Sunshine
Crisp cool air
Light airy feeling
Lost the despair
But for how long?
~ Hannah Gunner ~
While standing at the sink washing dishes, Gloria suddenly became lightheaded. She stopped what she was doing and held onto the countertop to steady herself; Hannah rushed toward her.
“Are you okay?”
Gloria nodded, but Hannah noticed her mom was trembling. Being a nurse, Gloria calmed her daughter down.
“I’m fine, really. My blood sugar must be low. I haven’t eaten yet, since I picked up an extra shift late last night, and I’ve just walked in. I thought I’d do these dishes before I ate and laid down.” She smiled. “Guess that was a mistake. I should’ve grabbed a bite to eat first.” Slowly sitting down, she grabbed Hannah’s hand. “Would you pour me a glass of orange juice, please? That’ll fix me right up.”
“I was going to do those dishes, you know.”
Hannah set the orange juice down on the table in front of her. “Guess what?”
“Whaaaat?” Gloria answered, dragging out her response as if she were scared to find out.
“I got the job down at the QuickMart. But don’t worry, it’s going to be perfect!”
“Reaallly. How so?”
“The hours are insanely ideal, I can walk, plus the people I met seem really nice.” Hannah handed her mom a peeled banana. “Eat this. Honestly, it’s a perfect part-time job.”
“Well, I’m proud of you and happy for you. But I do want you to be careful!” Gloria took a bite of the banana. “Call your Aunt Kathy and tell her; she’ll be thrilled for you!”
“Will do! Well, if you’re sure you’re okay?” Hannah smirked. “I guess I’ll go ahead and go to Lindsey’s.”
Gloria nodded. “Aunt Kathy’s on her way around; get out of here, and tell Lindsey hello for me.”
As soon as Hannah turned the corner, she pulled out her little pink vape. So tiny you could hardly tell she had it in her hand. The rechargeable device with the sweet taste of vanilla and cherry was her answer to not smoking Marlboro Lights. Pushing out her mom’s warnings of the devices damaging her lungs, she inhaled, exhaled, and once again lied to herself. I’m going to quit any minute; I am, but not yet. Knowing her mom despised the fact that she smoked at all weighed on her. She took one more hit and shoved the vape back down into her jeans pocket and pretended she hadn’t done anything wrong.
As she walked down the street, her mind drifted to, of all things, the recurring dreams that she used to have as a child. Searching for treasure with the Captain on a beach with the whitest sand while a great big flagship bobbed up and down in the waves nearby. A smile crossed her face as she tried to force some of her memories of the dream to come back. Reminiscing for a few minutes, Hannah allowed herself to imagine the warm sand sifting between her toes, the imaginary smell of the sea air, which she remembered the Captain always loved, and the cackling sound of the seagulls that sat upon the deck of the make-believe ship that was floating offshore. The Captain. Damn, maybe she missed him, the man, more than she thought she did! Pushing him out of her mind, she texted Lindsey.
Hannah: Be there in a few.
Lindsey: Great. Meet ya outside.
Lindsey had Silver, her gently used gold Corolla, started, passenger door open, waiting for Hannah to arrive. Waving to each other as if they hadn’t seen one another in a long time, the two behaved like little kids instead of teens.
“Where we going?” Hannah asked.
“I’m hungry. You?”
“Yep. Always!”
“Go eat?” Lindsey suggested.
“Sounds good!”
Music turned up, and the sunroof opened, the girls took off. Hannah realized as they drove through the drive-thru that she finally felt content. Settled. Lindsey was rambling on and on about a guy in chemistry she thought was hot, and a pair of shoes that she just had to have, and Hannah felt for the first time in her life, she had a real best friend. They had clicked right away, and been inseparable ever since they’d been forced together on a project.
“Buy the damn shoes already! If you don’t, I’m going to buy them for you with my first paycheck just to shut you up!”
Laughing, Lindsey agreed. “You’re right. I should bite the bullet. I’m not going to want the knock-offs because they suck!”
They ate in the car, bantered with the boys who pulled up next to them, laughed, talked girl talk, shared secrets, drove around, shopped, and gossiped all day long. Hannah was happy! Grateful this was their last move and counting on her mom meaning it.
“To be honest, though, I’m glad your mom moved you back.”
“My turn. To be honest, though, you are truly my best friend. In fact, I really think you’re my first real best friend.”
“Why, thank you. To be honest, I think I’m honored to hold that position in your life!’
Hannah was dying. “Damn, that’s a lot of honesty.” In between giggles, she asked, “You wanna stay over tonight?”
“Yeah. Let me text my mom.”
Lindsey’s mom: Yes. It’s fine. Text when you’re in for the night.
Lindsey: K.
Gloria sipped a mimosa while she waited for her sister to arrive. Kathy let herself in, hollering Gloria’s name as she walked into the apartment.
“That looks good!”
“Care to join me?”
“Absolutely!”
Kathy poured herself a mimosa. “Didn’t think I’d like mimosas this late in the day, but it’s not bad.” She took a sip and stared at her sister.
“You look terrible,” Kathy said.
“Thanks, sis. Nice to see you too!”
Refilling Gloria’s glass with champagne and orange juice, she sat down beside her sister on the couch and made herself comfortable.
“Well.”
“Well, what?” Gloria played dumb.
“Don’t do that; did you get your results back?”
Gloria’s eyes were empty. She looked out the window and then fixated on her beautiful little First Matey, a photo of Hannah in a pirate costume for Halloween. She must have been about five years old when the picture was taken. Full of fire, like her dad, ornery, she could tell in the picture that Hannah was holding her dad’s hand, but Gloria had long since folded the Captain, Hank, out of that particular photo.
“It’s as we expected, Kathy, not good.”
Kathy’s hands were shaking, but Gloria looked stoic.
“What can we do?”
“We’re already doing it,” Gloria responded. “We’ll have to wait and see if anything we’re doing helps, but it’s not likely.” She took a sip of her champagne. “You know I knew that the odds weren’t good when we moved back here, but I’d hoped that I was wrong.”
Kathy walked into the kitchen to make some tea. Tears flooded her eyes even though she pretended that they hadn’t. Clattering around the kitchen, buying herself time, Kathy finally let out a sob that she could no longer contain. Gloria appeared at her side and reached out, held her in her arms, and whispered in her ear.
“It’s going to be fine. You’re going to be fine. But you have to promise me one thing.”
Kathy nodded. “You don’t even have to ask. Anything. You know that. Anything. Name it.”
“I’m begging you, Kathy. Please, please, please, I’m begging you, please watch over my daughter.” Looking her square in the eye. “Protect and take care of Hannah.”
Kathy wiped her tears with her sleeve and nodded. Sniffing, she tried to catch her breath. She could barely breathe, let alone get the words out to ask her sister the next question.
“Does she know?”
Gloria shook her head. “No. No, she doesn’t. I wanted to be sure, and now I am. I wanted Hannah to have some normalcy for a minute.”
Gloria walked back into the living room, and Kathy followed her. Flopping onto the couch, she pointed to a treatment information folder that she’d been reading. It was full of everything they needed to know, treatment-wise and options. She could continue to work as long as she felt up to it, though for the first few months of treatment it was possible she might not feel well enough. She was going to try to work as long as she could, and thankfully the hospital had agreed to work with her.
“I have some savings, and the hospital will work around my treatments. They said I may be able to work through them, on the rare occasion some people can, but if I’m at risk for infection, I’ll wait for a bit.”
Grabbing Kathy’s hand in hers, she opened her mouth to speak, closed it again, thought about her choice of words and then finally spoke.
“If I’m given a little while longer, just until Hannah graduates, honestly that’s all I want, that alone would be such a gift!” Looking down at the brochure so she wouldn’t lose it, she added, “To see my little girl, the beautiful young lady that she has become, walk across that stage after all we’ve endured, would be my dream come true. I can’t imagine a greater gift than to witness her starting her life as a young lady, ready to conquer the world, before I have to leave.”
“If you don’t tell Hannah and she finds out, she’s going to be furious with you.”
Gloria nodded. “I know.” Grabbing her sister’s hands in hers and squeezing them, she added, “but if I tell her, she’ll stop doing the things she needs to do to prepare for her senior year and make it to graduation. Not to mention, Hannah should enjoy her senior year.” Gloria let go of her sister’s hands, stood up, and walked over to look out the window. “I don’t want her to stop living because of me. I want her to enjoy every second of her junior and senior year. It’s only fair. It’s the right thing for her to do. Not to sit and worry about me.”
Kathy knew that Hannah would be furious if she found out that they had kept such news from her, but she wasn’t about to defy her sister, especially at a time like this.
That kid still had enough of Hank Gunner in her to be stubborn and to spit poison if she felt hurt. Gloria knew that Hannah didn’t mean the cruel words that she was capable of spewing when she was angry, but she might not have enough time for Hannah to cool off when that day came.
“Whatever you want, sis, I’ll do it. Just tell me what you need, and we’ll get it done.”
Gloria wrapped her arms around her stomach; queasy from the pre-meds for the treatment she had been taking. Chemo had not yet started, but they had implanted a port. Working at the hospital, she had a clear understanding of what to expect and how to handle it. She considered herself lucky in that regard. Her doctors agreed to implant the port while she was at work, hiding it from Hannah, and to wait until she could make all of the necessary arrangements regarding her schedule before starting treatment. If all went well and as she hoped, she could return to a light shift while on chemo. If too ill or at risk for infection, she could not. Her treatments would take place on her days off, and her schedule had been altered to accommodate the recovery period needed between treatments. The hospital had agreed to play it by ear, but Gloria was more concerned about keeping everything from Hannah. A little teamwork, a compassionate boss, and Gloria was going to do her best to keep her condition from Hannah for as long as she possibly could. Keeping secrets, that task, was becoming a beast of its own!