Chapter 17

17

I had no idea that people could die of heartbreak,” Rose Anna said as she made herself comfortable in the chair in Mary Elizabeth’s room.

Mary Elizabeth undid her bun and brushed out her hair, feeling almost too tired to perform the nightly ritual. Rose Anna still bubbled with energy. She’d changed into a nightgown, brushed her teeth and hair, and now sat there talking up a storm like usual instead of going to her own room.

“The doctor didn’t say they actually die of heartbreak,” Mary Elizabeth reminded her. “They feel pain in their heart like it’s real.”

“Same difference.”

“Huh?”

“You know what I mean.” She rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. “Did you feel that way when Sam left?”

Her hand halted midstroke. “Ya,” she said slowly. “Exactly like that. Like my heart stopped beating, like something was sitting on my chest.” She put the brush down on her bedside table.

“Me, too. I thought I was going to die when John left.” She sighed melodramatically. “Now I’m still upset. But it’s pretty nice having Peter interested in me.”

“You’re not just flirting with him?”

“Nee, I like him.” She sat up. “Was that the front door? I think it was the front door.” She swung her legs over the side of the bed and was out of the room like a shot.

Mary Elizabeth slid under her quilt. Her parents would stop by her room to say good night so she didn’t have to summon up the energy to go downstairs like Rose Anna. She grimaced. Was she tired or getting old? She smiled at the thought. No, just tired from the strain of the day. She knew all was in God’s hands. Phoebe, Jenny Bontrager’s grossmudder and one of Mary Elizabeth’s favorite people in the community, often said worry was arrogant . . . that God knew what He was doing. But sometimes it was hard not to worry and stress while something like Grossdaadi’s scary time was going on.

She lay there thinking about what Rose Anna had said. Yes, she had thought her heart was broken when Sam left the community with his bruders. Amazingly, it had kept beating, and she’d put one foot in front of the other and gotten through the first few days, then the first few months. She’d gone on when she hadn’t thought she could, but the days passed with the speed of molasses being poured. The year had felt endless.

Then he’d come back to help David with the farm and gradually they’d started seeing each other. She still didn’t know where it might lead, but she realized that she was feeling more hope these past few weeks. And now, in the quiet of her room, she wondered what he wanted to talk to her about tomorrow. He’d been so serious, so intent about asking her to go out with him, away from family.

She couldn’t wait for the next day to come.

Her mudder came in the room a few minutes later to tell her how Grossdaadi was doing. He’d grumbled about staying but agreed it was for the best. Her mudder and dat would be picking him up the next day, and he said he was looking forward to sampling the first cider of the season. Mary Elizabeth smiled at that. Simple things were pleasures at times.

Her dat stopped in to say good night and said he was grateful for the help Sam had been, driving them all home and best of all, taking care of the evening feeding and watering of the stock. It was a worry off his mind, he said.

“Sam’s a gut man.”

She smiled. “I know.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, but he wasn’t one to do that, especially if it was about something personal. So he said good night and with her mudder went off to their room.

Mary Elizabeth snuggled under her quilt and listened to the sound of the wind rustling the bare branches of the tree outside her window. She felt tired, but her mind was awhirl with questions about what Sam had to say. Reading didn’t help. Turning off her bedside battery-powered lamp darkened the room but didn’t summon sleep.

So she turned the lamp on again and got out of bed to fetch the gifts she was making for Christmas. It was so hard to find uninterrupted time to sew or knit in a busy house, so often she had to retire early to her room and work on them. She had decided to make a nice navy woolen muffler for her dat. It would keep him warm when he did chores on cold winter days.

She left the gifts she was making for her mudder and schweschders in the wooden box for now. Lavina was getting a new sweater in her favorite color—a dark hunter green. She’d cut out the fabric for a tote for Rose Anna to carry her sewing project to the quilt class. It was safely tucked under her mattress. Several times Rose Anna had been caught looking for her gifts before Christmas.

David was a dilemma. She’d have to do some more thinking about what to make for him, maybe ask Lavina for suggestions.

Her favorite gift, one she hadn’t started yet, was easy and going to be so much fun. She was going to make a quilt for her very first niece or nephew.

She couldn’t wait.

The house was so quiet. The only sound was the clacking of her knitting needles as the muffler grew and grew. When she dropped several stitches, she finally had to acknowledge it was time to give up and hope she could fall asleep. She put the gifts back into the box and hid it in her closet and padded back to her bed. As she snuggled under the warmth of her quilt, she said a prayer of thanks for the good news that Grossdaadi wasn’t ill as they’d thought. They’d be bringing him home tomorrow and hope that with their love and reassurance he’d grieve less for Grossmudder. They’d all always miss her but believing she was home with God helped when she missed her. She had to hope that Grossdaadi wouldn’t continue to miss her so much he’d want to go home and be with her and God, too.

Maybe it was because she’d worked on gifts for her family she dreamed of Christmas that night.

She woke at dawn. Christmas Day! She might be grown-up now, not a kind, but she felt the same excitement that the day was here just as she had all her life.

She pulled on her robe and slid her feet into her slippers. A quick brush of her hair and she was flying down the stairs to join her family. Her mudder and dat were in the kitchen enjoying a cup of coffee. Rose Anna was slow to get moving nearly every morning and so far today Christmas wasn’t an exception, but as Mary Elizabeth poured herself a cup of tea, she heard her schweschder’s footsteps in the bedroom above the kitchen.

Sometimes Englischers said the Amish didn’t celebrate Christmas very much. They didn’t put up trees, didn’t have electric lights strung on the outside of the house, and oh my, no Santa? But the inside of their house smelled of evergreens draped on the mantel of the fireplace and Mamm loved lighting candles with the scents of bayberry, cinnamon, and vanilla. And no Santa? There was always Grossdaadi with his snowy hair and beard, his glasses perched low on his nose, sitting in the chair by the fireplace reading the story of the night Jesus was born, and that was better.

Mary Elizabeth had always thought the celebrations of both Amish and Englisch were just perfect for each of them.

And this year, the Christmas of some women at the shelter was going to be brighter because of the new shop.

She smiled in her dreams and snuggled deeper under her quilt as the cold wind rattled the panes of her bedroom window.

* * *

Today was the day.

Sam had decided he couldn’t keep seeing Mary Elizabeth and not tell her what was going on in his life—not if he wanted to have a life with her.

When he pulled into her driveway, he found his hands were damp on the steering wheel. He knew he was being silly. But it wasn’t every day a man told the woman he loved that he wanted a life with her.

Mary Elizabeth walked out immediately, so she must have been watching for him. She gave him a shy smile as she climbed into the pickup truck. “Gut-n-owed. Did you have a gut day?”

He nodded. “You?”

“The best,” she said as she fastened her seat belt. “Grossdaadi came home. He’s feeling much better.”

“I’m glad. Tell him I’m ready to beat him at checkers whenever he’s ready.”

“I will.”

He pulled out onto the road and drove in the direction of the farm. “I have someplace I want to show you. I’ve been meaning to for a while.”

“Allrecht.”

When he pulled into the driveway of the Fisher farm a few minutes later, she glanced at him curiously.

“What do you think of it?” he asked, sure she could hear his heart thumping in his chest as he waited for her answer.

“It looks sad.”

“Sad?” That didn’t sound good. “I know it needs paint and fixing up. It’s sat empty since Sarah moved to be with her daughter in Ohio.”

“Sad because the family’s no longer there,” she said quickly. “It needs a family to love it and care for it.”

“Could you love it?” he asked, looking at her. “Could you care for it?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” She stared at him, puzzled.

“I’ve talked to Sarah about buying it. I asked her if she could hold the loan and I could pay her each month, with interest, instead of me trying to get a loan from the bank. It would help me, and she’d earn the interest so she’d make more money. She just wouldn’t get it all at once. This agricultural agent with the county helps Amish farmers figure things out. He suggested it.”

He wiped his palms on his pants. “She said she’d think about it. I wasn’t going to talk about it with you until I found out, but Peter said I should.”

“I see,” she said slowly. “What are you telling me, Sam?”

Taking a deep breath, he reached for her hand. “I love you and I want to marry you, have a family with you. Live out our lives here on this farm. And if I can’t buy this one, then I’ll find a way to buy another or a house and keep doing construction.”

He watched her eyes widen and her mouth fall open in surprise as he talked, and he almost lost his nerve.

“I spoke to the bishop that day I went to church weeks ago,” he went on. If he didn’t get it all out right now, he was afraid he’d lose his nerve. “I’ve been taking classes to join the church.”

Mary Elizabeth pressed her fingers to her mouth, then dropped them. “I had no idea. This is a lot to take in.”

He squeezed her hand. “I’m coming home.” He paused. “What do you say?”

“Ya, of course I’ll marry you!” she cried. “I’ve loved you for so long, Sam Stoltzfus. I wondered if this day would ever come.”

“We can get married after harvest if that’s not too soon for you.”

“It’s not too soon.”

“Gut. I don’t want to wait until next year.”

They sat and stared at each other. Sam knew he wore a silly grin, and Mary Elizabeth couldn’t stop smiling even as tears poured down her cheeks. They were happy tears, he knew, and he wished he’d never been the cause of sad ones since he’d left the community with his bruders.

After a time he started the truck up again and drove them to a nearby restaurant they liked. Sam ordered his favorite meatloaf, but later he’d barely remember eating it he was feeling so happy. Mary Elizabeth had her favorite broiled chicken but ended up asking for a take home container when she couldn’t finish it. Mostly they just sat there talking and staring at each other.

“I’ve been thinking about the farm,” she said as they drank their coffee. “I remembered what it says in the Bible about a place for us. ‘In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.’ If that’s not the home for us, I truly believe God will provide for us.”

He studied her dear face. Yes, this was the woman he wanted by his side as his helpmate, as the mother of his children. He smiled at her and nodded. “I do, too.”

“Do you want to come in?” she asked when he took her home. “We don’t have to tell the family tonight if you don’t want to.” She looked up into his face. “You’re not nervous, are you? You know my family has always loved you.”

“I know. I think we should tell them,” he said after a moment. “When you think about all that’s happened these past few months with your family . . . and your grossdaadi getting sick yesterday and all.”

“You’re right.” She smiled. “I’m not schur anyone will be surprised since you’ve been coming here so much lately.”

“Maybe we should wait on telling them about the farm until I know more.”

She nodded. “Allrecht.”

“Mary Elizabeth.”

“Ya?”

“I love you.”

Her smile was the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen. “I know. I love you.”

There were second chances, he thought as he started up the steps to the porch with her.

Mary Elizabeth stopped suddenly, midstairs, and looked at him. “Are you going to tell your parents?”

He frowned. “I haven’t seen them for a couple of weeks. Been too busy to help David.”

She squeezed his hand. “There’s time.”

“I’ll tell John tonight.”

They started up the stairs again and went inside. Mary Elizabeth’s parents and her grossdaadi sat at the kitchen table having an evening snack. Sam smelled apple cider warming in a pot on the stove.

Linda glanced over, saw him, and smiled. “You two are just in time for some hot cider and gingerbread.”

Mary Elizabeth bent to kiss her grossdaadi’s cheek. “How’s the cider?”

“Wunderbaar. Gut-n-owed, Sam. Join us.”

He took off his jacket and hung it on a peg by the back door. “Danki.”

“Where’s Rose Anna?” Mary Elizabeth asked her mudder as she took off her jacket and hung it beside Sam’s.

“Up in her room.”

“Be right back.” She winked at Sam as she headed for the stairs to the bedrooms.

When she returned, Sam saw that Rose Anna followed her. They sat at the table, and Mary Elizabeth smiled at Sam and nodded.

Suddenly Sam’s throat felt dry. He took a sip of his cider then looked around at the faces of Mary Elizabeth’s family. They had always felt as much—maybe more—his family than his own. “Mary Elizabeth and I are getting married.”

Rose Anna squealed and jumped up to hug Mary Elizabeth. Abe thumped his mug on the table and grinned. Tears welled up in Linda’s eyes, and Sam saw Jacob’s Adam’s apple bob before he rose and shook his hand.

“Have you set the date with the bishop yet?” Linda asked as she wiped away tears with a paper napkin from the basket on the table.

“Nee. Sam just asked me. He hasn’t told his parents yet.”

The family lingered over the hot apple cider and hot chocolate and gingerbread. But finally Jacob stood and excused himself. The day started early on a farm. Sam had to leave and get to bed early since a day working construction started almost as early.

Mary Elizabeth walked Sam to his truck to say good-bye, and they shared a kiss before he left.

As he drove home, Sam thought about how well the day had gone. He’d been nervous. What man wouldn’t be. Oh, not about the decision to ask Mary Elizabeth to marry him. He knew that was a good decision. But even though she had forgiven him for leaving her, he wasn’t sure she was ready to trust her heart to him enough to agree to marry him—and this season, not the next fall after a long engagement.

He’d grown up with the belief that God set aside one woman for a man, and it had been the hardest thing he’d ever done to leave the community with his bruders. But living with his dat had become unbearable and—he stopped. That was done. Over. He had to forgive his dat, forgive the decision to leave. He was coming home to the place he’d missed more than he thought he would.

He didn’t know if he’d be able to buy the farm. All he could do was pray and if he was meant to, his heavenly Father would provide. He remembered what Mary Elizabeth had said earlier as they’d sat in the truck parked in front of the farm and looked at it, about mansions and God preparing a place for them.

The road was dark in the country and he could only see a short distance ahead with the truck’s headlights. But he was determined to step out in faith.

* * *

Mary Elizabeth stepped into her bedroom that night and realized someone was there, poking in the closet. She tiptoed up to it and saw her schweschder poking around items on the top shelf. “Boo!” she cried, startling Rose Anna.

Rose Anna shrieked and spun around, clutching a pile of blue fabric to her chest. “You scared me to death!”

“Haven’t you outgrown looking for your Christmas presents?” She took the fabric from her.

“I wasn’t looking for my Christmas present,” Rose Anna said, looking indignant. “I haven’t done that for years. Well, not for a year or two,” she amended. “Look at what you have in your hands.”

Mary Elizabeth glanced down and saw that she held several yards of a smooth, beautiful fabric. Her heart leaped up into her throat and she swallowed.

“I bought this last year for my wedding dress,” she whispered, remembering. “Then, after Sam left I couldn’t bear looking at it so I hid it in the closet so I wouldn’t have to see it.”

Rose Anna smiled. “I know. I was thinking it’s time to get it out and get started sewing your wedding dress. I’ll help.” Then she stopped and pressed her finger to her mouth. “Oh, unless you’ve changed your mind about using it.”

“Why would I do that?”

She shrugged. “Maybe it brings back bad memories of Sam leaving and you not getting to use it last year for your wedding dress.”

Mary Elizabeth shook her head. “It’s not the fabric’s fault.” She stroked it. “I can’t wait to cut and sew it. I love this.”

“Then we’ll start first thing tomorrow.”

They hugged and then Rose Anna went to her own room to get ready for bed.

She started to put the fabric back in the closet and then something made her spread it out on her bed and gaze at it. The design would be simple, but the material, while not silk, held a luminous quality like a summer sky just before dusk. As she changed into a nightgown, unpinned her kapp, and brushed her hair, Mary Elizabeth thought how she’d look wearing the dress to marry Sam.

She couldn’t wait to make it into her wedding dress. She folded the fabric lovingly and put it back on the top shelf of her closet.

They began cutting out the dress the next day—she and Rose Anna with help from Mamm—and began stitching it up. Rose Anna found a small notebook in her room and began helping with planning. Amish weddings might look simpler than Englisch ones, but the bride’s family cooked all the food for two meals–midday and supper–for what could be a couple of hundred church members. Since their home was the location for both the ceremony and the reception, there was a lot of cleaning and organizing that would have to be done.

Lavina came about an hour after breakfast to sew on quilts as usual and was thrilled to hear Mary Elizabeth’s news.

“I knew it would work out,” she said as she hugged her schweschder. “I prayed for you.”

“Are you praying for me?” Rose Anna wanted to know.

“Of course,” Lavina said, holding out an arm to enfold her in a hug. The three of them stood there for a long moment. “The Stoltzfus men can’t hold out against the Zook schweschders.”

“Or God,” Mamm said mildly as she stitched on her quilt.

Mary Elizabeth set the dress aside before they went downstairs for lunch. She needed to stay on schedule with her current quilt, after all.

A short time after lunch, Lavina gave them a scare when she started having contractions. Mary Elizabeth got her to lie down in her old room, and their mudder went to call the clinic. When she returned, the contractions had stopped.

“Doctor said they might be Braxton-Hicks,” Linda said as she sat on the side of the bed and patted Lavina’s hand.

“What’s that?”

“The boppli wants to come early. You just rest for a while.”

“I don’t think I’ll argue with you,” she told her mudder. She rubbed her baby bump.

Mary Elizabeth got her quilt and sat sewing on it as she told her schweschder about how Sam had proposed. She didn’t mention the farm since she and Sam had agreed to wait until they heard whether he’d be able to buy it.

Lavina smiled as she listened to Mary Elizabeth talk and then she frowned. “Where will you live?”

“We’ll stay here until we get our own place. Most couples live with their parents until they do.”

“I know but it doesn’t seem fair David got the farm and Sam has nothing,” Lavina fretted.

“Sam and I talked about that,” Mary Elizabeth said slowly. “Sam felt David made a big sacrifice returning to help his mudder take care of his dat when he was going through chemotherapy and reconciled with him. He feels David deserves the farm. So don’t go worrying about that any more. You need to stay calm and think about the boppli.”

She watched her schweschder shift on the bed and walked over to adjust pillows under her head. “Any more contractions?”

Lavina shook her head. “I think I’ll get up in a minute and get back to sewing.”

“Nee.”

“Are you bossing me around?”

“Ya. And you better listen or I’ll call Mamm.”

She laughed. “I guess I have that coming. I did boss you around every once in a while, didn’t I?”

“That’s what big schweschders do.”

“What will happen to John? When Sam moves out of the apartment?”

“I don’t know. I guess he’ll get a roommate if he can’t afford the apartment on his own. I wonder if he’ll get Sam’s truck?”

Lavina grinned. “I bet he’s hoping to. Sam schur did when David joined the church and we got married.”

Rose Anna popped in to ask if they wanted some tea and after she left, Lavina frowned. “Do you think she and John will get together?”

Mary Elizabeth shook her head. “I don’t think so. The last time Rose Anna and I talked about him, he’d hurt her feelings when she saw him. And she said he was enjoying rumschpringe a little too much. I don’t know if he’ll ever come home.”

“We should pray for him.”

So that’s what they did. And then they had tea and some cookies Rose Anna had arranged on a plate on the tray, and they sewed and laughed and talked about weddings for the rest of the afternoon.

And Mary Elizabeth reflected on how blessed she was to have such a loving, happy family and work she loved and the comfort of her home.

Soon she’d marry the man she’d loved for years and begin a new life as his fraa, and they’d have a home of their own and hopefully, raise their kinner.

God was gut indeed.