Encouraged by a note from Hines confirming that Lord Randall had indeed left London that night, followed by a second indicating their man had watched Evers boarding a packet bound for Calais, Davie was able to curb his impatience to see Faith again until a favourable opportunity arose. Which it did in the afternoon three days later, when he learned from Giles that the ladies were going to call on an elderly peer, an old friend of Lady Maggie’s father, who’d turned over his estate to his son and lived in a grace and favour apartment at Hampton Court.
‘Are you going to escort Maggie there?’ Davie asked.
‘Yes. Maggie and the Duchess will go to charm Lord Harvey, and I’ll come along to provide any details he may demand about the legislation. His lordship’s not as healthy or vigorous as he once was, but still takes an interest in Parliamentary doings, Maggie said. With the vote to come next week, we need to involve as many peers as possible.’
‘Sure he’ll vote with us?’
‘Maggie says he’s a realist. If we can convince him the vote must pass, he’ll want to have a part in doing what will prevent further unrest and distress in the country.’
‘Do you mind if I accompany you?’
Giles studied him for a moment. ‘Wouldn’t it be better if you did not?’
‘Not this time. I have some information of a...confidential nature for the Duchess that shouldn’t be trusted to a note. The visit to Lord Harvey will allow me to convey it to her personally, upon an occasion in which our meeting will not excite any comment.’
‘This “confidential information” is related to the “business” you were so keen to take care of several days ago? Which, I assume, prospered, since you’ve seemed much more your normal self since then.’
‘Yes, and, yes.’ Davie gave him a wry smile. ‘Thank you for trusting me on this, and making no attempt to pry. And especially for not making any mention of it in front of Christopher and Ben, who would have no compunction about pressing the matter.’
Giles nodded. ‘I figured if the Hellions could be of any help, you’d ask, and if we couldn’t, it was none of our business. Especially as it seemed to relate to the Duchess.’ He hesitated. ‘Do you...have some notion of what you envision for that association?’
‘There’s where I’d wish it to go, and where it will likely end,’ Davie admitted.
Giles clapped a hand on his shoulder. ‘If there’s anything I can do...’
‘Noted. When do we meet the ladies?’
Giles consulted the mantel clock. ‘We’d best leave now. The Duchess was to take tea with Maggie at Upper Brook Street, with our carriage ordered to come around after.’
Anticipation and trepidation rising in equal measure at the idea of seeing Faith soon, Davie rose with Giles and went to get his hat and coat. Some time after the meeting, he’d ask Faith to walk with him in the gardens.
It had better be a long walk, he thought wryly. Because after he confessed what he’d done, she might hand him his congé this very afternoon.
* * *
When they joined the ladies at Upper Brook Street, the light that sparked in Faith’s eyes and the warmth of her smile at his unexpected appearance soothed the ever-present ache in his heart with an uplift of joy. Driving deep the hunger to touch and taste her that also leapt to the forefront the moment he saw her, he tried to convince himself he could be satisfied by a life where he met her only as a friend.
‘Mr Smith! What a surprise!’ she said, coming over to him as Giles and Maggie shared a hug.
Wistfully wishing he had the freedom to share the same with Faith, he said, ‘Not an unwelcome one, I hope.’
‘Indeed not! I’m so pleased you’ll be joining our little expedition this afternoon.’
‘You’ve been well, I trust?’ he asked, knowing that Lord Randall had not been around to bother her, and hoping that she’d been able to suppress her anxiety over the threat he posed. ‘You look more rested than when I saw you last.’
After this afternoon, she would have no more reason to lose sleep. The certain knowledge that he had eliminated for good the threat posed by her brother-in-law made it worthwhile to have acted without her knowledge or approval, even if it created a breach between them.
Her safety was more important than anything else.
‘Yes, thankfully, there have been no...disturbances these last few days.’
‘Shall we go?’ Maggie turned to ask. ‘I told Lord Harvey in my note that we’d be there in time for a late tea. So many of his generation have already passed, he doesn’t get many visitors, so I know he’ll be waiting for us.’
‘Then let us leave at once,’ Faith said. ‘We’ll find an opportunity to talk later, Mr Smith?’
‘Certainly. Perhaps we might stroll in the garden after the business is complete, to give Maggie some time for a private chat with Lord Harvey?’
Faith’s eyes brightened. ‘We could walk in the maze! I haven’t wandered through it since I was a child, but I remember being enchanted by it. Although, you are so tall, you may be able to see over the hedges.’
‘I’ve never been; you must show it to me. I promise not to peek and spoil the suspense.’
With that, the ladies collected gloves and wraps and descended to the carriage. Thinking it wiser to avoid the temptation of sitting beside Faith—and any potential awkwardness on the drive back, if she should be furious with him—Davie chose to make the transit on horseback. Not wishing to mar even this limited contact being impatient or anxious, he forced his sense of urgency beneath the surface. Once they were out of the congestion of the city, he rode beside the carriage, keeping up a running conversation with the denizens of the coach, as he had when he’d escorted Faith and her sons to Lady Englemere’s.
The day being warm and pleasant, the trip was enjoyable, with autumn wildflowers nodding beside the lanes and just a touch of chill in the air to warn of the approaching change of season. Their vehicle and Davie’s horse dispatched to grooms at the palace, they proceeded to the apartment occupied by Lord Harvey, where they found the genial gentleman and tea awaiting them.
After introductions were made all around, the ladies launched into their mission of charming the elderly peer, accomplishing it so successfully that Giles’s announcement of the radical changes about to happen in Parliament drew nothing stronger than an exclamation of surprise from Lord Harvey. As Giles presented the major points, he asked a series of sharp, penetrating questions that made Maggie remark with a laugh that she was glad the more knowledgeable gentlemen had accompanied them.
Content to let Giles explain their position, Davie curbed his impatience to get Faith alone and simply appreciated the joy of being around her, watching her with even more than his usual intensity.
The enquiring angle of her head as she listened to Lord Harvey pose a question, or Giles answer it, reminded him again of that summer of debate they’d shared. So full of dreams and purpose they’d been, he thrilled that Sir Edward’s patronage would allow him to take part in turning his ideas for a new England into reality, she giddy with anticipation to enter the adult world.
She was just as lovely as she’d been that summer, a girl poised on the brink of becoming a woman. She still lit up the room, and his heart, with her smile. But the struggles of her marriage and the responsibility of motherhood had created layers of reserve and complexity that made the woman even more fascinating than the girl. After enduring heartache, disappointment, and disparagement, she’d raised that little chin, and with a militant sparkle in her eyes, ultimately refused to be defeated by the neglect of her husband, the disapproval of society, the criticism of her mother-in-law—or the crude threats of a reprobate.
Which just emphasised the need for him to be eloquent this afternoon. His newly confident Faith wouldn’t be dictated to, or metaphorically patted on the head and told what he’d done without her approval was for the best. He would need to persuade her that his actions had been well thought out, fitting—and effective—in order to preserve her trust.
Would he be persuasive enough?
With tea consumed, Lord Harvey having reached the end of his questions and the personal chat between their host and Lady Maggie beginning, he was about to find out.
‘Shall we have that walk now, Mr Smith?’ Faith asked, turning to him, obviously eager to begin the stroll he both anticipated—and dreaded. He absolutely hated to spoil their precious time together bringing up something that was sure to make her angry. But he’d rather have her distressed with him, than to have stood by and done nothing as she’d begged him to, and have her still at the mercy of the infamous Lord Randall.
Wraps and coats collected, they exited Lord Harvey’s apartment and strolled across the palace grounds to the entrance to the maze.
‘Isn’t it lovely?’ Faith exclaimed, examining the handsome stand of boxwood at the entrance. ‘I don’t think even you will be able to see over it, Davie.’ Taking his arm, she said, ‘Though it would be amusing to discover who could solve the key and reach the centre first, I simply can’t bear for us to part, and waste this opportunity to be alone, far from prying eyes and listening ears!’
‘I doubt we’ll be overheard, though we might still be observed from the upper storeys of the palace,’ Davie noted. With her perfume infiltrating his nose and the touch of her hand on his sleeve setting his body into a full clamour for more, he was struggling to keep her enchanting presence from distracting him from the serious matter he had to discuss.
‘The trees will block the view—or well enough. Oh, Davie, it’s so good to be with you again!’ Taking his arm with both hands, she marched him at a quick step down the first avenue and around the corner, into the sheltering walls of the maze.
And then before he was aware what she intended, she reached up and pulled his head down for a kiss.
Desire incinerated surprise the instant her lips touched his. Prudence, discretion, the confession he was about to make—all cindered as well, as his whole universe narrowed to the woman pressing her lips to his.
He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close, sighing as the softness of her bosom contacted his chest. Though he was so starved for the taste of her, he wanted to possess and plunder, he kept himself still, letting her set the pace.
And discovered there was something intensely erotic about letting her initiate and probe and explore, opening his mouth only when she demanded entry, meeting her tongue with his only after she sought it out. Her little gasps and sighs filling him with a tenderness almost as vast as the passion they inspired, he opened to her as she pressed deeper, the vibrations created by the sensuous plush of her tongue rubbing his so intense, he thought he might reach his peak from her kisses alone.
Devil take it, how he wanted her! So much, he blessed this narrow walk, bordered on either side by nothing more comfortable than evergreen shrubbery, else he might lose all control and take her right here, right now. But her artless passion deserved wine, and wooing, and fine linen sheets, and hours in which to show her how much he desired and cherished her.
She must have been near the brink, too, for heedless of time and place, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer still, bringing his throbbing erection tight against her belly. Knowing if she gave any indication of moving that sweet mouth to the part of him most desperate for her caress, he’d be well and truly lost, he somehow found enough will to break the kiss.
Not enough will to release her, though. They stood with their arms wrapped around each other, the only sound their ragged, panting breaths and the distant call of a bird. Finally, with a sigh, she pushed away.
‘Though ending that before it went any further was prudent, it doesn’t make me feel any less like slapping you,’ she said, taking his arm and starting to walk again.
‘Slap away. I didn’t like ending it any more than you did.’
She took a shuddering breath. ‘Maybe we ought to talk about...going to a place where we wouldn’t have to end it.’
Not allowing his mind to explore the meaning behind that comment, Davie said, ‘Before we talk of anything else, I have a confession to make, as well as a prediction that I hope will leave you much relieved.’
‘A confession? Oh, dear—I’m not sure I like the sound of that.’
‘Although, to be prudent, I’d like to have you take your boys and go visit Lady Englemere for a few days, I’m nearly certain your problems with Lord Randall are over.’
It took her only an instant to comprehend the implications. Halting, she dropped his arm and turned to face him. ‘What have you done? Oh, Davie, I begged you not to intervene! You haven’t shot him, have you? Or beaten him to a pulp?’
‘No, though it required a great deal of restraint to resist beating him to a pulp.’
‘But you did confront him—thereby providing him all the ammunition he needs to accuse us to the trustees! Which, unless you truly did murder him, he’s sure to do. And after you promised me! I wish I had slapped you! Now I’ll never be free of his menace! And if he ends up getting them to take my boys away, I’ll hate you f-for ever!’
Her furious voice breaking as tears started in her eyes, she turned on her heel and stalked away from him. In two strides, he caught up and grabbed her arm.
‘Wait, Faith, let me explain! I didn’t break my promise.’
She looked up at him, confused and miserable. ‘But—didn’t you just tell me you’d confronted Randall, hurt him, after I most particularly begged you not to?’
‘I promised not to physically assault him myself—and despite the utmost provocation, I did not.’
‘But you did confront him.’
‘I—talked with him. Predicted that he would cease his unwelcome attentions of his own free will, since it was the right thing to do. Which, in a way, he has. True, there are people at the gaming hell who could testify to seeing us together. But we parted without any altercation, so even if he were to return at some point and try to make an issue of it, no one could claim to have witnessed anything more than a conversation.’
‘‘If he should return at some point?’’ she echoed. ‘What, you had him kidnapped and transported?’ A reluctant smile tugging at her lips, she sighed and laid her hand back on his arm. ‘You’d better tell me the whole.’
Briefly he summarised the events at the gaming hell and beside the Serpentine, concluding with the reports that Hine’s operative had seen Randall safely embarked to Calais.
‘I only wish I could have witnessed his dunking in the Serpentine!’ she said, laughing as if she were envisioning it. ‘I might have been too tempted to let him drown, though.’
‘I was tempted as well, I assure you. But a dead duke’s son would cause too much trouble.’
‘Oh, Davie, what a marvel you are! And so very clever about wording your promises! I shall have to remember that.’
‘You didn’t truly believe I would just sit on my hands and let him threaten you?’
‘Yes—no. Other men might have. But not you, Davie. I should have known you would find some way to thwart him.’
I would die to protect you, he thought. Suppressing the words, he said instead, ‘Randall’s just a bully, Faith. Purposeless, idle, and too much indulged. That sorry breed only preys on the weak. I learned enough about them when I got to Oxford. I wasn’t quite so strapping then, but I was still strong enough. They soon learned not to bait the “farm boy”, and took their mischief elsewhere.’ He smiled. ‘My education in fisticuffs progressed rapidly.’
‘But you said—ah,’ she said, making the connection. ‘You stood up for the other boys.’
He shrugged. ‘It was only right. Outsiders should stick together. Although, after Giles took me up, I never felt like an outsider again, even though I was. And am.’
‘That knack served you—and me—excellently well in this circumstance.’
He chuckled. ‘Yes. I doubt Lord Randall will forget the events of that evening for a very long time.’
‘Do you think he wrote his mother? She’s not complained about him abandoning her, yet. Although, it’s not at all unusual for him to disappear for days at a time, without sending her any word, although ostensibly he’s living in her house. My son’s house, I should say.’
‘He was warned not to complain to anyone. Being mostly concerned with his own hide, I doubt he’ll contact her until he runs out of money. I’m reasonably sure he will remain in Calais for some time, and when he does return to England, he’ll avoid you.’ Unable to help himself, he added, ‘By then, you’ll probably have a new champion.’
Suddenly, with a gasp, Faith halted. Taking both his hands, she looked up into his face, her expression eager. ‘I just realised the full extent of what you’ve accomplished! Not only are my boys safe, but now there is truly an opportunity for...for us. To come together as one. Oh, Davie, I know it’s shocking of me to propose it, but I...I want you so badly! I admire and honour and esteem you as the dearest friend I’ve ever had, but I want more. More of this...’
She flung her arms around him and pulled his head down for another kiss, one that started already hot and needy and quickly intensified. One hand twined in his hair, she pursued his tongue, laving, sucking, urging him deeper. With the other, she slid her hand between them to stroke the iron rod of his erection.
The pleasure was so intense, he thought he would shatter on the spot. But he couldn’t, wouldn’t, have her making love to him in a garden within view of the palace, where anyone who looked out an upper-storey window might see them.
It still took him several minutes to find the strength to break the kiss. ‘Darling Faith, not here,’ he gasped.
She leaned against him, trembling. ‘Yes, you’re right. Not here. I’ll come to you at Albany. Or I have money, I can hire a house. We’ll have a place to be together, where we can do away with the sham of “Mr Smith” and “Duchess”, and be the lovers we were meant to be. I’ve known it must happen, somehow, since that first summer—haven’t you? Oh, Davie, please say “yes”. All I’ve ever known of passion is to be taken by a man who just wanted to breed sons on me. Won’t you give me the joy of being loved by a man who truly cares for and desires me?’
His friend. His lover. He’d known it all along, but hearing what she said—or rather, what she didn’t say, cut deeper than he’d imagined possible. She’d take him as a lover, but he wasn’t good enough to be a husband.
Ruthlessly he squelched the anguish and made himself focus on reality. ‘There’s nothing I desire more, but you must realise, my darling, that eliminating Lord Randall doesn’t make our situation that much safer. He’s not the only peer who might find a relationship between a commoner and a duchess with minor children objectionable enough to bring it to the attention of their trustees. And this time, it could be someone more reputable, more credible than Lord Randall.’
She waved a hand dismissively. ‘With all the affairs going on amongst members of the ton? I doubt any would care enough to make a point of it. Would you deny us a chance for happiness over so unlikely an event?’
‘Happy, yes—but for how long? A week? A month? Before someone found out, and society started to point fingers? Because it would get out, you know that. We’d have to end it, and it would end badly. With you disgraced. Possibly even threatened again with losing control over your sons. And what if you were to conceive? Forcing you to hide away somewhere to give birth in secret, and then give up the child. My child. How could I bear for you to give me a son neither of us could ever acknowledge?’
He waited, still unable to relinquish the slender hope that she might suggest the one way they could prevent that from happening. When instead, she drooped against him, crestfallen, he reined in the urge to ask for her hand.
Eliminating Lord Randall hadn’t changed any of the hard facts about their relative positions. Marrying him would still be a huge step down in the world for her, turning her into an object of derision. Exiling her from association with her class. And quite possibly, resulting in the loss of her sons.
He couldn’t take advantage of her longing and his desperation to urge her into a union she would almost certainly come to regret. A regret that would cripple him with remorse for persuading her into it. A regret that would force him to carry for the rest of his life the burden of knowing he was not considered “good enough”.
He’d worked too hard for too many years to remove that taint.
The heat of passion drained away, replaced by an anguish that cut inside like two opposing hussars with blades clashing. ‘I won’t be the means of diminishing you.’
Two tears slid silently down her cheeks as she stared up at him. ‘Then, you’ll offer me...nothing? Nothing to live for, to look forward to? Not even a chance for happiness, however fleeting?’
Anger, hurt, desire and the sense of impending loss churned inside him. Much as his body urged him to accept, to salvage something rather than nothing, he knew that having her and giving her up again would destroy him. ‘I won’t be your “temporary diversion”, Faith,’ he said, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. ‘Such an affair would be an affront to my honour, as well as yours.’
Uttering a curse so vile it startled him, Faith stamped her foot. ‘Honour! How often men dredge up that word to provide noble camouflage for refusing to do—or not do—what they want? With the immorality so rampant in the world, you’d object to our having an affair? Using “honour” as your excuse for denying two people who care for one another any chance to be happy? Oh, Davie, of all times for you to revert to your...your bourgeois principles!’
Frustration and rage won out over the hurt and despair. ‘Yes, I am bourgeois,’ he shot back. ‘I still care about things like decency and loyalty and honour. I’m sorry that failing displeases you.’
Knowing he couldn’t bear any more, he turned and stalked away.
But instead of giving him the space he needed to mourn and lick his wounds, she ran after him. ‘Please, Davie, don’t go! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!’
She caught up and grabbed his sleeve, forcing him to halt. ‘You’d think by now, I’d be used to humiliation, but having you refuse me, deny what I wanted so desperately—I just...lashed out. I won’t importune you, or throw myself at you again. Please, promise me you’ll remain my friend. I...I don’t think I can go on, else.’
Furious, agonised, he stood, refusing to look at her, battling against the raging desire to throw honour and conscience to the winds and accept her offer. Even now, he could envision the rendezvous, a snug little house where Faith waited for him, clad only in a wrapper. Opening her arms to him when he walked in and picked her up, laid her on the bed where he would cherish every inch of her with kisses and caresses, finally claiming the body of the woman he’d loved for so long.
Better to shrug off her hand and keep walking, then accept “friendship” with its twin burdens of temptation and heartache.
She reached up to angle his face towards hers. ‘Please, Davie,’ she whispered.
But when he looked down at her, those tear-filled eyes, the misery on that dearly beloved face, he was as lost as the first time he’d set eyes on her.
With a deep sigh, he cupped her face in his hands. ‘Never doubt that you are the most lovely, desirable creature on the face of the earth. That it tests my willpower to its utmost limit every time I am alone with you—yearning for what must not be. If there were any justice in the world, you would have been married to a man who appreciated how beautiful you are, inside and out. Yes, I’ll remain your friend. But I cannot be more than that, so please, don’t tempt me any further. If I broke the vow I made to protect you, I would end up hating us both.’
She kept nodding her head up and down as he spoke. ‘Yes, yes, anything. Whatever you want. Just...promise you’ll never a-abandon me?’ she asked, her voice breaking again at the end.
His heart turning over, he held out his arms and she rushed into them, clinging to him, burying her head in his coat. Her slender body trembled, and he knew she was silently weeping.
Damned if he did, and damned if he didn’t, he thought despairingly, loving the feel of her in his arms, hating that he was the source of her sorrow. Heartbreak was written all over this agreement, but he didn’t know what else he could do.
Spurning her when she needed him was unthinkable.
At length, she pushed back, giving him a watery smile. ‘I know I should have more resources on my own, and I shall do better, I promise. Just now I was at a...rather low ebb.’
He offered his arm and she took it. ‘We shall just have to go about rising the tide.’
‘As long as our boats travel together—even if we can’t travel in the same one.’
‘You must start by doing me that favour I mentioned. As you know, the vote on the Reform Bill should take place any day now, and it’s certain to pass the Commons. We’ll all of us be occupied then, rallying support for a swift passage in the Lords, so I’m likely to be tied up for the next several weeks. We know Randall has left England, but just to be safe, would you pay an extended visit to Lady Englemere? Rebuild your intimacy with your sister and her family, so you will feel comfortable calling on them in future, should the need arise. Tell the Dowager you want to give your sister a break from the sickroom and spend time with your recovering niece, while you let the cousins become further acquainted. I imagine you want to do all that anyway.’
She nodded. ‘It would certainly be nice to be out of the house, once the Dowager starts to worry over Randall’s absence. Like you, I don’t believe he’ll bother to contact her until he is out of funds.’
‘With Aphrodite’s help, he has a healthy stake with which to begin life in Calais.’
She shook her head, her expression wry. ‘I ought to repay you that, at least.’
‘Absolutely not. The blunt means nothing; all I truly regret losing was the opportunity to go a few bare-knuckle rounds with him before he was sent on his way.’
‘A few rounds?’ She stopped walking and took one of his large hands in her small one. ‘Randall wouldn’t have lasted more than a minute against this.’ She raised his hand to her face, rubbing her cheek against it before kissing his knuckles. ‘Dearest Davie, can you even imagine how safe you make me feel? How much I treasure you?’
With everything in him, he wanted to pull her back into his arms and hold her for ever. Resisting the urge to embrace her one last time, he took her arm instead and resumed walking.
At least, she felt safe—and treasured him. It wasn’t nearly what he wanted, but it was something. It would have to be enough.
As they reached the entrance of the maze, Faith halted again, turning to gaze back over her shoulder. ‘I will dream of this, and imagine you gave me a different answer,’ she said softly.
‘I can’t control your dreams.’ Or his own, he thought.
Would he curse himself later, for letting high principle squander a priceless opportunity? Faith would keep her word, he knew. She’d not invite him into her arms and her bed again.
Honour wasn’t honour if you invoked it only when it was easy or convenient, he told himself.
Repeat that homily in the chill of your lonely bed, his outraged body replied.