Numb
Going through the motions
What’s next?
Why bother
~ Hannah Gunner ~
The service was well attended, considering they hadn’t lived back in town that long. Gloria was liked at work, had a few select friends, and even some of Hannah’s and Cash’s friends came to show their support. Kathy slipped Hannah a Xanax to help her cope, but it didn’t help. Hannah was already numb. She heard the words as the minister started to speak, but her mind couldn’t grasp why a paid stranger would talk about her mother in such a beautiful way. He didn’t know her. He didn’t have a clue about the things written down on the piece of paper that he was saying about her mom. Borrowed minister, Hannah thought. What do you know about my mom? Not one thing except what Aunt Kathy scribbled on that piece of paper that you’re holding in your hands! Her mind drifted to the last time she saw her mom alive and the last words she had said to her. Haunting her, the words were neither of comfort nor of understanding, but of a promise that wasn’t fulfilled.
“I’ll be right back.”
“Your mom loved you.” Cash whispered, tightening his grip around Hannah’s hand.
Grateful for the distraction, Hannah wiped a dripping tear off the tip of her nose and nodded.
“She did. I honestly can say I know that she did.”
Cash prodded Hannah and directed her to the front of the church. Aimlessly she followed her aunt, but couldn’t for the life of her figure out why she had to stand up front and thank people for witnessing the worst day of her life. One after another, people stopped by Kathy and then her; not knowing what to say, Hannah leaned on Cash.
“Thank you for coming,” he responded, over and over.
Emotionally drained and exhausted, Hannah felt utterly lost. Finally, she felt Cash’s arms around her, leading her toward his Jeep.
“You need some rest; I’ll take you home.”
“Will you stay?” Hannah asked.
“I’ll let my mom know, but you have to promise that you’re going straight to bed.” He squeezed her hand. “I think that couch has a permanent indention of my ass.”
A slight smile, just for a second, escaped her as she climbed up into the passenger seat. Sleep was a gift. If she was sleeping, she didn’t have to feel or think. Bring on sleep!!!