was in Sheldon’s voice.
“Ha-ha. Fun-ny. Not.” René playfully poked Sheldon’s ribs.
“C’mon, we’re on a roll,” Vince announced. “Let’s get downstairs and make some serious music. Fuck, the three of us could easily pull off a trio without Eddie and Debbie.”
“What? I gotta learn how to play bass?” Sheldon snatched his drink. He stubbed out his half-smoked cigarette sitting in the ashtray. He also extinguished René’s.
René retrieved his beer, pack of smokes, and lighter. He followed his buddy into the mudroom.
Vince brought up the rear.
“Fuck, if Moxy can play bass, anyone can.” Sheldon snorted as he padded down the stairs. “And don’t be checking out my ass, Ren-Man.”
“Ha-ha. Why would I wanna eyeball your flatter-than-a-pancake rump roast?” René reached down and squeezed Sheldon’s shoulders.
“Keep wishing.” Sheldon snickered. He reached the bottom of the stairs. “Do the twins know?”
“Matt does. And if he knows, that means Mike does.”
“We’ll tell Mike anyway, even if he probably already knows.” Sheldon swiveled. He set his palms on René’s shoulders. “If word gets out, we got your back. We’re not gonna let losers like Hoyt Redsky muscle you, man.”
“He’s already tried, and I’m not scared of him.” René couldn’t fight Hoyt, though, not if Billy was trying to repair his broken relationship with his brother.
Once Hoyt learned the truth about them, there’d most likely be trouble.
* * * *
Billy beelined down the hall to René’s room. He’d already stopped in the kitchen to fix their coffees. Mrs. O had informed him Sheldon and Vince were crashed in the guest room. Eddie was bunked on the sectional. She’d said the guys had too much to drink and had rehearsed well into the night.
This was cause to celebrate.
Using his foot, he pushed on the door. He set the mugs on the nightstand. “Hey, sleepyhead, it’s well past noon. Time to get up.” He sank on the edge of the bed and smacked René’s butt beneath the covers.
With a groan, René rolled over, mumbling.
“I take it rehearsal went great. When I got home last night, Sheldon’s and Eddie’s cars were still in the driveway.”
“Yeah...” René half-whispered. He looked to be trying to peel his eyes open. “It went awesome.”
“Here. Have some of this. It’ll wake you up. Your mom said you guys tied one on.” Billy held out the mug.
“Mmm... not tied one on. A good buzz? Yeah.” René propped against the pillow. He covered his mouth and yawned. “We were on a roll and didn’t stop writing until we ran out of booze.”
“How much booze did you have?” Billy released the mug into René’s hands.
“I only drank the six-pack I bought on Friday night. Sheldon and Vince brought over a mickey. Same for Eddie, and he also had some ganja we smoked. We weren’t outright partying.” This time René managed a smile and a small chuckle. “The guys polished off their booze, so I told them to hand over their keys.”
“It went down good, then, huh?” A big helping of hell yeah seemed to light Billy like a Christmas tree.
René nodded while sipping. “Yeah.” He kept smiling. “They were cool about it. Even Eddie. Vince took him aside while we had a smoke break and clued him in. Eddie didn’t mind... .at least he didn’t seem to. I wasn’t there when Vince told him. They were in the garage. I was on the deck with Shel having my smoke. Sheldon’s gonna tell Debbie today. As for Mike, if Matt knows, then Mike knows. One thing about the twins, they share everything. I give them major props for keeping secrets between each other. You can’t pry their lips open with a crowbar.”
“I’m stoked your buddies know about you.”
“Me, too. I hated keeping that secret. I really did. I’m...” René relaxed against the three pillows he always slept with. “I’m glad to have it off my chest. That they know about me. About you. About us.”
“You took a big step. A big risk. You don’t know what it means to me.” Finally, Billy wasn’t a secret hidden in René’s sock drawer anymore. “What about the rest of your fam?”
“I’ll eventually get around to telling them—when you’re ready.” René sipped more coffee, peeking at Billy over the rim of the mug.
“Yeah, you’re right. I still gotta tell Hoyt, and I can’t tell him until... well, we’ll see how tonight goes. I’m getting him at seven. Can I use your truck?”
“Go ahead. I’m not going anywhere. I’m chilling. Classes start tomorrow.” René laced their fingers together. “And it’s our truck.” He chuckled.
“Yeah? If so, how come you get first dibs then?” Billy couldn’t help his smirk.
“Because, technically, it’s my truck.”
They both laughed.
René squeezed Billy’s fingers. “Don’t try too hard. Remember? This creator wants you to extend the olive branch. The rest is up to Hoyt. He has to do his part.”
“I get it. I do.” Billy nodded.