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I don’t ask Valerie what she said to Deepti. I already have a pretty good idea.
My girlfriend has doubts about my character. She saw an opportunity to question someone whom she figured would give her an honest answer, and she took it.
Judging by Valerie’s expression, Deepti didn’t say anything bad about me. I wouldn’t have expected her to.
I hate that Valerie doesn’t seem to trust me as much as I thought she did. I want to snap at her, ask her what I did to deserve this when I think I’ve been the perfect boyfriend.
But I know it’s not about me.
After everything that happened last year, she can’t help her suspicions, and it breaks my heart to think about what she’s been through.
I have to give her more time, but what if this doesn’t work out, just like all my other relationships? Valerie is special, and I know she’s the right woman for me...and I would hope that means we can make this work. That it will be different from what I’ve had in the past.
But what if it isn’t? What if this, too, comes to an end?
What if she decides it isn’t worth it? What if she can never completely trust me?
I’ve had many break-ups. I know how much they can suck...and I think this would be the worst one yet.
For now, I’ll try to be patient and hope that she comes around. Hope that soon I can say “I love you,” and know she’s prepared to hear it. Usually, I’m good at being patient, but it’s hard when I want something so much.
We walk around the city for an hour, holding hands, occasionally making conversation.
I don’t want this to be temporary. I want it to be my future.