“I’m worried about you, sweetie," Granny G said, sitting on the edge of Gia's bed. Her hands were folded in her lap, but Gia could almost feel her grandmother's desire to touch her, to stroke her hair, her back, the way she usually did when offering her comfort. She thought of Juliette's words from earlier, and Gia suddenly related. She, too, was a little afraid that she might burst into flames if someone touched her.
"I'll be fine, Gran. I just need some time to think." Once again, she'd come home to find Granny G sitting alone in the living room, a cup of tea in hand, an Agatha Christie book open in her lap. But instead of joining her, Gia had made a few vague excuses and headed to her room. It was only a little after eight o'clock, though, and Granny G had followed her after a few minutes.
"Renata called and told me a little about what happened," Granny G continued. "This isn't like you."
"Of course she did." Gia pulled a pillow over her head. "Actually, it is." Her words were muffled, but she didn't care. "This is exactly like me." How she wished people would stop telling her what she was and wasn't like. "Where's Gramps?"
"He was tired after our night out and went to bed."
Gia pulled her pillow down to her chest, but kept her face toward the wall so she wouldn't have to look at Granny G. "That's not like him. Why aren't you in there worrying about him?"
Granny G didn't respond and the snippy words hung in the air between them.
"Sorry. That was uncalled for," Gia muttered. She still didn't turn around. "Is he okay?"
"He's fine," Granny G assured her. "Just tired. He's old. We're old. But then, you know that."
Gia sighed and finally rolled over. She took her grandmother's hand in hers and traced a purple vein on the back of it. "I'm not ready to talk right now, okay, Gran? I promise I'll come to you when I am."
"Okay, sweetie." Granny G patted her shoulder and rose to leave. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll be up for another hour or so; I still have some laundry to do." Granny G never went to bed with a load of clothes in the dryer.
When Gia came down the hall Thursday morning, she found her grandfather sitting in his usual chair, freshly showered and dressed for the day. Apparently, he was feeling up to snuff again; now that she thought about it, he hadn't dressed for breakfast in a while.
"You heading out somewhere, Gramps?"
"Nope," he said, smiling at her over his coffee cup. "I went to bed so early last night that my eyes popped open at five fifteen this morning. I moseyed around in my jammies and slippers as long as I could justify, but finally gave up and got ready for the day early." He held one hand out to the side. "So here I am, Dapper Dan."
Gia leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. He still looked a little wan to her, but his skin was cool to the touch, and his eyes were bright. "Well, good morning to you, Dapper Dan."
Gramps patted the table in front the chair opposite him. "Grab a mug and take a load off."
Gia bit back a sigh. So Granny G had talked to him. "I have to get to work, Gramps."
"Give an old man a few minutes, girlie. I won't make you late."
Gia hesitated for another moment, squeezed her eyes tightly shut in an effort to reset herself, and poured herself a cup of coffee. She dropped into the chair Gramps had pointed to just as Granny G joined them.
"How'd you sleep, sweetie?"
Fine, fine. Get all the pleasantries out of the way. "It took me awhile to get there, but once I passed out, I slept like a baby."
"Well, I won't beat around the bush." Without preamble, Gramps cut to the chase. "Your sisters are worried about you and so are we. Is there anything we need to know? Anything you need to tell us?"
A sudden thought occurred to her. Ever since Phoebe had opened up about her struggles in high school, her grandparents had been far more attentive than usual. They'd admitted to being concerned about Phoebe back then, but they acknowledged that they'd been at a loss as to how to help her, and so they'd simply let things go, hoping everything would set itself to right in the end. They both shouldered a lot of guilt and blame for how things had turned out for Phoebe and Lily—were they worried that Gia might be in the same situation?
"I'm not pregnant, if that's what you're asking." Gramps snorted softly, and Gia cocked her head and shot him a curious look. "What? Is that so preposterous?"
"Well, no." He shook his head slowly, meeting her eyes, his own crinkling at the corners as he smiled at her. "Not preposterous, but certainly not something I was concerned about."
"Why not? Because I'm the good Gustafson girl? Because I wouldn't do something like that?" Oh geez. What was wrong with her? Now she was lashing out at her beloved Gramps.
"Actually, that's about right." Her grandfather's expression grew serious. "I'm not saying it's impossible, Gia pet. I'm saying it's not something I'd expect to hear from you." He reached over and patted her forearm. "It was meant as a compliment."
"Sweetie, we're just worried about you," Granny said for felt like the hundredth time to Gia.
"I know. I'm sorry." Gia took a sip of her coffee and tried not to grimace. Good old Gramps and his bitter brew. "Last night I told you I'd talk to you when I was ready, but I'm still trying to get my head on straight. I need a little more time, okay?"
Gramps sat back in his chair and studied his large hands he'd wrapped around his mug. A moment later, he nodded solemnly. "All right. I can accept that, but you know better than many that time is not really ours to order, Gia pet. So choose what you do with the moments you're given, okay? Don't be caught waiting for the right time to do the right thing."
Gia squeezed her eyes shut again, hearing echoes of her argument with Ricky from just a few days ago. A different version of her own words, but the message was the same, nonetheless. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, then opened her eyes. "Fine. I don't want to talk about this—I can't or I'll be late to work—but I can at least tell you a little about what's going on." She took another sip of coffee, and this time, she didn't try to hide her reaction. "Gramps, your coffee is awful. How long has it been cooking?"
"Only about an hour," he said with a grin.
"Shall I make another pot?" Granny G asked.
"No. This will be quick. I'll get some fresh stuff at work." Gia stood and took her cup to the sink. "In a nutshell," she began again, turning back to face her grandparents where they still sat at the table. She held up her hands and started counting things off on her fingers. "I don't want to talk to Angela—or her mother—because although I can forgive her, I can't just pretend what she did didn't happen. It did, and we are all forever changed because of it, and I don't feel like pretending it's all okay now that a decade and a half has passed. I miss my mom and dad even though I never really knew them, and I'm jealous that Jules, Ren, and Phoebe did know them. I love Ricky but I don't know if I'm in love with him, and now he says he's in love with me, and I'm afraid his feelings will influence my feelings and I won't know if they're my real feelings or not. I want to grow up, but I don't know what I want to do with my life. And on top of all that, I don't want you two to get old. I'm afraid to grow up and move on with my life because what will happen to you two when I do?"
"Well, Gia pet," Gramps said after a stretch of heavy silence. "We are old. That happened long ago, I'm afraid, so you can check that off your list."
"Fine. I don't want you to get older, because after older comes death, and I really don't want anyone else I love to die for awhile." Her words fell like lead weights around them, and Gia dropped her gaze to her feet.
Finally, Gramps spoke again. "Well, we did ask, didn't we?" In her peripheral vision, Gia saw his big hand cover her grandmother's.
"Sorry," she muttered. "That came out a little more... um, forceful than I intended."
"No, no," her grandfather said, waving his hand to dismiss her apology. "It may be that you haven't been forceful enough. You've given us several things to chew on today, Gia pet, things we should have realized long before now. Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us."
Gia looked up, surprised by his response. "You're welcome," she said, her voice tentative.
"And when you're ready, we'll talk." Gramps stood and crossed the space between them. "Give an old man a hug."
She did, resting her cheek on his shoulder, breathing in the smell of his old-fashioned shaving soap and the crisp scent of laundry detergent from his shirt. "Love you, Gramps," she said. "Sorry I've been such a poop lately."
Gramps chuckled and then Granny G was there, ready for her hug, too. Gia couldn't help but notice the frailty of the old woman's stature, the unmistakable curve of her spine, and how loosely the flesh covered her bones.
"We'll see you this evening, then," her grandmother said, patting her cheek.
"Oh! I almost forgot to tell you." She looped the strap of her purse over her shoulder and took her car keys from the key hook near the kitchen door. "I'm having dinner with Ricky tonight so don't expect me until late." She smiled shyly at Granny G. "I'll start with saying sorry."
"Sorry is a good place to start."
"Yeah, well, it seems like I'm saying sorry an awful lot these days."
Gramps chuckled softly as she headed off to work.