Gia stayed in bed as long as her bladder would allow. When she finally did get up, it was nearly noon, and the house was quiet around her. On the refrigerator was a note from Granny G. We're having lunch with Ren and the gang at Salden Park. You're welcome to join us!
Any other day, she would have said yes. She would have squared her shoulders, put on a happy face, and headed off to the park to join her family.
Not today. Today, the answer was no. Gia thought she might be okay if she never went to Salden Park again after last night.
Her stomach felt too hollow for coffee, so instead, she filled the tea kettle with water and put it on the stove. While she waited for it to boil, she scrounged in the fridge for some vanilla yogurt. She dolloped a large helping into a bowl and topped it with two handfuls of Granny G's homemade granola, and then stood against the counter eating it. When the whistle sounded on the kettle, she pulled a travel mug from the cupboard and dropped two country peach flavored teabags into it and filled it with the boiling water. After downing the rest of her yogurt in a few huge bites, she washed the bowl and spoon, set them in the drainer, and headed back to bed with her tea.
She dug her phone out of her purse and groaned when she saw several missed calls and text message notifications. Scrolling through them, she found three text messages and a voice mail from Jupiter, a text from Ren, one from Jules, and one text message from Ricky. She started with the message from Juliette; it was a group text to all the sisters.
Having a great time - we'll be home on Monday. Can we have a G-FOURce on Wednesday night at my condo? At 6? Now that that they were married, Juliette would share Vic's house, which meant her little condo next door to Mrs. Cork would be empty. She still hadn't decided what she was going to do with it. The condo was Juliette's first home away from their grandparents’ home, and she'd lived there for almost a decade before meeting Vic. But Vic's place was larger, better suited to a family, or at least that was the unspoken hope. Which meant the cute little condo would need to be sold or rented, because they couldn't afford to leave it sitting there empty. But for now, it was the perfect place to have their G-FOURce meetings. Gia replied to the group text saying that she was available. Phoebe had also responded; she and Trevor would be home by then, too, so it was settled.
Renata's text was an invitation to their picnic at the park, so Gia jotted off a quick reply, thanking her, but telling her no anyway. She had plans, she wrote. Ren didn't need to know her plans including having no plans at all.
She stared at her phone a long time before deciding to read the rest of the texts, starting with Jupiter's from late last night, which had come in long after he'd dropped her off.
12:32 a.m. Thank you for the beautiful evening. Are you asleep, mia bella Gia? I lie awake thinking of you, imagining your tears, and my heart breaks.
10:03 a.m. Mia bella Gia. I called you at 10 o'clock, just as I promised I would. Do you know what your kisses have done to me? I do not know how I will be able to wait until Monday morning to see you again. Will you listen to my message? It is from my heart.
She wouldn't listen to the voice message. Not yet.
11:14 a.m. Mia bella Gia. I am going to Pasadena to see my aunt. Please call me. I must speak with you. I cannot wait to hear your voice.
She wouldn't call him, either. Not yet.
She took a deep breath and swiped open Ricky's text from last night.
8:16 p.m. You are worth waiting for. Goodnight, Georgy Girl.
Oh, Rickaroni.
The difference between the two guys screamed at her, even through their texts. Jupiter. Suave, handsome, charming, relentless. Seemingly unruffled by her tearful retreat. He'd teased her about turning into a pumpkin after all, and assured her he really did like pumpkins, even ones who wept in his arms. He'd been kind, and gracious... he hadn't even asked her what she meant, or who she meant when she said 'she'd been saving the kiss for someone else'. But now, now she thought she understood. Apparently, it didn't really matter to him. Apparently, he was just fine with her admitting she might be pining for someone else while kissing him. Apparently, it didn't matter what she wanted, only what he wanted.
And that line! My heart believes every single moment with you is forever. Holy smokes. How many times had he used that on some poor, unsuspecting female? Gia grabbed one of her pillows and pressed it over her face, then released a cry of embarrassed anger into it. How could she have been such a pushover?
He'd worked her over all week long, worn her down with his assault to her senses, and then swept in on his shiny steed—a slate blue Miata Roadster—and rescued her, a damsel in distress. He'd even taken the time to woo her grandparents—he probably knew it would soften her up, and he was right. It had.
She'd been blindsided by his charisma, to the point where until that kiss, until he'd asked her to say 'yes' to him, she hadn't been sure she'd really wanted to say 'no.'
You are worth waiting for.
And she'd said 'no' to the person she really wanted to say 'yes' to... didn't she?
What a mess. What a mess!
She yanked a pair of earbuds from her bedside table and shoved one of the little speakers into her ear. Scrolling through her extensive playlist, she pulled up one song after another, but they all reminded her of Ricky. Every single song in her library had been shared at one time or another with him. Some he'd laughed at, some he'd teased her about, some he'd shushed her on so he could listen. Some he'd sung along with, some he'd grabbed her hand and danced to. These songs had been the soundtrack to their arguments, their struggles, their triumphs, their joys, their sorrows, their friendship. They'd studied to these songs, they'd lain on their backs and watched for shooting stars to these songs, they'd walked without speaking, the music between them binding them together in time and space.
By the time she gave up on finding something that would distract her from her troubles, tears were streaming down her face. When she heard the front door open and Granny G talking animatedly to Gramps down the hall, Gia burrowed under her pillow again, feigning sleep.
But Granny G was having none of it. She pushed open the door when Gia didn't respond to her knock, and crossed the room to sit on the side of the bed. "Sweetie, you've been in bed too long. Tell me what's wrong." She pulled the pillow from Gia's face and brushed the messy curls back. There was no surprise in Granny G's eyes when she saw the tears in Gia's.
No matter how many times she opened her mouth to speak, however, no matter how hard she swallowed and tried to force the words past the lump in her throat, nothing came out. She wasn't even sure she knew what to say. She didn't know how to explain her feelings to herself, let alone to someone else.
Stuck. Safe. Stuck. Secure. Safe. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.
"I don't know who I'm supposed to be," she finally whispered. "And I don't know how to be anything else than what I am, and I'm afraid what I am isn't really me."
After a lengthy pause, Granny G said, "Well, that's a good place to start." Her fingers stroked the top of Gia's head, the comforting gesture as familiar as the sound of Granny G's voice. "This isn't just about Ricky, is it? Or Jupiter."
"No. But they play a big part in making me crazy and confused."
"I see."
"I love Ricky, Gran. And he loves me. But he's my best friend—or at least he was until he started acting like an idiot."
Granny G chuckled softly. "They do that when they fall in love, you know."
"No, I didn't know," Gia retorted. "Why didn't you warn me?"
Granny G tugged on one of her curls, then wound it around her finger. "You really didn't see this day coming, sweetie? We've all known Ricky has been in love with you, almost since the first day he set eyes on you."
Gia pulled her blanket up over her head and asked again, "If you all knew, why didn't anyone warn me?"
Granny tugged the blanket back until Gia's eyes were visible. "Warn you about what?" she asked.
"About how weird it feels." Gia's voice was muffled behind her pillow, but the words were clear enough to be understood. "He's like my brother. Isn't that weird? Gross? My brother has the hots for me. He wants to make out with me! And you don't think that's a little sick?" Admittedly, she was trying to shock her grandmother just the slightest bit, but she should have known better.
"And the feeling isn't mutual? You haven't thought about how nice it would be if he actually did kiss you? Checked him out a little too closely the last time he had his shirt off? You haven't imagined him naked?"
"Granny G!" Gia gasped, sitting upright in bed. "Gramps!" she hollered, knowing her voice would carry to him, wherever he was in the house. She'd heard his heavy footsteps coming down the hall earlier. "Do you know what your wife just asked me?"
Her grandfather appeared in the doorway and leaned against the frame. He looked tired after the last couple of hours in the sun. She was sure Ren's boys had given him a run for his money at the park. He'd probably been hoping for a nap this afternoon. "Hey Gia pet. What did my wife just ask you?"
Gia blushed, refusing to repeat it to her conservative grandpa. "Never mind," she said. "Suffice it to say she's got a dirty mind."
Gramps shrugged. "That's one of the reasons I married her."
"Gramps!" His name came out on a laugh. "Scarred for life, you guys! Seriously?" But in that moment, under the loving gazes of the two people who had been home to her heart for as long as she could remember, she thought she caught a glimpse of who she was supposed to be. Who she wanted to be.
"Did that boy hurt you?" Gramps asked, but she could see on his face that he knew she was all right.
"No. I think I kinda hurt myself."
"Because I oiled my shotgun last night after you left, just in case," Gramps added.
"I figured as much, you crazy old man."
"If you're sure," he said. When she nodded, he did, too. "Then I'll leave you two ladies to your boy talk. Gonna lie down for a bit."
"Sleep tight, Gramps. I love you."
"Love you, too, Gia pet."
Gia waited for his footsteps to fade, and then turned to her grandmother again. "I know I'm way behind everyone else when it comes to lovey dovey stuff."
"You're only behind those who have gone ahead of you," Granny G murmured with a smile.
"Yeah, well, that's pretty much the whole rest of the world." Gia brought her knees up and rested her forearms on them. "I gave Jupiter my first real kiss last night. Or he took it." She frowned, immediately ashamed for making him responsible. "Actually, it was both of us giving and taking. We kissed. And I liked it. A lot. Until I realized I'd been saving that kiss for Ricky." The telltale tingle in the bridge of her nose warned her of impending tears, and she lowered her forehead to rest on her crossed arms.
Granny G sighed deeply, once again stroking Gia's hair, smoothing it down her back. She didn't ask for details, didn't question if they'd done more than kiss, and for that, Gia was grateful. “It’s a little like swimming in the ocean, I think, Gia pet,” she began, her tone thoughtful. “The vastness of the water, the unplumbed depths, the endless horizon, that’s how love feels. Standing on shore, watching the waves crashing on the sand and rushing toward you, the water licking at your toes. It calls you, beckons you to jump in, join the others who are out there riding those waves. You finally do, and then the first wave hits.” She chuckled, shaking the bed slightly. “If you’re lucky, you’ll get swept up over the crest of it and your stomach will do that wild flippy thing as you ride the swell. Or you might get tossed on your keister, head over tail, the world spinning out of control. You stagger back up onto the beach, seaweed in your hair, sand in your bathing suit, and wonder what on earth just happened, right?”
Gia nodded slowly, her forehead still resting on her forearms. How many times had she experienced that chaos during all the endless summer days on the beach with friends and family?
“But then you learn to watch the rhythm of the waves so you can get the thrill of riding them again and again, and it’s magnificent and exhausting and exhilarating and always just a wee bit dangerous.”
“Sure. Yeah, I can see that,” Gia concurred, lifting her head to give her grandmother a quizzical look. It did seem a good analogy of love, from what she could surmise. But how did that apply to her own experience? Where was her grandmother going with this?
“To me,” Granny G continued. “Falling in love with the right person is a little like choosing the right lagoon to swim in. From a distance, they’re all beautiful. But up close and personal, you discover the dangers that lurk amidst the beauty. Jagged coral, poisonous sea creatures, crashing waves, fluctuating tides… However, if you don the right footwear and a good set of snorkeling equipment, maybe learn how to surf, you can find beauty even in those things. Love is treacherous, no two ways about it, but isn’t just about anything that’s worth doing?”
Gia nodded again, although she kept silent. She had a feeling Granny G still hadn’t quite gotten to the point. She was correct.
“But what happens when you choose a beautiful lagoon that’s home to a pod of sharks—“
“A gam,” Gia corrected without thinking. “A group of sharks is called a gam, or a frenzy, or a school or shiver. Oh! And you can call them a herd of sharks, too.”
“Thank you, Google Girl,” Granny G said, tugging on a strand of Gia’s hair. “I like a shiver of sharks, since that’s what I tend to do when I think too much about them.”
“Sorry.” Gia had the good grace to be embarrassed for interrupting. “Go on. Swimming in shark-infested waters and all that.”
“Yes.” Granny G paused, probably trying to collect her disrupted train of thought. “Here’s my point, Gia. I would venture to say that jumping into things with Jupiter, as lovely a young man as he is, might be compared to swimming in a beautiful lagoon with a shiver of sharks. All the basic qualities of lagoon life are still there, right? The waves, the tides, the reef. But the risk of swimming in those waters may not be worth it, even if you’re in a full wetsuit and life vest. Jupiter’s heart and mind have been infiltrated by things of the world—things that should remain beyond the reef—because his guard has either fallen, or was never up in the first place. He’s let those things take over.”
“You think Jupiter is like a shark?” Gia knew that wasn’t exactly what her grandmother was saying, but it sure would have made things more cut and dried if he was.
“No, I don’t. He’s not the shark. Sin, or the things that would cause us to sin, are the sharks. I think Jupiter is just as much a beautiful creation of God as you or me, or Ricky. But because he doesn’t understand God’s design on his life—that a lagoon, in fact, was never intended as a place for sharks—he doesn’t know to keep his boundaries firm, his safety nets in place, his guard up. It’s not always bad stuff—there’s nothing inherently wrong with fancy cars and extra cash, or even kissing, right? Just like there isn’t anything inherently wrong with sharks.” Her grandmother’s slight shudder belied her words, making Gia grin. “I mean, you can’t begrudge a shark for killing and eating, right? That’s its nature. But that doesn’t mean they’re not a danger to you, sweetie. You need to learn to steer clear of the waters where sharks are allowed free reign.”
“But Jupiter’s not a bad guy, Gran.” Gia felt the need to defend him. Sure, he was worldly in his thinking, but did that really qualify him as being “shark-infested”?
“No, he’s not,” Granny G whole-heartedly agreed. “In fact, I think I said he’s a lovely young man. But he’s still ruled by what he allows into his lagoon, Gia. Unless he gives his life over to be ruled by God who will flush out those sharks, he’s going to be dangerous waters for you. Exciting, yes—and perhaps his sharks seem tamed right now, or too young to be too threatening at this point—but he’s still dangerous, nonetheless.”
“I suppose,” Gia murmured, once more feeling the weight of the mess she’d made of things. “But what do I do about Ricky now? I feel like a total jerk. I want to take back that kiss I gave to Jupiter and give it to Ricky, but it’s too late.”
Granny G tapped her on the nose. “Think of it this way. You jumped into the wrong blue lagoon with your eyes shut, got a warning nip in the ankles, and skedaddled on out of there before you lost a limb… or your heart. Now it’s time to go swimming in the right lagoon with your eyes wide open.”
“What if every time I kiss Ricky I think of Jupiter?" Her question sounded silly, even to her own ears, but she legitimately feared it might be the case.
"You know what I think?" Granny G didn't wait for Gia's response. "I think the only way to get the handsome young Italian boy out of your mind—and he really is quite an eyeful, sweetie—"
"Not helping," Gia snipped.
Granny chuckled and started again. "I think the only way to get Jupiter out of your head is to fill it to overflowing with Ricky. If you love that boy, and I know you do, you'll figure it out. He's worth it, you know."
"That's what he said about me when I wouldn't let him kiss me yesterday."
"And he's right."
"But I kissed Jupiter first." She was bemoaning the issue now, she knew it, but still… She lifted her eyes to her grandmother's. "I mean, I really kissed him."
"Good for you. I probably would have kissed him myself after tasting that amazing sauce last night. If not for your grandfather, that is."
"Gran, stop trying to be a cougar. I'm not buying it."
"Well, then stop trying to be a prude. I'm not buying it, either." Her grandmother patted Gia's cheek gently. "So you kissed the wrong guy. If you hadn't liked it, I'd be worried. But now you just have to start kissing the right guy."
Gia reached down and ran her fingers over the lace trim of her pillow case. "It's still weird to think about Ricky that way."
Granny G snorted. "It won't be once you start kissing him, I can pretty much guarantee you that." She tapped Gia's nose with a finger. "Why don't you give Ricky a call? Maybe you can spend some time with him this evening."
Gia nodded. "Maybe I will." She reached over and hugged her grandma. "Thanks for not thinking I'm a freak."
Granny G hugged her back. "Oh sweetie. We're all freaks in this house. I'd be worried if you weren't."
However, as Gia was getting dressed and working up the courage to call Ricky, her phone rang. Ricardo had a weekend crew member not show and wondered if she could fill in from four until closing. She wasn't quite brave enough to ask him if Jupiter would be there or not, nor was she brave enough to tell him no, even though that voice in her head practically screamed at her.
As it turned out, neither Ricardo nor Jupiter made appearances at the cafe all night. And when she locked the doors at 10:30 p.m., she sat in her car for several minutes debating whether or not she should call Ricky, finally deciding that some things were better dealt with on a good night's rest and the clearer perspective of daylight. She'd go to church with her grandparents, and then call Ricky afterward.
Ren and Tim and the kids came for lunch, though, and Gia spent the afternoon beating her nephews at X-Box games and playing cuddles and patty-cake with Baby Charise. By the time she and her grandparents sat down for dinner, she'd convinced herself that maybe it would be better to give herself a little more time before she talked to Ricky. She still had to face Jupiter in the morning, and she could only handle so much at one time.